Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
Connor almost choked on his wine. Luckily, he got it down without spewing. “I’m sorry. What?”
He waited for an answer, but she took another bite of her food instead.
Connor leaned in closer and asked, “Are you telling me you haven’t had sex since getting a divorce?”
She nodded.
“Why not?” He found it unfathomable that someone who regularly frequented a kink club hadn’t had sex for eighteen years.
She finished her wine, and he refilled her glass.
“I’ve been doing myself for so long that including someone else in the mix sounds like… a lot of work. And everyone at the club is so much younger. I didn’t feel comfortable.”
Connor’s first instinct was to order her to go to the bathroom with him so he could show her what she’d been missing. He became half hard thinking about it, but he took a bite of dinner instead. That wasn’t what tonight was about. He’d promised they would go home separately. Though he seriously regretted that decision now.
He took another sip of wine as he considered how to respond without scaring her off or making himself sound like a horny teen. “Don’t you miss the intimacy? Maybe not sex itself, but just being held after a long day at work, or having someone to share a laugh with?”
Her eyes filled with tears. She nodded and focused on her empty plate. Then she cleared her throat and said softly, “But being a Mommy to the Littles at the club once a week makes up for it.”
“No, Tessica,” Connor disagreed. “It doesn’t make up for it at all. That’s like a starving person saying one cup of milk a week makes up for all the meals they’ve missed.”
She frowned at him.
He put his fingers on her chin, leaned in, and pressed his lips to hers for a brief moment. Then he pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes. “At some point in the future, I’d really like to show you what you’re missing.”
A tiny whimper came from her throat. She whispered, “I don’t know if I can.”
“If you can what? Have sex? Let yourself be intimate? Trust another man not to betray you the way your husband did?” Connor took a deep breath and sighed. “I promise you can.”
Tessica’s chin quivered and a solitary tear ran down her face. Gently wiping it off, he resisted the urge to lick it off his thumb. Instead, he kissed her forehead and put his arm around her shoulders. They were already hip to hip, but he pulled her in so that her entire side was against him. A heartbeat later, she rested the side of her head against his shoulder.
That tiny gesture brought out his Daddy instincts. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to see her in Little mode. He wanted to co-top a Little with her in Mommy mode. He wanted to fuck her. Hell, he even wanted to make love to her.
He finished off his first glass of wine, and poured himself another. Calm the fuck down, he chided himself. Use your brain, not your dick . He didn’t know her well enough to be in love. And besides, they lived in different states. Juneau was his home. He loved his apartment, his solitude, and his autonomy.
Connor’s ruminations were disrupted when the waiter came by and set two small bowls in front of them. “Lime sorbet,” he said as he picked up their empty plates and took them away.
Tessica glanced at him with confusion. “I thought you said this would be a seven-course meal. This makes it four.”
“This isn’t the last course. It’s a pallet cleanser. I’m sure we still have at least three courses to go. Maybe more, depending on the chef.”
“Oh. Okay. I’m glad none of the courses have been very big. I’d be too stuffed to eat another bite.”
After tasting the sorbet, Tessica shrugged. “Not my favorite, but it’s okay.”
Connor had a bite too. “It’s good sorbet, but I’m not a huge fan of sorbet in general.”
They both stopped eating after a few spoonfuls. Connor tried to decide what to ask next.
Tessica beat him to it. “What do you like to do as a Daddy in the clubs?”
“Well, if your presence hadn’t distracted me last night, I probably would have spent my time at the craft table. I like helping Littles do physical things like arts and crafts. I probably wouldn’t spend much time at the television area or book area.”
“Are you usually looking for sex when you go to Littles’ night?”
“Looking for it? Certainly not. Receptive to it if it’s offered? Definitely. But then I’d say that’s true for any night in any club. What about you?”
“Me? I told you I haven’t had sex for eighteen years.”
“Hard to forget that one. My question is, what do you like to do as a Mommy at the club?”
“Oh. I usually stay at the reading area for a good portion of the night. But once everyone has had the chance to hear a book, I generally check out the other areas with the Littles I know.”
