Chapter 11 #2
Jenna’s blue eyes are as round as saucers, and she lifts a small hand to her mouth.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Rick.”
I hold up a hand and the corner of my mouth ticks up.
“It’s okay. It was years ago. But the devastation was so complete that I gave up my hopes of becoming a father. I gave up normal dating altogether, and turned to Sweet Lies instead.”
Jenna’s still got one hand in front of her mouth, which she slowly lowers.
“Again, I’m so sorry, Rick.”
“No, it’s okay,” I state in a deep voice.
“It was a long time ago, and again, I fully support a woman’s choice.
But after what I went through, I couldn’t go through it again.
It’s another reason why I use Sweet Lies.
The service ensures that all their girls are on contraception, and not only that, but I used back-up birth control for a good long while with you, Jenna.
There was no way I was subjecting myself to that again. ”
“I remember,” the curvy girl murmurs. “I’m so sorry, Rick.”
I nod.
“Don’t be, sweetheart. It’s a sad story, but it’s mine to bear, and I don’t want to put it on you.
If anything, you renewed my faith because I’d given up hope of becoming a father again, and only when I met you did my heart blossom with possibilities.
I know it sounds romantic and ridiculous and insane, but it’s the truth.
I wanted a baby with you and acted like a lunatic in my efforts to achieve that. I regret it, and I’m sorry, Jenna.”
The golden girl is silent a moment.
“You should be, because stealing a woman’s birth control is just wrong and messed up.”
“It is, and I apologize again,” I say in a low, fervent tone.
“Because look where we are now. You’re as angry as a hornet, and we haven’t talked in ages.
But again, I support whatever path you choose, sweetheart.
Even if it destroys me, I’ll be there for you because this is about you.
After being so selfish, I need to change my ways, and I’ll support you no matter what you decide. ”
The words hang heavy in the air between us, and suddenly, I feel tired.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m forty-five years old, with the cares of the world resting upon my shoulders.
It’s a heavy load, and my shoulders sag a bit as my posture slumps.
But I’ve said what I needed to, and now, the ball’s in Jenna’s court.
She looks thoughtful for a moment, and one small hand slips unconsciously across her burgeoning tummy.
My pulse races when I see that small gesture because maybe it’s a sign?
Maybe she’s already bonded with the child, and somehow, someway, we will work it out.
Suddenly, I begin making resolutions. I’ll quit my job if I have to.
I’ll buy us two igloos in Antarctica, one for her and the baby, and one for me, if that’s where Jenna wants to go.
I’ll do anything to be a part of this child’s life, as long as she lets me.
But the golden girl fixes me with a look then, and my heart contracts. What if she hates me? What if she takes our child, and refuses to let me be a part of its life? I literally feel faint when Jenna speaks again, her voice low and trembling.
“Actually, you’re not the only one who hasn’t been a hundred percent upfront. I have something to tell you too, Rick.”
I nod.
“Of course,” I say in a low tone. “It’s fine, Jenna, whatever it is. We’ll work it out.”
She bites her lip, looking away for a moment, before looking back at me.
“No, it’s actually pretty serious,” she begins in a slow tone. “Because you don’t know all of me, either. You only know what I’ve told you, which isn’t that much because we haven’t been seeing each other that long.”
I nod.
“Yes, but now you’re pregnant, so we’ll work it out. Whatever it is, it’s not so bad, and we’ll figure it out for our child’s sake.”
Jenna bites her bottom lip, and that pink pout is so plush and rosy that I long to kiss her there, before kissing her everywhere. But the curvy girl shakes her head again, blonde curls rippling, before meeting my gaze head-on, her mouth set.
“I’m not actually an orphan,” she begins in a low voice. “My mom is still alive. Yes, I lived in a group home before matriculating at Evergreen, but it’s not because my mother couldn’t care for me, or because we didn’t have enough money. It’s because Stephanie threw me out.”
“Okay, but that happens sometimes,” I say in an amenable tone.
“You were a troubled young woman, right? Loud music, talking back, or maybe drugs? Teenagers can be difficult to live with, and you acted out. You and your mom butted heads, and your behavior was so frustrating and abhorrent that she ended up throwing you out of the house.”
“Yes, my behavior was abhorrent,” Jenna acknowledges in a slow tone. “But the reason why my behavior was abhorrent is a big deal. It wasn’t drugs, or shoplifting, or anything like that. It’s because I was sleeping with my mother’s boyfriend, and I got pregnant by him.”
I stop and stare at Jenna, my eyes blinking as my mouth opens and closes without sound. I can hear her words, but I can hardly process them.
“I’m sorry?” I ask dumbly. “You what?”
