15. Disturbed #2
"Fuck," Caleb said, watching the blood soak her skirt and paint the floor.
"This baby's coming now. We're not going to make it to the hospital in time.
" Shrugging off his jacket, he balled it up and put it behind her head as he pulled her forward to lie back.
Propping up her knees, he pushed her legs apart. "Okay, baby, I need you to push."
"Wha-AH!" Deja screamed. "Oh god! Caleb, it hurts! It hurts so bad!"
"I know, baby, but you're almost there! I can see the head! Just push okay? I need you to push for me!"
Tears streamed down Deja's face. Her nails digging into her bloody palms in anguish as she felt her body breaking, tearing, and exploding all at once.
"Come on, baby! Just one more! One more for me!" she heard Caleb.
Her ears rang as she cried out before everything went silent. She briefly saw Caleb hold up a tiny body covered in blood through her blurred vision before everything went dark.
"... My beautiful Deja… Stop trying to run… You're mine… You will always. Be. Mine. "
Deja's eyes abruptly popped open. She shot up immediately, hyperventilating.
"Deja! Baby, I'm here! It's okay! You're okay!"
Trembling, Deja looked around frantically until she felt Caleb's hands. She looked at him, startled as he gently grabbed her to calm her down. "You're okay, baby," he reassured her. "You're safe."
Deja blinked at him. "W-where am I?"
"You're in the hospital," he said. "You had a panic attack. But you're okay now."
"A panic attack? What-" she said, feeling her stomach when her eyes widened. "My baby?! Wha-what! What happened to my baby?!"
"It's okay, Deja! You gave birth, remember?
I'll get the nurse, okay? I just need you to try to stay calm, or you'll pull a stitch," Caleb warned.
Deja looked at her bandaged palms. "You injured yourself on some broken glass.
You're on pain meds right now, and I need you to remain calm, okay? " Caleb insisted.
Swallowing hard, Deja nodded as tears streamed down her face. Caleb smiled sadly and tenderly kissed her on the lips before standing up. He stood outside the room, calling for the nurse.
Deja's eyes widened. Her heart swelled. She began to sweat, and her tongue dried as the nurse entered the room holding a tiny baby swaddled like a cocoon. "Here you go," the nurse smiled, handing Deja her baby. "Congratulations, Ms. Louis. You have a beautiful baby girl."
Deja stifled a sob, tears staining her face. Cradling the baby in her arms, she pushed her face against her cheek. "God, she's so tiny."
"She's beautiful. Just like her mother," Caleb smiled.
"We still need a name for her," the nurse said. "Mr. Byrnes insisted we wait until you woke up."
Deja looked at Caleb anxiously. "Uh… I'm trying to remember. I had a few picked out if it was a girl oa r boy. One was Evangeline."
Caleb looked at her, surprised. "Why uh… I mean, where did you hear that name from?"
"A book I've been reading," Deja said. "Named after some fictitious character. I think she was like a vampire or something. You know… fairytale. Her story was heartbreaking, but I thought the name was beautiful."
Caleb bit his tongue.
"But I think… I'm gonna go with… Chloe."
Caleb smiled. "I like Chloe..."
Deja smiled nervously at her daughter. Her light brown, puffy cheeks were flushed with color. She already had a head full of thick, curly black hair.
But when she opened her eyes...
…she looked just like her father...
"And then he said, 'Hey, you! What are you doing in my house?!' And then the bear said, 'Your house? This is my house!'"
Sitting in the hospital bed, Deja chuckled as she watched Caleb walk around the room, holding her baby girl as he read her the third story that day. It had been a few days since she had given birth, but the hospital didn't feel comfortable releasing her until she had recovered from her wounds.
She had almost gone crazy among those white-colored walls, and it wasn't just because she kept seeing Jax's face and hearing his voice. She was grateful that Caleb talked the hospital into moving her into a more comfortable room that felt less like a clinic and more like… home.
Her wounds weren't the only thing she had to recover from. When Donna visited her in the hospital, Deja was overwhelmed with embarrassment. She was convinced her assistant had been murdered. But Donna would accept no apologies, only relieved that she was okay.
The hospital had put Deja under psychiatric care. She couldn't even protest. She was no longer sure what was real and what was not.
She was grateful to Caleb for picking up where she couldn't. Holding her baby every time Deja would break down into tears. Bringing her comfort food. Loving her. Reminding her that she was allowed to be… broken .
"Uh-oh! I think someone's hungry. Oh!- And stinky! Diaper change!" Caleb said. Deja made room on the bed as Caleb carefully placed Chloe on a blanket and unswaddled her.
Deja smiled with gratitude as he carefully changed her diaper, but rubbed her arm in angst. She felt like an inadequate mother. Too troubled, unbalanced, and unhinged to safely take care of her own child.
"There we go! We love a clean bottom!" Caleb said, swaddling Chloe again. Deja peeled her hospital gown down and took her daughter into her arms to feed her. She always hesitated when grabbing Chloe, and she didn't know why. Her daughter looked like an innocent angel.
But her eyes terrified Deja.
"Well, someone was hungry!" Caleb grinned. Deja looked up at him with a smile, and Caleb's face immediately fell to see the tears in her eyes. His shoulders dropped. "...baby..."
"I'm sorry," she said, trying to choke back a sob. "I just… I feel like a mess. A chaotic mess."
"Well, you're not," he said, sitting on the bed. "You're a beautiful smorgasbord of… interesting events."
Deja burst into laughter and felt her daughter giggle against her bosom. "Oh! She laughed!" Deja smiled.
"See? There we go! That's the validation I needed! If Chloe thinks I'm funny, no one can tell me otherwise," Caleb grinned.
