Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Connor could feel the disappointment wafting from Tessica, and as her words slowly sank in, he realized she was right. Shame and embarrassment replaced all the irritation he’d been feeling at her lack of compliance.
Tessica continued speaking in a chastising tone, adding, “We haven’t negotiated anything yet. I haven’t agreed to any rules or punishments. We haven’t discussed safewords.”
Connor’s face heated up. “You’re right. I…”
She waited patiently while he floundered for words.
He took a deep breath. “For the past twelve years I’ve only played with submissives. That’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a partner who didn’t want me to take charge and make decisions for the both of us. But you are absolutely right. I had no business threatening you with any kind of punishment before we’ve negotiated. I’m sorry.”
She eyed him warily, but eventually nodded.
He added, “And I’m sorry for my knee-jerk reaction to your threat, but I think I was eight the last time someone threated to spank me. I agree wholeheartedly that dominance is not about who is physically stronger. I happen to be physically bigger than all the submissives I’ve played with, but I fully understand that’s not the point of a BDSM relationship.”
“Okay, apology accepted,” she said. “I think being apart for almost a week after our first date left both of us with some preconceived notions about how our relationship was going to move forward without actually knowing how the other one felt.”
“Honestly, I haven’t thought about much else in my spare time.”
“Me too,” she admitted with a small smile. “So why don’t we go to my apartment and order a pizza? We can sit down and spend the evening negotiating, and then come to an agreement on how many hours I’m going to be working next week.”
“That’s a great idea. I’ve been fantasizing about seeing your Little side all week, and I had thoughts of making you dinner while you colored tonight, but clearly we’re not ready for that yet.”
Tessica blushed and focused on the counter. “I may have played out that exact fantasy every night since we had dinner.” Then she made eye contact and added, “But my fantasy might be wildly different than yours.”
He stepped closer and put a hand on the side of her face, “I’m glad you’ve been thinking about me as much as I’ve been thinking about you.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. When he pulled away, she moved forward to keep their lips together longer, and in that moment he was certain they’d find a way to make it work, no matter how different their fantasies were.
Twenty minutes later, they were at Tessica’s apartment. The pizza had been ordered, the wine had been poured, and they were sitting on opposite sides of the couch ready to talk.
Connor wasn’t sure where to begin. He’d negotiated hundreds of individual scenes, but he’d never negotiated an entire relationship. His one long-term kink relationship had started with scenes in the club and by the time he’d asked her to move in, they’d both understood the other’s needs and wants fairly well.
Tessica started the conversation. “I think we need two sets of rules. Or maybe three. One for when I’m Little, one for when we’re co-topping a Little, and one when we’re alone as adults in a romantic relationship.”
Connor nodded. “Sounds like a good idea.”
“When we’re dealing with a Little, I think we should be one hundred percent equal.”
“I can understand that, but what happens if you give an order and I disagree? Or vice versa?”
“Hm.” Tessica glanced at her wine for a moment before making eye contact again. “Maybe we go in another room to talk? Come to a consensus and then go back out to present a united front.”
Connor thought that over.
Tessica added, “I assume that’s only going to be an issue for the first few months. We’ll pick up on each other’s habits and play demeanors fairly quickly.”
“True,” Connor agreed. “So while we’re figuring it out, we check in with each other frequently while we play.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“What are your hard limits when playing with a Little?” he asked.
“Honestly, that depends on the Little. I mean obviously respecting their boundaries would be my number one priority, and I would never play with anyone without a safeword.”
“Agreed.”
“What about you?” she asked. “What are your hard limits?”
“I generally don’t play with anyone who identifies as younger than three, because I won’t do diapers.”
“I can understand that. What about pull-ups?”
Connor shook his head. “Not for me. But if we’re co-topping, I wouldn’t mind playing with a Little who was wearing them as long as you were willing to take care of any bathroom issues.”
“Sure, that would work for me. Other hard limits?” she asked.
“Public play.”
She frowned. “You mean like a club?”
“No. I mean like a McDonalds or a Walmart type of public.”
Her eyebrows went up. “Well, I suppose that’s a hard limit for me too. I just assumed it would go without saying.”
“I’ve met at least two Littles who love the idea of carrying that dynamic into their day-to-day lives.”
Tessica shook her head. “Maybe I’m showing my age, but I would never inflict my kink on people out in public, and I wouldn’t play with anyone who did. That’s what clubs, private house parties, and retreats are for. For me, the privacy of those spaces is the thing that makes them feel special.”
