Chapter 66
66
“Daddy, I can walk,” Faith protested as he lifted her out of bed and carried her to the bathroom.
She’d been home a couple of days now. Once she’d left the hospital, she’d learned just how much her body hurt.
Spoiler: It was a lot.
It was hard for her to move around. To get comfortable. To do anything. Thankfully, she’d slept a lot.
But today, she’d woken up feeling different.
She was far more alert. And she was starting to see what effect caring for her was having on Reuben.
How had she not noticed how tired he was? Sure, he didn’t need a lot of sleep, but it didn’t look like he was getting any at all.
“Daddy are you all right?” she asked after he helped her use the toilet.
“Of course I am, baby.”
She thought that was a lie, though.
“Are you getting any sleep?” she asked.
“I’m fine. Let’s get you back to bed.”
She groaned.
“What’s wrong?” he asked sharply.
“Um, I just . . . do you think I could have a shower? I feel gross and dirty.”
That was the truth. And also, it would keep her from having to go back to bed.
“No shower. Not with your arm in a cast.”
“A bath?”
“It will sting with all your scrapes. I’ll give you a wash, though.”
She could feel herself blushing. She didn’t know what was worse. Feeling stinky and gross or having him bathe the stinky and gross off her.
“I’ll get everything ready,” he said.
“All right,” she replied.
He carried her back into the bedroom and sat her down on an armchair. Then he laid several towels on the bed.
“I don’t want to get the bed wet.”
“You won’t, baby. And who cares? We can simply change the bedding.”
Seemed like a lot of fuss, though.
“You know what? I think I’ve changed my mind. I’ll be fine.”
He shot her a quelling look.
“Or not,” she said quietly.
It was strange watching him work like this. Reuben was always so confident. He always had a plan.
Nothing rattled him.
Until she’d been threatened by Eric.
And now she’d been hurt.
And he seemed . . . rattled.
He was treating her like delicate, fine porcelain. Watching her with an intensity that worried her.
“I’m all right, Reuben,” she told him as he walked over and picked her up, carrying her to where he had a bowl full of steaming water, some soap, and a cloth.
“I know, baby. And you’ll be even better after you’re clean.”
He stripped her off, keeping her half-wrapped up in towels so she didn’t get cold as he washed her with reverent strokes of his hand, careful not to touch any of her abrasions. He even washed between her legs, his face never changing expression.
The way he took care of her . . . it was special.
She thought about her family. She’d told him not to call them. Was it the wrong thing to do? Maybe. But for her mental health she couldn’t handle them right now.
She hadn’t even spoken to Cat yet. Or Charlie. She’d been too exhausted and now she just felt so fragile.
This was what she needed . . . this care and attention.
But Reuben needed something too.
He grabbed some clean pajamas out of a drawer for her.
“Daddy, can I have my Little pants and one of your T-shirts?” she asked.
“Of course. Socks, too. Your feet have been cold.”
They had? She hadn’t noticed. He carefully helped her into the T-shirt before leaving the room to grab some things from her playroom.
When he returned, he held some cute white panties with giant sunflowers on them and some fluffy blue socks.
He drew the panties up over her legs. Then put her socks on.
Ahh, that did actually feel better.
“Thank you, Daddy. You take such good care of me. I wish I could get up and play. Petal will be missing me.”
“I’m not sure you’re ready for any play with Petal just yet,” he said as he handed her Colin. She hugged him with her good arm.
Reuben had gotten Alejandro to bring Colin into the hospital for her. She’d been a bit embarrassed, but the nurses hadn’t even blinked.
“I’m going to make you some food.”
“Can I come with you?” she asked.
“Baby, you need to stay in bed and rest.”
“Please.”
He studied her for a moment. “I don’t want you walking around. But I have got something I bought a while ago. I know you like being close to my skin.”
She watched in confusion as he drew something out of the closet and laid it on the bed. Was that a baby harness for an adult?
He took off his top and then clipped the harness around his bare waist. Then he picked her and sat with her straddling his lap. He raised the harness, so it covered her back and then slid his arms through the shoulder parts.
