Chapter 10 Sebastian
SEBASTIAN
I peeked out the window again and saw his truck still there. What was he doing? Why hadn’t he left yet? I backed up against the wall and slid down until I was sitting on the floor, my whole body shaking.
I couldn't catch my breath through the sobs. What did I just do?
Brandon was still in his truck, not moving or leaving. Just sitting there like he was trying to figure out what went wrong.
Did he really not know?
I wanted to run after him and take it all back. Tell him I didn't mean anything and we could pretend last week didn’t happen.
But I couldn't make myself move.
The past week had been the worst week of my life, which didn’t make sense after the amazing weekend we’d spent together. I thought he was my forever, and then he just disappeared.
He barely texted, and even when I saw him at the office, I could have been a long-lost acquaintance for all the interest he had in me. I'd been so excited to have some time with him and asked if it was okay to take a long lunch in case he wanted to take me out.
But he barely hugged me before rushing out the door.
That was when I knew he must have come to his senses during the week and realized being a Daddy was too much work. At least, being my Daddy was too much.
I was a handful. I could be too much, too silly, too…Little.
Not many men were interested in that. Clearly, Brandon was one of those.
I should have held back more and eased my full self on him slowly. Instead, I just put it all out there and scared him away by being so needy.
Maybe I should have played it differently. Been less enthusiastic about the goats and the shells and the dinosaurs. I should have worked harder to be more grown-up and less Little whenever he was around.
But he brought that side out of me.
And if Brandon couldn't handle me at my most vulnerable, then maybe we weren't meant to be together.
Except my heart was breaking at the thought of losing him.
I pushed myself up off the floor and walked to my bedroom. The teddy bear Brandon sent me was on my bed where I'd left him that morning. He’d been my Daddy substitute for the week, but now he might have to be my permanent partner.
I picked him up and buried my face in the soft fur. He didn't smell like Brandon, but I pretended I still had a Daddy to make me feel safe and adored.
Tears started to stream down my cheeks before I could stop them. Then came the big, ugly sobs that made my whole body shake.
I curled up on my bed with Teddy clutched to my chest and just let myself cry it out.
As much as I wanted Brandon, I needed more than a weekend fuck buddy.
I need a Daddy who would be there for me every day, not just when it was convenient. Someone who wouldn’t be able to sleep at night without knowing I was snug as a bug in my bed. Someone who would always make time for me even when work got busy.
I thought Brandon wanted to be that person. He said all the right things and made me feel safe and loved and special.
But then it was over. Just like that.
I didn't know how long I lay there crying but my eyes were swollen and my throat hurt when I heard a knock at the door.
My breath hitched, and I sat straight up, staring at the doorway like I could see through the walls to whoever was on the other side.
I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I couldn’t just ignore whoever was at the door. Especially when the knock came again, more insistent this time.
After another moment of internal debating, I got up and walked to the front door. I looked through the peephole and felt my heart stop when I saw Brandon standing there.
He was still holding the flowers and chocolate, but his eyes were red and puffy like he'd been crying too. He looked miserable and desperate and so, so sorry.
My brain told me I shouldn't open the door because I needed to protect myself before he hurt me again.
But I was too weak to resist him. I sucked in a deep breath and opened the door.
Brandon's eyes widened when he saw me, and then his face crumpled. "Sebastian." His voice broke on my name.
My breath stuttered, and he opened his arms to me. I walked straight into them and buried my face in his chest, sobbing all over again.
"I'm so sorry, baby. So fucking sorry." He dropped the flowers and chocolate on the ground and wrapped both arms around me, holding me so tight I could barely breathe. "I'm such an idiot. I should have made more time for you this week. I hate that I hurt you."
I couldn't speak. I just cried and held onto him like he was the only thing keeping me upright.
Brandon walked me inside and kicked the door shut behind us, never letting go of me. We ended up on the couch with me curled up in his lap and my face still pressed against his chest.
"Let me explain, please." He rubbed my back in slow circles. "Work was a nightmare this week. We had a major issue and the whole project was at risk. I was at the site from dawn until past dark every single day, and I was so exhausted I could barely think straight."
I swallowed hard as I pulled back enough to look at him. "You could have told me that."
"I know." He cupped my face with both hands and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
"I should have. I should have called you every night just to hear your voice.
I should have explained what was going on instead of sending you those shitty one-word texts.
I fucked up, Sebastian. I fucked up bad.
" His eyes teared up, and I could see how much pain he was in. “I’m sorry.”
"I thought you didn't want me anymore." My voice was small and broken, and I couldn’t look into his eyes. "I thought you realized I was too much."
