Chapter Eighteen
Oliver
D ad was gone.
That was the logical conclusion. But Oliver couldn’t bear to hear it. It was so much easier to pause life and just exist in this moment. Of course that was wrong. But everything about the situation was wrong. The magnitude of it was too huge to comprehend. Only Hayley’s arms around him gave him any relief. Her strength was his. She was holding him up until the moment he was ready to face the truth. He didn’t remember anyone doing this after he lost his mum. Just silent tears in an empty room. Unheard wishes and a heart so shattered he’d never found all the pieces to put it back together.
‘It’s ok,’ she said quietly. ‘You’ll get through this.’ Her soft hair tickled his cheek and he leaned into it. Her beautiful hair, now stained with his pathetic tears.
‘Yeah. I know.’ He made to pull away, but her hold on him was so comforting, it was easier not to. And really, what place could be better than this? Their relationship had changed so much recently. But what he’d attributed to lust didn’t seem to fit this situation. This definitely wasn’t lust. And yet it seemed just as significant and powerful, maybe even more so. This was new; something he hadn’t felt before or, if he had, not for a long time.
‘Oliver.’ Hayley’s voice was hushed, almost a whisper, landing close to his ear like a warm breeze. She gently smoothed his hair with her fingertips. ‘Maybe you should call Carla.’
Her words broke the spell, and he shifted, pulling away from her. Why was he being like this? He brushed his hand under his eyes. Was he crying? Since when had he let emotion get to him like this? It wasn’t like he was exactly close to his dad. But his dad wasn’t the reason he was feeling like this. Indirectly yes. But this was bigger. He’d failed his mum. She’d never have wanted her family to be broken like this. Even if she and her husband had never had the best marriage, she wouldn’t have wanted this.
‘I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to her yet,’ he said, surprised at how hoarse his voice was.
‘But you don’t know for sure what’s happened. What if he’s not…’ Hayley stroked his arm.
‘Either way, there’s nothing I can do from here.’
‘If he’s alive, you can go and see him.’
But he’s not. His heart told him he was already too late. No last goodbyes. Same as with Mum. She’d gone out one evening and never came home. Sometimes, even now, he imagined the door opening and her walking in, saying she’d just got lost. Stupid. He knew that, but he couldn’t help it. ‘He wouldn’t have wanted that anyway. I just get in the way.’
Hayley looked like she was grinding her teeth, perhaps irritated by his bullishness, but he didn’t want to hear the cold truth. Memories swooped around like evil spectres, reminding him of the horrible moment he’d heard of his mum’s death. How could he face that again? Denial was so much easier.
‘Here.’ Hayley leaned forward and lifted his phone from the coffee table.
‘What are you doing?’
She pressed the button on the side to wake it and the password screen appeared. Behind it was a notification, and Oliver turned away in case his face automatically opened the screen.
‘I can see the start of the message without opening it,’ she said. ‘Your dad is stable. That means he’s alive… Oliver?’ She put her hand on his knee, but he couldn’t look at her. His mind was racing all over the place and his heart was on a rollercoaster, unable to settle on an emotion.
‘Oh god,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘Phone Carla or just go straight to Dundee. So what if you’re in the way? He’s your dad too. My dad has a partner who has other children. I don’t see him very often these days and he spends more time with his partner’s kids than me, but so what? He’s still my dad. He’s still there if I need him or want to chat. I get how it can feel strange, but families are. I meet so many people in the salon and, honestly, no one has a “normal” family. Everyone has someone who has messed up something somewhere. Your dad’s alive and I’m sure he’ll want to see you.’
‘You’d think, wouldn’t you? But my dad isn’t like that.’
‘Maybe not on the surface. But remember what you just told me about smiling on the inside? Maybe he’s like that.’
Oliver was sure he wasn’t, but didn’t want to argue the point further.
‘How about I come with you?’ Hayley said.
‘Why?’
‘For moral support. It might make them behave with more manners around you if I’m there.’
He let out a dry laugh, and it broke some of the tension gripping his body. ‘Maybe. But do you really want to go all the way to Dundee for that?’
She tilted her head and gave him a sad little smile. ‘I want to help you and if that means going to Dundee, then let’s go.’
‘You want to help me?’ He raised an eyebrow.
‘Yes, because strange as it may seem, I actually care about you.’ She gazed into his eyes and the rush of heat surged back. Pull her close and keep her here. With me. But the time for that was lost. He could have her company however, if he just agreed.
Let her come. Let her help. You don’t have to do everything on your own.
‘Thank you. And yes, please come with me.’ He got to his feet.
‘I will.’ She patted his back, and he tried not to let the touch affect him. He collected their coats and handed hers over.
They got into his car, and he pulled out into the night.
‘You’ll have to fill me in on your family, so I know who’s who. Finlay might have told me, but I don’t remember, sorry.’