When he stood, she was pressed against him, chest to chest.
Snug and secure. It meant he could carry her around and still use his hands.
“I ordered this while you were in the hospital,” he told her, rubbing her back as he walked around the room. “I knew I was going to want you close all the time, but that sometimes I’d want my hands free. How does it feel? Not pinching anywhere?”
“Daddy, it’s perfect. I love it. Thank you so much. You always know just what I need.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Of course I do. I’m your Daddy, that’s my job.” Picking up her pacifier, he held it to her lips. She sucked on it as he walked out into the kitchen and made her a snack.
God. She felt like she could fall asleep like this. Although, no doubt Reuben’s back would get tired if he had to carry her around for too long.
When he sat at the table and started to undo the harness, she let out a noise of protest.
“Hush, baby. I’ll put you back in it soon. But you have to eat and have your medicine.”
“Not hungry,” she grumbled.
“Just eat a bit for Daddy. I don’t want you getting lightheaded.” He sat her in her own seat, which she really didn’t like. But then she noticed the flower arrangement sitting in a vase on the table.
“They’re pretty, Daddy. Did you get them for me?”
“Yeah, I’ve put in a standing order for flowers each week.”
She sniffled. “That’s so nice. I love them.”
“Good. Now, be a good girl and eat for Daddy.” He spooned up some macaroni and cheese.
Yum.
Anita must have cooked that for her. He tested the temperature first, then swooped the spoon through the air, making a plane noise.
She managed half the bowl before shaking her head. “Daddy, full.”
“All right. Let me just get your pills and then you can go back to bed.”
Urgh. Bed. Yuck.
But she took her pills like a good girl, sucking down the water from her sippy cup to swallow them. She hadn’t once had to remember to take them, Reuben had taken care of all of that.
Like he took care of everything.
“Daddy, I’ve been thinking,” she said as he put her back in the harness, so he could rinse the dishes.
“Yes?”
“I think that we should do something nice for Margie.”
“I’m already on it. I’ve offered her a place to stay and she said yes. She and her dog moved in there yesterday.”
Dear Lord.
“You’re so sweet.”
He shook his head at her. “Only you would say that, baby.”
She didn’t care what he thought. She thought he was a good man.
“You take such good care of me, Daddy.”
“I’m going to take even better care of you from now on.”
That filled her with warmth. And a bit of trepidation. Because he’d already been overprotective.
But now . . . she worried he might be even worse.
She felt a shove.
A scream of horror escaped her as she realized she was falling into the path of an oncoming car.
Pain enveloped her.
No! Nooo!
With a small gasp, she woke up, looking around her. Her heart was racing.
She wasn’t falling in front of a car.
She was all right. She was in bed. Turning, Faith glanced around, looking for him. Then she realized he was lying next to her on the bed.
Fast asleep.
Relief flooded her. She’d been so worried about him. It seemed like he wasn’t sleeping at all. It had been a week since her accident and every time she’d woken up, he’d been sitting by her bed, watching her obsessively.
So, this was a good thing.
Then she glanced down at her right wrist. It was lying flat on the bed between them.
And he had his fingers on her pulse.
That was so sad and so sweet at the same time. Slowly, his eyes opened, and he took her in.
“Baby?”
“I’m all right,” she reassured him, knowing what he was asking.
“You’re awake. Are you in pain? What do you need?”
“I’m fine. Really.”
His gaze narrowed. Some of the old, bossy, controlling Reuben snuck in. And her heart cheered. Was he going to tell her off? Threaten to spank her?
But he drew back, shutting off his emotions from her.
Fudge knuckles.
Something had to change. She had to help him get past this.
Past this all-consuming fear of something happening to her. He hadn’t once threatened to spank her. Or slept with his fingers inside her. Or even bossed her around beyond not letting her get out of bed.
Heck, yesterday, she’d only drunk half the amount of water she was supposed to, and he’d simply asked her to do better tomorrow.
Asked her!
It was unheard of.
“You should have woken me up, baby. I’m here for you. Do you need a drink? Something to eat? Some warmer blankets? You feel cold to me.”
