Epilogue
EPILOGUE
In the early part of Christmas Eve night, Zorro looked up at the stars. The air was crisp and clean, and he wrestled with that blurred and disjointed memory since he’d gotten out of the Philippines. It must have been a morphine-induced hallucination because he was sure he had seen Dr. Everly Quinn up close and personal, her sweet, beautiful face dipping down until her hot, soft mouth had connected with his lips.
But that was loco . She couldn’t stand him. Every moment he’d clashed with her in Niger, it seemed that she got even more hostile.
No. It had to have been his imagination.
He thought about the woman a lot, knowing that it was a study in futility. She was broken by her husband’s death at the hands of special operators, and he was the last man on earth she would ever consider kissing.
Her tantalizing mouth formed in his mind. A mouth he was dying to taste.
If he was ever presented with the opportunity—like that was ever going to happen—he wouldn’t hesitate to take what he wanted. With an unraveling sigh, he thought about how her lips would part for the caress of his tongue, and he would lose himself in tactile madness. He would seduce her with slow, deep, drugging kisses, the kind that gradually increased in heat and tempo until he was claiming her mouth with a fierce, hungry demand that would make her melt. She would shiver and moan as he slid his hands down?—
He cut off those thoughts, knowing that he was giving himself a hard-on that was going to result in a pair of blue balls. Speaking of that, he better get back inside before he froze those blue balls. Kitty had said something about some hot apple cider and warm chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, that sounded more real than his fantasy.
He shifted and his ribs protested, and the thoughts that crowded him from the recent mission still troubled him. He’d been offered counseling after he had healed enough to focus on more than his pain and recovery but just thinking about the situations that drove his actions made him feel as if he were betraying an unspoken code of sacrifice.
But he knew from his psychology background that not dealing with shit was a recipe for disaster.
SEALs didn’t discuss their missions…their classified missions. They operated as a team, and he had been trained to be self-reliant as both a SEAL, and a corpsman. He had the tools to deal with stress, compartmentalizing the pain so he could continue to operate. Dealing with his shortfalls during the previous mission made him feel inadequate, and for some reason, he couldn’t seem to shake it. There were times when his oath to preserve life through medicine clashed with his taking of lives in defense of his country. Warrior first, medic second. He trained with his teammates for battle, bandaged them in combat, and when he could, made them laugh a little at the irony of what they did and life in general. Joker had put them in for a medal, and he guessed that the hardest and most haunting label he’d ever had to deal with was…hero. He was all for it for D-Day and Buck and was gratified that Helen was up for both the Navy’s Distinguished Civilian Service Award and The Presidential Medal of Freedom. She deserved them. If it hadn’t been for her…he didn’t want to consider the alternative. It was too horrifying.
Fucking medals. He didn’t diminish them, and he would accept the one he was up for to honor his CO, his teammates, and his country, not for his own edification. There was a razor thin line between a hero and a fool. Yet honor, courage, and commitment were the base from which he worked. Hoo-yah! For team and country, he would do anything, even push all that bother to a compartment that was full to the brim. Ignore and override.
As he opened the door to the warm inside of the big ranch house, he paused again, the fleeting warmth of her mouth pressed to his, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he hadn’t been dreaming.
Ah, what were the odds he would ever see her again?
Nada. Nonexistent.
He sighed in regret as the door closed behind him.
Christmas Day dawned with a heavy snowfall, and he and Helen settled in the window seat, sipping hot chocolate and watching the snow fall. She looked a little sad, and he slipped his finger under her chin. “Hey, what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”
“I was just thinking about Greg, and the colleagues I lost, feeling so humble and thankful to have you here, your whole team, and my brother. I’m so blessed.”
Brushing back the tangled hair around her face, he said, his voice gruff, “You don’t have to hold back with me, Helen. I know all about losing colleagues. Talk to me, darlin’”
She stared at him for several moments, then she rubbed her upper arms and looked away. Finally, she said, her voice soft and uneven. “I should have been with my medical team, but I was tired and burned out.” Suddenly Helen sounded very fragile and very shaky, and she closed her eyes, clenching her jaw against raw emotions. “I just wanted some time home, some peace, so I said I was ill when I wasn’t. I lied. But I couldn’t find peace. I couldn’t even find who I was.”
He watched her face, cupped her jaw as it hardened against some unpleasant memory, saw the anger in her so-blue eyes and the vulnerability that lay beneath it, and his heart ached for her. Guilt was a tough taskmaster.
