13. A Hard Choice #2
Deja had never seen Jax cry. But the pain on his face as he finished recounting what had happened was so palpable, she could feel it in her chest.
Jax dug his fingers into the couch, trying to blink back his tears. His last words, Jamie’s last words, still lingering in the pregnant silence. “I made a choice that I thought… was best for both of you…” Jax struggled to speak.
Caleb’s nostrils flared. His face flushed red with tears that dampened his skin.
“You kept my brother from me for over 10 years! You- you made me believe he was d-dead!” Caleb stammered.
Jax’s jaw tensed as he swallowed down a sob.
Caleb exhaled shakily, gripping his blade until his knuckles turned white, unsuccessfully struggling to fight back his tears.
“You have no idea how lonely I’ve- I’ve been- This…
this ph-phantom feeling I’ve had that… he was still alive. Still watching over me…”
Caleb looked at Jax in disbelief. “...all this time…” Blinking back his tears, Caleb stood to his feet, his eyes widening as if he had just made a discovery. “I… I need a minute…”
Deja’s heart dropped as she watched Caleb rush out of the living room. A silence lingered before Keith spoke. “Well… at least he’s not trying to stab you anymore.”
Ian looked at Keith irritably.
Caleb dug a hole in his palm with his nail just to feel a different pain. He bit down hard on his bottom lip until he could taste blood instead of just the salt of his tears.
“...Caleb?”
He jumped slightly when he felt Deja’s nimble fingers slide against his back. He looked at her briefly before he turned his head, choking back his sob. Deja frowned. “Baby, you know it’s okay to cry in front of me…”
But Caleb remained silent, crying to himself as he stared in the other direction.
Deja tried to find her words. “I think I’m starting to understand you guys a little better…
” she said quietly, comfortingly rubbing his back.
“I didn’t realize you felt so lonely. I don’t have any siblings.
I can only imagine what it’s like to lose… a twin…”
Caleb wiped his nose. “I feel guilty that Jax chose me… over my brother…”
“You can’t look at it like that,” Deja said.
“Jax clearly loves you both. That’s why he chose to lie to you, send Jamie away, and risk you both hating him.
Caleb…” she said, catching his eye. “Jax chose to lose you both emotionally, to lose the relationship you guys had, rather than either of you lose your lives. He would rather you hate him for the rest of your life… than lose you both for good…”
She took Caleb’s face between her hands, staring into his somber green eyes as she wiped his tears. “Sometimes… we have to destroy the things that are dear to us to protect the ones we love…”
Caleb sharply exhaled, remembering these exact words he had said to her. His nostrils quivered as more tears spilled down his face. Deja wrapped her arms around Caleb as he pulled her close, sobbing. He clutched her in anguish, his fingers digging into her back when the door creaked.
They spotted Jax standing at the entryway. “I didn’t mean to interrupt…” Jax said quietly.
Deja smiled at Jax before she turned to Caleb. “I’m gonna give you guys a minute,” she said, kissing his fingers. “I love you.”
Caleb smiled through his tears. “I love you too, baby…”
Jax watched Deja pull away from Caleb before she approached him. She comfortingly squeezed Jax’s hand before stepping back inside. Caleb’s gaze lingered on his cousin as Jax cautiously approached him. Jax stared into the night sky, trying to find the right words.
“After that night… every time I looked at you… I saw him,” Jax said quietly.
Caleb glanced at Jax. “In your eyes, I saw his anger,” Jax continued.
“In your voice, I heard his pain of betrayal. In your words, I felt his unforgiving hatred. At some point, I couldn’t bear to look at you.
To be around you. So I exaggerated my disdain towards you… ”
Caleb twisted his mouth with understanding. “You knew I didn’t kill your ex…”
Jax scoffed. “I tried to convince myself that you did. Just to have… something…” Jax’s fist clenched. “The burden felt like a scorching meteorite had been attached to my back, knowing that I failed you both.”
Caleb’s nostrils quivered, wiping away a tear as he watched Jax take out his wallet and hand him a picture.
Caleb’s hand trembled as he stared at the withered picture of Jax, Caleb, Ian, Keith, Jamie, and Sophie when they were younger.
Happier. “I think about him often…” Jax said quietly as Caleb looked at him helplessly. “...as I did you.”
Caleb sharply exhaled, unable to hold back any longer, as he threw his arms around his cousin. Jax stepped back, startled as Caleb’s arms tightened around him. His body gradually relaxed as he hugged Caleb back.
“That motherfucker never hugs me like that,” Keith snorted while looking out the window.
“That’s because you’re usually too busy trying to find an artery to sever,” Ian said casually from the couch.
“It’s how I show my love,” Keith shrugged.
Deja snorted. “Stabbing each other is how you show love?”