‘It’s fine. I don’t see very much of them, and Finlay won’t have seen them for years. Carla is my dad’s wife. They have two daughters. Ava is twenty-two and Sofia is twenty. That’s it really.’
‘Ok. That doesn’t seem too complicated.’
‘And yet, it is.’
‘Like I said, all families are.’ Hayley brushed something from her leg. ‘My family is totally messed up on paper and sometimes the politics are tricky, but you know what? We just get on with it. My dad has had quite a few partners since my mum and every time he does, we have to get used to them and their families. It’s always awkward after a breakup.’ She gave a little shrug.
‘My parents didn’t exactly breakup. That’s not the issue I have. After my mother died, my father basically abandoned me and once he met Carla, his life with her became the all-important thing. Their family life together was what mattered, and I was just an extra. They couldn’t have made it more obvious I wasn’t wanted. I’m old enough to not let it bother me now, but it was tough growing up like that.’ The words rolled out uncensored when he didn’t normally talk about any of it.
‘I can see why it would bother you and it sounds horrible, but I’m sure deep down your dad cares about you. I expect after your mum died, he was lost. It’s not an excuse, but I can imagine he found it really hard.’
‘Of course he did, because he had no idea how to live on his own. She was like his servant, and once she was gone, he was clueless. He’d never even cooked a meal.’ His voice rose, but he didn’t care.
‘Oh, Oliver.’
‘Yup. That’s what we’re talking about.’
The roads were reasonably quiet, and they made good time on the A90. Hayley chattered most of the way, and Oliver listened. Whether she spoke words of wisdom or was just filling silences, it didn’t matter. The sound of her voice was soothing, plus it distracted him from thoughts of the impending meet up with his stepmum and half-sisters. As they circled the car park at Ninewells Hospital, searching for a space, Oliver wasn’t able to shake off the squirming sensation in his gut. Any moment now, he would be face to face with three people he usually tried to avoid. And then there was his father. What state might he be in?
He locked up the car and took his phone from his pocket. Carla didn’t even know he was coming. He hadn’t replied to her message or returned her call, which would cement him as a terrible human in her eyes. Her message was still the last one open, and he fired off a reply.
OLIVER: I’m at Ninewells. Where are you?
‘She probably won’t reply.’ He thrust his phone back into his pocket. ‘She’ll be too mad at me.’
Hayley patted his arm. ‘Maybe, but she might be relieved that she doesn’t have to deal with this alone.’
‘She’s not alone. She has two daughters.’ Two daughters she always made a point of showing off and letting everyone know what great company they were. How she’d taken them to theatre shows, the ballet and on extravagant holidays since they were little. Oliver wasn’t particularly interested in any of those things, but there had been no equivalent activities for him and that was where it grated.
‘But they’re still young and they won’t know what to do either.’
The sterile scent of the hospital turned Oliver’s stomach. Hospitals equalled bad news and almost certain death in his mind, even though he knew that was silly. He hadn’t set foot in one since Carla had given birth to Sofia twenty years ago. His thirteen-year-old self hadn’t liked it then either. He recalled that time too, standing near the door watching others cooing over the newborn and offering their congratulations to Carla.
He approached the reception desk and explained his reason for being there. His lawyer brain kicked in and spouted the details with surprising clarity.
The receptionist clicked at the screen, then gave him the ward number.
‘This place is a maze,’ Hayley said. ‘I’m glad I don’t work here. I’d never find my way around.’
‘I’m glad I don’t work here full stop,’ Oliver said. ‘I can’t imagine anywhere worse.’
They made their way down a wide corridor, following the signs over doors. The squirming sensation in his gut was getting worse the closer they got. Seeing his dad in whatever state he was in would be dreadful, but facing Carla and his sisters was making it even worse. If it was just him and his dad, he could handle it, but Carla didn’t hide her dislike for him at the best of times.
‘This is it.’ Hayley stopped outside a ward.
He peered in the small window on the door. ‘I see them in there.’
Hayley leaned in to look too.
‘Stand back.’ He took her arm and tugged her. ‘Don’t make it so obvious.’
‘Sorry.’ She grinned. ‘I can’t help myself being nosey.’
‘I noticed.’
‘Are we going in then?’
‘I suppose so.’ He’d been so relieved to have Hayley keeping him company, he hadn’t stopped to think what it might look like having her here. Would they assume she was his girlfriend? Did it matter? It wasn’t like their opinions were that important to him. They might not even care enough to ask.
He pushed open the door before his thoughts got the better of him.
Carla’s gaze flicked to him the second he stepped inside. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her haggard figure slumped on a chair replaced her usual poise.
‘Hi.’ Oliver approached the bed where a curtain was partly drawn, obscuring the view of his father.
‘Hello,’ Carla said stiffly. ‘I didn’t know you were coming.’
