Chapter 47
47
“Fine,” Reuben agreed. “She can come home to our place. The Scot can take you both to Aaron, then to my apartment.”
Oh no.
Hell, no.
She tightened her hold on him. “I want you to come home with us.”
Not only because she was scared to leave him here with Eric, but also because she needed him.
Right now, she was keeping all of her fear and anxiety at bay. The memories threatened to drag her into the shadows. And without him holding onto her, she knew everything would come rushing in to crowd her.
Scare her.
Harm her.
By now, she was shaking, her teeth chattering.
“Hey, Little Blossom, shh,” he said soothingly. Moving, he took her out onto the front porch. It was far cooler out here, but that felt like a good thing. Her skin was overheated, and it was getting harder to catch her breath.
Walking up and down the porch, he crooned to her in a low voice, jiggling her up and down.
As the panic faded, she was able to hear the words.
“Hush, Little Baby, Don’t You Cry?” she asked.
“It seemed appropriate. My grandma used to sing it to me to get me to sleep.”
Darn. That was so unbearably sweet that she felt tears fill her eyes.
“That wasn’t meant to make you cry,” he said in alarm.
“It . . . I’m just emotional right now.”
“You need me.” It wasn’t a question but a statement.
“I’m s-sorry.”
“Hush,” Reuben said firmly. “You don’t ever need to be sorry for needing me, you understand?” He reached up with one hand to tug her head back. “I’d be upset if you needed me and didn’t tell me.”
She fought back her tears.
“I’m so proud of you, baby.”
Faith blinked. That was unexpected. Suddenly, a door opened, and the other bodyguard stepped out. He held up a blanket. She glanced up at Reuben, who nodded before the silent man wrapped it around her.
That was so nice.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
The big man disappeared as quietly as he’d appeared.
“That’s Cairn,” Reuben told her.
She drew the blanket around her. She hadn’t realized how cold she was.
“Why would you be proud of me? I didn’t do anything. Well, I did Mace him. But I think I could have fought him off better. We should kept running instead of hiding from him.”
“Listen to me.” He set her on the banister of the porch and stepped between her open legs. His hands were on her hips so she didn’t slip off. “I’m proud of you because you did exactly what you should always do in these circumstances.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“You call me as soon as you can, and you keep yourself safe until I get to you.”
“I thought you might tell me that if I’d just moved in with you that I could have avoided all of this.” She’d been feeling guilty about that.
Why hadn’t she just done what he’d wanted?
“I make terrible decisions. I don’t seem to be able to read people. I knew Eric didn’t like me for some reason. That he didn’t want me here. I should just . . . I shouldn’t be trusted with anything.”
“Stop,” he said firmly. “First of all, you do not make terrible decisions. Everybody makes mistakes. But sometimes fate works in ways to get you to where you’re meant to be. And you’re meant to be with me.”
She’d never thought that Reuben would talk about fate. It seemed too wishy-washy for him. He liked his facts and figures.
But she understood what he was saying. Had she not hit rock bottom and lost everything, she’d never have come here.
Never would have met him.
“You need to have more faith in yourself.”
She snorted. The one thing she no longer had was faith in herself. And the irony of her name wasn’t lost on her.
“Why did you want to come back here tonight? Was it because you weren’t ready to live with me? Or because you didn’t want to leave your friend?”
“A bit of both, I think. Mostly about Cammie. I think, deep down, I felt like she wasn’t safe.”
“I don’t like that you were in danger. I don’t like that he was obviously making you feel uncomfortable and that you never told me.” There was a stern note in his voice. “But you didn’t know this was going to happen. You cannot take other people’s faults and actions on as your own. You didn’t cause him to snap and slap your friend. Or to put his hands on your neck.” He shuddered.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m okay, Daddy.”
“I’d rather you were amazing than okay, but we’ll get you there.” He gathered a deep breath as though he didn’t want to say what he was about to. “I know I’m not . . . easy.”
She hid a grin. Easy? Nope. That wasn’t a word that anyone would ever use to describe Reuben Jones.
