Dagger (Speed Demons MC #6)

Chapter One

Dagger

“...So,” Elise relayed. “I drained my glass, leaned toward Pete, and told him I wanted my code name to be Duchess.”

I closed my eyes and took a calming breath.

For hours, I’d sat there not moving a muscle except for my jaw involuntarily clenching and unclenching. Everything inside felt numb except for the painful ache in my chest.

“Maybe it was silly,” she whispered. “But I wanted vengeance for you, too, John, and as empty as that pet name is to you these days, in a way, it made me feel I was getting justice for you.” She exhaled deeply and jutted her chin in the air. “That’s it. Now you know it all. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly.”

My heart throbbed.

In the blink of an eye, everything I thought I knew had been razed to the ground. After thirty years, I finally saw everything clearly. The cold, hard truth slid into place, and it crushed me. Every pain-filled word sliced through my heart, echoing, until they maimed, ravaged, and made me raw.

As Elise told me her story, I’d added my pieces of the puzzle, too. Told her all about Adele and the type of marriage we’d had. Relayed information about my dad, my time as a Marine, and the club. I wanted her to see the full picture.

I needed to make her understand.

Elise had always been the purest thing in my life.

How had it come to this?

“You’ve been alone all this time,” I croaked, a statement, not a question.

Elise’s jade-green eyes fixed on mine, steady, icy, and emotionless.

“How can you even look at me?” I bit out.

“It stopped being about you a long time ago,” she informed me coolly.

I flinched.

“I’m not saying it to score points or to get retribution for what happened, John. Everything I did was for Constance; it had to be. Our lives took different paths, is all.”

“’Cause he made it that way,” I declared.

She gave a brittle laugh. “Who did? Robert or Bandit?”

I scraped a hand across my eyes. “Both.”

“We all had a hand in it,” Elise murmured. “They may have played their chess moves and arranged us on their checkered board, but we allowed it. We never kept the faith. I believed you’d died, and I lost myself. You came back, saw what was on the surface, and didn’t bother to dig deeper, even though you knew the girl I used to be and how deeply I loved you. It always killed me how it was so easy for you to believe their lies, even though you knew me better.”

“You should’ve told me,” I admonished, but there was no anger in my tone, just regret. “I would’ve helped.”

“Really?” she challenged. “Or would you have gone berserk and put Constance in danger?”

I fell silent because, if I was brutally honest, I didn’t have the answer.

“You proved a long time ago you weren’t on my side, John,” Elise continued matter-of-factly. “Forgive me for believing your actions. I didn’t have a choice but to draw a line under us and, instead, do what was best for Constance. On your twenty-first birthday, I told you I’d sacrifice myself over and over to keep her safe. I meant it, I did it, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

Her words ripped through me.

She was right; Elise had given up everything for Sophie while I’d carried on sailing through life without a care in the world, or so she thought.

“She’s incredible,” I murmured, moving over to sit on the edge of the bed. “Constance—Sophie. She’s everything a mother could wish her daughter to be. He may have taken her away from you, Leesy, but he never took you away from her. Everything good and strong in you is inside her. You need to know that.”

Tears filled Elise’s eyes, and the sight of them cut me deep. Without thinking, I reached out to comfort her, but she flinched away from me.

“Please don’t touch me,” she begged.

My hand stayed suspended in mid-air.

“It burns,” she whispered. “It’s been so long since you touched me in any way. I think it would incinerate me from the inside out. I don’t want it to hurt anymore.”

Something dark and ugly gripped my lungs. I dropped my arm and stared at Elise. My gut twisted as clarity sliced through it, and for the first time in years, everything became clear.

Lies and manipulation had torn her from me, but I’d allowed it.

When I came back from the dead, I knew in my heart my girl would never betray me. My duchess had proven her loyalty time and again, but at the first sign of trouble, I’d abandoned her. And by doing so, I’d handed her over to the Devil himself.

It was no wonder she couldn’t bear me to touch her.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed, studying Elise’s face for a reaction. She should’ve cussed me out, slapped my face, screamed, and shouted.