Jenna nods, her expression a million things at once. She’s contrite and embarrassed, but also defiant, like she’s daring me to judge her.
“I got pregnant by Julio,” she states in a low voice.
“I’m not proud of what happened, nor am I trying to excuse my behavior.
But I was a young girl who believed I was in love, and I thought he loved me back.
I thought Julio was going to leave my mom, and that we were going to have a happy future together. ”
I stare at her, still trying to process the shock.
“And so what happened?”
Jenna looks at me askance, the corner of her lip tilting up sardonically.
“What do you think happened? Julio was horrified at the pregnancy, and immediately demanded that I get an abortion. Even worse, he said there was no way he was leaving my mother because Stephanie pays all the bills. She was his sugar mama, and there was no way he was giving up a luxurious lifestyle to change diapers while living in poverty. After all, my mom is a successful real estate broker in Florida, and she was the one funding his polo career,” she says in a simple tone.
“As a result, Julio had everything to lose by leaving her, and nothing to gain by staying with me.”
“So you had the baby and gave it up for adoption.”
“No, I didn’t,” Jenna corrects swiftly. “I had an abortion when I was nothing but a girl. It was a big deal because abortion was pretty much illegal in Florida, even back then. It’s highly restricted, and we had to jump through a lot of hoops.
My mom organized and paid for everything, obviously, because I had no money and neither did Julio.
But the experience devastated Stephanie, and after I recovered, she couldn’t stand to look at me anymore.
I ended up in foster care, and after a series of group home transfers, made it all the way up here. ”
“So you were recovering from an abortion when your mother kicked you out.”
“That’s right,” Jenna says in an even tone. “But I’ve forgiven Stephanie for it. I believe my mom was genuinely in love with Julio, and that my betrayal wounded her to the core. I get it. The two people closest to her in the world conspired to betray her, and she could hardly function.”
“Are you alright?” I ask immediately. “What happened next?”
A wry smile twists Jenna’s lips.
“The group home sucked, to be honest, but I made it out by earning a college scholarship. Then, I matriculated at Evergreen, and here we are.”
“But the scholarship wasn’t enough, and as a result, you started working for Sweet Lies.”
“Yes,” Jenna acknowledges, her voice calm even though there are two spots of color high on her cheeks.
“So as you can see, Rick, we both have pasts. My background is filled with disappointment and tragedy, but it seems that yours is too. Both of us have scars, because that’s just how our lives have turned out.
The question is: do you still want to make this work, knowing what I’ve done?
Or is there too much baggage already? I don’t blame you if you’d rather move on because frankly, I still hate myself sometimes.
I’m disgusted with my own actions, and regret them so much. ”
I stare at the gorgeous blonde a moment longer as my mind whirls.
To be honest, her confession came from left field and I never would have guessed that Jenna has such a sordid past. Her innocent demeanor, and sweet, wholesome ways paint an altogether different picture, and I’m shocked as well as surprised.
So what do I make of it? My mind churns.
But then, I see her hand steal across her stomach again, as if soothing the baby inside.
I see how her pulse flutters in her throat, and how she swallows heavily, almost as if she’s waiting in fear for my judgment.
It’s then that I know I want to be with Jenna because what we have, and what we can create together going forwards, is more important than what’s happened in the past. We’ve both made mistakes, and suffered greatly for them.
But we can rise from the ashes and live to build something new, and greater, if we stick together.
As a result, I get up from my seat and circle my desk before pulling Jenna from her chair. She stands, her eyes wide and questioning, as I pull her curvy form into my arms.
“We’ll figure it out,” I say in a low tone, my blue eyes burning into her own. “We’ve both made mistakes, and you know what? It’s okay. Human beings make mistakes, and no one is perfect. Besides, you were very young when all that happened, and I can’t imagine how much you suffered.”
Tears well in Jenna’s eyes as she lets out a long, trembling sigh.
“I have made mistakes in my past,” she acknowledges. “But I don’t want to pay for them for the rest of my life, which is why I want to keep this child, and to be with you. I want us to try and create something new that makes us both happy. Do you think we can do that?”
I bend my lips to press them hungrily against Jenna’s.
“We absolutely can try,” I mutter against the rosiness of her plush pout. “I want you, Jenna London, and I still stand by what I said early on. You are the woman for me, and you’re the perfect mommy for my baby too. We’re going to make this work.”
To emphasize my words, I seize her mouth in a passionate kiss, sealing my intention of making her mine.
After all, we were never supposed to be together.
We’re two flawed people who have erred multiple times along this journey called life, but I have to believe that time heals all wounds, and I believe that Jenna and I can make this work.
We’ll stick together, practice grace daily, and be gentle with each other because nothing in life is perfect .
.. but with the curvy girl at my side, I know it can be done.