Chapter 15 Serenity
Serenity
Sleep refused to come.
I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. The house was too still and too quiet, and my nerves were stretched thin from a day spent constantly on edge.
I’d felt Enzo’s gaze on me and Mattie all afternoon while we did lessons, played, and even enjoyed a picnic lunch.
He watched—I imagined longing in his eyes—from afar, on and off all day.
I’d seen him pacing the length of his office, his brows dipped in concentration and his jaw clenched with tension.
At dinner, he’d been quiet and distracted, barely paying any attention to his food.
I hadn’t asked. I wanted to ask, badly, but I figured if he wanted me to know, then he would’ve told me. My priority was Mattie, not Enzo or his emotions, and right now Mattie was safe.
As long as that was true, I could manage everything else.
Eventually, I gave up on sleep since it didn’t want to be bothered with me anyhow.
I slipped out of bed and padded downstairs, making my way to the kitchen on the off chance a warm mug of tea would help settle me long enough for sleep to claim me.
The lights in the kitchen were low, bathing the room in a warm golden hue that was oddly comforting.
I went through the motions of filling the kettle, pulling out a mug, and picking out a teabag before I plated a few of the cookies Mattie and I had baked earlier today.
The air grew thick and charged slightly before the whistle of the kettle even sounded. My heart pounded as anxiety crept up my spine.
“Ren.”
I knew it was Enzo—of course it was—but the scream escaped before I could pull it back. I whirled around with one hand against my chest. “Holy fuck, you scared me.”
“Sorry,” he answered in a quiet voice that was completely free of apology. The closer I looked, the more I realized he wasn’t just not sorry—he was tired and tense. “Couldn’t sleep?”
I shook my head. “I guess it’s going around. Tea?”
He nodded.
I felt his gaze on me as I pulled down the assortment of tea bags, ignoring the heat that pumped through my body. His gaze was heavy—too heavy—and the harder I tried not to look at him, the more I wanted to.
When I turned, Enzo was right there, moving closer until his hands bracketed my hips, effectively trapping me between him and the countertop. “How are you holding up?”
“Fine,” I answered automatically and then sighed, shaking my head lightly. “No, I’m not. But I will be.”
“If you’re not, let me know. I’ve got broad shoulders, strong arms, and a very bendable ear.”
I laughed and gasped at the same time. Those words were so fucking familiar, something he used to say all the time when I kept my problems to myself. “I will be fine,” I said, repeating the words more for my sake than for his.
His gaze sharpened, taking in all the details I had easily been able to hide from Mattie all day. “Have you thought about what you’ll do when the thirty days are up? It’s almost here.”
The question landed heavily against my wobbly resolve.
I’d thought about it a lot. Honestly, I’d thought about little else for the past week.
“I have,” I answered carefully. His scent, so masculine and familiar, made it difficult to breathe.
“I’m scared; I won’t pretend I’m not. But,” I sighed, shaking my head, “it wouldn’t feel right leaving Mattie on his own and forcing him to start over with someone else.
Not now, and not just to make things easier on myself.
” That was the truth I’d come to realize earlier today. Yesterday. And the day before.
“Is that the only reason?” he asked, each syllable weighed down with meaning. His eyes were dark and intent, searching my face for something I wasn’t sure I was ready to give. There was something else there too—heat and restraint, maybe even the desire he was no longer trying to hide. “Ren?”
I smiled faintly, and when I spoke, my tone was teasing. “Isn’t Mattie reason enough?”
Enzo’s mouth curved slowly. “He’s the best damn reason for anything.”
God, when he spoke like that, so lovingly toward his son, it only made him more attractive. Oh please, I am too old to believe in the bad boy with the heart of gold.
Thankfully, the kettle whistled at that moment, ripping through the quiet kitchen. I turned, pressing against his arm until he released me, grateful for the distraction. “Milk? Sugar? Honey?”
I poured water over the bags and turned back to Enzo, who was close. Too close.
His hand settled on my hip, firm and commanding.
The other slid into my hair and tilted my head back ever so slightly.
His green eyes held mine for a breathless second, half asking for consent and half demanding submission.
Before I could respond, his lips were on mine.
This kiss was nothing at all like the last one.
This was urgent and hungry. Achingly familiar in a way that made my legs wobble.
I kissed him back without an ounce of hesitation.
I kissed him back with every sensation I’d been holding back, all the desire I shoved down deep each morning bubbling up to the surface.
His grip tightened possessively, and heat flared between us.
My world narrowed to the feel of his lips on my flesh as they dragged from my mouth down the column of my neck. His lips brushed against my collarbone before his tongue dipped into the hollow, pulling a gasp from me. He kept moving down, stopping to give my hard nipples the attention they craved.
I moaned and arched into his touch. My head fell back as his lips moved from my breasts down to my belly. My hips. The crook of my thigh.
He inhaled deeply, a low, guttural sound vibrating against my belly. “You smell just as I remember, Ren.” I heard the smile in his voice, and when I forced my eyes open, I saw the smile in his eyes. “Now I need to know if you taste the way you do in my dreams.”
Oh, fuck. “Yes, please.” My heart raced when he lifted one leg and tossed it over his shoulder.
The moment his mouth was on me, I knew I was in deep trouble.
It wasn’t just that he knew I liked it a little too much when his scruff scraped along my inner thighs or how I loved it when he teased my clit with the tip of his tongue.
It was the way his finger dipped in shallow strokes, teasing me until I begged for more.
“You still get so fucking wet for me,” he moaned before diving back in to lick me until my whole body shook fiercely.
His lips wrapped around my clit and sucked so hard the orgasm exploded out of me. One hand was wrapped in his hair as my hips pumped in greedy, shallow strokes. “Enzo,” I breathed out. “Fuck.” That was even better than I remembered. He was even better than I remembered.
