Dad Bod’s Curvy Neighbor (Dad Bod Christmas)
1. Piers
Chapter 1
Piers
I’m glad to fucking get home after the day from hell. I pull into my driveway, kill the engine, and let out a long breath. This day has been nonstop, and the seat of my truck has practically become a part of my anatomy.
Landscaping may not be rocket science, but it’s no walk in the park either. Today was one of those days where I swear the sun was trying to roast me like a human kebab. I swing open the truck door and step onto my faded green front lawn, feeling the slight crunch of grass underfoot that tells me it desperately needs a drink. Fuck. I’ve been so busy taking care of all the well-manicured yards in Silver Spoon Falls and ended up neglecting my own.
I hop out and slam the door shut. Turning, I see my neighbor, Jasper Mora, with his little toy poodle sidekick, Winston. Every time I see that fluffball, I wonder how something that small can produce so much noise. As if on cue, Winston spots me and begins his daily lecture on property lines and poodle respect with a series of barks loud enough to shatter glass.
“Hey, Jasper,” I call over, heading toward my own mailbox. Jasper is doing the same, his mail-checking routine seemingly synchronized with mine.
“Piers! How’s it going?” Jasper grins, looking like he’s just stepped off a yacht rather than out of the suburban slice of life next door. His gray hair is perfectly coiffed in a nineteen-sixties pompadour with a straw hat sitting on top. His bright white shirt is ironed crisp, and I’m pretty sure his boat shoes are older than me. He’s the kind of neighbor who always looks like he’s just about to host a fancy shindig.
“Oh, you know, just the usual grind,” I reply, trying to make myself heard over Winston’s barking. Seriously, does that dog ever take a breath? “Business is thriving, but training the new guys is like trying to herd cats.”
Jasper chuckles, adjusting his sunglasses, probably to better observe the spectacle of me being simultaneously exhausted and mildly poodle-attacked. “I bet it’s tough managing people and expectations all day. How many new recruits did you say?”
“Two,” I tell him, holding up a couple of fingers for emphasis as if the number might need visual reinforcement for dramatic effect. “They’ve got about as much experience with a lawnmower as Winston here has with quiet contemplation.”
That earns me a playful glare from Jasper and another round of yapping from Winston. I wonder if Winston’s part fire alarm. “I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Jasper insists. “Remember when I tried trimming my hedges and ended up with what you called 'abstract art’?”
Oh, I remember all too well. It took me an entire Saturday afternoon to repair the damage. “It could’ve been worse.” I’m not sure how, but it’s the only reply my exhausted mind could come up with.
“I’m not sure how.” He chuckles. It’s funny how chatting with Jasper has become part of my daily decompression routine. Despite Winston’s vocal protests, there’s something inherently entertaining about our little verbal sparring sessions.
“Have you thought about hiring a professional trainer?” Jasper suggests, eyeing me like he’s about to propose the deal of the century.
“Hmm, maybe,” I muse aloud, scratching my head. “But where’s the fun in that? Mixing up rookie mistakes with actual landscaping is what keeps my life interesting.”
“Well, if you ever need a hand or, you know, advice from someone terrifically useless at anything outdoorsy, you know where I live.” His smile is genuine.
“I might just take you up on that. You could always train Winston here to fetch tools instead of just giving me an earful every day.”
Winston snorts. An honest to God snort leaves his little mouth as though he’s heard my comment and is very unamused. Jasper reaches down to give his trusty fluffball a reassuring pat. “Oh, he’s actually a genius covertly masquerading as a loaf.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I joke, shaking my head as I start to sift through the usual junk mail and bills. Nothing too exciting there.
“Hey, if you want to escape to the realm of the living this weekend, I’m hosting a little gathering,” Jasper offers, leaning on the fence. I pause and blink for a moment. My weekends usually consist of recovering from the busy week before.
“I’ll see what I can do,” I tell him and watch as he shuffles his way back toward his front door, a thought nudging my mind. I can’t help but let curiosity get the better of me, so I call out, “What’s the occasion for the party?”
He turns back to face me, a grin playing on his lips as if he was waiting for me to ask. Winston seems momentarily distracted by a flying bug, allowing us a rare moment of peace. “Ah, it’s nothing too extravagant,” Jasper replies, leaning casually against the fence. “My niece, Remi, is moving in with me for a little while.”
I blink in surprise, my eyebrows lifting in unison. “Niece?” I repeat, trying to wrap my head around this new development. “I didn’t even know you had a niece.”
Jasper chuckles, the ease never leaving his demeanor. “Yep, Remi. She’s been living the big city life for a while, and now she’s decided to try something new.”
