Chapter 10
brAM
Igive my babygirl an hour to nap, savoring the warm, familiar weight of her in my arms. It's tempting to just let her sleep, but if I do that odds are good she’ll be up all night.
So even though she looks so sweet and peaceful, snoring softly in my bed, I give her a gentle shake to wake her. “Josie. Nap time’s over, little bug. Time to wake up.”
Her brows furrow in the most adorable way as she rolls away with a low whine. “Sleepy,” she mumbles, burying her face in my pillow.
“I know, baby. But you need to get up anyway.”
“Don’t wanna.”
My adorable babygirl. She never did like waking up, whether it was in the morning or from a nap. Sleep might actually be her favorite hobby, now that I think about it.
“C’mon, little bug. Do you want Daddy to have to spank you for being naughty again?”
That gets her attention. Rolling over again, she glares up at me. “You would, too. Big bully.”
Shifting atop her, pinning her to the bed beneath me, I grin down at her annoyed expression. “Maybe. But you love it when I’m a bully.”
Wrong thing to say. I can tell even before her face goes blank and her body tenses beneath mine. “Get off me, please.”
Grief settles heavy in my chest. Everything in me aches for the easy love we once had. Simple, light, happy.
But that time is long gone. We’re both very different people now, and I know, logically, that I need to give her time to adjust to her new life. Hopefully with time, she’ll learn to love being my baby as much as she once loved being my girl. Maybe then we can get some of what we lost back.
If not, well… She doesn’t need to be happy, as long as she’s safe. And she’s safest here with me.
“Since you asked nicely,” I tell her as I roll off her to stand beside the bed. “Come on. Let’s get you into some clean clothes so you can go play with Lanie.”
Pushing herself up to sit on the edge of the bed, she tilts her nose in the air in that stubborn way that’s always made my palm itch. “I can dress myself.”
“Maybe. But that’s Daddy’s job now.” The best thing I can imagine for her right now is to be completely subjected to my ownership.
Allowing her even a small bit of independence could completely undermine our new dynamic, which will only make it harder for her to accept that she is now, and for the rest of her life, my baby.
So I ignore her protests as I scoop her up into my arms and carry her into the en suite bathroom my bedroom shares with her nursery.
Setting her on the closed toilet seat lid, I run the water until it turns warm enough for me to wet a washcloth and wipe her face clean.
Gray already removed the tiara, but her braids are a mess from her nap, so I unpin them and brush her hair before splitting the long strands into two ponytails.
I’ll have to get Gray to teach me how to do those complicated braids Axel does for Lanie, but for now, the pigtails work and are rather fucking adorable if I do say so myself.
“We’re going to have to have your Uncle Max send some new clothes,” I tell her as I carry her back to my bedroom. “In the meantime, I think Lanie might have some things you can borrow.”
“There is no way her clothes are going to fit me. I’m too fat.”
Out in the hallway, I pause, taking note of the bitterness in her voice. “You’re absolutely perfect, little bug.”
A blush blooms on her cheeks and for the first time I catch a real glimpse of the girl she once was. The girl I fell in love with, and never stopped loving, even when we had to leave her behind. “I’m not perfect.”
“You are. But if you’d be more comfortable in one of Daddy’s t-shirts for now, you can wear that instead.”
As I’d hoped, her eyes light up at the suggestion.
She always did love stealing my clothes, which were far too big for her.
Latching onto that excitement, I do an about-face and head back into my bedroom.
Setting her on the bed, I pull out a t-shirt Colt picked up for me on his last trip to Vegas, along with a pair of thick socks.
Josie doesn’t protest as I dress her, which I consider progress.
My shirt clings to her curves more than Axel’s ever did with Lanie’s and I realize she might be right about Lanie’s clothes not fitting her. As Josie has said more than once, a lot has changed in the last twenty years, and my girl has filled out. Now she’s all full, lush curves and dimpled thighs.
And I cannot wait to explore every inch of her body, to take in all those differences and worship the woman she’s become.
Because I’m drinking in the sight of her, I catch the small smile that curves her lips before she catches herself and fixes her face into that carefully blank expression from before.
That’s fine. Let her try and keep her secrets. She’ll learn soon enough that there is nowhere, not even in her own mind, where she can hide from her Daddy.
Josie
God help me, there is something so comforting about wearing one of Daddy’s shirts.
I’ve put on weight over the years, but he’s put on even more muscles, so they still give me that cozy, cuddly feeling I remember.
