Chapter 21 Ember
EMBER
After more than an hour of hugging my toilet bowl, I knew I couldn't go into work today.
HR was really nice about it, though they had no clue I was lying about the nature of my sickness.
I assumed Nate would figure it out and call me, but I also knew he had too many meetings this morning to take time off to stop by my place.
Which was why after another hour of not being able to keep anything down—breakfast, crackers, and even ginger tea that was supposed to help—I found a clinic across town not associated with Beacon Hill or its medical system at all.
As much as I wanted to weather the storm on my own, I needed help.
Never in my life had I been so sick.
I was supposed to be gaining weight, but I'd already lost several pounds just because I couldn’t keep food down.
This doctor, however, a sweet lady in her mid-fifties with silvering hair and a genuinely warm smile, drew some blood, and now I waited.
My legs swung haphazardly under me at the end of the exam table where the paper beneath me crinkled with each movement.
The bloodwork would confirm my hormone levels, which hopefully would give the doctor an indication of how far along I was since I couldn't exactly dive into doing a sonogram without submitting it to my insurance.
All of this just to get some prenatal drugs and anti-nausea medication so I could work more.
But the stress of it all was the real problem.
I knew losing weight in early pregnancy wasn't a good thing, and I didn’t need medical training to understand that.
When I’d told the doctor just how much weight I'd lost in the past month—almost ten pounds—she was concerned too.
I had to resist biting my nails as the door swung open and she walked in with more concern on her face.
"Hi, Ember, I got the preliminaries for your blood work back, and you're right. That home test you did was accurate. You’re pregnant, and based on your HCG levels, you're likely around ten to twelve weeks."
She sank onto the stool at the foot of the exam table and I sucked in a cleansing breath.
I figured about as much, which put me almost at the end of the first trimester.
It was a good thing I had a little extra weight on my body to begin with or I'd have been showing by now.
It made my cheeks burn just as she looked up away from the chart to meet my gaze.
"Are you under stress?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in concern.
"A lot of times, I see working mothers who carry a lot of burden in early pregnancy, and that amount of stress causes them to lose weight instead of gain.
It's harder to eat right, they sleep less, and let's not forget the role cortisol plays.
You're a smart lady. I don’t have to remind you that stress hormones can affect an unborn baby's brain development… "
I felt chastised by her for my life habits, but she was absolutely right. "Uh, stress doesn't begin to cover what I'm feeling." I let my head droop.
With everything going on, I didn’t think I'd slept a full night of sleep in two weeks.
"Work is rough," I started, but when I realized what a chaotic mess the rest of my life was, I left it at that.
I had no interest in hashing out every last minute of my day to day with someone else who might judge me.
"Well, if there is a way to consider backing off on the responsibilities you have or transitioning to a partial work from home situation, I would recommend it."
She flipped through a few screens on the tablet she held and sighed. "I've gone ahead and had our pharmacy put together a nutrition plan and some vitamins for you. They'll be at the counter when you pay."
When she put the tablet under her armpit and crossed her arms over her chest, I knew I was in for more of a lecture.
"And I don’t like to prescribe antinausea meds so much, especially to moms who are struggling the way you are, but I've called in a prescription.
Let's really work on resting well and eating better for the next week.
Then I want to see you back here in a week's time so we can get another weight check on you. Would that be okay?"
I wasn't sure if this was the place I'd land for my full prenatal care and delivery, but I needed a place to start for sure.
As I slid off the table, I nodded and reached out to shake her hand.
"Thank you," I mumbled, collecting my purse and coat from the chair beside the door, and then I paid and booked it out of there before someone I knew walked in and put two and two together.
But during my Uber drive home, I started to really wrestle with things—working so hard for Nate, the Hearthkeeper duties consuming my personal time, and the gossip that made it hard to stay positive about anything.
That doctor was right—being so stressed out couldn't be good for a growing baby, and I had no idea how I'd make rent without a job, but I had to do something.
I was starting to think telling Nate I couldn't work for him anymore would be a good thing.
At least then it would pull some of the heat off him.
There were just a few weeks left of Hearthkeeper duties, and after that, I'd be able to relax more.
He might be willing to give me a good word somewhere else, or maybe even help me out a little financially while I switched jobs. But the massive stress would vanish instantly.
The idea became so appealing to me that instead of going home, I had the Uber driver take me right to the hospital where I intended to catch Nate between meetings and have a talk with him about it.
