23. Sunny
23
SUNNY
W hen I walked in, I was calm and collected. That interaction with Freya today at the clinic shook loose some of the insecurities I had about dealing with my father’s overprotective nature. At twenty-eight, I shouldn’t have to tell him he can’t ground me or take away my phone, but to the little girl inside of me used to his shenanigans, I felt like something had finally given way in my heart. Like I was able to separate myself from his opinion of me and knew I deserved better.
We hadn’t eaten dinner as a family since I found out I was pregnant. I’d been busy with work and spending time with Carter, and Mom had avoided the topic altogether. I gathered that Dad’s reaction to Carter’s confession about me dating him had put a wedge between them too. She kept glancing at me nervously, avoiding eye contact with him. Luna was off at college missing it all.
The wait staff even seemed to sense that something wasn’t quite kosher, or maybe Dad told them not to disrupt us so we could talk. I sat stiffly on one side of the booth and Mom and Dad sat on the other side; Mom poring over the menu, Dad sighing heavily every few minutes as if he had something on his mind he wanted to bring up.
“Lots of choices,” Mom hummed, but I heard the anxious tension in her tone. Dad looked up at me as I glanced at Mom. I could cut the air with a knife. Waiting until we had our food to talk had been my plan, but this was agonizing without either of them opening up real conversation.
“Yes, lots of choices,” Dad echoed Mom, staring at me the whole time.
“Well, I’ve made a choice,” I said as I gathered the courage to bring up what was on my mind. I kept the image of Freya looking into my eyes and asking for help in my mind. Doing difficult things was part of adulthood, and Dad would never take me seriously as an adult so long as I continued to allow him to micromanage me. I felt standing up to him was the only right thing to do.
“You have?” Dad asked. He set his menu down, though I didn’t think he’d even glanced at it. “What’s that?”
Mom’s eyes flicked up to meet mine, and for a second, I saw fear there. She hid behind her menu acting ashamed or scared, like a child who was guilty of something and not ready to face the consequences.
“Well,” I started, remembering my rehearsed speech so I wouldn’t forget anything. “I’ve decided to stay here in LA.” I didn’t pause, not allowing him any time to chime in until I’d said what I needed to say. “Luna and I are looking for apartments I can afford. I got a raise at work, so I’ll be able to handle it myself.” His expression soured when I mentioned the clinic, but I kept going. “And the only help I’ll need is someone to go with me to Tampa to sort out my things there.”
My palms were drenched. I rubbed them on my jeans and avoided eye contact. When I told Dad I was moving to Tampa with Kira, it hadn’t gone over well, and while I was actually talking about moving back to LA, I already knew he wasn’t happy about certain things. Like the fact that I’d be getting my own place even though he wanted me at home. I hadn’t even gotten to the hardest part yet.
As if appointed by God himself, the waitress walked up with her pad out to mark down our orders and smiled brightly at us. “You folks ready? I can take your order.”
“Uh, sure,” I said, stealing one more glance at the menu. I only planned to order a salad, but Dad held up his hand to halt me.
“We’ll hold off for a few more minutes,” he told her, and she shrugged and walked away while I offered a confused look.
“You need a minute to look over the menu?” I asked, and Mom hid again, this time raising the menu higher so I couldn’t see any part of her, not even her poofy bangs.
Dad’s shoulders were more relaxed now. He sat a little straighter, face a little happier. “Well, dear, that’s great news,” he responded, ignoring my question entirely. “In fact, it’s amazing news.” His eyes rose up, and recognition dawned on his face as he looked over my shoulder at something behind me.
A quick glance over my shoulder revealed what he was focusing on, and instant anger bubbled up. Tonight was supposed to be about me talking to my parents, and Dad had gone and invited a man to join us again, someone I’d never seen before. I slid out of my booth seat and threw the napkin down on the table as I snatched my purse. There was no way I’d ever get through to him.
“Soleil,” Mom whined.
“Soleil, please sit down,” Dad said firmly, and I shook my head. I might’ve even stomped my foot in anger.
