Chapter 5 Serenity
Serenity
Ileft Enzo in my office with the intake forms. The room suddenly felt too full of him—of his scent, his size, his gravity—so I stepped into the hallway and shut the door between us. My pulse hadn’t settled by the time I reached the break room.
I found Toni leaning against the counter, cradling a steaming cup in her hands. She looked like she’d been waiting for me, arms folded and eyebrows raised. “Well?”
I dragged a hand over my face, trying to figure out what to say about Enzo. “He is…someone from my past.” Understatement of the century, but how else could I explain him without giving away all my secrets?
“Obviously,” she snorted. “Is that all?”
I shrugged. “He was my everything at one point in my life. We met just before graduate school began, and we were inseparable the whole time. He went home and never looked back, breaking my heart into pieces so tiny they’ve never been reassembled.
” I swallowed around that hard truth. “This was the first time I’ve seen him since I dropped him off at the airport. ”
Toni’s eyes were so comically wide I would have laughed if this wasn’t my literal nightmare come to life. “Wow. That’s all so exciting, heartbreaking, and unexpected.”
“Yeah,” I nodded in agreement. “And now he’s here and he wants the one thing I swore I’d never give him after I spent too many months crying over him. My time.”
Her smile dimmed. “Besides the obvious, why you?”
I inhaled a deep breath and told her the hard part about his life and the danger. “I’m only sharing this because I know I can trust you to keep this between us.”
Toni’s expression turned serious. “And I will, unless it becomes too dangerous.”
“Right,” I nodded, a short, humorless laugh escaping. “If it becomes dangerous.”
When she spoke again, her voice was softer, almost gentle. “And is it dangerous?”
“Potentially, but not yet. Right now it’s just a precaution, but he needs someone and he’s insisting that I be that someone.” I hated that I was even considering it.
“You’re actually considering being his nanny?” she asked, her tone completely incredulous.
“I am,” I said simply.
“But why?”
Not why him. Not why now. Just why, and it was a valid question with too many answers, but I only gave the one that mattered.
“Because I can’t ask anyone on staff to put themselves in the line of fire. Potential line of fire,” I corrected. “It’s either I do it or I turn him away to find someone else. Those are my options.” And I wasn’t sure I could live with wondering if his son was alive and well for the rest of my life.
Toni exhaled a slow breath. “That’s a lot, and this isn’t going to help but…Mattie’s adorable,” she said softly. “He likes Mattie instead of Matteo, and he’s sweet. Inquisitive. Easy to love.”
Something tugged in my chest. I hadn’t worked as a nanny since the early days of ENS, but I loved kids.
“At least that part of the job would be easy.” I hated asking for too much, but I’d spent too many years building ENS to go back now.
“I know you have kids of your own and this is a big ask, but I’m going to need someone in the office while I’m away.
” My mind immediately went to all the things that needed to be done.
“I’ll have to do payroll and scheduling at night when he’s sleeping,” I said, thinking aloud.
Toni nodded. “Whatever you decide, I’m here. If you decide to do this, I promise to keep the office running.”
“Are you sure? Because I do intake virtually and emergency training, so really all I need is someone to be the contact person for ENS.”
“Serenity,” she said slowly and firmly. “I’m here. Whatever you need.”
I appreciated that more than I could possibly voice, so I just went with, “Thank you, Toni.”
“Anytime, Serenity. We’re friends. Remember that.”
“I know. Am I really considering this?”
“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “Not because that handsome asshole needs you, though he clearly does, but because Mattie needs you. He’s your client, not his father. Remember that.”
“You’re right,” I sighed. “Thanks.” I left the break room on shaky legs, taking my time. I stood outside my own damn office and took a few deep breaths, steeling myself for more Enzo.
“Are you okay?”
The small voice startled me. I turned. A cute little boy stood a few feet away with tousled dark hair and bright green eyes I knew by heart. “I’m fine,” I said, forcing a smile. “Just nervous. Are you okay?”
He shrugged. “Toni went to get me something to drink, and I wandered off.” He glanced upward, conspiratorial. “Don’t tell my Papa. I’m not supposed to do that.”
A small, unexpected laugh escaped me. “Your secret is safe with me, but only if you promise not to do it again.”
Those perceptive green eyes studied me for a long minute, and then he nodded. “I promise.”
“Good. Do you know your left from your right?”
He nodded again.
“Okay, well, drinks and snacks are down this hall three doors. If you reach the bathroom, you’ve gone too far.”
He giggled. “Thank you,” he said, rushing to the break room.
“You’re welcome,” I said softly, watching as he ran off, a stuffed lion tucked under his arm. And in that moment, I knew exactly what I would do.
Even if it shredded me inch by inch.
I pushed into my office before I could chicken out, keeping my gaze focused on the stack of forms instead of the man bent over my desk. I felt the weight of his gaze, hot and assessing.
“You’ve made a decision?” he asked.
“I have.” My voice was surprisingly steady. “I’ll give you thirty days to start. We’ll reevaluate after that. I can’t abandon my business for longer without planning.” I didn’t wait for his reaction. “Did you finish the paperwork?”
“No,” he said. “I need this to be strictly… analog.”
“Fill out the paperwork,” I insisted. “I need the information, and I promise it won’t go into the system. But whether I’m the nanny or someone else, these details are important.”
He held my gaze a moment, then lowered his eyes and began writing again.
I leaned against the edge of my desk and crossed my arms. “I’ll need two days,” I said. “To get things in order here. So just give me the address where you’re staying, and I promise to be there in two days.”
He shook his head. “I’d prefer if you came with us. Now.”
I let out a long, exhausted sigh. “Enzo, just because I loved you once doesn’t mean I’m willing to be at your beck and call.” My chest squeezed painfully around the truth. “I have a life. I need time to prepare to leave it for a little while.”
He stopped writing. His shoulders dropped, and the tension left his broad shoulders.
“You’re right,” he said quietly. “And I’m sorry.
I’m on edge, and honestly, I’m fucking scared for my son, Ren.
” He swallowed hard. “How about this? Take forty-eight hours and get everything settled. Then Matteo and I will come for you. That way as few people as possible know where we’re staying. ”
It was reasonable. Annoyingly so. “Yeah,” I said. “That works.”
We exchanged phone numbers with all the formality of two business acquaintances.
He completed the forms and stacked them in a neat pile inside the folder before sliding them across the desk.
Enzo hesitated as if he wanted to say more, but he didn’t, and I refused to push.
Instead, he nodded once and stood, leaving my office with the same intensity he’d entered more than an hour ago.
I collapsed in relief the moment the door shut behind him. My hand flew to my sternum, pressing it down to slow my heart. What the hell was I doing, I mean, seriously?
Nannying for Enzo DeRossi wouldn’t end well. It couldn’t.
Right?
I knew that, yet here I was, willingly walking back into the orbit of the only man I’d been foolish enough to give my heart to, choosing danger and a little boy I didn’t know over the things I’d worked a lifetime to achieve: safety and distance.
I’d already given my word, and I never went back on it. Not even if it meant living in a house with Enzo.
Unlike some people.
I tipped my head back and stared at the ceiling, breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth, reaching for a calm that felt completely out of reach.
“Forty-eight hours,” I whispered into the empty office. “God help me.”