He pulled back with a too-satisfied smile and slowly rose to his feet, kissing a trail of heat up my body until he was at my mouth once again. “Even better than my wildest, filthiest dreams,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine.
I leaned forward, brushing my lips against his. “I always loved the way I tasted on your lips.”
He growled, scooped me into his arms, and carried me upstairs as if this was something we did all the time.
I buried my face in his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him mixed with my own. I let him hold me and I let myself savor it, enjoying this moment for what it was. I had no clue what it was, but I was determined to enjoy it.
When the door closed behind us, my heart galloped in my chest. Anticipation and fear mixed with desire and a longing so intense my eyes started to sting with unshed tears. How many times had I dreamed about being here like this with Enzo again? Too many to count over the years.
“What’s wrong?” he asked breathlessly as he stripped me out of my nightgown and panties.
“Nothing,” I sighed. “I wasn’t sure if this was real or another dream.”
Enzo pulled back and stared into my eyes, dark and intense. His nostrils flared, and then he made quick work of his clothes until he stood before me, with olive skin covered in muscles and ink. He was…breathtaking.
“Enzo,” I moaned, reaching out to him.
“A lot has changed, Ren.”
I nodded. “For both of us.”
“You’re still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” The reverence in his voice seemed to melt away the years, and instead of worrying about not having the twenty-year-old body he’d always known, I slid one hand down his hard abs until my hand wrapped around his cock. “Ren.”
“You are even more beautiful than you were back then,” I said, gripping him tight and stroking him roughly.
He gripped my wrists and pushed me back until I was falling backward onto my bed. Before I could catch my breath, he was on top of me, settling between my thighs. His thick cock pushed at my entrance while his green gaze hypnotized me. “You sure, Ren?”
“Absolutely positive, Enzo. I want you.”
That was all he needed to hear to let go, pushing his hips until he was buried so deep I could hardly breathe. “Fuck,” he pushed the word out through clenched teeth. “So good.”
I knew what he meant. The way he filled me up, so hard and thick, felt like coming home, which was unnerving and exactly perfect.
Enzo’s pace was punishing, and I loved every deep stroke, every roll of his hips, and the way he punctuated each movement with a slow glide.
It was intoxicating and dizzying, so incredible I couldn’t find words.
Or air, and I really, really needed air.
“Breathe, Ren.” His words were gentle and amused.
I let out a slow breath, and Enzo pushed in even deeper until I clamped hard around him, pulsing until finally I exploded with an orgasm so powerful that tears flooded my eyes as my body gripped him possessively. “Enzo, oh, fuck!”
He moved faster and deeper. His forearms bore most of his weight while his mouth devoured mine, swallowing every pleasured cry as he pounded into me until he stilled and pumped me full of his orgasm. “Fuck, Ren. Babe.” His kisses turned softer, almost affectionate.
I liked it. Okay, I loved it, but it was too much.
Too damn confusing.
But I couldn’t pull away, not when I hadn’t felt this good in so long.
Too long.
His body collapsed on top of mine, and he laughed.
And I joined him, laughing until I pushed him out of my body and he flipped onto his back, bringing me with him. I hadn’t laughed after—or during—sex since Enzo.
“Fuck, I have missed you, Ren.” His words were soft, almost wistful. “So fucking much.”
“I missed you too,” I admitted. “You were there my whole life, and then you just disappeared.”
“I know.” His voice was rough. “I was gutted to leave you, Ren. Severing ties with you nearly broke me. I’m not the same man I was when I was with you.”
I turned onto my side, propping my head on my hand so I could see him. “Are you trying to tell me this is just about sex?” I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. I was a grown-ass woman, and I knew what this was—and wasn’t—when I dove in headfirst.
“No,” he sighed, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. “I’m just telling you that I had to become someone else in order to survive. To protect what was mine.” Another kiss landed on my collarbone.
I reached out and traced the lines of his mouth with one finger. “I’m not the same na?ve girl I was back then either, Enzo.”
Guilt flickered in his eyes as he nodded. “I’m not always the Enzo you remember because I can’t be.”
“I’m sure that’s hard for you,” I told him, unable to imagine how hard it was to suppress the good within him to do what needed to be done to preserve his family legacy.
He let out a harsh breath and turned onto his back, gaze fixed on the ceiling. “I had to put up walls, Ren. Big, heavy walls between me and the world. The only one I let through was Matteo. He is my heart. My everything. But I had to change tremendously in order to protect what matters.”
I reached out even as my heart raced, cupping his face. “Mattie is worth protecting. Whatever you have to do.”
His eyes closed briefly, like he needed that permission. “I have to.”
I watched all the emotions flicker across his face before he finally spoke again. “There was a truck bombing in L.A. at one of my businesses. People died.” He sounded anguished, and my heart went out to him.
“I’m sorry, Enzo.”
He flashed a small smile, placing one hand on top of mine over his heart. “Even worse? I think there might be a traitor in my house.”
My eyes widened in shock. “No!”
He nodded. “Yes. That’s why I’m telling you this now, Ren.
You have always mattered to me, have always been in my heart.
There will be times when I am not the Enzo you remember.
That I will have to do things you might not like or may disagree with, but I want you to know that I don’t take those steps lightly.
And I will take those steps to keep you and Matteo safe. Period.”
“If you ever need someone to talk to, Enzo, I’m here. Your world is new and strange to me, and I will do my best not to judge. But I want you to know that not every question is a judgment.”
He turned with a grateful smile. “Thank you, Ren.” And then he shocked me by pulling me into a hug so tight and so comforting I knew that he was going to break my heart.
Again.