“And are Gwen and Susan regulars that you play with?”
“Yes. But I’m not officially their Mommy. We’re all just unattached. There are six other Littles that I play with once in a while when they show up.”
“Why aren’t you officially their Mommy?”
“Because they’re both looking for Daddies. Whether things become sexual or not, they both long for a male figure. I’m just filling in as a substitute until they can find their forever Daddy.”
“And are you looking for a forever Little of your own? And if so, would you want a girl, a boy, or does that matter?”
Tessica’s eyebrows furrowed as she took a drink of wine. “I don’t think I want a Little of my own, but that could be because all the people at the club are so much younger than me. Or maybe because I spent so many years taking care of my husband and boys that I’m not interested in picking up after another man.”
“What about a Little girl?”
“I don’t think so. I’m much more interested in being the surrogate who helps them find their forever Daddy or Mommy.”
“Ah, so you like being a matchmaker.”
Tessica shrugged. “You could say that. A couple of years ago I did introduce a Daddy to a Little that I played with regularly. They ended up getting married.”
“Nice. And what about your Little side? Does she want a forever Daddy of her own?”
Tessica’s cheeks turned pink.
“Remember, no holds barred tonight,” he reminded her.
She nodded, took a deep breath, and kept her eyes on the table as she spoke. “I’ve only let myself be Little in front of someone else a few times. Only with Paul, the club owner, and I’ve never been able to fully get into that headspace. But I often fantasize about having a Daddy of my own. Paul isn’t a good candidate because he’s in his thirties, and I do his bookkeeping.” She made eye contact. “But yeah. I do want a forever Daddy of my own. The problem is that I only need that Daddy once in a while, and most of the Daddies I’ve met want to be full-time Daddies.”
Connor nodded. “A lot of Littles I’ve met think they want to be Little 24/7. But in practice, that isn’t reasonable.”
“You don’t think so?”
“I’ve put it to the test three different times, with three different Littles. After about a week of living as a Little all day, every day, they get tired of it. One Little was done after four days. The longest lasted ten days before she used her safeword and binge-watched horror movies.”
She scrutinized him. “Did you do that because you wanted a Little 24/7, or did you do it to prove a point?”
“You got me. I did it to prove a point. When someone says they want to live as a four-year-old for a year, it simply makes me think they’re naive. Do they really want to avoid all books, computers, magazines, television shows, cell phones, tablets, and movies for a year? Because a good parent wouldn’t let a four-year-old do any of those things without supervision. And age-appropriate things for that group aren’t particularly intellectually stimulating for anyone over the age of ten. Not to mention no job, no errands alone, no trips anywhere outside the house without supervision. And absolutely zero recreational alcohol, pot, cigarettes, vaping, or caffeine. What they really want is a few hours a day of Little time, or maybe a weekend here and there. Not 24/7 for weeks on end.”
“Sounds like you’re fairly passionate about the subject.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to get worked up. It was an argument I originally had with my long-term kinky girlfriend. Now when someone says they want a 24/7 Little lifestyle, it sets me off. It’s a good fantasy; not a good reality.”
Tessica appeared to be pondering that thought for a moment before she spoke. “Most people don’t have the luxury of trying that out for more than a day or two. And I also think a lot of people in today’s society are just tired.”
“Tired?”
“Tired of the constant bombardment from social media, and tired of working their asses off day in and day out while never getting ahead financially. The just see it as an escape.”
Connor thought that over and nodded. “I get that. And being Little for an hour or two a night, or a weekend here and there, is the perfect way to decompress and reset for the next day or week.”
“I suppose,” she agreed.
Connor forged on with more kinky questions. “When you fantasize about being Little, what does that look like? And how old are we talking?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure. I would guess somewhere between six and ten, but I don’t have an exact age.”
“Maybe if you let yourself be Little for a while, you’ll be able to figure that out.”
“Maybe.”
“And what do you fantasize about doing when you’re Little?”
“I love coloring.”
