Chapter 7
Rick
S hit, I’m so fucked. I stare moodily at the drink in front of me, oblivious to everyone else at the bar. I’m utterly screwing up my life, and yet I can’t stop.
“Yo bud, what’s up?” my friend Logan greets, interrupting my train of thought as he takes the bar stool next to me. “You look like someone ran over your dog. Or ran over your mom? Wait, is that good or bad?”
I snort, greeting my friend.
“Yo, my mom’s been dead for years and it’s most definitely a good thing.”
My friend laughs while signaling to the bartender.
“So what’s the prob then? Your mom’s gone, you make a shit ton of money, life is good. You’re still using that site, Sweet Lies, right? So there’s a shit ton of pussy too.”
I shake my head, squeezing the bridge of my nose like I feel a migraine coming on.
“No, I got off Sweet Lies.”
Logan’s black brows rise as a beer is placed in front of him.
“No way. I thought you were addicted to that service. Like you were never going to bother with a girlfriend, or even dating, because you could order women off a menu.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say in a tired gaze. “But I met a woman, and then boom! Now we’re in a relationship.”
Logan’s eyes practically bug out of his head.
He’s a handsome motherfucker with dark hair, blue eyes and the build of a lumberjack, but the asshole is actually some kind of crypto billionaire.
Nonetheless, no one can look good when their eyes are practically falling out of their head, my buddy included. He lets out a low whistle.
“Wow,” he remarks. “I thought you’d sworn off women forever. Like you were using girls from that site two or three times a week. Or maybe every night. It was fucking unreal how much money you were spending.”
“Yeah, I know, and she’s from the site too. But somehow, I got hooked, and now we’re practically living together.”
Logan’s jaw is on the table now.
“Are you fucking with me?”
“No,” I say in a dry tone. “She stays at my house most nights of the week. I know, it’s so domestic.”
He whistles.
“So what’s the problem? Is she already acting like you’re married? Bossing you around, and making lists? Nagging? Or let me guess – the sex has already gone bad. It’s boring, stale, and it’s like fucking your mom. You’ve got to kick her out, my man. You can’t live like this—”
I cut him off with a swift chop of my hand.
“No, the sex is unbelievable. Unreal. Mind-boggling, and my balls are drained every night too. No, it’s something else.”
Logan stares at me with a puzzled expression on his handsome features.
“So what then? She wants you to accompany her to her friend’s wedding? Or she wants a diamond of her own? Or what...?”
I sigh.
“I’ve lied to her,” I confess in a tortured voice. “I told her that we’re using protection, but actually we’re not.”
Logan squints.
“What are you talking about? Are you poking holes in your condoms? But why? Do you want to get her pregnant?”
I stare off into the distance, seeing nothing.
“Yes, I do, actually. Jenna would be an amazing mother, and I’d love to see her ripe and round with my baby in her belly. That’s why I’m doing it.”
“By poking holes in your condoms?” Logan practically screeches, his big hands gripping the edge of the bar. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I shush him before shooting him a disgusted glance.
“Lower your voice, bud, it’s embarrassing being out with you sometimes.
No, of course I’m not poking holes in condoms. What are we, in high school?
No, I convinced Jenna to switch to the shot, but instead of administering Depo Provera, I’m administering a placebo.
She’s just getting a syringe of saline. There’s no pregnancy protection.
She could be pregnant even now, seeing how we fuck like rabbits. ”
Logan shakes his head at me, marveling at my stupidity.
“Wow. Just wow.”
“I know,” I say in a tortured tone. “What the fuck am I thinking? Why am I doing this?”
“Why are you doing this?” he presses. “I mean, it’s fucking insane, looking to get a girl pregnant without her knowledge. Shit, bud, can you go to jail for this? I don’t know.”
I shake my head as my shoulders slump with defeat.
“I don’t know. Probably. But I do want Jenna to have my baby.”
“But why the lies then? Why go around her back, when she trusts you with the shot because you’re a fucking doctor ? What the hell?”
I shake my head again.
“Because of my past. You know that I never got to parent my daughter, Emma. Not really. Her mom took her to Florida when she was just an infant, and Emma only came back into my life recently. She’s twenty now. It fucking sucks, and I missed out.”
Logan stares at me.
“Yeah, but still. Don’t blame your problems on this poor girl. At least don’t take your problems out on her.”
“I’m not,” I say immediately. “Okay, I sort of am. But I want to be a dad, and fuck! I guess I’m not thinking straight.”
Logan shakes his head, his expression dumbfounded.
“You definitely aren’t because this isn’t going to work out well, my man. She’s going to get pregnant, and what do you think is going to happen? Girls don’t just “get pregnant” on Depo. They know something got fucked up along the way, and it’s you . How are you going to deal with this?”
“I don’t know! Tell Jenna the truth?”
“That you’re a hurt and injured little bunny because you didn’t get to be a part of your daughter’s life when she was young? Do you even hear yourself? That’s fucking insane. Your girlfriend’s going to abort, there’s no two ways about it.”
My shoulders slump again.
“I’m hoping she won’t because of my past.”
“What past? I just told you the daughter thing is lame—”
“No, my other past. Other things that have happened,” I say abruptly. “I had two ex-girlfriends get pregnant and both women terminated their pregnancies. It broke my heart. I wanted to be a dad, and I lost those chances.”
This time, Logan is silent.
“I’m sorry, my man,” he finally speaks. “That must have been real difficult. My condolences.”
I shrug.
“It happened years ago. More than a decade even, but yeah, that’s why I use Sweet Lies. I can’t go through that shit again. I don’t want someone getting pregnant and then aborting my child. It’s easier to keep things casual.”
“Except you’re not,” Logan responds immediately. “Do you see how twisted this is? You’re purposefully trying to knock up your girlfriend without telling her. Behind her back even, except she’s going to find out.”
“I know,” I say in a morose tone, staring at my hands. “I’m fucked.”
“Yeah, you kind of are,” Logan replies dryly. “So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I respond, still staring at my beer. “Jenna could be pregnant right now.”
“And if she is?” Logan prompts, black brows raised. “What are you going to do then?”
That, I do know the answer to. I look at my buddy, eyes fierce.
“Beg her to keep the child. Confess everything. Give up my fortune, if I have to, because I want to be a dad, and I’ll do anything to make it happen.”
My declaration is true because I’ve never revealed the depths of my desperation to anyone.
I’ve always wanted to be a father again, and Sweet Lies was one way to keep that desire at bay.
As long as I was hiring girls as fucktoys, it didn’t matter.
They weren’t going to get pregnant, and I wasn’t sticking around for more than one night, anyways.
But now the situation is turned on its head, and I’ve behaved like an utter tool ... and it’s my sweet Jenna who’s going to pay the price.