It’s hard to focus on the fact I’m supposed to hate him when I’m wrapped up in his shirt, my hair in pigtails and big fluffy socks on my feet.
And when he plucks me off the bed again with that easy strength that sends my heart racing, it’s all I can do not to cuddle right into him. All I want is to be that girl again, safe and comforted in my man’s arms.
Is that really so bad?
Yes. Yes, it is really so bad. You aren’t that girl anymore and he sure as hell isn't that boy. He faked his own death, remember? Let you grieve him and his whole family for twenty fucking years.
Right. Regardless of how cute and cozy I’m feeling at the moment, I have to remember this isn’t permanent. It can’t be. There’s too much between us, too much pain for us to simply pick up where we left off.
Those thoughts and more swirl in my brain as he carries me downstairs to the living room.
It’s been rearranged, back to its original setup instead of the “wedding” configuration.
Seated in the middle of the floor in a pair of adorable overalls rather than the pretty blue dress she was wearing earlier, is Lanie.
She looks up when Daddy bends down to put me on the floor beside her, a wide smile spreading across her face.
“Josie!” she squeals, throwing herself bodily at me, her arms wrapping around my neck. “I missed you! I was worried Uncle Bram was going to keep you locked upstairs all day.”
A low chuckle pulls my attention up to the man seated on the couch behind her, such affection in his dark eyes it knocks the air clean from my lungs. “She was only gone for an hour, little runaway, and you were napping for most of that.”
“It was forever, Daddy,” Lanie insists dramatically.
“Well, she’s here now, so why don’t you two find a game to play. But stay inside, it’s too cold to go outside today.”
“Aw, but—”
“Melanie.”
Axel’s voice takes on a hard edge I recognize all too well. An edge that says adorable little Lanie is dangerously close to getting her bottom spanked.
Clearly, Lanie hears it too, because she doesn’t argue further. With a deep sigh, she pushes to her feet and grabs my hand. “Come on. Let’s go find a game since we’re apparently being held prisoner.”
My curiosity gets the better of me as she leads me over to a corner stacked high with various board games and puzzles. There’s a giant toy chest as well, and when Lanie lifts the lid it proves to be full of dolls and blocks and pretty much anything a Little girl could possibly want to play with.
“How long have you been here?” I ask as she pulls a few dolls free and hands them to me.
“Umm, I don’t know, actually,” she says with a shrug. “A month, maybe?”
“A month?” I stare at her, my brain trying to reconcile her answer with everything else I’ve observed. “But you seem so…”
“Happy?” Again that dazzling grin stretches across her face. “I am. I wasn’t at first, mostly because I was scared. But now I can’t imagine being anywhere else, with anyone else. This is where I belong and I am really happy here.”
“Why were you scared?”
Plopping down onto her diapered butt, Lanie waves for me to join her.
I do, too fascinated by the tale she’s weaving to do anything else.
“I was supposed to get married to this man my parents picked out for me. An older man in our church who I’d barely spoken three sentences to before our wedding day.
And, well, I kinda freaked out and ran away. ”
“You ran away from your own wedding?”
“Yup. But I obviously didn’t plan for it, and the van I stole ran out of gas in the middle of a snowstorm. Axel rescued me, brought me here, and… now here I am.”
Stunned, I can only stare at her as she situates one of her dolls on horseback, already immersing herself in whatever game it is she’s playing. “But he gave you a choice, right? It wasn’t like he just brought you home and married you without even asking if that was what you wanted.”
The bitterness in my voice is impossible to miss, but when Lanie looks up, all I see is understanding in her eyes. “That’s actually exactly how it went down. At the time, I was pretty pissed about going from one arranged marriage to another but now I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“But…why? You don’t miss your freedom?”
Another shrug. “I never really had any freedom in the church. At least here I’m not expected to be someone’s servant girl, doing all the cleaning and the cooking and taking care of a bunch of kids I don’t even want. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m pretty freaking spoiled.”
“Maybe, but you aren’t free.”
“I don’t need to be free. I’m happy, and that’s enough.
” Leaning over, she gives my arm a reassuring squeeze.
“I know it’s hard to understand, but Uncle Bram loves you and just wants the best for you.
It might not seem like it, not right now, but give it a little while and you’ll see.
Being Axel’s Little girl is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m sure it will be the same for you. ”
By some unspoken accord, we both drop the subject to focus on our game.
But Lanie’s words play over and over in my mind, and the more I replay them, the more worried I become that she might be right.
That if I let myself ignore the past, I might actually lose myself in this new life that’s been chosen for me.
And that thought terrifies me, right down to my soul.