But there was nothing.

She was dead inside.

“I’m sorry, Elise,” I repeated, looking for some kind of reaction. “I’m sorry. D’ya hear me? I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

She plastered her fake ‘mayor’s wife’ smile across her face and clipped out, “Thanks, but I don’t require an apology.”

My heart sank.

“Do you think Const—um, Sophie would speak to me?” she asked hopefully. “Would you ask?”

I nodded, relieved at seeing a spark of emotion behind her eyes, but also for the excuse to get the fuck away before I lost my shit.

Elise had been through enough, and I had to process every word she’d just relayed. “I’ll go get her,” I told her flatly, standing, and hauling my ass out of there.

I wanted was to take Elise in my arms and comfort her, but I didn’t know how.

She was still beautiful, still incredible, but the woman in that room wasn’t my Leesy anymore. She was damaged, detached, even cold, and knowing it was my fault, cut me down to my soul. I didn’t know how to get under the armor she wore. I needed time to process everything and to plan. Plus, she’d unloaded years of heartache, and abuse, and we both needed time to unpack it all.

I walked dazed through the corridor, and my stare fell on the wall of cuts, representing our fallen brothers. One in particular stood out from the rest, an old, beaten scrap of leather my dad used to wear proudly across his back.

My steps faltered, my mouth twisting, because suddenly it hit me who Bandit was, and it sickened me.

It was all a lie. He was a lie.

My dad was a product of his environment, but it was an environment he created himself.

Elise was right; whatever she did back then would’ve never been good enough for him. When I thought back, it gutted me how I’d lost so much because I trusted the wrong person. I loved my dad, but right then, I hated him too. I’d always seen his faults, but I’d ignored the red flags and threw everything away for my own selfish pride.

It was no wonder Elise had checked out. I was the person she should’ve been able to rely on, the man who promised her everything. I should’ve seen the real her underneath the mask of lies, but instead, I’d turned my back on her because I had something to prove.

I’d let my girl down, and never kept one damned promise, and by doing so, I’d let my kid down, too.

For thirty goddamned years.

Red mist descended over my eyes, and I roared, smashing repeatedly into the wall. Burning heat licked up my throat, and I pressed the heel of my palm into my eye, trying to calm my shit.

Elise’s story had flayed me. I’d always strived to be honorable, but there was no honor in what I’d done to her.

How could I have not known? How could I have been so close to her for years but still bury my head so far up my ass that I couldn’t see what was happening in front of me? I’d hung the woman I loved out to dry and accused her of giving everything she promised me to somebody else when, in actuality, it was me who did it.

She was everything to me, and I’d shredded her.

Where was the honor in that?

My skin felt too tight to contain my blood and bones. Everything seemed jarring; the lights shone too bright and the sounds were too loud.

The past years reared up before me, along with all the love, loss, and so much needless heartache.

A sharp pain gripped my chest, and I roared, desperate to get it out of me.

My feet carried me into the bar where Cash, Abe, and Atlas were waiting. I rested a hand on the countertop, leaped over, and grabbed the baseball bat we stored there before jumping back over.

“Fuck!” Atlas muttered. “You’re not smashing the bar up again. We’ve only just replaced the bottles you decimated last time.”

“Dad, what the fuck’s goin’ on?” Cash demanded.

“Dagger,” Abe snapped, taking in my rage-filled expression. “Keep it together.”

I pointed the bat at Abe. “You knew somethin’ wasn’t right. I remember your exact words. You said not to lose sight of the fact she loved me, and that there was more to the story.”

Pity filled Abe’s eyes. “I was right?”

“Yeah,” I said flatly, lip curling. “You were. I let her down, Abe. Threw her to the fuckin’ wolves.”

“Shit,” he murmured.

“What did she say?” Atlas asked, eyeing the bat in my hand. “What the fuck’s goin’ on? How does it affect my Sophie?”

“Sophie’s mine,” I croaked.

“Jesus,” Cash breathed. “Think we need a family meetin’.” He jerked his chin toward my hand. “What ya doin’ with that?”