“All my attention and focus had been on the outside world. It was nothing but distraction, and I overextended myself. It was no surprise that I was burned out.” Framed in the faint illumination from the window, she stared at him, her expression stricken. “Then there was you. I walked into my bedroom and found this wounded Adonis, larger than life, fresh from battle, and so beautifully deep as the ocean and sweet, and shy in many ways.” She swallowed hard.
He reached out and clasped the back of her neck, remembering that electrifying moment. “I was a goner the moment you walked in,” he said.
She gave him a soft smile. “I’ve always been independent and wild. Buck, I’m sure, can tell you so many stories about how I was so reckless.”
He shook his head, giving her a wry grin. “I love those stories, and they scare the shit out of me,” he said.
She gave a shrug, and he caught a trace of amusement in her eyes. “I was always looking for adventure and craved it. At first, you were an outlet. I needed you for the pleasure and the simplicity of one-on-one contact. I knew you were safe because you were a SEAL, and you couldn’t put demands on me. You had a job to do.”
D-Day exhaled heavily. “Somewhere along the way that all changed.”
She nodded, cupping his jaw. “I didn’t tell you that to hurt you. I told you because I wanted you to know the impact you made on my life.”
“I know you didn’t,” he said.
Her eyes went so tender, his throat ached. “Little did I know I was in limbo, feeling deprived and losing contact with everything. I never lived in the present. I’m always looking to the future for something more, like I can’t get enough, and even when I have it, I just want more.”
“And now?”
“I’m so content and happy. I quit Doctors for the World. I’m going to split my time between travel nursing in San Diego, and the ranch. That kind of nursing allows me such variety. I’d work outside of hospitals in clinics, retirement communities, mental health organizations, and nursing homes. They’re temporary assignments, so I can pick and choose. That will give me the freedom I need to breed a new kind of flashy cutter.”
He grinned. “That sounds awesome.” A tantalizing aroma wafted up through the vents. “Oh, my God. Those are my mom’s cinnamon rolls. We don’t want to miss those,” she squealed and went to get off the window seat.
He grabbed her arm. The ring that was burning a hole in the pocket of his pajama pants shifted as he reached in and snagged it. He bought it after he landed, knowing that this was his Christmas to both her and himself. “Wait, there, hellion.”
She paused and looked back at him. His face must have given something away, because she looked both giddy and apprehensive. “I’m telling you. My brothers and sister will inhale them. And your whole team, and the SEAL babes. We have to get down there in a hurry.”
He chuckled as she tried to get off the seat again, but he jerked her back, then straddled her hips. Her eyes flashed. “Oh, I see. You want to beat me downstairs.” She grabbed his middle, and he yelled when she tickled him, using that opportunity to shove him off. “Not a chance in hell. I’ll have you know that I’m a champion banister slider, and you’ll never catch me.”
“Goddammit, Helen. Come back here.”
But she was already gone. He scrambled off the window seat and made the hall just in time to see her slide to the bottom of the stairs. She turned and looked up at him and stuck out her tongue. “Na, na, na, na, na na.”
D-Day took the stairs three at a time and grabbed the banister, jumping over it and landing right next to her. With shock and admiration, she squealed and bolted, yelling, “Damn SEALs.” He ran after her as she laughed like a lunatic.
He tackled her in the great room, knocking her to the polished floor, and the momentum sent them shooting right past the dining room where everyone was assembled. All heads swiveled toward them. “Six point five,” Gator yelled.
“Naw, that was a ten out of ten,” Wade crowed. “Nice takedown, brother!”
“Hey, he didn’t even need a rope to wrangle that girl,” Buck said, and everyone laughed.
Helen struggled, and he straddled her right in front of everyone in nothing but his pajama pants. “Dammit, woman.”
“Are they gone!” she shouted. “They better not be.” Everyone started talking at once.
“Will you marry me?” he roared, and all the noise abruptly ceased.
Helen stared up at him as he pulled the ring box out of his pocket, opening the lid. She tightly closed her eyes, as a shiver coursed through her. The exposed emotion in her made his heart jolt hard. She eased a deep, shaky breath in, then out, and he loved her so much he felt near to bursting with it. Swallowing hard, her face warm with the love she returned, she touched the ring, whispering. “It’s beautiful.” Then she whooped out. “Yeehaw! Hell yes!”
His chest expanded, and he slid his arms around her and held her fiercely, protectively, with such passion and need that it was as if that deep, abiding love flowed unrestricted between them. So full of emotion it was impossible to say any more, he closed his eyes and turned her face against his neck, holding him just as fiercely, as protectively, as he was holding her. “I love you, Helen.”
