23. Chapter Twenty-Two
She didn’t think she was going to fall asleep. Janie wanted to prove to Mac that she wasn’t tired and didn’t need a nap. But that didn’t come true.
Mac had tucked her in and kissed her forehead. She had found herself relaxing more and more into the bed as she held Josie close to her. She honestly hadn’t even realized she fell asleep until she woke up needing to pee really badly.
Now she was here, standing in the doorway to the kitchen with her hair everywhere looking at Mac. He was still holding Eleanor in his arm as she drank water. It didn’t seem like Eleanor had moved one bit. Wasn’t his arm tired from holding her like that?
“Do you want a hug?” Mac asked.
Without even thinking, Janie started to walk towards him and he opened his one side. She wrapped her arms around his torso and snuggled into his body. Feeling his arm wrap around her was heaven. Feeling the heat from his body made her relax with each second.
When she had woken up, she had panicked. She had completely forgotten that Mac was there and taking care of Eleanor while she got work done and then took a nap. Janie gripped onto his shirt without thinking as he shifted his weight.
“I’m not going anywhere, Pinky,” he said. “Don’t worry.”
She felt her face heat up at him saying that. She didn’t mean to do that, but she had. Could she embarrass herself any more with him here?
Janie pulled away from him and swatted at her hair, trying to get it down. No doubt it was sticking in all these awkward angles. Well, she knew it was since she had seen herself briefly in the mirror as she walked out of the bathroom. But it hadnt crossed her mind that he was going to be looking at her.
“Are you hungry?” Daddy asked.
Janie closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. She needed to stop calling him Daddy in her head. This was the second time and before she knew it, she would be saying it out loud to him.
“Pinky?” he asked. “Are you okay?”
She nodded her head and opened her eyes. His gaze was filled with worry.
“Are you feeling okay? Dizzy? Light headed? Nauseous?”
“No, I’m okay.” She had thought about lying, but she couldn’t take any more of that right now. She had already lied to him once and it was eating her alive inside. The guilt was building up with each passing hour.
“If that changes, let me know,” Mac said as he cupped her cheek in his hand. “Now, are you hungry for some chicken noodle soup?”
She nodded her head. “That sounds amazing.”
“I’m glad,” he gave her a smile. “Can princess here have some?”
“Yeah, she can. If you cool it down though.”
He nodded his head and pointed towards the seat. “You go sit down. I’ll dish it out and bring it over.”
Janie hesitated. Was he going to do that with Eleanor in his arms? Did he need her to take Eleanor from him?
“Do you need me to take Eleanor from you?” she softly asked. “I bet your arm is numb from holding her for so long.”
“It’s surprisingly not. Probably from all the practice I’ve had with my sisters kids. I’m fine holding her still, but if you want to hold her that’s fine,” he said.
“I’ll feed her.”
She didn’t know why she said that right then. He hadn’t asked her that question or eluded to feeding her himself. Mac was giving her the option of holding her daughter right now.
“Okay, that’s okay. I can put her in the highchair you have or she can sit on my lap as you feed her,” Mac said. “Why don’t you go sit down right now while I dish all of this out. I’ll grab you a glass of water so you can be sipping on it.”
Her face screwed up in disgust. She did not want water.
“You’re having water to drink. End of discussion. You may be getting sick and you need water in your system. If you’re a good girl, I’ll give you something else but after water.”
She lit up and nodded her head. She could do that.
“Wait,” she said. “You can’t do that. This is my own house. I’m the boss here.”
Mac snorted. “I’m the Daddy. You’re possibly getting sick and shouldn’t have a soda right now. You need water and that’s what you’ll have. If you’re a good girl, you’ll get something else after.”
Janie sighed. “Okay.”
“Go sit down. I’ll be there in a second.”
She found herself following his orders and sitting down at the counter. She had a dining room table in the other room, but she rarely used it. It was big and she never had anyone over so she always ate at the counter.
“Here’s your water,” Mac said as he sat her baby bottle in front of her. “Do you want a big girl cup instead?”
She shook her head. “This is fine.”
Janie had already drunk in front of him so she could do it again. Even if she wanted to die from embarrassment. It was weird using a baby bottle in front of him in her own house and not at the club.