Deja rolled her eyes when a nurse entered the room. "When you're done feeding her, the doctor would like to run a few more tests."
"Is everything okay?" Deja asked.
"Yes," the nurse said. "It's just standard check-ups." Caleb furrowed his brow curiously as the nurse took Chloe and carried her out of the room.
"When am I gonna be able to relax?" Deja sighed. "I'm so paranoid. I really am crazy."
Caleb worried his bottom lip. "Baby, come here."
Standing from the bed, Deja approached Caleb before he pulled her down onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he wrapped his hands around her waist. His fingers affectionately massaged her as their lips caressed each other, reveling in their taste.
Deja leaned her forehead against his. He brought her such peace amid her chaos. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you, Caleb."
Caleb's jaw tensed. "Deja..." he spoke softly. "I… thought this would be easier, but… but, it's not. So, I need to be more open with you… without telling you directly ..."
Deja furrowed her brows at the vulnerability in his voice. "...okay?"
"Baby… Do you believe in God?" he asked, caressing her waist.
"Um… I believe in a higher being."
Caleb exhaled. "So do I. Several, actually. Gods that created planets. Gods that created life. And gods that created… purpose ." Caleb held her tighter. "There is one god, in particular, that I connect with. His name is Natos. He created this world. Our world."
Deja felt confused, but kept listening. "Natos is very unlike the other gods. He doesn't think like them. And they're not fond of him because he destroys everything he touches. Worst of all, he's in love with another god: Makena , the goddess of life."
Caleb tenderly caressed Deja's thigh, leaving fleeting kisses on her neck.
"Makena was… is … his everything. He never understood his obsession with her, but he knew he needed her.
He would do anything for her. But..." Caleb tenderly ran his fingers down her breasts. "...she belonged to other gods..."
Caleb looked into her confused eyes. "...and their love was forbidden..."
"Who forbids gods to love?" Deja asked.
Caleb smiled. Biting down on his lip, he cupped her cheek.
"Who, indeed. Not like it stopped them from creating something beautiful.
See, Natos and Makena understood each other in a way that the other gods didn't. It's the same with humans.
We don't always understand each other. And rather than give each other enough grace to figure it out, we retaliate.
That's where the god of purpose comes in. "
Caleb gently placed Deja's hands around his neck, moving her fingers to feel his skin. "Humans were created with a purpose given to us by the gods. But we all interpret that purpose differently ."
Deja's eyes widened with realization and familiarity as her finger caressed the hardened scar tissue behind his neck.
"I love you… so much, Deja..." Caleb exhaled as a tear slipped down his cheek. "And I didn't expect to fall in love with you. I didn't want to. I… I wasn't supposed to . But you..."
Deja's breathing escalated as her eyes began to water. "No… n-no… no, no. Thi-this… This can't-... Caleb, please. Please tell me you’re not…"
His hazel-green eyes dilated. "Even if I lose you… I needed you to know… that you weren't crazy..."
Her heart tightened in anguish. Her stomach caved in. All the oxygen seemed to escape her lungs as her hands slowly fell away from his shoulders.
Caleb shakily exhaled. "Baby, I'm… I'm so sorry..."
Her fingers trembled as she stumbled off of him. Caleb tried to catch her, but she pushed him away. "D-don't! Don’t touch me!" she stammered, tears falling down her cheeks.
"Deja-"
"M-my baby," she said, blinking through her tears. "W-where… where's m-my b-baby?" Deja stumbled out of the room into the hallway. Her body heaved, hyperventilating, as sob after sob spilled from her lips. "Where's my baby?!" she screamed angrily.
A nurse ran to grab her. "Ms. Louis, you need to go back to your room."
"Where's my baby?! Where the fuck is my baby?!" Deja screamed. Caleb rushed to help her, but Deja angrily shoved him. "D-don't! Don't t-touch me!" she sobbed, her knees wobbling. "Y-you can't-... You can't b-be… one of them. Y-you..."
Caleb's face flushed as he tried to hold her, but Deja only shoved him again, knocking him into the nurse before she took off down the hallway.
"Where?! W-where i-is my baby?!" she cried, running down another hallway. She felt like she was in a never-ending maze. Every white hallway looked the same. Was this a hospital or a mental institution?
Several nurses tried to grab her, but Deja quickly dodged them. She turned the corner...
...and skidded across the marble floor from how abruptly she tried to stop. Her eyes bulged out of her head as she fell on her backside.
A black coat fell to his feet. His black shirt, open at the chest, revealing every scar she remembered as clear as day. He wasn't even wearing a mask. Those sharp blue eyes pierced her soul.
Deja heard a dull white noise. Just the sound of her own ragged breathing as she frantically skidded on the floor.
"N-no… no..." she panicked, slipping on the ground.
But despite her protest, he continued towards her, one polished black boot in front of the other.
Deja screamed so fiercely she felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. She scrambled to her feet, her hospital socks awkwardly gripping and slipping on the marble floor as she tried to run in the other direction.
But two male nurses tackled her to keep her from going.
"Ms. Louis! You need to calm down! Ms. Louis!" the nurses shouted.
"Stop! Please! He’s going to kill everyone !" Deja screamed as they forcefully pinned her face-first on the ground. She winced from the pressure on her swollen stomach and wounds when suddenly their weights were violently ripped off her.
She heard a loud snap followed by a grotesque smash before two bodies dropped next to her. Deja screamed to see one of the nurses' faces completely caved in.
Frantically turning on her back, she looked up and felt her heart stop.
He slowly crouched down in front of her with a curious tilt of his head.
"You've been a very, very bad girl, Deja Louis. But don't you worry, my love..."
Jax gave her that signature Donovan smile. "...Daddy's home..."