He wouldn’t like it, but he was a smart man, and he said he wanted this baby.
As a doctor, he'd understand the wisdom in it.
Every rationalization I thought up as I headed for the elevator only confirmed to me that this was the right thing.
And every step closer to the office I got only solidified in my head that I would be fine—better than fine.
I walked right into the office and set my purse on my desk, breezing past it to walk straight to Nate's door.
When I opened it, I expected to see it empty since I knew he had a meeting with a pharmaceuticals rep out of Ohio, but instead, his mother was seated in a chair by the window staring out at the flurry of snowflakes collecting on elevated surfaces.
She looked up as I entered and I froze mid-stride.
"Oh, Ember, come, come!" She gestured, waving me closer.
I felt conflicted but I padded past Nate’s desk and hovered over her as she pointed. "Look at the baby squirrels there. Aren't they adorable?"
I watched for a moment as the mother squirrel nudged the baby back into the trunk of the tree then climbed in after it.
It was a touching moment that had me instinctively reaching for my belly as I backed away.
It was so unconscious, I didn't notice I was doing it until she smiled at me.
"Do you feel it moving?" she asked, and I felt my eyebrows rise slowly.
"Uh, what?" I asked, shock paralyzing me.
"The baby… Nate told me you're expecting. Is it moving? Can I feel?"
Mortified, I lifted my hand from my stomach and pressed it to my cheek. "He told you?" A million thoughts flashed through my mind but only one that mattered.
I'd come here with the intention of telling Nate I was going to quit.
I had no clue what that would do to him emotionally, but now I had his mother to deal with too.
I didn't want more lectures or name calling.
"Oh, dear," she said, standing up. She walked over to me and took both of my hands. "You must think… Oh, Ember."
She shook her head and smiled at me.
"I think it’s wonderful that you two are so close. A little strange, the age difference, but you don’t choose who your heart falls in love with, now do you?"
"I guess… No, you don't."
"Well, I'm so happy for you. And I’m thrilled to finally be able to brag to my friends about a grandbaby." She grinned wider and her eyes sparkled. "And I'm so happy for Nathan. He deserves such a wonderful woman, and that baby deserves a family like the one he can provide for…"
"I…" I felt dumbfounded and stunned. I stood there in utter shock as I took in her words.
She was being supportive of me, not lashing out the way his father had.
My mouth opened and shut without any more words, but before I could process what was happening, Nate walked in, carrying a folder in hand.
"Ember, I thought you were sick…" he said, and I turned toward him feeling very sheepish.
The stress… the baby… my morning sickness.
Every bit of it vanished as I looked him in the eye and he approached me.
His lips brushed over my forehead right in front of his mother, and he didn't shy away one bit.
It made warmth spread through my chest and loosen what was left of the tension there, and I realized I couldn't just quit.
I loved this man more than life itself and there was no way I'd leave him with a crappy assistant after me.
I wanted to be here with him, not stuck at home or in some dead-end job across town.
Even if it meant stress.
I'd have to adjust things, maybe tell him what the clinic doc said, but I couldn’t do that to either of us.
"Morning sickness," I blurted out and stepped back so he could address his mother.
But he didn't turn away from me.
He prioritized me over her, which was just icing on the cake.
"I can function, okay? You go home and rest. I can prescribe some meds if you need…"
My arms flopped like branches in the wind. "I went to a clinic." I felt awkward for the first time since that day he bent me over my desk.
"Oh, dear," Margaret said, "use ginger tea… I'll hunt up my mother's recipe. It works like a charm."
I almost started crying as I backed away. "Thank you, Mrs. Bradley. I'd like that." It was a lie.
I knew the ginger would come right back up, but it was a kind gesture and I was thankful for her.
"I guess you're right," I told Nate. "I'll take these meds and see how I feel tomorrow. Call me, okay?"
I backed out of his office as he winked at me, and his mother just stood there with clasped hands grinning like an idiot, and when the door was shut, I felt heaviness creep into my shoulders.
One way or another, I had to reduce stress, but it wasn’t going to be from quitting this job. I loved working for Nate.
That wasn't the stressful part.
The hard part was the pressure the Christmas season and its traditions were putting on me.
But with Mrs. Bradley on our side, I got a glimmer of hope.
If one person could find it in their heart to look past the scandal and see the people under it, maybe others could too.
Maybe this wasn't as bad as I thought, and maybe we would be okay once the holidays were over and all of this blew over.