“If this gets too weird or uncomfortable, you let me know. I’ll gladly give you a big girl cup but I thought you would like this one,” Mac said.
“This is okay.”
He gave her a smile and turned around, grabbing a bowl and placing it in front of her.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said as he grabbed another bowl and sat down.
He was still holding Eleanor and she felt bad. Was he tired of holding her? Should she take her back?
“How about I feed Ellie while you eat?” Mac suggested. “But if you really want to feed her, you can. I don’t want to take that away from you.”
This wasn’t going to happen again. “You can feed her.” She was safe and would make sure it didn’t happen again.
Janie slowly started to eat the chicken noodle soup and melted into her seat. This was amazing.
“I didn’t do anything special. Just used some packets and used some of the chicken I brought over,” Mac said.
“It’s absolutely amazing. Last time I tried to make it, it was awful. I don’t even know what I did wrong,” Janie said as she took another mouth full. “I followed the directions on the box to a T and it still turned out like crap.”
“Anytime you want me to make you food, you let me know. I was already thinking of making you food and freezing some in your freezer so you had it.”
Her mouth watered at that thought. “You don’t have to do that. You don’t need to. We’re fine how we are.”
“But I want to. I know you have money to buy things and feed yourself. You’re an independent woman who can take care of herself. But I want to help you along the way. Be the shoulder you lean on and cry on when you need it. I’ll be your number one cheerleader as you hit milestones.”
Janie looked down at her bowl of soup. Every time he said something like that, her heart melted and her stomach got butterflies in it. How did he know the right thing to say to her at that moment?
“So, when you have time let me know what kind of meals you would like and I’ll make them for you,” Mac said. “And if it would make you feel better, you can pay for the groceries.”
Her eyebrows shot up. He was going to let her buy the groceries?
“I know, I was shocked as well. But if it’s the only way you’ll let me do it for you, then I’ll bite my tongue and allow you to do it.”
Janie was shocked, but something inside of her changed. He wanted to do things her way, even if it went against what he wanted to do for her. Mac had preached to her about him paying for things. Yet here he was trying to compromise with her, so she didn’t feel weird about it.
“I want you to trust me. To know that I’m always here for you two. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or like I’m treating you with pity. I’m not. You’re a fierce single mama who is independent and beautiful. You have an amazing personality, love your daughter with your whole life and want whats best for her. You’re an amazing mother and it shows with everything you do,” Mac said.
Janie put her spoon down in the bowl. Tears had filled her eyes as he started to talk. She had thought he saw her as someone who wasn’t strong and was treating her with pity to help her out. Sure, she struggled some but she was doing good for both of them. She made a full time living and had her daughter with her. She loved Eleanor with her whole life and would do anything for her.
“I don’t want to take that away. When we do get together, I want you to depend on me but also still be independent. You can still be that way and work but I can also take care of you when you’re in Littlespace. Give you a safe place to be taken care of and loved. Show you that you can be independent but also depend on someone at the same time,” Mac said. “I want you to thrive even more than you already are. I want to cheer you on when you hit milestones and pick you up, cuddle you, when something doesn’t go right.”
Her shaky hand reached up and wiped at her eyes. Her ex-husband never wanted that for her. It was all about him and how he could get better about things. He wasn’t a terrible person, but he wasn’t the person for her. Donald never was.
“I know you are still working through things and trying to figure out if us together is a good idea. Me being your husband, lover, and Daddy. I’m here to stay and wait for you. No matter how long it takes, I’ll be waiting for you, showing you that you and Eleanor mean the world to me.”
She pushed her face into her hands and she started to cry. This was not how she imagined the evening to go. Him saying sweet things to her and her almost bawling her eyes out.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Mac gently said.
Janie heard his chair move across the floor and his footsteps coming closer to him. Before she knew it, his arm was around her, pulling her face into his stomach as she continued to sit on the chair. Sobs broke out as she pushed her head into his stomach.
“You’re okay,” he whispered. “I’m here.”
She didn’t know how long she cried for, but when she pulled back she saw a wet patch on his shirt.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice hoarse from all the crying.
