27. Sunny
27
SUNNY
I was so distraught when I rushed out of the clinic, I wasn’t thinking straight. I couldn’t go home, not to face my father and his smug I told you so , which I knew he would throw in my face. And I had no desire to be in public with this mental breakdown. The only place I could think to go was the women’s shelter where Freya had been staying since she decided to break ties with her abusive ex.
The Uber met me right where I told him, two blocks from the clinic near a shady corner where a bench kept me company while I cried. The driver gave me a tissue from his glove box that was actually a brown paper napkin from one of any number of fast-food restaurants. And it was just as scratchy and irritating to my raw nose as the tissues with lotion Mom bought for me.
Thankfully the driver said nothing, not even so much as a comment about my crying or where I was being dropped off. I sent him a large tip as I climbed out of his car and walked up to the shelter entrance. It was an older cinder block building, with graffiti and one boarded-up window. But inside I knew there were very caring people who helped women like Freya. She was in a good place here, and I needed her company.
I walked through the front door and immediately there were two women at my side, coaxing me into an office.
“Oh honey, come on in. Let’s get you some water and a tissue,” the older of the two said. She had silver hair, a pretty smile, and she smelled like lilacs in spring.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” the younger brunette asked. She guided me to a hard plastic chair and I sat down, sniffling. I wondered what they thought of me, probably that I was a battered woman needing assistance.
“I, uh, I’m just here to see a friend. Her name is Freya,” I told them, and they both smiled in recognition.
“Are you in danger, honey?” The one with silver hair crouched in front of me. Her soft, weathered hands wrapped around mine as she offered a look of deep compassion.
“Oh, nothing like that. I’m having a very bad day and I’m pregnant, so I’m overly emotional. I just wanted to visit my friend.”
She nodded at me, then handed me the entire box of tissues. “Here you go. We’ll get Freya for you and you two can have a visit.” She stood turning to walk out the door, and the second one lingered a moment.
“Are you sure that’s all?”
I bobbed my head at her, not really wanting to go into details. I didn’t even know why I was here. Freya was going through so much on her own. She didn’t need me to weigh her down with more things to worry about. But there was no Kira, no comforting mother to wrap me in a warm hug. Luna was off at UCLA again, and I was alone. Where else would I have gone?
I waited only a few minutes before Freya breezed in. She looked fresh and sober. Her bruises were mostly yellow now, though a tinge of purple remained around her right eye. She’d had her hair cut and her face looked fuller, like she’d been eating healthier. She sat down next to me and took my hand.
“Sunny, what’s wrong? You look so upset.”
“Well,” I sniffled, sucking in a few stutter breaths, “I’m not doing so great.”
“Alright, well dish. I’ve got all day.” She squeezed my hand and focused on me, and I unleashed.
“I’m seeing someone, and I just found out some horrible things about him. He owns the pharmaceutical company that manufactures the drug that killed my best friend, and he hid it from me.” It all came out in a jumble—every detail about Carter and his secret, the way Kira died, how distraught I was, and after that, his trauma and how he lost his baby and how I was pregnant. I was sobbing and heaving so much I threw up, and Freya held my hair back for me.
When I finally calmed down, she put her arm around me as I laid my head on her shoulder. I hated how life had treated both of us. It felt like neither one of us got a fair shake. But here we were, finding each other again after all these years, and I was grateful for her company and the fact that she was a good listener.
“I suppose he was probably ashamed of keeping that secret.” Her words sunk in, coiling around the ache in my heart from being lied to. “He doesn’t run that company, but it hurt you anyway…”
I didn’t want to feel sorry for him or even understand his perspective. I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to justify my rage and cut him off, but deep down I knew she was right.
“I can’t look past it, Freya. He kept that secret from me. He should’ve told me.” I didn’t know if I was more hurt that he kept it a secret or that he hadn’t felt safe trusting me with it. If I had known, would I have fallen for him so hard?
“You’re having his baby, and he doesn’t know, hon. You think he’s going to react well when he finds out you kept a secret too?” She squeezed her arm around my shoulders, rocking me gently.
“You’re right, but that doesn’t make it any easier.” I sighed and sniffled. I’d cried just about all the tears I could cry now, but somehow they kept coming.
After nearly an hour of talking I left the shelter and headed home. On the cab ride, I looked through hotels and tried to find one that offered weekly rates. I didn’t want to stay in the same house as my dad. He might’ve been right about Carter and his connection to Kira, but that wasn’t the only problem I had with him. I’d never be able to sort out my feelings with him hovering over me.
Mom was home though, bustling around the kitchen to put lunch together for her friend group set to arrive any minute. When I walked in, she stopped her preparations and stood in my doorway as I found my duffel bag and started shoving things into it. I’d never be able to carry everything I needed, but this would get me a good start.
“Sunny, you don’t have to go.” Mom crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips in sadness.
“I do, Mom. I’m going to be in town. I’m not jetting off somewhere, but I can’t stay here. I need space from Dad and this whole situation.” I shoved a handful of panties, a few bras, and a wad of socks into the bag and returned to my dresser for more.
“Where will you go?” The worry in her tone pinched my heart, but I wasn’t giving in. I wasn’t staying here.
“I think a hotel…I’m not sure.” I hadn’t really found a good place that was affordable. If I dipped into my savings too much, I wouldn’t be able to afford all the deposits for an apartment, and I’d end up coming to Dad to borrow money, which I hated the idea of.
“Then stay in Malibu, honey.” She sucked in a breath and sighed.
“I can’t. Dad will know.” I didn’t want to take another handout from them. I didn’t want anything tethering me to my father’s assumption I was unable to provide for myself.
“I won’t tell him a thing. And you can pay rent if you want.” The doorbell rang and Mom’s gaze flicked over her shoulder. “I’ll leave the key on the bar, okay? Just think about it.”
I watched her walk away as I put a few T-shirts into the bag. It was a kind offer considering. Mom probably felt guilty over everything, and I could really use the help. Staying at the Malibu house would give me the space I needed from Dad but the safety net of somewhere I knew and felt comfortable. And my gut told me after what already happened, the way Mom told Dad about the baby, she’d be keeping this secret for me.
I had too much to think about and try to process. It was a smart choice. So I finished packing, took the key, ordered an Uber and headed to Malibu. A few days in hiding would hopefully give my heart time to unwind and process what I was going through. If not, maybe Tampa was a better option—putting distance between me and the past.