36. Chapter Thirty-Five
The whole time they were out eating lunch, he knew something was going on. She had gotten a text and she looked scared, distraught over it. This wasnt the first time it had happened. Mac had tried asking about it, but Janie said it was an author.
But he knew better. It didnt just seem like an author was texting her about a sad story or anything. It was almost like somebody was bothering her.
Mac wanted to ask again but he didnt know how to get her to answer truthfully. He wanted to push her, to figure it out, but he didnt want to break the trust they had. Though, Mac hoped that if anything was bothering her that she would come to him for help.
Now they were currently walking into his office. They had just gotten back from lunch and were going to go back to work. But before that, he wanted to talk to Janie and let her know that hes there for her.
He had told her countless times but he knew that he was going to tell her many more times. Even if she knew it and came to him for things, he would still remind her. Just to let her know that it was okay and he was there for her.
Janie sat Eleanor down on the floor before she sat on the couch. He made his way over and sat right next to her. Her eyes went wide as he pulled her towards him. Mac didnt want any space between them, not like they had at the diner.
Part of him wanted to command that she sit right next to him at the diner but he knew she wouldnt like that. There were several people at the diner and he didnt want to make her uncomfortable. He was trying to get on her good graces, not on her bad side.
“Yes?” She asked. “Why did you pull me so close to you?”
“Is there anything that is bothering you or you want to talk about?” He asked. Maybe if he asked her this instead of who was texting her, she would answer him.
Janie’s face went pale and she quickly looked away from him. Hmm. That was interesting.
“N-no,” she whispered.
That was definitely a lie. Her heart rate had picked up and she was stuttering. He just didnt know why she was lying. Was she trying to protect somebody? Or did she not know who the person was? He didnt like it either way.
“I just want you to know that Im always here for you. Even if somethings wrong and youre afraid that I might judge you for it, I wont. I want to help you,” he said. “I want to be part of yours and Eleanors life. Its not just a week that I want to be part of, I want to be part of your whole life.”
She slowly nodded her head but she still wouldnt look at him. He had struck a nerve. He just wanted her to be safe, happy, and not worry about anything. He wanted to help her in times of need, but he couldnt do that when she didnt talk to him.
“I want to be your safe place. A place that you can come to and talk about anything. I want to help you through situations, be your rock,” he said. Maybe one day she would do that. He knew it wasnt going to be today, but maybe if he told her enough times she would actually do it sometime soon.
Her phone went off again, that annoying ringtone that made Janie jump all the time. She flinched against him and he looked at her with concern.
“Are you okay?” He asked. “Who keeps texting you?”
She took a shaky breath in and continued to look at Eleanor. Whenever she didnt look in his eyes, he knew that she was probably lying.
With how much lying she was doing, Mac knew that he shouldn’t trust her, but deep down he knew that there was something more to this. Was she trying to protect him? Did he know this person? Had he threatened Eleanor if Janie told anybody?
There were so many possibilities and he didnt want to jump the gun. What if he had and she was trying to protect him?
“It was just an author,” she whispered. “I was just lost in thought and wasnt expecting it.”
Mac knew that was a lie, but he wasnt going to bring it up right now. She was obviously rattled and scared and he didnt want to push her too far. But he was going to find out who was texting her.
“I want to be honest with you,” he said. “I want you. I want Eleanor. I want to grow old with you and I want to be your Daddy. I want to protect you and love you both. I want to have other kids with you if you want them.”
Her eyes went wide as she stared at him. Maybe this wasnt the right time to tell her all of this, but he needed to get it out of his chest.
“Im going to treat Eleanor as my own. I already see her as my own. All you have to do is say yes,” he said.
She blinked several times as she looked at him. Maybe that was a little bit too soon to say that. But it was the truth and he didnt want to hold back anymore. He had held back for a while and now it was time to show her.
“I want to,” she whispered.
His eyebrows raised as she said those words. Normally, she told him she would think about it if he brought up them being together or would say no. But this was different. She wanted to.
“Whats holding you back?” He asked. He could figure that baggage was going to be one of her answers. She seemed to think that she was the only person that had baggage in her life but that wasnt true. Everyone had some type of trauma in their life that scarred them.
“I have so many things going on in my life, so many things that have gone wrong and have left me scarred,” she softly said. “And my ex-husband.”
He sighed. Mac did not think that her ex-husband was going to be brought up. He figured that everything was going to go back to normal after he kicked her out of his house. But he was wrong.
“What do you mean your ex-husband? What does he have to do with holding you back?” He asked. He didnt think that she was thinking about getting back with him. She showed obvious distaste for him whenever she talked about him or saw him.
Janie didnt answer his question and he knew she wasnt going to. Maybe it was a slip of a tongue about her mentioning Donald. Was that who was messaging her? What could he possibly want?
She leaned her head against his shoulder. He stayed still so that she could get comfortable. It wasnt often that she did this and he wanted to relish it.
“No matter what it is, Ill always love you and want to be in your life. I want to be in both of your lives,” he gently said. “Ill be patient even if it takes most of our lives. Youre it for me. You and Eleanor are what I want.”
Janie stayed silent as she rested her head on his shoulder. He had no doubt that she would probably fall asleep very soon. She needed a nap anyways and he wasnt going to say anything.
“Just promise me that you wont take me out of yours and Eleanor’s lives.”