10. Chapter Eight
CHAPTER EIGHT
RAINEY
D ane started to whine and bark at the door. She stared at the tray of food, not believing she hadjust told him it was not an even number. Why did she have to say that? Why did she have to react? Why couldn’t she just have been normal?
“Dane, hush,” Marco commanded.
But that didn’t stop Dane from whining and barking. Rainey could feel her heart beating faster as the seconds passed.
“What do you mean it’s not an even number?” Daddy asked.
Dane continued to bark as she got more nervous.
“Give me one second,” Daddy said as he placed the food down and got up from his seat.
She watched him walk to the door, slightly open it, grab Dane’s collar and lead him into the room.
“Sit. Stay,” Daddy commanded.
Dane’s eyes were trained on her, but he followed the orders.
“Good boy.”
She briefly closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in to calm herself down.
“Now, what do you mean it’s not an even number?” Daddy asked again.
“I.” She stopped herself. She didn’t really want to tell him. He didn’t need to understand she liked even numbers. He didn’t need to know.
There was no way Daddy was going to stick around long enough for it to matter. She was pregnant with another man’s baby, a man who could come here at any point and demand things.
“What is it?” he asked. “Why did you say that?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. It was nothing.”
But it was something. He had given her seven pieces of strawberries, and she could feel her skin starting to crawl. She had learned growing up not to take things for granted. When someone gave her something, she would use it to the fullest or eat all of it, even if it was an odd number, but it didn’t mean her skin didn’t crawl.
“Not okay,” Marco said, bringing her back to the present. “What’s on your mind? Something is obviously bothering you with it not being even numbers.”
“It’s really nothing. Everything is okay.” She gave him her most fake smile.
“Bullshit.”
Her eyes went wide. She was not expecting him to say that in front of her.
“Sorry, but that is the fakest smile I’ve ever seen on you. I may not know you well, but I’ve seen your real smile, and that ain’t it.”
Rainey started to rub her hands together. Whenever she was around him, he made it so easy to talk to him and spill everything she was holding back. She was ready to tell him things she hadn’t told anyone.
Dane, started to bark again and, leaving his sitting position, walked up close to her. Nuzzling his nose into her neck, he sat beside her and looked up.
“Why is he looking at me like that?” she whispered, trying to change the subject.
It was like he could tell how she was feeling.
“He knows you’re getting anxious and wants to help,” Marco replied. “Even if he broke command.”
Her eyes went wide as she stared at the dog. No way could he tell.
“I thought he wasn’t trained like that,” she said, looking up at Marco and making an assumption about Dane.
“He’s not formally trained as a service dog, but I have trained him a lot,” he replied. “Pet him. It’ll ease your anxiety but also help him.”
Rainey started to pet Dane and could feel herself start to relax.
“Such a good girl,” Daddy praised her.
Once again, her eyes went wide. Did he just call her a good girl? Where had that come from?
“Now, tell me what’s wrong. Why did you say it was not an even number?” he asked.
She took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to tell him. He would make fun of her like all the other people she had told. They had never let it go, and even fifteen years later, they were still giving her trouble.
“You are in a safe place,” Marco gently said. “I would never laugh at you for it or get angry at you. I promise.”
“It’s really nothing. Silly if you ask me,” she mumbled. But it wasn’t silly to her. It helped her skin not crawl and put her mind at ease.
“Not silly at all. If you really don’t want to tell me or aren’t comfortable, I’m not going to force you. But if it helps you, I want to know.”
And there he went, sounding so genuine like he cared. Rainey knew that sounded bad. He did care, and he showed it every time he walked into her coffee shop and every time they interacted outside of when she was working.
“I like things in even numbers. I know it’s silly, but when I don’t have even numbers, my skin starts to crawl,” she rushed out. “I know it sounds silly, but it’s just how I like things. It sounds like I’m a lunatic.”
“Stop,” he commanded.
“You can’t tell me I’m wrong. I am! I have had so many people tell me there is something wrong with me. That normal people don’t have their skin crawl when they don’t get an even number of things. That their breathing doesn’t pick up, and they feel like they are going to puke whenever it’s not an even number. Doesn’t matter what it is. An even number is what I like and always have.”
“Stop! I won’t have you talking badly about yourself.”
She glared at him.
“Who cares about their opinions? Everyone is different. If it helps you not feel like you are going to crawl out of your skin, then you’ll get even numbers. I’ll make sure of it.”
Rainey didn’t know what to think. She certainly wasn’t expecting him to say any of that.
“What?” she whispered in disbelief.
“You’re okay,” he gently said. “I know you weren’t expecting that response, but everything I said is true. I want you to know this is a safe place. I am a safe place for you and always will be. I want to know everything that helps you calm down. I want to know everything so I can help you.”
“I don’t need help.”
“Maybe help was the wrong word. I want to know everything to make life enjoyable and comfortable for you. There is no reason for you to feel like your skin is crawling. If I had it my way, I would make sure that never happened.”
That wasn’t ever going to happen. There were so many things.
“I know it’s going to take a while for you to believe me, and it’s a challenge I have accepted,” he said. “From now on, you’ll get even numbers. Anything else I need to know?” He ate one of the pieces of strawberry, making it an even number now.
