Chapter Fifteen
“FAVORITE MOVIE?”
Sammie turned toward Kieran from the passenger seat. The windows of his truck were down, the warm morning breeze sending her hair flying wildly about her face.
“Huh?”
Kieran chuckled. “I want to know what your favorite movie is.”
Sammie thought for a moment. They hadn’t spoken much since saying goodbye to Kieran’s parents and hitting the highway back to the city.
An awkwardness had permeated the morning, a gentle, balmy breeze wrapping around Sammie.
The knowledge of what they had done the night before on either side of the bedroom wall was a persistent presence in her mind, a slow motion film playing on repeat.
It had felt more illicit than what they had already done together.
More collaborative as well, despite the fact they had each recorded their portions of the video separately.
Kieran would edit them together after practice, or so he’d told her, their voices hushed as they’d loaded their overnight bags into his truck.
Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to dwell on memories of fingering herself while trapped in the small cab together.
“The Fifth Element,” she finally responded. Kieran’s brows raised, even as he kept his eyes on the road.
“Huh.”
Sammie frowned. “What’s wrong with it?”
Another chuckle from Kieran. “Nothing. I would never have guessed it, but now that I know, that definitely feels like a you movie.”
Sammie grinned. “Bruce Willis and Mila Jovovich were my bi awakening.”
That pulled a full laugh from him. “Okay, favorite musician?”
“Wait.” Sammie twisted in her seat to face him better. Kieran was wearing sunglasses, obscuring his eyes, and Sammie decided she hated sunglasses. “If we’re doing twenty questions then we have to play by the rules. It’s my turn to ask.”
“Okay, shoot.” The amused grin that split his face had Sammie’s heart bouncing around in her chest.
“Well,” she said slowly, thinking. “What’s your favorite movie?”
Kieran fell quiet, lips pressed into a line.
“Oh, come on.” Sammie reached out and pushed his arm. “I told you mine.”
“You’ll laugh.”
“I promise I won’t!”
Another long pause. Sammie watched him, taking in the strong line of his nose, his high cheekbones, that full bottom lip that he sometimes bit down on when he was thinking hard. The way the morning light brought out the golds and reds in his short beard.
“It’s WALL-E.”
A choked laugh escaped Sammie, and she slapped a hand over her mouth.
“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” His tone was frantic, but he was smiling at her.
“It’s just not what I expected.” She fought down another giggle. “I love WALL-E, it’s a great movie.”
Kieran’s brows furrowed in distrust, but he hummed thoughtfully. “My turn. Same question, who’s your favorite musician?”
“Pass.”
Kieran gasped. “You can’t pass!”
“I don’t know the answer!”
“What do you mean you don’t know the answer?”
Sammie shrugged, unable to keep a wide grin from spreading across her face. “I have too many favorites, don’t make me pick just one.”
“Fine.” He let out an exasperated huff. “Where’s a place you want to go on vacation?”
She thought for a moment. “Is it too boring if I say a place here in the states?”
“Maybe a little.” He glanced over at her. “But tell me anyway.”
“I’ve never been out west,” she said, leaning back into her seat, resting an arm on the windowsill, letting the warm breeze play over her skin. “I’d love to go see the Cascades. Swim in the Pacific. Granny always wanted to go drink wine in Napa Valley. Touristy stuff.”
“Touristy stuff is popular for a reason,” Kieran said. His hair was pulled into a half-bun, with a few escaped curls falling around his face, whipped up by the breeze.
“What about you, where do you want to go?”
He snorted. “Mine’s boring, too. I love visiting Ireland.
Dad’s family is there, they’re such a fun group.
My great aunt has a small place right on the Dingle Peninsula.
The family rents it out to travelers now, but me, Kenna, and Kellan stay there every time we visit.
It has the worst driveway you can imagine, just dirt and walls of shrubs and weeds for what feels like ages when you’re driving it.
But once you’ve made it to the property, it’s perfect.
There’s a rocky beach, and the views from the house are incredible.
” He paused, glancing over at her. “Brilliant blue water as far as you can see.”
This was a side of Kieran that Sammie hadn’t seen much, not since they were children, back when the world was less heavy and things like wonder and joy were easier to find.
“It sounds amazing,” she said softly.
“I’ll take you someday.” Sammie’s heart skipped a beat. There it was again, the illusion that this thing between them could so easily become something real. “Atticus and Kai can come too. Kai might hate it, but it seems like he’ll go along with just about anything for your brother.”
Words were far away, so unattainable. Why did it feel like there could be a future here? A future that moved past a simple business agreement. A future where they could travel the world together, road-tripping out to the mountains or flying over the Atlantic so she could meet more of his family.
Sammie swallowed past a thick lump. Dwelling on the what ifs, on her desires that were just out of reach, it wouldn’t make a difference.
“I’d love that. Attie would too. Kai’s fine as long as he can bring his Switch with him.” She needed to change the subject, before the tightness in her chest became too much. “My turn. What’s your favorite candy?”
“Reese’s. Yours?”
“Taffy.”
“Ooh, what flavor?”
Sammie answered with zero hesitation. “Banana.”
“Solid choice. What’s your favorite book?”
Sammie frowned. “You just asked me a question, it’s my turn.”
“Ehhh,” Kieran began. “It was the same as your question, doesn’t count.”
Sammie laughed. “It does too count!”