“Glad we agree.”
“Any more?” she asked.
“Nothing specific is coming to mind.”
After a short pause she said, “I hadn’t thought of it before, but I think sexual touching is a hard limit for me. I won’t touch a Little in a sexual way, and I wouldn’t let them touch me that way either. I know you said you’re open to sex when playing with a Little, but I don’t think I could watch that or be around while it was happening.”
“Well maybe that brings us to our relationship as a couple, because I assumed we’d be exclusive when it comes to sex.”
“Really?” Tessica’s eyebrows furrowed. “Well, I guess I assumed it would be an open relationship since we’re talking about playing with Littles together.”
“You’ve been celibate for the past eighteen years, and you want an open relationship?”
She chuckled. “Good point. If I’m being honest with myself, I guess I assumed I’d be monogamous, and you wouldn’t.”
Connor scowled. “I think that’s a trauma response to your ex. He cheated on you. That’s a huge betrayal. I’m a serial monogamist. I would definitely prefer us to be exclusive when it comes to sex, but I’m open to talking about it if you really don’t want to be.”
Tessica’s cheeks turned pink as she shook her head. “No. If I’m being honest with myself, I’d prefer to be exclusive as well.”
“Good. So that’s rule one for us as an adult romantic couple. Starting today we’re exclusive when it comes to sexual touching.”
“Okay, we’re exclusive.”
“What about equality?” he asked. “I mean I got married at eighteen, and if someone had asked me back then, I would have said we were equals, but looking back on it, I don’t think we were.”
“How so?”
“It was more like both of us were eighty percent in charge of separate things. She was in charge of raising Michael, cleaning the house, making the meals, and grocery shopping. I was in charge of paying the bills, bringing in the money, and fixing things like broken appliances. We were equals when it came to big decisions like where we were going to live, but that’s about it.”
“Sure,” Tessica agreed. “I would say my marriage was similar with both of us being in charge of different aspects of our lives together, but I’d say we were equals when it came to raising the boys.”
“So is that the type of relationship you’d like us to have? Or are you looking for something different?”
“Different how?”
“Well in my kinky relationship, I always had the final say in all aspects of our lives.”
Tessica shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t like that at all.”
“Would you prefer a completely vanilla romantic relationship with full equality?”
“Vanilla? No. Equal? That’s the part I’m not sure about. I don’t think I’d mind following your lead in most things, but I want veto power. Let’s take my work schedule for example. You say I need to cut down on my hours. I agree. But you can’t just decree eight hours a day and expect me to comply without some discussion.”
Connor nodded. “But what if you didn’t agree that you needed to cut back? What recourse to I have if I see you doing something dangerous to your health and well-being and you don’t want to stop?”
“I seriously doubt that’s ever going to happen. I’m a very reasonable person, and I’m prone to logical thinking rather than acting on my emotions. As soon as you flipped it around and asked what I’d do if one of my Littles had my schedule, I realized how bad it was.”
Connor doubted there would never be a clash of opinions, but it was always something they could revisit down the line. “Okay. Let’s say we agree to ten hours a day, and then you work twelve?”
Tessica sipped her wine and blushed. “Then I’d agree to let you punish me. Probably a spanking since that was your first instinct. But that has to go both ways, or I won’t agree to any of it.”
“Both ways?” Connor narrowed his eyes.
“That’s right. If we agree that you’re supposed to do something, and you don’t follow thorough, then you have to agree to let me punish you.”
He scowled. “I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Are you planning to break your word often when we’re together?” she asked.
“Of course not.”
“Well then it should be a rare occasion when I have cause to punish you. Maybe never. But if you can’t agree to it, then maybe our adult relationship should be vanilla.”
“I’ll have to think it over.”
She nodded. “Me, too.”
After an awkwardly long pause, Connor forged on. “What about when you’re Little?”
“Other than a safeword, you’re one hundred percent in charge. And that will probably be very difficult for me to adjust to.”
Feeling more comfortable about that specific part of their dynamic, Connor said, “And punishments? Anything off the table?”
“I don’t think so. Timeouts, spankings, and taking things away are all fine.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“As long as they’re age-appropriate punishments,” she clarified.
“Obviously.” Connor tried not to be offended. The spanking he’d give a Little was vastly different from the spanking he’d give an adult submissive.
