Chapter Nine
Oliver
O liver headed straight back to the tube, making for the Docklands and Regalia’s HQ. The firm was well known for being a forerunner in its approach to family law by hiring lawyers versed in both Scottish and English law. They worked on cross-border cases as well as international ones.
Being jostled from side to side made Oliver’s breakfast churn in his stomach. He held his place in the packed compartment, close to the sliding doors. More and more people piled in until he was squashed against the glass barrier. Unable to move a muscle without knocking into someone, he was prevented from checking his phone. Frustration simmered inside him, along with disgust at the growing heat of too many bodies and the somewhat nauseating mix of smells. He screwed up his nose, needing a distraction, and not just from being squashed like a sardine: thoughts of Hayley were still far too prominent in his mind.
This was a hundred times worse than usual. Sure, he occasionally thought about her… Ok, sometimes a bit too much, but this was a whole new level. When she was so close, he couldn’t switch off his mind or control his body reactions. Carnal instincts kicked in, making him want her so badly. The sleeper train ride had been nothing short of torturous. How he’d slept at all was a miracle while she pranced about in those skimpy PJs with her long hair bouncing around. That hair. Jeez, how badly did he want to touch that hair? And the perpetual smile on her face, those beautiful soft lips… How would they be to kiss? And her fragrance, a dreamy scent that seemed to come straight from a field of happy flowers. It did things to him. Changed him. Made him want to be someone else, doing things he never normally did.
Where was business Oliver when he needed him? He must have left him back in Glenbriar and brought along some strange Oliver in his place. One who was finding it utterly impossible to keep up the iron front when Hayley was around. Since when did Oliver Wright invite women to breakfast and dinner? Christ, he’d even pulled that ludicrous case for her. Not that anyone with a morsel of kindness would have left her trying to get it down the escalator on her own. She’d looked petrified. And here he was, ready to jump in like a knight in shining armour. She’d wormed her way under his skin with all her niceness and made him soft. Maybe there was nothing wrong with that. Nothing apart from the danger his true feelings would be uncovered. She didn’t need to know how much she was on his mind and how she messed with his head. How he hardly dared look at her in case something betrayed him. She deserved someone oh so much better than him. Someone with the ability to love and care for her properly. Someone who would laugh with her and make her happy. Not a sad, emotionally repressed guy like him.
A twinge in his gut reminded him of the meeting, and he steered his brain around a tricky bend to focus on that instead. If he got the job here, this would be his daily commute. Glancing around the tube at the mass of tired workers, he wasn’t sure it was what he really wanted. Working in London carried some kudos and it would be a great experience, but lots would change. His best friend would be far away, his cycle rides wouldn’t be as picturesque, and his working days would be very long.
After he got off the tube, he followed the satnav on his phone towards the towering office block, its glass front gleaming in the pale morning sun.
He stopped outside and put his laptop case down on a low wall that surrounded a neatly arranged collection of shrubs, forming an urban garden. Inside his case, he found his tie and slipped it around his neck. No way could he have worn it on the tube with the already cloying and choking sensation. Knotting it, he gazed up. Was this the place he wanted to be every day? Tie in place, he was ready to find out.
He lifted his bag and headed inside, straight to the reception desk.
‘Nathan’s expecting you,’ the receptionist said. ‘He’ll be down shortly. Just take a seat.’
Oliver sat on one of the soft blue seats near the window that overlooked the little shrubbery he’d stopped at moments before. He’d barely touched the chair when he heard a familiar voice.
‘Oliver!’
He got to his feet as Nathan threw out a hand, then shook his vigorously, almost taking his arm off in the process. ‘How are you? I hope the journey wasn’t too bad.’
‘It was fine, thanks.’
‘Great to see you. Come with me and I’ll talk you through the different departments and where your office would be.’
Oliver frowned, but Nathan was still talking, and in a way that seemed like Oliver had already got the job.
‘I still have to do an interview,’ Oliver reminded him.
‘Honestly, it’s in the bag,’ Nathan said. ‘Your credentials are well known. There are two other applicants and I know both of them vaguely. Neither of them is a patch on you.’
Oliver adjusted his tie as they stepped off the escalator into a large, open-plan office. He stared out the floor to ceiling windows at the view over London. This place was really something compared to that tiny little room he had back in Glenbriar.
‘Drinks after work tonight, if you want,’ Nathan said.