He glanced from her to his sisters, who were both on phones. Slowly he turned to the bed. His father lay still and asleep, strapped in bandages and wired to machines. Oliver’s jaw clenched. Sure, he was glad his father had survived, but why couldn’t his mum have lived too? Why couldn’t she have been saved by doctors and machines? A soft touch on his arm reminded him Hayley was there too. Carla was looking at her, but Oliver didn’t introduce them to each other.
‘How is he?’ he asked.
‘He’s stable, but the doctors want to check for possible internal injuries. They’re running more tests.’
‘Is he still out from an anaesthetic or is he concussed?’
‘He’s still tired from the anaesthetic. They want him to rest. All the obvious injuries have been treated. They had to operate on his shoulder. It should be ok but it could take years for him to be able to lift it properly.’
‘I’ll grab a couple more seats.’ Hayley scanned around, then headed back to the door where there was a small stack of chairs.
‘Who’s that?’ Ava pointed at Hayley with a nod of her head.
‘Hayley,’ Oliver said. ‘She’s a friend.’
Hayley returned with two chairs and plonked one down for Oliver, then sat herself on the other, in between Oliver and Carla.
‘I’m Hayley.’ She smiled around.
Carla nodded. ‘Carla. These are my daughters, Ava and Sofia.’
Hayley gave them a little wave. ‘This really is a nightmare before Christmas, isn’t it?’
‘It certainly is,’ Carla said.
‘Did they give you any idea about how long he’ll be in for?’
‘Not really. It depends on how the injuries have affected his brain.’
‘Well, if you need anything, I’ll give you my number. I know how busy it is at this time of year. I’d be happy to get your shopping or wrap presents or anything that would help. Just let me know.’
Carla’s face said exactly what Oliver was thinking. Her jaw looked ready to hit the floor. Why was a perfect stranger being so nice to her? The thought was etched across her forehead along with, who does she think she is? Oliver’s initial surprise at Hayley’s words was slowly replaced with an internal smirk. Kindness cost nothing. Hayley was probably working on the assumption that Carla wouldn’t want help from her anyway, but the fact she’d offered put her right up there as a kind-hearted soul and meant any mean-spirited remarks from Carla would appear even worse.
Oliver caught Hayley’s eye and his lips twitched. She was such a kind person. Just like her brother. Finlay had stood with Oliver at school when he’d needed someone, and now Hayley was here for this.
‘I, er, thank you,’ Carla said after a moment. ‘I suppose we won’t know for sure until the tests are done.’
‘Of course,’ Hayley said. She smiled at Ava, who was gawping at her in the same way Carla had done when she first spoke. ‘This must be so hard for you.’
‘What?’ Ava blinked like there might be some doubt as to who Hayley was addressing.
‘Seeing your dad like this. Did you have trouble getting here?’
‘No,’ Ava said. ‘We came with Mum.’
‘That was lucky you were able to travel together. So… do you live at home or are you at uni?’
‘I just finished uni in September. I did business studies, but I’m still working in a shop. There aren’t really any jobs in the area I want to work in.’
‘That’s a shame,’ Hayley said. ‘What area is that?’
Ava gave a little shrug. ‘I dunno.’
Oliver looked away, not sure if it made him want to laugh or roll his eyes. Neither was very kind, but it cemented his opinion of his half-sisters and how flaky they were. How typical of Ava to claim there were no jobs in the sector she wanted but not actually know what that sector was. He was quite surprised she’d finished her course at all.
‘I completely understand,’ Hayley said. ‘It’s so difficult to know exactly what to do or where to go with your career. Are you at uni too?’ She moved her attention to Sofia.
‘I’m at art college doing a design course, but we’re finished for the Christmas holidays.’
‘Oh wow, design. That sounds exciting.’
‘It’s ok.’ Sofia’s shoulder twitched a little.
‘What kind of design?’ Hayley said.
‘Just like general design.’
‘Does that include fashion and interior design?’
‘A bit.’
‘Definitely sounds enjoyable.’
Sofia looked like she might contradict her but didn’t. Oliver fidgeted and rubbed his fingertips together, wondering if any of them would return Hayley’s interest and ask her what she did, but that turned out to be a no. When Hayley stopped talking, they fell into silence, watching Neil or the clock.
After what seemed like hours but probably wasn’t, some medical staff came along and wheeled the bed away, ready to run the tests. Sofia and Ava leaned on each other and closed their eyes. Carla had her head resting on the wall behind her seat and did the same.
Oliver glanced at Hayley and she stifled a yawn. Without speaking, they came to an agreement to emulate Sofia and Ava. Oliver rested his head on top of Hayley’s and closed his eyes. She kicked off her heels and curled her stocking soles up on the seat behind her. They were still dressed for dancing under their coats. The surreal night wasn’t over yet. This wasn’t what he’d planned, but despite all the uncertainty surrounding his dad, something about this moment was beautiful. The sweet fragrance of Hayley’s shampoo filled his senses and her warmth seeped inside him, saturating him with deep contentment and a weird sense that everything would be ok… even if it wasn’t.