“No, don’t you get it. I’m not a kid, Dad. I’m almost thirty. Fourteen months, that’s all. Fourteen months and I’ll be thirty years old, and you still treat me like the seventeen-year-old who got stood up for prom.” I was so heartbroken, but it was anger that came out. “I’m in love with Carter. We’re together. I’m not available for any of the men you try to fix me up with.”
My arm swung wildly as I spoke and gestured. It smacked the admittedly good-looking man in the chest, and I winced at what a fool I was making of myself.
“Soleil, you’re causing a scene.” Mom’s voice was tight, but I could still see the shame in her eyes.
“I don’t care, Mom. I’m not doing this anymore. I love Carter.”
“Just because you’re having his baby doesn’t mean it’s love.” Dad’s words were a slap to the face. I stood there with my jaw hanging, gaping at Mom, whose head hung in shame. That was why she was acting strange for the past half hour. She’d told him about the baby and now he knew how serious things were between me and Carter. And maybe he’d tell Carter. “You should really look into the men you date more carefully, Soleil. You might find out things like the fact that Carter has a connection to Kira you don’t know about.”
Fear shot up my spine, and I turned without saying anything else and walked out. I didn’t care how it made me look. I didn’t care that Dad would be embarrassed with his buddy, or that Mom probably felt bad and wanted to apologize. I needed air, and I needed Carter’s arms around me.
I hailed a cab, which unfortunately cost me a fortune. Cried the whole way across town to Carter’s neighborhood, where I tipped the cabby and tried to remove the evidence that I’d been crying from my face before ringing Carter’s bell.
The door swung open and he looked surprised to see me. I’d told him I was having dinner, but that lasted less than forty-five minutes before it was ruined. Now I was a mess, trembling and emotional. Dad hadn’t just crossed a line. He was trying to burn a bridge, and I was still on it.
“I thought you were having dinner,” Carter said, but I threw myself into his arms as tears started again.
“Dad…and Mom…” I blubbed and stutter breathed. He pulled me into the house and shut the door behind us.
Carter held me tightly, smoothing my hair down my back, kissing the tears off my face until I could finally breathe. “Dad was awful. He said horrible things and he had another man to set me up with. I was supposed to be—” I couldn’t finish. Just thinking about what he said had gutted me. I just wanted to feel Carter holding me now.
“Hey, shh, it’s okay. I’m here.” His strong arms pinned me against his body as I clung to him until he led me to the kitchen where he seated me on one of the bar stools and got me a drink of water. I sipped, sucking in breaths to calm myself, using a paper towel to dry my face. It scratched my chin, and I probably looked hideous with mascara streaks and puffy eyes, but Carter crouched in front of me and cradled my cheek in his palm.
“So it didn’t go well. It’s okay.” I was so absorbed in my own drama that I hadn’t even stopped to say hello to him. I felt bad, especially when I saw how tired he looked.
“God, Carter, I’m so upset.” My bottom lip quivered, and I pulled him in for a hug again. “I’m sorry if you’re having a bad day too.”
“It’s okay with you here.” His hands rested on my hips, and I felt his fingers kneading my flesh. “I just want you to be okay. I’m sorry that you’re not getting along with your dad. I feel like it’s my fault.”
“No,” I said, leaning back. “It’s not your fault. I made these choices too. I love you, and I want you even if it upsets him. He has to understand that I’m my own woman.” Dad’s approval used to mean everything in the world to me, but there came a time when a woman had to make her own choices for what was right in her life. Now was my time.
“Well, I feel bad anyway.”
“Make it up to me?” I said, though he really didn’t have to do anything but be with me.
“Anything,” Carter said, curling some hair around my ear.
“Help me forget everything for the next thirty minutes.” My eyes danced between his and he blinked languidly, seeming to get the message. Getting lost in his arms was the only remedy for this feeling I had, the only thing I could think to drown my discouragement and anger, and I wanted to pour myself into it wholeheartedly.
Carter gripped my hips and pulled me toward him on the chair. My legs slid across the seat as he rose up and brought his lips to meet mine. His kiss was slow and passionate, building warmth in my body as he parted my lips and drew his tongue over mine. I moaned against his mouth, arms coiling around his neck and pulling him closer, all thoughts of my disastrous dinner with my parents gone. I’d deal with the fallout tomorrow, when my heart wasn’t in pieces. Tonight, I was going to get lost in the beautiful man who made me feel whole and complete and loved unconditionally.