It was almost part of the process and if he was newly out of university, he would have agreed straight away and been desperate to make a good impression. But he’d promised Hayley dinner.
‘That’s a kind offer,’ he said. ‘But I’m not travelling alone and I promised dinner to—’
‘Ah, say no more.’ Nathan smiled. ‘I quite understand. Don’t want to disappoint the ladies, eh?’
‘Exactly so.’
‘How about we lunch out instead?’ Nathan suggested.
‘Perfect.’
How quickly would his wages deplete on restaurants and bars if he moved down here? While the food in the warehouse style café Nathan chose was delicious, Oliver wasn’t sure he needed this temptation on a daily basis. Both the Cosy Bean Café and the Drip Drop Coffee Shop in Glenbriar were bad enough. Popping into one or the other on a morning for a coffee or grabbing a baguette at lunch time was already a habit he’d got into. All that seemed very rustic compared to this city chic.
He messaged Hayley to find out where she was and what she was doing. Three dots bounced up and down for a long time as he chatted with Nathan before Hayley’s answer came in. It was long and accompanied by photographs. She seemed to have done her own walking tour of London and was now having a flat white and a wrap in a café in Covent Garden.
‘Is that your wife?’ Nathan asked, craning his neck a little to see the pictures. ‘I didn’t know you were married.’
‘I’m not. She’s not my wife.’
‘Ah.’ Nathan sat back, interlocking his fingers, clearly waiting for Oliver to elaborate, but he didn’t. Launching into a story about Hayley wasn’t his style, and he had no idea what to say about her. Who was she really? A friend? His best friend’s sister? Someone he’d invited along so he didn’t have to attend a formal dinner alone? Or someone he’d wanted to come along because he hated thinking how disappointed she’d be if she didn’t get to the Hair Show, when it clearly meant so much to her? Oliver didn’t want to share any of those answers with Nathan or leave an opening for more discussion.
‘What about you?’ he asked. ‘Are you married?’
‘Yes. I’ve been married a year now. It goes past quickly. Can hardly believe it’s been that long already.’
‘Yes, time certainly flies. Do you mind if I reply to this?’
‘Of course not, go ahead.’
Oliver thumbed out a quick message.
OLIVER: Just having lunch. If we meet at the hotel later to check in, we could grab some dinner nearby after. Does that sound ok?
Was he pushing his luck with this? Playing a little game where he got to wine and dine her? She seemed to enjoy things like that in general, but did she really want to do any of it with him? Maybe she’d prefer to be left alone.
Her message pinged in almost immediately and Oliver caught Nathan smirking.
HAYLEY: Ooh, that means we’re eating out in Mayfair. I better go count my pocket money.
OLIVER: Don’t bother. It’s on me. Meet at the hotel at five thirty. See you there.
He placed his phone down. Fuck it. He was doing this even if it was leading him onto risky ground.
Oliver left Nathan midway through the afternoon. He wasn’t employed at Regalia yet, so leaving while everyone else was still working away at their desks didn’t provoke any guilt. Nathan didn’t seem to mind and said, ‘I hope you have a good dinner. I’ll see you at the interview tomorrow and the conference and dinner on Thursday.’
Yup. Whether or not he got the job, he would attend the dinner, but it would be much sweeter if he had the job in the bag.
As he travelled across London on the tube, a bizarre sensation of displacement crept over him, like he didn’t really belong here… or anywhere. Like he was watching life as a spectator from another dimension and not really involved in any of it. He leaned on the pole and let out a sigh. What should he do? A twinge of discomfort stirred in his chest, and he rubbed at it, trying to push it away. He wasn’t a stranger to this. It hit often, usually when he was conflicted and always when he thought about his mum. It had been such a long time since she’d left him, so far back he could hardly remember what she was really like. And yet the aching gap caused by her absence still lingered, sometimes in the background, other times fresh and painful. He’d lost so much. Memories had mingled with vague feelings that had, over time, become more like wishes. Wishes for someone to talk to, to guide him, to care for him and to love him. Was that shameful? Maybe he should have sought those things from someone else by now. But how? Did anyone exist who could care that much for someone like him? He wasn’t exactly loveable.
Finlay would help if Oliver asked him, but he didn’t want to tell Finlay about this. Not yet. Maybe that was silly too, but the timing wasn’t right. Maybe there would never be a right time. He closed his eyes, still leaning on the pole, hoping when he opened them, everything would be clearer.