Connor waited for a few seconds, but she didn’t offer any more. “That’s not a very specific fantasy. My ex always wanted to snuggle. Physical affection was important to her because her biological father wasn’t affectionate. Do you have any fantasies around the things you missed as a child?”
Tessica’s eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t think so. My parents are still around and married, and I don’t think my childhood was lacking.”
“Maybe as a twin, you subconsciously thought you didn’t get enough undivided attention?”
“I suppose that’s possible, but not something I’ve ever worried over or obsessed about.”
“Do you fantasize about being a princess who is spoiled and pampered?”
She frowned. “No. Definitely not.”
“Well, that’s refreshing.” Connor chuckled. “Maybe that’s a generational difference I hadn’t considered. A lot of the younger Littles I’ve played with really like that kind of thing.”
Tessica nodded. “I can imagine Gwen and Susan liking that, but I wouldn’t.”
“Do you fantasize about getting into trouble? Being scolded and punished?”
Tessica shook her head. “Not really. Maybe once in a while, but pain isn’t a turn-on for me. I think it’s more about positive attention, but not over-the-top praise. Just someone to either color with me, or sit with me while I color. And maybe comment on it once in a while so I know he’s there and focused on me.”
“Maybe someone to take care of you for a change?” he asked.
“What do you mean, for a change?”
“Didn’t you just say you didn’t want a Little because you spent so many years taking care of your husband and boys? What if I told you that you had to sit at the kitchen table and color while I made dinner for you? And then did the dishes without your help?”
She bit her lip. “I think I’d find it difficult not to help, but… it also sounds kind of exciting. And potentially frustrating. But not in a bad way.”
“What if I told you to watch a cartoon while I did the laundry for you? And then threatened a timeout if you tried to help?”
Her eyes opened wider momentarily. Then she nodded and gave him a breathy, “I’d like that.”
“I’d like that, too,” he admitted.
The waiter came by with new plates. “Nicoise Salad.” He frowned at the half-eaten bowls of sorbet and said, “Are you done with the sorbet?”
Connor nodded. “We’re done. We want to save room for the rest of the food.”
“Very good, sir.” He took the melting sorbet away.
“This looks good,” Tessica said. “Is this tuna on top?”
“Should be,” Connor said. “With green beans, hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, olives, and romaine lettuce with a lemon dressing.”
She took a bite. “Mmm, it really is good.”
After they’d both had a few bites Tessica asked, “What about you? What are you looking for in a Little?”
“Well, my work schedule has been a problem for most of the Littles I’ve played with. Being gone for a day or two at a time has been difficult for them. So, I need a Little who doesn’t need to be Little every day.”
“Really? You’re not just saying that because you know I’m not Little very often, are you?”
“No. It’s been a genuine problem for me in the past. But it hasn’t escaped my notice that our kinks match up quite nicely. I would love to have a private playdate with you and one of the Littles you play with regularly who’d be willing to let me join in.”
“Oh.” The vein in Tessica’s neck pulsed faster. “Yes. I-I’d enjoy that very much.”
Connor put a hand on her knee. “Me, too.”
Tessica put her fork down and fanned herself with her napkin. “I’m going to be thinking about that all week.”
He moved his hand to her thigh. He leaned over and kissed her again, with a bit more intent than last time.
She responded with a tiny moan and a parting of her lips.
He forced himself to pull back instead of diving in further. He took a drink of wine. “I’d like to see you in Little mode in private next Wednesday night, and then on Thursday I’d like to co-top one or some of the Littles at the club with you.”
Tessica nodded, but then froze mid-nod. “Are you suggesting we try dating?”
“Absolutely.”
“But you live in Juneau.”
“True, but I’m a pilot, so I fly for free. I can spend my days off in Portland, and we can get to know each other better.”
“And if things work out between us?” she asked.
“Let’s cross that road when we get to it.”
After a short pause she nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Connor could hardly believe she was agreeing so easily. He figured he’d spend a week or two trying to convince her.
“Let’s give it a try,” she said decisively.