He slid his hands around to undo the button on my jeans while I tangled my fingers in his hair and sighed into his mouth. I tilted my head back to give him better access to taste the column of my neck, gasping when he traced a path down to my collarbone.
“I love you, Soleil,” he breathed against my skin, moving his kisses lower. My heart beat double time as he unbuttoned my jeans. Slowly, torturously slow, he slid them down my hips and then helped me step out of them. The feel of Carter’s cool, calloused hands on my skin made me shudder as he pressed me back against the chair and dropped to his knees to slide my panties off too. I sat back down, perched on the very edge of the seat while he spread my legs and kissed up my inner thigh.
My entire body thrummed as he glanced up at me with those cerulean eyes that could stop time itself if they’d wanted to. His hand reached between my thighs and gently rubbed me right there, making me moan loudly.
Carter’s eyes danced with desire as he brought his mouth to my aching sex. He kissed me there, licking and sucking the sensitive folds until I saw stars, until all I could do was clutch the counter and ride wave after wave of pleasure.
“Oh God,” I breathed, his name an exhale on my lips as he continued to pleasure me. “Oh my God.”
“God you taste amazing,” he said between licks and sucks and kisses rained on me. Warmth pooled in my belly as he got me to the point of no return and then backed off again and again, teasing me mercilessly until I was a quivering mess. Then he thrust his fingers into me and I came undone, spasming and jolting until I thought the chair would break under my weight.
I was a puddle of molten goo when he finally straightened, undid his pants, and stroked himself. My head was arched back, eyes shut as he slid into me slowly, inch by inch savoring the full length of his dick until his hips met my inner thighs.
He stayed there for a moment, kissing my neck. I could smell myself on his face and it made me grin.
“I love the way you feel,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to my ear. A shiver ghosted across my spine as I clutched at his arms, tensing as he moved in and out, gently rocking his hips against mine.
The stress of the last two hours melted away, replaced instead by Carter’s attention and how good it felt to be connected to him like this—mind, body, and soul. We kissed between frantic thrusts, desperate to reaffirm our bond against whatever life threw at us next.
The chair’s feet squeaked as it walked across the floor from the force of his thrusts. Carter pursued, desperate to be deeper inside me, and I pulled him closer too. Neither of us stopped to consider protection. Neither of us were able to even pause and think that carefully.
And when he flooded me and I felt it draining out around his still-thrusting dick, I wrapped my arms around him and felt more tears welling up. These ones came from a deep place of sorrow for the secret I knew would probably shatter his world. He clung to me, staying in me far longer than was necessary. He grew limp, slid out, but he still held me until I pulled away.
I was ashamed of myself for using sex to stave off the worst of my emotions, and I felt bad for using him like that. Dad’s words haunted me. “Just because you’re having his baby doesn’t mean it’s love.” It was hurtful and untrue, but what sort of person was I for not telling Carter about the baby when he deserved to know.
“Are you hungry?” Carter asked, standing up. He grabbed a kitchen towel and wiped himself clean, then handed it to me while he buckled his pants back up. I shook my head as I wiped myself clean and quickly dressed.
“I should go…Mom…” I had no excuse. The reason I was leaving was shame and nothing else. That and confusion too.
Dad knew Carter better than I did, and he’d said some things that made me feel afraid. What did Carter have to do with Kira, and why did Mom not even seem surprised to hear that? I was too emotional to bring it up to him, and he seemed hurt by the fact that I wanted to go.
“Are you sure? You don’t have to go. You can stay.” He reached for me, but I pulled away.
“I think I should go. I’m sorry, Carter. I just have some things to think about.” I walked forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Now the shame felt suffocating. “I’ll call you, okay?”
He nodded and I left without saying goodbye, feeling overwhelmed and confused by everything that was happening. I didn’t know what to think or feel. Dad was furious, Mom wasn’t to be trusted, and I had no best friend to vent to anymore. What I needed was time and space and a bit of peace to sort all of this out before it consumed me.