Marlena 9.
“How are you feeling? Nausea? Vomiting? Any bleeding? Tenderness?”
“Marius Ravello! You stop that right now!”
My big hulking brother draws in a slow, measured breath, leans back against the couch and then exhales. “Stop what?”
“Speaking so many words at one time.” He snorts, a slight smirk tipping his lips, but stares at me expectantly.
“We were at the dinner table. Conrad—”
“Conrad is…”
“Issachar and Penelope’s.” He nods curtly. “Anyway, he made an inappropriate joke about me—settle down, he’s 15 and been dealt with. I was flustered and then Elazar—”
“ Elazar?” I do not enjoy the falsetto he uses to mock me.
“That is his name.”
“His name is Elazar. Or Czar.”
“That’s what I said.” I enunciate each word and glare fiercely. Which doesn’t affect Mars in the least.
“No, the way you said it was like the verbal equivalent of writing your crush’s name in your Trapper Keeper.”
I start laughing and can’t stop even as he scoffs at me. “Trapper Keeper? God, how old are you? And how do you know about that? Were you writing Mr. M1A1 Thompson Heart Forever! ” His eyes flare with surprise for only a second at the weapon knowledge I just pulled out of somewhere I didn’t know existed.
“Impressive. Now finish your story in a way that doesn’t make me want to turn Elazar into a new sandbag.”
I tilt my head to the side as I stare at my brother. “You know, he said something like that about you on the ride here.”
“I’m not surprised. You may not see it, because he’s less…scowly, but Czar is tactical and methodical, much like me.”
I think about Elazar and grin, having no trouble seeing their similarities. A lighter version of my brother, someone who grew up in a loving home with present and responsible parents, surrounded by supportive extended family and born with an impenetrable moral compass. If Mars and I didn’t grow up the way we did, would my brother be lighter like Elazar? Would he have joined the Army at all?
“Stop.” At my confusion he clears his throat and shifts, the only signs of any discomfort he’ll allow. “We are who we are because of where we came from and while I wish your life had been easier, I know that mine had been training me for the GGMC, Etta, my family.”
“I’ve been training right along with you, bubba.” Knowing that was more emotion than he’s comfortable with, I continue my earlier explanation. “Elazar was teasing me, Akivah and Revkah too. I just got a little overwhelmed, Dr. Nell said it’s common with pregnancy. Fainting, that is.”
“Hmph.”
“Dr. Nell ran some tests to be sure and did an internal ultrasound. Everything is good. Here.” I open my emails on my phone and forward the ultrasound to Mars and Etta’s emails. “Now you two can listen to your little blob’s heartbeat and watch it pulse on the screen.” He smiles, a rare and wonderful sight, then the frown returns. “And…Czar, Akivah, and Revkah know about the baby.”
“Hmph.”
“Akivah and Revkah guessed,” I watch his eyes drop to the floor, then all around the room but at me, “because you probably slipped up when they called to tell you about my fainting.” He shrugs, meeting my eyes. With a smile, I grab his hand and squeeze it. He squeezes back, raises his eyebrow, drops my hand and crosses his arms over his broad chest.
I stand up and walk back and forth in front of the coffee table, “Well, see what had happened was…”
“Marlena.”
“He made…he said…he wasn’t shy about…ugh.” I drop back down on the couch, boneless. “ He likes me. ” I whisper, afraid to say it too loud in case the universe decides to mess with me. “ And I like him.”
“He isn’t Casen.” Closing my eyes, I sink further into the couch. I hate that name. Just the sound of it causes my stomach to churn. My arms and legs…I can almost feel the constant painful bruises. My face tingles from the memories of caked makeup to hide my shame. The scent of rubbing alcohol, peroxide, Band-Aids… “And the Marlena he knew is long gone.”
“Jesus, do you and Elazar share a brain now?”
“Not exactly. But I believe he and I share a…fondness for you.”
I snort, “That hurt worse than your motorcycle accident, didn’t it?” Opening my eyes, I watch my brother shiver and roll his eyes. “I’m scared it’s moving too fast and so very slow at the same time. Since the first time I saw him…but I wasn’t ready. I don’t even know if I am now. And he’s still in the Army. I know he’ll be out in a matter of months, but so much can happen between now and then. What if he leaves here next week and when he returns, he sees my big ol’ preggo belly with my brother’s baby in it and decides I’ve never been worth the wait. The build-up.”
“First of all, when you speak of the baby, do not refer to it as ‘my brother’s baby’. We live in West Virginia, but we aren’t from here. And my understanding is that the state has branched out reproductively in the last several decades anyway.” Mars grins for a second, lifts his arm and releases another humph when I land against his side with my full weight. “You reminded me a few years ago, that I am a violent and war-hardened soldier and exactly what Etta needed to fight the war for her freedom.”
“I’m very smart.”
“You are, but we aren’t always smart enough to see ourselves objectively. And no matter how smart you are, you can’t make the decisions of someone else’s life. I’ve known Czar for years…if he’s admitted anything to you, trust it.”
I know I already said it, but it bears repeating, “I really like him.” I arch my neck to glance up at Mars and see his bottom lip protruding. He’s pouting.
“I like Czar. I respect the hell out of him. And I hate that I can’t even forbid this because you’re all adult and shit.”
“He’s a good man.” I know that, but I need Mars to confirm it for me. I don’t necessarily trust my own judgement when it comes to romance.
“He is.”
“And the reason we’ve got this amazing life.”
Mars shoves me gently off him and stands up, while I roll on the couch laughing at his attitude. “I know, I know, no need to beat me over the head with it.”
“It was hard when you were gone. But I feel like this will be more difficult for me.”
“Gee, thanks,” he deadpans.
I wave him off, “You know what I mean.”
“I do.” Mars sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose and I know he’s reached his absolute limit. He doesn’t do emotions well, let alone with anyone other than Etta. “All I can tell you is to use the time you have before he’s discharged building something that will last. Because it’s worth it. Love. Family. Commitment. Responsibility. Our parents were shit at it, but we aren’t them.”
For someone who feels he is emotionally stunted and gets tummy trouble if exposed to too many, he sometimes gets it right. “Love you, bubba.”
“Hmph.”