Chapter 20
Rosalee
While the storm continued to rage outside for two days, there was one raging inside the cabin as well.
I didn't know what was going on with Xavier, didn't understand the reason for his sudden withdrawal, and I couldn't pretend it didn't hurt.
It was so swift that I'd nearly gotten whiplash, especially since he hadn't been out of my body a full minute before he gave me his back and remained silent.
Thankfully, Xavier was on shift today, so it was just me and Violet enjoying a day inside while the ground got packed down with fluffy white snow.
She stumbled around the living room, crawling and on the verge of taking her first steps, and I was so excited to see it that it overshadowed anything else I might've felt.
I couldn't deny that thoughts of Xavier invaded my mind on and off all day, but the bright spot that was Violet was the perfect remedy.
Had I done something wrong, something he didn't like?
Had I angered him or battered his ego by getting on top and taking initiative?
I couldn't figure out what it was. One second he was staring down at me like I was pretty much perfect, like he actually liked me on top of desiring me, and the next second it was like he hated that he'd just been inside of me.
It hurt.
So damn much.
I straightened and turned a smile on Violet. The new Rosalee didn't care if she had done something wrong. Xavier hadn't said anything, and I wasn't a mind reader, so really, it was his problem, not mine. I refused to beat myself up about it, and eventually, the hurt I felt would fade. In time.
"Ba b aba. Baba!" Violet's sweet baby chatter put a smile on my face.
"I'm looking at you, Vi. What do you want to show me?" My voice held a hint of excitement, which lit the fire of excitement in her eyes too. "Come on, show me what you got, little girl!"
She laughed and pulled herself up using the edge of the coffee table for leverage. When her legs were steady, she released the table as if she just knew what to do.
"Go on, Violet. You're doing great."
Her rosebud lips curled into a smile, and she turned to me, taking one step and then another and another before she plopped down on her bottom. "Ba ga-ga," she replied with an adorable pout.
"That's okay. Come on, come to Rosalee." I smacked my thighs to get her attention, and it worked.
Violet pushed up once again, taking hesitant steps that grew more confident with each one until she was in my arms.
"What a good girl you are! First steps, and not even one yet!" I squeezed her tight, pride welling up in my chest with a love for this little girl that I knew wasn't healthy. Violet wasn't mine to love; she was mine to care for during the day.
Once again, her little girl chatter, incoherent as it was, helped keep me distracted from thoughts of Xavier, and I was grateful to her. At least I was until the back door burst open, announcing the arrival of the man I couldn't stop thinking about. "Ba-da?"
Okay, maybe she wasn't asking a question and I was hearing what I wanted to, but I scooped her into my arms and carried her into the kitchen to find another broad-shouldered man helping Xavier into the room. "What happened?"
Xavier limped inside with one arm flung around the other man, a scowl darkening his features, making him just as handsome but also intimidating. He dropped into the nearest chair with a pained grunt. "Sprained my damn ankle, that's what."
My lips pulled into a thin, flat line as I reminded myself that he was injured and, of course, even surlier than usual. I set Violet on her feet and dropped down in front of Xavier on instinct, quickly removing both of his boots to check the damage for myself. "Which one?"
"The swollen one," he snapped. "Stupid fucking hikers."
Calm. Patience. I repeated the words over and over. "Okay, well, do you want me to handle them both normally and learn which one is injured the hard way?" Our gazes locked in a staredown before he finally gave up.
"The left one."
I gently removed the sock and gasped. It was purple and swollen something fierce, but it was just a nasty sprain.
"I need some ice," I said to the other man, who watched with a frown, before I got up to put Violet in her playpen.
I returned with aspirin and dropped two into Xavier's hand. "Take these."
He grunted but did as he was told, which surprised me. "You're a nurse too?"
I ignored his snide tone. "First-aid basics, because little kids are accident-prone." My tone was clipped, but I kept my focus on his ankle rather than his mouth as I wrapped the ice in a towel around it. "Stay put for a few minutes."
He grunted and looked away.
Whatever.
"I'm gonna head out," the man said. "Gotta do the reports and refill the kits for tomorrow. With the snow still falling, who knows what the fuck else will crop up."
"Yeah, thanks for gettin' me home, Chase. I appreciate it."
"No problem. Let me know if you're up for your next shift. I'm happy to cover for you."
Xavier gave him an arched brow.
"Okay, not happy to do it, but I will. And you'll owe me."
A tight smile crossed his face. "Yeah, I'll owe ya."
The man, Chase, nodded and left through the back door, shutting us off from the storm once again.
"I assume you want a shower?" He was soaking wet from head to toe and covered in mud from his calves down.
He didn't bother looking at me when he nodded. "Fine."
I sighed heavily and took on some of his weight, and slowly, we made our way to the bathroom.
It was absolute torture, watching his hot, wet flesh in the shower and not being able to join him, to touch him.
It wasn't what he wanted, and it shouldn't be what I wanted either, but I did.
My body was addicted to his, pure and simple.
I watched the way the water slid down his golden skin and taut muscles, licking my lips as I remembered the way he tasted on my tongue.
"I'm done," he growled angrily, as if it was my fault he had a bum ankle.
I grabbed a towel and dried his back and the backs of his legs before I wrapped it around his waist. I breathed through my mouth to avoid taking in any of his scrumptious masculine scent and bore a significant amount of his weight as we limp-walked to his bedroom.
My gaze diverted from his bed because my heart slammed hard and fast against my chest as I thought about all that we'd done in that exact spot.
It won't hurt this way forever, I told myself as I bent my legs to help him down onto the bed before I fetched a fresh change of clothes.
"Yeah, thanks," he grunted, accepting them. I ignored his unhappy tone because I'd be unhappy in his position too.
And there I was, doing it again, making excuses for someone else's poor treatment of me. "Do you want me to bring some food up to you?" I rubbed my hands together and waited for an answer as I inched toward the door.
"I'm not a damn invalid, Rosalee." His angry words echoed off the walls, and I held myself still to avoid wincing at his volume.
"Fine. Get it your damn self." I left his room with my arms folded across my chest as anger bubbled up inside of me.
The tears that threatened to fall stung my eyes, but I refused to let them.
I wouldn't let myself cry over another man who didn't deserve it.
Jason hadn't been worth the tears I shed over him, and I was determined to learn from my mistakes.
Sooner or later.
Same old Rosalee, I berated myself as I went down to check on Violet. I was making excuses and being a doormat for a man I thought I loved—again—but who didn't give one solid fuck about me.
No more.
It made me angry, but I wasn't an angry person, and I refused to let my experiences turn me into someone else. Later, I wouldn't be angry—tomorrow, maybe.
Today? Today, I leaned into it with everything I had.