“Fine, fine,” he said, “what’s your question?”
“What’s your favorite book?”
“You literally just stole my question!”
“Well now I’m curious!”
They went on like that, questions back and forth, sometimes branching off into separate conversations, but always going back to their little game. The summer air filled Sammie’s lungs as the Chicago skyline crept ever closer.
Despite the feelings that had simmered in her for far too long, there had always been something unattainable about Kieran.
Something that made Sammie keep her distance, the tentative attraction that came with being young and inexperienced.
But a decade had passed. They were new people now, far more settled in who they had become.
Sitting in his truck as highway miles rolled by, trading questions and smiles, he didn’t seem so far out of reach.
Some of Kieran’s questions were silly, some less so.
“Do you like your job?”
That one drew Sammie up short. She hesitated before answering. “I do,” she began, the words slow and measured. “I like what I do. The craft of it. Building a new recipe is my favorite thing, especially when it comes out better than I hoped.”
Kieran glanced at her, just a flick of his gaze before turning his head back toward the road. Sammie once more wished she could see his expression behind those dark sunglasses.
“But…” His voice was soft, soothing, pulling at her real answer.
“But,” she said, her voice almost too quiet with the windows down. “I think that it could be better. That I could be happier.”
“At Everly?”
Sammie shook her head. They were treading dangerous waters now, ones she’d been doing her best to avoid, even when she talked to her brother about this stuff.
“No.” Sammie tucked her hair behind an ear, fighting the urge to hide. Kieran waited, giving her time to continue. “Not there.”
Another long pause, and Sammie began to wonder if she should say more, if she should try to justify herself or backtrack. She had a good job, one that paid… maybe not well, but it was enough. Enough for what she needed.
Most of the time.
She was opening her mouth, explanation at the ready, when Kieran finally spoke up again.
“Would you go somewhere else?”
That caught her off guard. “What do you mean?”
Kieran shrugged. “Would you take a job somewhere else?”
“Like somewhere else in Chicago?”
“Sure,” he said. “Or anywhere. You’re good at what you do, I’m sure there are places that would want to have you. All those medals you’ve got hanging in the brewhouse are all the recommendation you need.”
“Those aren’t all mine.” A few were though.
Her recipes had done well in every competition they’d entered over the last year.
Sammie sighed. “I’m not exactly in a high-paying industry.
Everly’s production and distribution scale is big enough to sustain my current salary, I wouldn’t make as much going to most other craft breweries. ”
She could tell Kieran had a response already, judging by the way he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, physically stopping himself from saying anything else. Sammie huffed out a small laugh.
“You can say it,” she said. “It’s the same thing everyone else has been telling me for the last three years.”
Kieran frowned. “I don’t want to be like everyone else, sticking my nose in your business when you didn’t ask.”
Oh. Nobody ever hesitated when it came to telling Sammie their opinions on her financial decisions. “What if I want to hear what you have to say about it?” Because she did. She did want to hear what Kieran had to say, even if she knew it would sting.
“I think you’ve been handed a tough deal,” he said, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of his neck.
That same hand fell to the console between them, an open offering.
Sammie reached out, tentative, weaving her fingers with his.
The touch was grounding, centering. An anchor that didn’t pull her down, but instead held her in place, steady and secure.
“I think you have a house full of memories, and sometimes memories are all we have left of people. But that’s a lot of weight for one person to bear alone.
I think everyone that’s been telling you to sell the place, they just don’t want to see those memories become something that weighs you down and keeps you from finding your own place in this world. ”
Sammie turned away from him, letting the air rushing in through the window force her eyes closed. Tears prickled under her eyelids, burning her nose.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Kieran continued, “I don’t know what the right answer is, and I won’t pretend to. You saw how much of a mess my own future is.”
“Your parents and the farm,” she said softly. It did help, knowing she wasn’t the only one with decisions she wasn’t ready to face.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” His hand tightened around hers.
“It feels like if I just keep avoiding it, it’ll stay far away in the future.
Until the day it all catches up to me.” Kieran tapped on the inside of her wrist with his thumb, pulling her attention back toward him.
And even though he kept his eyes on the road, still hidden behind those damn sunglasses, Sammie felt like she had the whole of his attention.
A deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly. “I think it might be better to face the future before then. At least that way I can try to be ready for it.”
“Not a terrible idea.” The light chuckle that left her felt full of too much emotion.
Kieran went quiet after that, a quiet that Sammie appreciated.
It gave her time to sit with his words, with no added pressure to accept them.
No pressure to have answers, to make decisions she wasn’t ready for.
They were just two people with their windows down on the highway, trying their best to make it from one day to the next.
“It’s your turn,” she said after a while. A small smile tilted Kieran’s mouth.
“It is, isn’t it?” He hummed in thought, and Sammie could see the moment another question occurred to him. “Who’s your favorite volleyball player?”
“Oh, fuck you,” she said, a barking laugh tearing from her. “I’m not answering that!”
“I will.” Kieran was grinning like mad. “That Tate guy, the setter for Los Angeles? He’s pretty damn good.”
“Oh my god,” Sammie gasped. “You will break Attie’s heart.”
“Not if he doesn’t find out.” Kieran raised a brow as he glanced at her. “You gonna tell him?”
“I’ll keep your secret.” Sammie smiled, bright and innocent as she could muster. “For now.”