Chapter 20 I’m not staring, you’re staring
I’m not staring, you’re staring
I slowly unpacked my things into my new room, piece by piece, like I was reclaiming a part of myself.
Folded clothes went into the drawers. My favourite skirts, dresses, and jackets got hung neatly in the wardrobe.
My toiletries lined up on the bathroom shelf, simple and familiar.
None of this feels permanent yet, but it’s mine.
This is home. For now.
I sat on the middle of the bed with Gizmo curled beside me, her little head rested on my thigh. I stroked her fur slowly, grounding myself in her soft, steady presence.
My chest rose and fell with deep breaths, I let them come and go, slow and intentional.
My mind running over the day.
Was that horrible? Yes.
It didn’t go great, but am I suprised? No.
Did I survive it? Yes.
It’s done now. I am safe.
I just want to be happy. I want normalcy.
I don’t want to think about how horrible the first half of today was anymore. I want to focus on the positives. I want to move forward from this.
I put on my red bikini and studied myself in the mirror.
How the red pops against my sun-kissed skin, making it look even tanner.
I ran my hands over my stomach. I’m not all muscle, but I am strong and lightly toned.
My body is slim, with soft curves at my hips and breasts.
I like my body. But I still feel nervous showing it for some reason.
I put on a mask of confidence and left my room.
The way Lucas looked at me when I walked in the living room sent shivers down my spine and gave me the confidence boost I needed. I almost giggled at the way his jaw dropped, it was adorable.
Especially after what happened today, it’s nice seeing a man look at me the way Lucas does.
He follows me outside to the pool area, and the blistering summer heat hits us the second we leave the air-conditioning. It makes me even more excited to dive into the pool.
His house is gorgeous, but this backyard? It’s an oasis—peaceful, green, and so inviting… it feels like a dream.
Lush green ferns and tropical palms frame the pool, their leaves swaying lazily in the breeze.
The water sparkles under the sun, turquoise and tempting.
Beyond the pool, the land stretches out in open, sunlit acres. The grass well maintained, until it reaches the end of the property where rows of towering gumtrees dance in the wind.
I faintly smell something salty drifting through the breeze.
That’s when I notice how close the water is, I see a glint of blue between the trees.
The beach.
Right there, hidden just beyond the tree line.
I blink, smiling in disbelief.
I still can’t believe I get to stay here, even just for a little while.
Oh, right. That reminds me.
I turn back to Lucas, who’s trailing behind me.
“Shit, sorry, Lucas. I forgot to ask how much you want me to pay for rent while I’m here?”
He looks up at me, clearly caught mid-checkout.
“Oh, uh… nothing, Cammie,” he runs a hand through his hair.
My eyes linger for a moment. That gorgeous face. That dark hair, all silken and messy under the sun.
No. Focus.
“No, I can’t accept that. I have to pay something.”
He lifts a hand to my cheek, brushing it so gently it sends a ripple through my chest.
“Really, Camille. I don’t expect anything from you. I just want to help. I don’t need any extra money, and honestly, I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking yours.”
God, this man.
“I really appreciate that,” I say quietly. “But I don’t feel right not contributing. So how about this. I love to cook, it’s kind of a passion of mine. Maybe I can make dinner most nights? Maybe even free haircuts?”
His mouth lifts into a smirk as he nods.
“If that makes you feel better, then absolutely. We could definitely use more home-cooked meals around here. A haircut sounds great too, I’ve been meaning to book in with you every time Tyler brings you up.
I’ve been seeing the same barber I saw since I was little and always felt bad going elsewhere, even though I wanted to.
At least now I have the perfect excuse.”
I smile. I was wondering why he hadn’t come in for a haircut before, nervous he’d tell me he didn’t want me to cut his hair.
“Great. Deal. I can’t wait to get my hands on this hair.” I stand on my tiptoes and put my fingers in his hair—he goes still.
And I suddenly remember the last time I had my fingers in his hair, I plant my feet back down and slowly lower my arms, biting my bottom lip, I look up at him sheepishly.
Was he thinking about the other night too? My heart hammers.
I almost hesitate, then decide to just rip off the band-aid.
“Also… I hate to bring this up, but… I don’t think we should do what we did the other night again.
” Damn, that was hard to say. Especially when all I want to do right now is lean in and kiss him.
“I just don’t want to complicate things.
Not now, with us living together,” I add. “I hope that’s alright.”
He meets my eyes, and something about the softness there just melts me.
“I totally understand,” his voice low. “If I’m being honest, all I want to do is repeat what we did the other night. But I’ll respect your choice.” Those damn eyes look to my mouth, and all I want to do is take back my words and give in.