For the first time, Rainey took a deep breath and felt like her skin was calming down.
“The texture of spinach makes me puke. I can’t help it. Makes my skin crawl, and I gag, which results in me being sick because I can never get it out of my mouth fast enough,” Rainey blurted out.
“Good to know,” he said.
She was expecting him to laugh at her for it. Her mother always did. Made her eat it every single time, which always ended in her puking and lying on the bathroom floor.
“Is it the slimy texture, or just spinach in general?” he asked.
She opened her mouth but quickly closed it. “I think spinach in general?”
Rainey had only ever had spinach one way.
“I’m not going to push you to try it again. We don’t need you puking at all. I was just curious,” Daddy said. “Is there anything else?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t think so. Or I can’t think of it right now. I know there’s a coupleof other things, but… my brain is just not thinking at the moment.”
Daddy took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “That’s okay. Whenever you do think about it, you let me know. Promise?”
“Promise.”
Rainey felt a little lighter after she told him about those issues. It was probably because he didn’t make fun of her but tried to understand where she was coming from. It made her realize that maybe he was telling the truth.
He had been nothing but kind to her, and he was still showing that quality.
“I didn’t scare you off with all that?” Rainey chuckled, trying to make light of the situation.
“Little girl, it will take a lot more for me to be scared off.”
“Even if I killed somebody?”
“If you killed somebody, I would ask where you put the body. I would make sure nobody would be able to find the body to keep you safe. Then I would ask what happened and have you walk through everything. ”
Rainey started to pet Dane once again as she stared at Daddy.
“I know you weren’t expecting that answer either, but I want you to know you are safe with me. I want to be your safe place.”
She hadn’t known him long, and he was already starting to feel like that. He hadn’t reacted to her saying she liked things in even numbers and got weird when they weren’t. He had accepted it and said he was going to help her.
Her ex-boyfriend never did that. If anything, he’d tried to make it worse whenever she got on his nerves. He never tried to help her manage it or make her feel like she wasn’t crazy.
“Now, I want you to relax, pet Dane, and let me feed you. You need the nutrition.”
Rainey relaxed and let Daddy feed her pieces of French toast, strawberries, and watermelon. Whenever she needed a drink, he would hold the baby bottle up to her lips, and she would suckle.
What had she done to deserve this?
“Such a good girl. I am so proud of you. Proud that you are letting me feed you. Proud that you stepped out of your comfort zone and told me something you were nervous about telling me.”
Tears formed in her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but her body wasn’t having it. Dane started to whine and lick at her hand.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Sorry for what?”
“That I’m crying and making Dane go crazy. I just?— ”
“Haven’t had many people tell you they’re proud of you?”
She nodded. Rainey never thought it would affect her, but clearly it had.
“You’re okay. It’s okay to cry, to show emotion. I’m never going to be mad at you for that. In fact, I encourage you to cry and show any emotion you want. It’s good to do it. It is not good to hold everything in.”
She knew that but it was a lot easier said than done. She’d had to be strong so many times and not show emotion when she was with her ex. It was like he wanted her to be a robot and not feel anything.
“I know it might be a struggle initially, but we’ll figure it out. If we need to give you spankings to help you release those emotions, we can. If I need to remind you this is a safe place for you to show any emotion every single day, I will do it. I just want you to know you are safe to show all your emotions, I won’t get mad at you or tell you not to.”
“Even if we’re out in public?” she asked, chuckling.
Part of her was trying to be funny and make the situation lighter, but deep down, she knew she needed to know the answer. What if she saw something out in public that made her cry? Her emotions were everywhere during this pregnancy, and she had no control over them.
“Especially in public. If you want to cry, you cry, and I’ll hold you. If you get annoyed or angry, you can show it as long as you’re respectful. I’m not going to tell you to shut it off. We’re all human. We all need to show emotions. But even in public, I won’t tell you to hold it together. I’ll be your rock anywhere and everywhere. I’ll be your shield when you don’t want other people to see.”
Tears pooled in her eyes again. He was saying everything a Daddy in her books would say.
“Are you real?” she asked.
Daddy chuckled and nodded. “Yes, Little girl, I am very much real.”
“You’re saying all the right things.”
“Well, I’m glad. I’m not just saying them to say them. I’m saying them because I truly mean them.”
Rainey wiped the tears from her face. She couldn’t remember a time when she was this calm and relaxed. There were only a couple ofthings that had changed, and one of them was Marco stepping into her life. Okay, the only thing that changed was Marco stepping into her life. All the other things were side effects from that.
“Are you hungry for more?”
“No, thank you.”
She had eaten a lot more than she thought she would, and she hadn’t gotten sick yet. Maybe it was Daddy, but maybe it was just the food. She hadn’t tried French toast for breakfast before.
“I’ll be giving you a snack later. Expect to be given a lot of food while you’re with me,” Daddy said.
Rainey wasn’t mad about that. If anything, it excited her because finally she was going to be able to keep things down. It was like he had this magical touch.
Daddy took a deep breath. “I want to talk to you about something important.”