I shift a little on my throbbing feet. “So, she’s coming here to, what, enjoy suburban bliss?” I joke, glancing at my brownish lawn and the perfectly trimmed hedges of our little neighborhood.
“Well, more to keep an eye on her aging uncle, as I’m told,” he replies, a playful glint in his eye. “Apparently, moving in with me makes sure I remember to not skip meals or something equally tragic.”
“Ah, she’s coming to keep you in line,” I tease, crossing my arms. “And here I thought you had everything under control with Winston as your trusty sidekick.”
Jasper laughs, adjusting his straw hat like he’s just adjusted his crown. “Winston’s a great alarm system, but not much help when it comes to finding where I left my glasses or whether I paid the electric bill. Since she works from home, designing websites or some techy thing like that, she can do her job anywhere.”
“It’s great she’s able to come live with you.”
Jasper snorts, shaking his head. “I’m hoping she gets her ass moving and finds herself a man while she’s at it. She’s so goddamn picky; she’s become an old-maid.”
“Picky isn’t such a bad quality,” I assure him. “Better than diving in with both feet only to discover you’re wading in a swamp.”
“Anything is better than nothing when you’re getting up there in age and there aren’t many prospects on the horizon,” he tells me, and I suddenly envision a middle-aged female version of Jasper.
What do I say to that? “I hope that works out,” I improvise, leaning against the mailbox.
“Me too.” Jasper sighs, raising his hands in mock horror. “But she’s game to try a slower pace of life, and I could use the company. Finding her a man is low on the agenda.”
Jasper gives me a mock salute before retreating inside with Winston at his heels. The door closes with a soft click, leaving me alone with the warm, evening autumn breeze, and my thoughts about this mysterious niece who’s about to shake up our neighborhood scene.
As I walk back up my driveway, I feel a sense of anticipation for the weekend. Maybe this party will be more than just a gathering. You never know, it could be the start of something a lot more interesting around here.
Exhaustion cuts through me as I cruise down the tree-lined road leading to my house. The dappled sunlight filtering through the leaves casts shadows on the asphalt. I’m just trying to make it home for lunch when something further down the road catches my eye. A woman is walking down the street, blonde hair blowing slightly in the gentle breeze, the kind of hair that seems to shimmer in the sunlight like it’s been filtered through a magazine. What surprises the hell out of me is she’s walking Winston.
The notoriously yappy and hyper little dog usually races around like he’s just downed a gallon of coffee, so seeing him behaving like a perfect little gentleman at the end of a leash raises my eyebrows. My curiosity piqued, I figure I should stop and see why a stranger is walking my elderly neighbor’s dog.
So, I pull over, the tires crunching on the gravel of the shoulder, and roll down the window. “Excuse me,” I call out, trying to sound friendly, but I’m not sure if I nail it. The exhaustion weighing me down causes the words to come out more like I’m asking someone to account for their life choices. “Who are you?”
The gorgeous blonde turns, arching an eyebrow at me as Winston gives me a warning little growl. “What?”
“Who are you?” I repeat, pointing at the little poodle dancing around her feet. “That’s my neighbor’s dog. Why are you walking Winston?”
“Because he needed a walk,” she snaps back, not missing a beat, and my heart shudders in my chest while my cock turns to stone in my pants. Fuck. She’s too goddamn young for me, but that doesn’t seem to matter to my fucking heart or body. She explains, rolling her eyes, “I’m Remi Mora. Jasper is my uncle.”
Fucking hell. The world tilts on its axis. There’s no way in hell this gorgeous goddess can be Jasper’s spinster niece.
I blink several times, trying to get my brain circuits to fire. “Well, I didn’t know Winston had a social life,” I shoot back, hoping to lighten the tension swirling in the air around us. “He’s a lucky little furball to have such a beautiful woman walking him.”
She huffs out a breath, and I catch a glimpse of amusement mixed with shyness flickering behind her initial annoyance. “He’s very popular,” she says, crouching down to give Winston a scratch behind the ears. The little rascal takes the opportunity to tilt his head back, looking positively smug as he gives her hand a little lick.
“I can see that,” I reply, swallowing down the confusion flowing through me. “I’m Piers Pratt, by the way.”
She stands back up, brushing off her jeans as if my presence is annoying her more than the dust. “Nice to meet you.” But the words falling from her lips don’t match the expression on her stunning face. She’s short, definitely not more than five feet tall. There’s something about that heart-shaped face with its adorable sprinkling of freckles across her nose that makes my chest tighten. It’s like she just walked off a Hollywood set and right into the center of my world. Fuck, now I sound like a goddamn greeting card.