“Great,” I clear my throat. “Now that’s all settled… let’s have a swim.”
He grins and starts peeling off his shirt, revealing his tanned skin and defined muscles like it’s no big deal.
Seriously? This is just unfair.
I try not to stare. I try so hard not to. I need to stop looking at him like that.
I need to keep those boundaries up, for his sake and mine. Because he’s so perfect. Inside and out. And I’m just not ready for what that could mean.
I turn away, laughing awkwardly to hide the ache, and dive into the pool—letting the water cool what my heart won’t.
I break the surface with a gasp, hair slicked back and water clinging to my lashes. I blink against the sun and catch Lucas waist-deep in the pool, watching me with a grin that makes heat bloom in places I shouldn’t be feeling right now.
“This is heaven,” I wipe the water from my face.
He laughs, and it echoes off the water. “It’s the best. I try swim every day in the summer.”
“I reckon I would too.”
“Well, you should. This is your home too, even if it’s temporary. Swim whenever you want.”
I smile wider now. “Maybe I will.” I look around and take a breath.
“Honestly, this place is amazing, Lucas. I still can’t believe you did all this.
” I wave my hands toward the house and around us.
“It’s great. I noticed some of the furniture too.
I remember you saying you like making furniture.
What did you make in your place?” I laugh. “Well, besides the house?”
He looks at me so proudly, it warms my chest. “That means a lot, Cam. I worked really hard for it all. It’s exactly what I dreamt of. And you’re right. I made some of the furniture for the house too. Almost anything that has timber, I made it. The dining table is probably my favourite, though.”
“Oh yes, I noticed that. It’s beautiful.”
“Thanks.” I swear I see him blush. Maybe he’s just as bad at taking compliments as I am.
We swim a few lazy laps, side by side but not touching, like there’s an invisible line between us that we’re both pretending not to notice.
He dunks under and resurfaces beside me, closer this time.
Water droplets trail down his defined chest and washboard abs. I glance away, heart thudding stupidly.
“So, what do you normally do when you’re not at work, Luc?” I splash at him.
He laughs. “I don’t have much time, but when I do, it’s either here swimming, working out, going for a surf, camping or taking the boat out for a fish.”
“That’s so cool! I used to do those things with my dad when I was younger, but haven’t so much lately. We’ll have to go together one day.”
“I’d love that. What do you normally do on your weekends now?” He splashes back.
“Well… not a lot. I kinda told you the other night… It was just easier staying home. I like to go for runs, do pilates or yoga, then stay at home reading, sketching or painting something. I feel like I’ve been such a homebody lately.”
I feel so boring. I really want to start doing more fun outdoor things again.
“All those things sound fun. Nothing wrong with being home. But if you want to get out more, you’re welcome to join me,” he offers.
“Yes please.” I smile at him, and he nods like we just made a deal.
We float for a while, quiet except for the water lapping around us. Then he swims toward the deep end, arms slicing clean through the water, and I drift toward the steps, easing myself out.
I can feel his gaze on me, and for a second I almost look back, but I don’t. Instead, I grab a towel, wrap it around my hips, and sit down on the white sun lounger.
I close my eyes and lean back, letting the warmth soak back into my skin.
The water cooled me down, but it didn’t quiet the thoughts. Not completely. Because Lucas is right there. Just a few steps away. Shirtless. Looking like that. Being that kind. Too kind.
And that’s the problem, isn’t it? He’s everything I should want. Everything I do want. But that kind of good? That kind of safe? It feels almost foreign to me. I don’t know what to do with it.
I told him we couldn’t do what we did again. I told myself it was the smart thing, the healthy thing—and it is.
But now I’m lying here wondering if I just said it because I’m scared of falling for someone who might actually be good to me.
And the worst part? I think he knows.
He’s been nothing but respectful since I put up the boundary.
No comments. No touching. No teasing. And it’s undoing me.
Because it proves that he heard me. That he’s listening. That he actually cares about what I need.
Sean never did that. Sean would’ve pouted, sulked and demanded. Lucas just… stepped back. And it’s making me want him even more.
I open my eyes and glance over. He’s leaning against the edge of the pool, talking to Tyler who’s jumped in the pool now, laughing at something stupid and carefree. The kind of laugh that makes your chest warm just hearing it.
I’m in trouble. I’m not ready for this. Not yet. But part of me. The broken, hopeful, quietly healing part is starting to wonder if maybe I could be. Eventually. But not today.
Today, I’m just grateful. For this space. For the kindness.