"No, baby." He looked horrified as he pulled me against him again. "Sebastian, you're not too much. You're perfect. You're everything I've ever wanted, and I was an idiot for making you think otherwise."
"But you barely talked to me all week." Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks as I thought about how hurt I was when the days passed without any attention. "And when I saw you at the office, you couldn't get away from me fast enough."
"I know." He wiped my tears off my cheeks with his thumbs. "I was stressed and distracted, and I handled it all wrong. I figured you were busy too and knew I’d be back. But that doesn't mean I don't want you. I want you more than anything, Sebastian. I love you."
My breath caught in my throat as my eyes locked on his. "What?"
"I love you." He said it again, louder this time.
"I've been falling for you since the moment you walked into that exam room and called yourself a pain-warrior extraordinaire.
And I know it's only been like five minutes, but I can't help how I feel.
I love you, and I'm not gonna walk away without fighting for us. "
I stared at him, trying to process what he was saying. "You love me? For real?"
"So much it scares me." He pressed his forehead against mine and sucked in his own stuttering breath.
"I've never been in love before, but I know this is it because driving away would have killed me. I couldn’t do it.
I've never wanted someone the way I want you. And I warned you that I’m gonna mess up sometimes because I don't know what I'm doing.” I laughed. “You probably didn’t believe it’d be so soon and spectacular, but I promise I'll try to do better.
I'll communicate better. I'll make time for you no matter how busy work gets.
Just please, give me another chance, baby. "
My heart was pounding so hard I thought it might burst. "I love you too, Brandon."
His eyes went wide, and he smiled. "You do?"
"Yeah." I nodded and more tears fell, but these were happy tears. "I love you so much…as Brandon and as Daddy. I was so scared that I'd lost you."
He kissed me then, soft but purposeful. Conveying just how much I meant to him with just his touch.
"You didn't lose me, baby boy. You're never gonna lose me." He kissed my forehead, then my cheeks, then my nose. "I'm yours. Completely."
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to forget about this whole awful week and just be happy that he came back, but I needed him to understand something first.
“But…” I raised an eyebrow, making sure he was focused on me.
“But what?” His eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “Anything. I’ll do anything you need.”
"I need to know you won’t pull away when you’re under stress.
Daddies ask for help too." I looked him in the eyes and smiled.
“Whether that’s in the dentist chair or on the job site, you can't just disappear on me when things get hard. I need you to tell me what’s going on and let me be there for you too.
Even if it's just a text saying you're swamped and you'll call me later.
I need to know you're still thinking about me…
and that you really will call me later."
"You're right." He nodded seriously and that pained expression was back on his gorgeous face.
"I should have opened up to you instead of just shutting down.
I promise I'll do better. Next time work gets crazy, I'll make sure you know what's going on so you can support me. And you’ll never go another night without knowing how much I love and adore you. "
"Promise?" A small smile tugged at my lips.
"Promise." He brushed my hair back from my face. "I need to hear your voice before I go to sleep. It's the best part of my day."
I buried my face in his neck and breathed him in. He smelled like soap and that cologne I loved. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too, sweetheart." He held me tighter. "So much."
We sat there for a long time, just holding each other until the tension slowly drained out of my body.
Eventually, Brandon pulled back and looked at me. "Can I ask you something?"
I cocked my head and smiled, hoping it was something good. "Anything."
"Will you come stay at my place this weekend?" He stroked my cheek with his thumb and stared into my eyes. "I want to make up for this whole shitty week. I want to take care of you and spoil you and show you how much you mean to me."
I nodded eagerly. "Yes, please. I’d love that."
"Good." He smiled and kissed me again. "Go pack a bag, baby boy. We've got a lot of catching up to do."
I scrambled off his lap and headed to my bedroom. I threw some clothes and toiletries into a duffle bag and then grabbed Teddy. He’d been there for me all week, and I wasn't going anywhere without him.
When I came back to the living room, Brandon was picking up the flowers and chocolate from where he'd dropped them by the door.
"These are still good, right?" He held them up with a hopeful expression. “Five-hour rule?”
"Yeah, something like that.” I laughed and took them from him. “Thank you, Daddy."
His eyes darkened at the word. "I fucking love when you call me that."
"Daddy." My smile was more mischievous this time. I had plans to keep my Daddy busy. All. Weekend. Long.
He groaned and pulled me closer. "I love you so much, sweet boy."
"I love you too." I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Can we go now? I don't wanna waste any more time not being naked with you."
"Let's go." He grabbed my bag and took my hand, leading me out the door.
As we walked down the stairs to his truck, I felt lighter than I had all week. We still had things to work on, and I knew there would be bumps along the way. But we loved each other, and we were willing to fight for what we had.