She was. But she didn’t want blankets to warm her. Reuben got up and found another blanket in the closet, placing it over her.
“Perhaps I should get you one of those sleeping bags for babies,” he said.
“I don’t like my arms being trapped.” Just the idea had her breath coming faster. “Please don’t do that.”
“Baby, of course not.” His face grew fierce. “I’d never do that. Never.”
No. Of course he wouldn’t.
What could she do to help him? She just didn’t know. But she had an idea of someone who might. As he lay down again, placing his hand on her chest this time, she decided on a game plan.
Tomorrow, she was calling for help.
Juliet frowned as Faith told her everything three days later.
Reuben was in the shower and she figured this was her only chance to talk to his sister. He rarely left her alone; he’d even set up a desk in the corner of the bedroom.
“Any advice on what I should do?” Faith asked. “I thought, maybe I could rebel a bit? Then it would give him a bit of a push. He hasn’t threatened to spank me once. The only problem is . . . I’m not good at being rebellious. Not on purpose. If that makes sense.”
“It does.” Juliet nodded. “And I’m not sure it would work with Reuben anyway. He . . . he’ll be experiencing some big feelings. I’m worried. Reuben hates feeling helpless. He felt that way when I was younger because I had to go into foster care, and I was bullied to the point that I grew ill. I stopped eating. I withdrew into myself. And I know he blamed himself. It made him even more overprotective. And he was already protective enough. But I needed that protectiveness. To be sheltered from the world. I don’t think you’d be able to put up with that long.”
No, though she liked it, she couldn’t stay locked away in this tower forever.
“What do I do? Do I attempt a rebellion?”
Juliet shook her head. “That might work with someone like Xavier or Brick. Not Reuben. He needs to know that you will obey him. That he can keep you safe. Give him back his control.”
Faith bit her lip. Give him control? Fully?
Well. She guessed she could try.
“Thanks, Juliet. Are you all right?”
The other woman looked tired and pale. “Just nightmares. I keep hearing that car coming up behind me. Realizing that it’s going to hit me. I know Reuben is blaming himself for that too.”
“It seems insane that someone might be targeting us to get to him.” But that’s the way it seemed. Lou hadn’t turned up yet, which was making everything worse. Nighthawk was still trying to figure out who the heck she was.
All of those unknowns weren’t helping Reuben’s state of mind.
“Okay, I’ve got this,” Faith said.
“Good luck. I’m here if you need me.”
She ended the call and then swung her legs out of bed, standing slowly.
Reuben was letting her get up for a few hours a day to sit on the couch. But she was ready for more. Other than a few bruises and abrasions and her broken wrist, she was good. Sure, the broken wrist was annoying as heck, but at least it wasn’t her dominant hand.
Walking into the kitchen, she startled as she saw a short, dark-haired woman cooking at the stove. Then she realized this must be the mysterious Anita.
“Hello,” she said.
The other woman jumped and turned. “Oh! You scared me.”
“Sorry. I’m Faith.”
“Yes, Faith. Of course you are. I’m Anita. I didn’t realize you’d be up yet. Sit. Sit. I’ll get some food. You need lots of protein to heal.”
The other woman fussed over her, ignoring her protests, getting her coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs, mushrooms, and fried ham steaks. She didn’t have the heart to tell her that she didn’t have an appetite.
“Faith!” The yell came from the bedroom and Faith startled.
“Oh, Reuben isn’t happy.” Anita gave her a wide-eyed stare as she cleaned up. “Are you not supposed to be up?”
“Umm.”
Reuben stormed in, looking frantic. Faith felt a pang of guilt. Oops.
Relief flooded his face as he saw her. “What are you doing up?”
“Sorry. I was sick of being in bed, so I got up for some coffee. And Anita made me breakfast.”
The other woman walked over to Reuben, patting his arm in a motherly way. “I’m going to go now. I’ll be back early tomorrow. You behave.” She pointed sternly at Faith who stared at her in surprise.
Whoa.
Then Reuben was crouched in front of her, running his gaze over her frantically.
Shoot.
This was not giving him back control.