A hurricane, yet he was the calm in the storm.
Icy control, yet with enough fire to set the world aflame.
A bulldozer and a soft place to land.
Reuben was a man of contradictions.
“I’m not sure I want to know what’s going on in your head,” he grumbled.
“You probably don’t.”
“I need you to listen to me. I know I’m not easy. I know I like control. I’m bossy and probably overwhelming.”
“It’s good you know these things about yourself,” she told him solemnly.
“Brat,” he grumbled.
But she could tell he wasn’t upset. It was his fault she was sassy.
“What I’m saying is that I like to make the decisions. But I will try to curb that need for you.”
Confusion filled her. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t like that you think you are incapable of making good decisions. That you take every negative thing as your own failing. We need to build up your self-confidence in your decisions. I do not want you beating yourself up all the time.”
Oh. Now she understood.
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t believe in you.”
Oh. My. God.
That right there was the best thing anyone had ever said to her. Gulping back a sob, she leaned forward and rested her face against his chest.
He wrapped one hand around the back of her head. “Baby, that wasn’t meant to make you cry.”
“Happy tears.”
He scoffed. “Happy tears? Such bullshit.”
“Daddy!”
“What? They are. How is a man meant to know what is going on when there are happy tears, sad tears, angry tears, and tears from pain. It’s confusing.”
“Sorry, Daddy. I forgot you were just a simple fellow who struggles to understand the nuances of tears.”
“I think I’ve unleashed a sassy brat.”
Faith tried to calm herself as she thought about what she needed to say. Leaning back, she looked up at him. The light shining out the front windows meant she could see him pretty clearly. “I do have problems trusting my decisions ever since everything went bad with the business. But I . . . that doesn’t mean I don’t like when you take charge. I like that you make the smaller decisions. It makes me feel cared for. Seen. I don’t know if that is silly . . .”
“It can’t be silly if it’s what you need. Understand? I will never ignore your needs. But sometimes I might not know you need it if you don’t tell me.”
She gasped in fake-shock. “So you’re saying you want to communicate? But I thought you could read minds.”
“Brat,” he grumbled. “Yes, I’m saying that I’ll try to communicate better if you do as well. I’m good at reading people. However, you’re good at locking things down that you don’t want people to see. How many times have you stopped yourself from telling me to take a flying leap at work?”
“Too many to count,” she replied dryly.
“If you like having me take over, then I am more than happy to do that. But I won’t do it if it’s affecting your mental health. If it’s making you think I don’t believe in you or your ability to make decisions. I don’t want control because I think you’re incompetent. You’re strong and smart and beautiful. I want you to always feel that way. Never belittled or ignored or less. Hear me? Never, ever, less.”
She basically threw herself at him, the blanket slipping off her to land on the porch. She’d pick it up soon. Right now, she needed him to hold her.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt more seen than when I’m with you, Daddy. Or protected. Or cared for. Yeah, you can be overwhelming at times, but I know that deep down, you’ll listen to me if it’s important.”
“I want to say yes . . .” he trailed off.
She slapped his shoulder.
“It would be all too easy to lose myself in you, though. To let you take over completely so that I never have to make another decision . . . and maybe that’s not the best thing for me.”
He was silent as he let her speak her thoughts out loud.
“When I’m in Little space, you’re in charge.”
“Yes.”
“But when I’m Big, I can give you control of some things, like when I orgasm.” The last part was whispered.
She felt his chest move and wondered if he was holding in his laughter.
“Yes.”
“But some things I need to decide for myself. Or . . . or at least talk them through with you?”
“That would be best. I need to know what is going on with you, even if you just need a sounding board. No secrets. No lies. No holding back.”
She hugged him tight. “I want to talk things out with you as long as you let me do that without trying to take over completely.”
“I will try.”
That was the best she could really hope for. And she knew that he meant what he said. He’d try. Maybe he wouldn’t always succeed. But wasn’t that what she did every day?
She tried.
Or she had. Before she’d lost the shop. Since then, she’d hidden herself away and existed.
But no more. Now, she wanted to start living again.