“It’s just water. No worries. You can cry and make my shirt wet any time you want,” he said. “And I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. I’m honored if I’m being completely honest.”
“Honored for what?”
“That you were able to let go a little and have a cry. Not everyone can do that and I’m honored. I’m also proud of you. It’s okay to lean on other people and not be strong all the time.”
Janie didn’t know how she felt about that. Sure, it made sense what he was saying, but that didn’t make it better. It was weird hearing him say that he was honored she cried in front of him.
Mac was a strange man sometimes. Sweet and caring, but strange.
“Are you all done?” He asked.
Janie nodded her head. She had finished all of her soup and it was absolutely delicious.
“I can do that,” she whispered as he picked up her bowl.
“I’ve got it. You just sit and relax,” he replied.
“But you’ve already done so much. And you’re still holding her. You’ve fed her and you watched over her while I worked and took a nap,” she said as she stood up. “Which, by the way, I’m not impressed. I said I didn’t want to take one.”
Mac gave her a smile as he stacked the now empty bowls. “And I’ll continue to do more. It’s okay to relax every once in a while and let someone else help. It doesn’t make you a bad mother. I promise. And as for your nap, you needed it. I bet it didn’t take you long to fall asleep.”
He was right about that. After he kissed her forehead, she found herself falling asleep. It was strange. She hasn’t taken a nap in years and honestly didn’t think she needed one.
Okay, that was a lie. Janie knew she was exhausted and any sleep would help her. It was just weird for someone else to take care of Eleanor while she slept.
“I’m going to go put these in the dishwasher and run a load,” Mac said. “Once I’m done, I’ll put her down in her crib and leave.”
Janie looked at Eleanor in his arms to find her falling asleep.
“H-how?” She whispered.
“Sometimes you just need strong arms to hold you,” he said before he walked away.
Her mouth was hung open as she replayed his words in her head. She had imagined falling asleep with his arms around her. Or him using his strong arms to discipline her. Janie squirmed in her chair as she got turned on just thinking about that.
“Do I want to know what you’re thinking?” Mac asked as he walked back into the room.
A little squeak left Janie’s mouth and her eyes went wide. “Shit. I didn’t hear you.”
“Language.”
She ducked her head. She had been so good at curbing her language around Eleanor. Not that she said much to begin with, but every once in a while it would slip out.
“I’m going to go place her down in her crib and I’ll be right back,” he said. “I want you to continue to sit there and relax.”
Janie nodded her head and relaxed in the chair. Or to her best ability she did. It was weird having someone else put Eleanor down in her crib. What had she done to deserve this?
“Alright,” Mac said. “If you need anything, let me know. I’m here to help with anything.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “Thank you for everything you’ve done.”
Mac walked over towards her and kissed her forehead. “Can you follow behind me and lock the door?”
She nodded her head. She was starting to become dead on her feet. Maybe Eleanor would sleep through the night and she would be able to as well. Though, it was unlikely. Eleanor was sick which meant she was going to wake up at some point.
“I’ll see you later,” he said, kissing her forehead again.
Janie sighed as he closed the door. She quickly locked it and took a deep breath in. This was going to get harder to deal with when he was around.
Screamingand crying woke Janie up from her sleep. What was going on? She pushed herself out of bed and walked towards her daughters room. Did she have a nightmare? Got uncomfortable while she was sleeping?
“What’s wrong, baby?” Janie whispered as she walked into the room.
No blanket was on Eleanor as Janie looked down at her. She was crying and screaming her head off. Her face was red.
Janie’s heart rate picked up. This didn’t seem like a nightmare. She placed her hand on Eleanor’s forehead for a couple of seconds. Panic went through her as her forehead was really warm. Eleanor had never gotten this warm before.
Shit.
She picked Eleanor up, securely holding her. Janie grabbed a blanket and wrapped it over Eleanor as she rushed towards the front door. Something was wrong with Eleanor. She had never gotten this hot before.
Janie unlocked the door and rushed over towards Mac’s house. She could feel the pebbles and rocks digging into her feet as she ran towards his front door. She needed to take Eleanor to the hospital. She stopped right in front of the door and started to ring the doorbell.