“Sorry,” she whispered. “I wasn’t thinking.”
Leaning forward, he rested his face in her lap. “I’m losing my fucking mind.”
Fudge. Fudge. Fudging fudge.
She brushed her good fingers through his hair. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s all right, baby. It’s not your fault. I just . . . next time tell me if you want to get up. Please?”
She didn’t know why but that ‘please’ just made her feel worse. This wasn’t her Reuben.
Faults and all . . . she loved him the way he was.
“I think I have an idea of how to help you. And maybe it will even help me.” The idea was feeling more and more like it was the right path to take.
He leaned back to give her a quizzical look.
“I want to give up full control.”
He frowned slightly. “You want some Little time?”
“More than that. Full control. Little headspace or not. Although I think Little headspace will be easier, at least to start out. I mean . . . you making all of the decisions. Like what I eat. What I wear. What we do. Even when I go to the bathroom.” She was blushing. “If I get to come or whether I just suck on your cock without my own pleasure.”
“You’re not up to that.”
“I am,” she said firmly. “You just have to be careful with me, but I know you will be. I don’t know how young I’ll go in Little headspace. But I . . . I give my consent for you to do whatever you want other than make me bleed or give me to anyone else to use.”
He growled at that. “I’d never.”
“I know.”
It was always easier for her to let go in Little headspace. But this was more, and she wouldn’t lie, it was a tiny bit scary too.
But also, so tempting.
Reuben sat on a chair, lifting her onto his lap so she faced him. Then, to her surprise, he put his legs up on the rung of the chair she’d been on and pushed her gently back so she leaned against his legs.
It was a strangely vulnerable position to be in.
Her Little pushed at her, wanting her to slide right into Little headspace.
But she needed to remain Big for the moment. Reaching over for the fork, he brought some eggs to her mouth. “Open.”
Was it a test?
But she never usually fought him feeding her. Well, not until the last few days, when she hadn’t had much of an appetite. And he hadn’t pushed.
He was silent, thoughtful, as he fed her. But she soon grew full and shook her head. “No more, Daddy.”
“I think I say when you’ve had enough, don’t I?”
Her eyes widened. That was more like her Reuben. Happiness filled her.
“I’m full, though, Daddy.”
“You need to build up your strength. Three more mouthfuls, then Daddy will make you a bottle.”
She actually loved being given a bottle. He eyed her like he could understand what she was thinking.
“Does my girl need this? For Daddy to be in charge?”
“Daddy’s always in charge.”
“Hmm. Yes, he is. It’s good you know that.”
She refrained from sticking her tongue out. Just.
“But I think I’ve been neglecting you lately. Time for that to change. You still have your safeword.”
She frowned.
“It’s there for both of us,” he reassured her. “It’s only been ten days since you were hit by a car. I’m not myself. I don’t want to go too far.”
It rattled her seeing him like this. And at the same time, she was proud of him for realizing that something was wrong. He was growing. And so was she.
She’d become more confident under his care. She now knew that she had worth and that she shouldn’t allow anyone to erode that.
It was all right to ask for what she needed. No matter what that was.
“I trust you, Daddy. Fully. And I’m not going to break. I know my nightmares have started up again, but I’m not broken.”
Sometimes her dreams were about Eric . . . other times about being pushed in front of traffic.
None of them were fun.
Shock filled his face. “I didn’t mean to make you feel broken.”
“I know. What happened to me affected you greatly and you’re scared of losing me. But I’m tough. And I’m not going anywhere.”
He took her face between his hands. “I can’t be without you. Hear me?”
“I hear you, Daddy. I feel the same way.”
He kissed her gently.
“Do you know what happened to my lucky hair clip?” she asked when he drew back.
“I’m sorry, baby. You must have lost it when you were pushed or hit by the car.”
She nodded. She’d guessed that.
“I’ll get you a new one,” he told her.
“You know what? I don’t think I need a lucky hair clip anymore.”
“No? Why is that?”
“Because how can I ever be unlucky when I have you?”
Drawing her close, he kissed her deep. “I know the luckiest day of my life was when I met you.”