She smiled up at him, her heart in her eyes. “I love you, Drew,” she whispered. He tightened his hold on her as he covered her mouth in a sweet, gentling kiss that held such a depth of caring that it made his throat ache. He broke the kiss. “Before you run off and challenge everyone at the table for a cinnamon roll,” he grabbed her hand and slipped the band of diamonds on her finger.
Later after he’d devoured two cinnamon buns—she wasn’t kidding; they were to die for—Buck said, “I know a great place in San Diego that’s cheap.”
Both of them shook their heads and said at the exact same time, “No way. There are way too many people who have way too many keys.”
After the laughter had died down, D-Day stood up and cleared his throat. “I have something I want to say to everyone. Something happened to me my last year of high school.” He swallowed hard. “I wasn’t the type of guy who let bullies get away with terrorizing people, and I did my share of standing up for them.” He looked down, his gut tight. “I found myself crushing on this girl, and she started being nice to me, but little did I know that she was working with three guys from the football team who wanted to teach me a lesson.”
The memory of that night didn’t have the power to hurt him or humiliate him anymore. He looked at Helen and it gave him the courage to continue. She smiled softly at him and took his hand. “She asked me to meet her under the bleachers, but before I got there, those guys jumped me, beat me, stripped me and bound me hand and foot. They dumped me on the field where I was helpless to do anything. It was cold that night, and by the time the groundskeeper found me, I was close to hypothermic.”
He looked at all his brothers, Helen’s family, their faces telling the story of anger, care, and compassion. There was no condemnation, no disappointment, no judgment. Just support. He swallowed hard again, his voice breaking. “There was a media circus, and my parents were ashamed of me. They didn’t want to escalate the situation, so they withdrew, and no charges were pressed. The school reacted by suspending them for a month.”
“That was all?” Buck said. “Fuck.”
D-Day smiled at the anger in Buck’s voice. “I finished out my last year of high school through correspondence. My parents refused to let me go back and stand up to those bullies. I wasn’t afraid to do it. They said I disgraced our ancestors, but I know in my heart that I didn’t. I told my parents so when I went to Bedford. I told them that they let me down, and they were the ones who disgraced our legacy. I told them that they should be proud of who I am, who I was, and who I’m becoming. I stood up to adversity, and I will always be proud of that.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I did you all a disservice by doubting you. My trust was broken, and my heart with it. It’s been hard for me to allow myself to open up.” He looked at Helen, drawing her to her feet, and she cupped his face. “I’m sorry for that, darlin’. I truly am.” His eyes stung and his throat got tight. “You are my heart.” He turned to the people around the table. “And to all of you, I truly am so sorry. I’m blessed to have you all in my life, my brothers in battle, Kitty and Bram, Wyatt, Cole, and Daisy. I vow to be as strong a part of your family as you are to me. I couldn’t have gotten luckier when this battered soul came here to heal six months ago. You all embraced me more as a son than my biological family, and I found you, Helen, soon to be my wife. I’ve gotten everything I could hope to have, and we’ll have a life together that has meaning and merit.”
“And so much love.” She nodded, tears streaming down her face, every female at the table moved to the same kind of tears.
Zorro rose and lifted his OJ. “We’re the lucky ones, Andrew Nolan.” He smiled. “To D-Day!” Everyone stood and drank. His heart was so full, and he realized that he was home. He was truly home.
Later that night, in front of the flickering fire and the twinkling lights of the tree, he sighed.
“I know,” she whispered, kissing him softly. “Merry Christmas, babe, my love.”
He smiled, his heart twined with hers, and he knew it would only get more tangled as the years passed and their love only grew all the way into a happily ever after he’d always wanted but never thought he’d get. He was so very glad he had been wrong. “Merry Christmas, darlin’.”
Thank you so much for reading! The SEAL action doesn’t stop. I’ll be moving on to my next book, Skull, the sixth book in my SEAL Team Tier 1 series. I left off Hazard’s book with a kidnapping, and Skull and his teammates won’t rest until they have him and his fiancé, Leigh, back safe and sound. During the mission back to Colombia, Skull must once again work with Hummingbird, one of a pair of Shadowguard who give him nothing but grief. But with Hummingbird, a woman that seems as cold as ice, is anything but makes him understand that vulnerability and danger don’t go hand in hand. He sees through her armor, through her fear, and through her pain, but can she allow herself to bend enough to give them a chance at their happily ever after?