“That’s just the Donovan way, baby girl,” Keith said matter-of-factly. “We stab you too, just with our di-”
“Keith,” Ian warned.
“You should try hugging each other more often,” Deja suggested. Keith and Ian exchanged glances before laughing with a snort. “What’s so funny?” she asked, annoyed.
“You,” Keith smirked as he approached her. “And your kumbaya shit.”
Deja raised a brow as Keith towered over her with a cocky grin. “Kumbaya? I said you guys need a hug. What you really need is therapy,” she snorted.
Ian chuckled as he grabbed her hand from behind and pulled her down onto his lap. “Is that your next mission?” he asked, brushing her hair to the side as his lips caressed the soft skin of her neck. “To rehabilitate us?”
Deja’s back arched from the way Ian’s erection grew against her ass. “...rehabilitate?” she exhaled. “I just barely tamed you guys.”
Keith snorted as he grabbed her neck and pushed her chin up with his thumb until the back of her head rested against Ian’s shoulder. She looked up at Keith as Ian’s tongue traced the goosebumps on her skin. “Now, baby girl. What the fuck makes you think that you’ve tamed us?”
Keith’s knee nudged her thighs apart as Ian widened his legs to spread her open.
She sharply inhaled as Ian’s hand snuck beneath her blouse to feel her swollen breasts already heavy with milk.
Keith’s eyes lingered on how his brother erotically massaged her bosom, a hunger festering in his loins.
Absentmindedly licking his lips at the way her blouse dampened from the milk dripping from her nipples as they pushed through her shirt.
“If I told you to get down on your knees, spread my legs, and eat my pussy…” she asked suddenly. “...would you do it?”
Keith looked at her, startled, as Ian burst into laughter. “I do believe we have a dangerous Reaper on our hands,” Ian snickered.
Keith cocked his head to the side as he opened his mouth, running his pierced tongue over his teeth. “...I’d devour that pussy like a four-course meal and fuck that ass with my tongue,” Keith said, without hesitating.
Deja licked her bottom lip as she stood from Ian’s lap.
“Thank you for proving my point,” she said, stepping away.
Leaning on his hand as he stroked his lip, Ian sighed as he watched her ass, mesmerized.
Glancing out the window, Deja looked at Caleb and Jax still talking. “Were you guys close to Jamie?”
“For a bit,” Ian nibbled on his finger, watching her. “Not as close as he was to Caleb, naturally.”
“What drove you guys apart?” she asked. “I mean… other than…”
Ian hummed. “He was a bit… deranged…”
Deja snorted. “What? More than you guys?”
“Worse.” Jax and Caleb finally re-entered the room. “He was much worse…” Caleb muttered reluctantly.
Deja raised a brow. “You guys get off on torturing and killing people. Exactly how can he be worse?”
“Remember when you abandoned us, and I lost my shit, spiraled into depression, and sliced off faces to wear them like a mask,” Keith asked, grabbing her waist and pulling her back against him.
“One word, Keith: therapy,” Deja sighed as she rested her head against his chest.
“See, but all I did was wear their faces.” Grabbing her hips, Keith turned her around to face him.
“Jamie would cook it in a pan, fry it up real good, and then feed it back to them.” Deja looked at Keith, horrified.
“Oh, and baby girl,” Keith said, tilting her chin up.
“You are my therapy,” he said, kissing her.
Ian shook his head with a grin as he watched Keith unapologetically grab her ass, trying to lift her onto his waist. “Did we miss something?” Caleb asked, confused.
Ian shrugged. “Deja breathed, thus Keith is horny.”
“Oh, so the usual,” Jax snorted. Grabbing Deja’s hand, Jax pulled her away from Keith.
“I need you two to pay attention for a moment.” Wiping her mouth from Keith’s messy kiss, Deja sat down next to Ian, who instinctively slid his hand into hers and kissed her fingers.
“We’re going to send you and Chloe to stay with Esme,” Jax started.
Deja looked at him, startled. “What?”
“Esme is one of the only US-based Reapers we can trust. You’ll be safe with her while we find Mad-Blood,” Jax said, looking at his brothers, who returned uncertain glances of their own.
“You mean your father,” Deja said. “The man who literally drains the blood from your faces the moment he’s mentioned? That Mad-Blood?”
“Deja-” Caleb started.
“And what about Jamie?” she persisted.
Caleb sighed. “...that’s the main reason we’re sending you away.”
“That makes no sense,” Deja said.
“When I faked Jamie’s death, the Society refused to keep him within our district. The only Reapers that would allow him to stay in their district were the Jeong and Yoon family clans in Korea,” Jax explained.
Ian looked at Jax, surprised. “He’s with Dal-Jung?”