There was a slight pause in the conversation and the doorbell rang.
“Pizza’s here.” Tessica got up to answer the door.
Soon they were at the kitchen table eating their dinner and a somewhat awkward silence settled over them.
Connor was the first to speak up after reaching for his second slice. “After dinner I’d like to do two things. I’d like to text Gwen and let her know if we’re going to play with her tomorrow. And then I’d like to take you to bed.”
He saw her stop chewing, and her eyes opened wide with surprise and maybe a touch of fear.
“We were talking a lot about being exclusive, and for me that means we actually have sex together.”
She nodded, swallowed her bite, and put her pizza down. “I agree. It’s just…”
“Just?” he prompted.
“Difficult.”
“I know, but the first time won’t get any easier if we wait.”
“Yeah,” she reluctantly agreed.
“But during dinner, I want us to agree on how many hours you’re going to work.”
“Ten is going to be difficult but doable. Eight is not .”
“Nine?” he suggested.
“How about nine on the weekends, and ten during the week?” she offered.
“I can agree to that with two stipulations. First, you text me as soon as you realize you’ve gone over.”
“Probably a good idea to get it out there as soon as it happens so I don’t lose my nerve.”
“And second, you hire an employee.”
Tessica frowned. “I can’t afford an employee. The whole point is to make the business profitable, not to run it into the ground.”
Connor nodded. “I understand that, but I think you’re looking at this business through the eyes of an employee rather than the eyes of an owner. Do you need the paycheck you get from the shelter? Because as an owner, you don’t have to pay yourself until you make a profit.”
She stared at him for a few moments without blinking.
“What?” he asked, unable to read her expression. “Do you think I’m wrong?”
She shook her head, and leaned back in her chair. “I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that,” she muttered softly.
“I mean if you need the money for rent or?—"
“No,” she cut him off. “I don’t need the money. I always put the shelter checks into my retirement fund. I live off my accounting income.”
“Great. So for the next six months or so, don’t pay yourself and hire an employee so that you can go back to some semblance of a normal schedule.”
She nodded slowly while staring off into the distance.
Connor opened his mouth to tell her to eat her dinner, but caught himself before he could say it. It was going to take a while to curtail his Daddy impulses around her when they were being equals. Instead he said, “Are you done with your pizza?”
“No.” She sat up and took another bite. “Just distracted by my own stupidity.”
“Hey, don’t call yourself stupid,” he chided, and then realized he should probably apologize for overstepping, but before he could say anything she spoke up.
“Sorry, you’re right. Derogatory self-talk isn’t helpful. But I’m extremely irritated that I hadn’t thought of that myself.”
Pleased that she agreed so quickly, Connor shrugged. “Sometimes when you’re in the eye of the storm, you can’t see through the rain to find the right path.”
Tessica smirked. “A very poetic way to put it.”
“So, we agree? Ten hours during the week, nine hours on the weekends, you text me when you go over, and you hire someone before the end of next week.”
She took a bite of her pizza before answering. “I agree to the first three, and I agree to post the job and to interview people, but I’m not going to promise to hire someone, because maybe no one will apply.”
“Good point. Agreed.”
Tessica pushed her pizza away after eating most of one slice.
Connor ate one more big bite and pushed his away, too. “What’s your schedule tomorrow?”
“I’m going to the shelter first thing to feed the animals. Then I have two meetings with accounting clients in the morning. I should be back to the shelter by eleven or twelve and I’ll stay there until closing. Then after that I’ll need to catch up on emails and online accounting work.”
“I’ll open the shelter and feed the animals so that you can sleep in.”
“Oh…” She frowned. “How about we do it together tomorrow, so I can show you what each animal gets fed and where we log that. Then next time you can do it yourself.”
He sighed. “I suppose that’s a good idea. How about we close the shelter tomorrow afternoon and have Gwen come play with us upstairs?”
She pursed her lips. “That’s probably not the best way to make money for the shelter, but I don’t have any scheduled viewings yet tomorrow, so I suppose I could close for one afternoon.”
“Great. I’ll text Gwen, and ask her to come by at noon. We can all have lunch together.”
“Okay.”
He got out his phone and texted while Tessica put the rest of the pizza in the fridge, and put the plates on the counter.
Once he was done texting, he put his phone down, stood up, and walked over to her. “Let’s go to the bedroom.” He held his hand out for her to take.