Chapter 29 Serenity
Serenity
Iwoke up hurting. Every one of my muscles protested as I shifted beneath the sheets, a deep soreness settling into my bones.
The pain was a memory that I wouldn’t forget anytime soon.
The wounds would heal and the bruises would fade, but every hit was tattooed on my brain.
My wrists throbbed and my ribs ached when I breathed too deeply.
Bruises that weren’t there last night had made an appearance overnight.
I was in pain. Deep and pulsing physical pain. It wasn’t just my wrists and my ribs that hurt, but my back from being tossed in the back of that van. My legs from being curled under me when I was passed out. My head from…everything. But there was also heart pain.
The bed beside me was cold and empty. That realization hurt worse than anything else even though there was a part of me that wasn’t at all surprised. Last night when he said he needed to take care of things, I knew he was putting distance between us. So the final break didn’t hurt as bad.
Dammit.
I stared at the ceiling for far too long, blinking back the sudden sting of tears behind my eyes. I knew what those tears were about and the more I tried not to think about it, the sharper the tears stung. The more I thought about the why.
About the empty bed.
The cold and empty bed.
Of course Enzo wasn’t in bed. Our bed. He’d always been good at disappearing when things got too complicated.
No matter how many times I told myself that this time was different—a lot—even I didn’t buy it.
Sure, he was probably up late last night making phone calls and ensuring the DeRossi organization was in working order, but that wasn’t what this absence was about.
I felt it.
No, he was already pulling away. Already preparing to go back to his life in California.
“Ugh,” I groaned and rolled onto my side, pressing my face to the pillow so I could exhale through the tightness in my chest. I wanted to scream it out, to emote all over the place until I could present a bland expression when I left the room.
This is what I get for letting myself believe.
For wanting something I’d already lost once.
“Come on,” I told myself as I sat up and swung one leg and then the other over the side of the bed. And then I forced myself out of bed.
As soon as I stepped in front of the bathroom mirror, I wished I hadn’t.
The bruises were in full, vibrant shades of blue and purple on one side.
The angry red marks on my wrists seemed redder in the cold light of day.
I winced when I touched them, turning away from the stinging pain.
I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and got dressed in short, robotic moves.
Today wasn’t about me. It was about Mattie.
He needed reassurance, he needed normal, and it was my job to give it to him. No matter how I was feeling. That was the job. Always had been.
Downstairs, the house was quiet in that soft, calm, early-morning way. Mattie was already downstairs and sitting at the table, an empty bowl in front of him.
“Mattie,” I said softly, my heart squeezing tight at the sight of his sweet face.
His face lit up when he saw me. “Ren!” He shot out of his chair so fast it almost toppled over.
He ran to me, wrapping his arms around my waist with careful enthusiasm.
“You’re okay, Ren.” He sobbed into my stomach, his little hands gripping my sweater so tight, like he was afraid I’d leave him again.
Not if I can help it.
I hugged him back gently, my heart squeezing in my chest until I couldn’t breathe. “Hey, buddy,” I murmured. “How’d you sleep?” I’d sat with him for longer than I’d planned last night with my hand on his back, just grounding myself in the fact that Mattie was unharmed.
“I thought I dreamed you were back,” he said, his voice full of awe. “You were here.”
I nodded. “I was. I missed you.”
He blinked, those green eyes so like his father’s. “I missed you too, Ren,” he began softly. “I was scared you wouldn’t come back.”
“I was too,” I admitted, kissing the top of his head. “But your dad brought me back.” Because he’d given his word, and even if he didn’t want me forever, he was a man of his word.
“I had a dream about the bad guys,” he admitted softly.
My throat went tight until it was almost impossible to swallow. “You don’t have to worry about them anymore, Mattie. You’re safe, and so am I.”
He nodded solemnly, hugging me tighter one more time before he pulled back, a slow smile forming on his face. “Pancakes for breakfast?” he asked hopefully.
I laughed softly. “Today is definitely a day for pancakes.”
For a few hours, I went through the motions. First breakfast and then a walk outside. I got lost in the story during reading time; I smiled when I needed to and laughed when it was expected, but my mind kept drifting back to the empty space beside me.
To the fact that I still hadn’t set eyes on Enzo all day. A deliberate choice, no doubt.
By the time Mattie went down for his afternoon nap, my chest felt hollow.
Needing to do something other than think about my broken heart, I made my way to the bedroom where I’d been staying with Enzo and pulled out the bags I still hadn’t unpacked from the cabin. I hadn’t unpacked them, which meant I must’ve known that this was just a temporary diversion.
My time with Enzo and Mattie was ending. I knew it, and I still handed my heart over to them both.
“Ren?” Enzo’s voice sounded from the doorway. There was a hint of vulnerability and uncertainty in his tone that didn’t sit right with me.
“Yeah?” I stood, smoothed my hands over my clothes, and braced myself.
He stepped inside the room and closed the door behind him. He looked tired, that kind of bone-deep exhaustion that had nothing to do with lack of sleep, just stress and loss. But when his eyes met mine, something eased in his expression.
For a moment, neither of us spoke.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up,” he said quietly. “I needed to… there was a lot of shit to deal with last night. I had to make sure everything was handled.”
Handled. He said the word like it was some item on a list to check off. “I figured,” I said, aiming for casual and missing by a mile.
He crossed the room in two strides and stopped in front of me. “Ren,” he said in a gentle growl. “Look at me.”
I took a deep breath and looked up at him.
“I love you,” he said simply. There was no hesitation and no qualifiers. “I never stopped loving you.”
His words knocked the breath out of me.
Enzo raked a shaky hand through his thick hair.
“I hate that this is how we found our way back to each other,” he continued, his voice low.
“But I can’t resent it because we’re here now.
You’re here.” His hand lifted, hovering near my cheek for just a moment before his big hand cupped my face so gently that a tear slid down my cheek.
“I want a life with you, Ren. So fucking bad.”
I want that too. My eyes burned.
“But,” he added, honest as ever, “asking you to uproot your life and move to California with me and Mattie—that shit feels so fucking unfair. I won’t do that to you.”
Relief hit first. Then love, so sharp it hurt. I held his face in both of my hands. “Do you want me there?” I asked in a soft but insistent voice, because I needed to know.
His answer came quick and sure. “Yes.”
Relief pulsed through me so viscerally my legs buckled. I let my forehead fall to his chest and let out a shaky laugh. “Good, because that’s what I want too, Enzo. A life with you and with Mattie.”
His arms wrapped around me as if he would never let me go. In that embrace was a promise of forever, and I leaned into it with my whole heart. “We’ll have a good life, Ren. I promise.”
I nodded. “I know, Enzo. I’m not scared.” Maybe I should’ve been a little wary, but I wasn’t. We’d survived this mess, and I knew we could survive whatever came next.
He kissed me then, slow and tender. Every touch reminded me that we were here together. Every kiss grounded me in the moment. There was no sense of urgency, just warmth and love and certainty. Enzo undressed me with gentle hands, but the heat in his gaze as he stared at me was hot enough to singe.
We came together in slow, hungry strokes that stole my breath.
The intensity of every flick of his tongue on my nipples, every open-mouthed kiss against my overheated skin, left me hot and aching.
I was perched on the edge of ecstasy for so long that when he finally tipped us over, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be the same.
As we lay there in a tangled mass of hot, sweaty limbs, I knew that this time, we would both choose to fight. To stay.
To love each other forever.