“I’m gonna fuck shit up.” Turning, I stalked for the doors and burst into the parking lot, heading straight for the garage. My dad wasn’t here, so I couldn’t batter his thick, mean skull, but I could take my anger out on the next best thing, or at least the only things I had left of him.

Two Harleys were parked at the back of the garage. I’d kept them, biding my time before I restored them for my two eldest grandsons, Kai and Wilder. Except now, the thought of pure goodness sitting astride Bandit’s filth burned through my gut.

I ran at them, pulling back the bat with a roar before smashing it across the front of the nearest bike.

The sound of shattering glass tinkled loudly as the headlight exploded. Chest burning, I pulled back again and crashed the bat down, satisfaction coursing through me as the metal of the gas tank contorted under the force of my strike.

A loud “Whoa!” came from the doors, along with the sounds of scuffling.

I swung the bat against the spring seat, watching it fly off and hit the back wall. Then, I brought my leg up and stomped the side of the wheel, buckling it then watching as the motorcycle teetered on its kickstand before toppling over with a loud crash.

I brought my boot down on it repeatedly, grunting with all my pent-up frustration, kicking the metal over and again until it became a mangled mess on the floor.

Over the next five minutes, I turned my rage onto the second bike. I smashed into that motorcycle so savagely that every part of it was crushed or bent out of shape, worse than the first one. Over and over again, I channeled my rage until, eventually, the bat splintered down the middle.

My breath sawed in and out, and I stood, staring with my eyes fixated on the fucked-up remains of everything my dad cherished.

Bandit Stone was a bastard, alright; I’d never seen him in any other light, but I’d always believed he had my best interests at heart. Coming to terms with the fact that the only interests he’d served were his own and the club’s cut me down to the bone. He was a self-serving cunt, and knowing how he’d fucked Elise over made my heart bleed for her, for us, and for what could’ve been.

But then, was I any better?

“Alright, everyone out,” Abe’s voice ordered from the doorway.

“What the fuck’s goin’ on?” Bowie cried.

“Dad’s just lost his shit,” Cash said disbelievingly. “Grandpa’s bikes are mangled.”

“Jesus,” Bowie exclaimed.

My limbs turned to Jell-O. I sank to my ass, staring at all the damage I’d inflicted. Memories of my dad flashed through my mind, and my head bowed.

I heard a kerfuffle and the racket of Abe herding everybody outside. Then, the click of footsteps echoed through the garage and I felt my bud’s presence.

“What happened?” Abe asked, crouching beside me.

“I let her down.” My head jerked toward the metal. “He did, too. When Bandit assumed her baby was Henderson’s, he got it wrong. Elise was six months along. I knocked her up when she visited me in San Diego. Sophie’s mine.”

“Fuck me,” Abe muttered. “So, where did Henderson Junior come from?”

“He wasn’t Elise’s son. When she went into labor, Henderson forced a C-section on her and took our daughter from her. He used Sophie as leverage for years. Elise hasn’t stopped lookin’ for her. It’s why she stayed with him and a big part of why she got involved with the Feds. She hit a dead end and needed help.”

“Why didn’t she tell you?” he asked. “We could’ve helped.”

“He threatened to kill Sophie if she told anyone. When I got back from Kuwait and went to get Elise, the fucker had a sniper trained on me. My girl lied to make me leave. If she’d have put a foot wrong, Henderson would’ve given the order to shoot me dead. Then I left town and he locked her away and kept her prisoner in her own home for months. I came back, married Adele and had the kids, so she made the decision to go it alone.” My eyes slid to Abe. “Elise called our girl Constance.”

“Jesus Christ,” he bit out.

“Back in the day, we used to talk about our kids and what we’d call ‘em. She kept every promise she made me, brother, whereas I fell at the first hurdle. Took me all of a month to go out and knock Adele up. A fuckin’ month, Abe. So I ask, who let who down?”

“You didn’t know, John,” he pointed out. “You came home after being a POW, and she was married to somebody else with what you thought was their son. She stood silent while Henderson spouted his lies and said nothin’, and okay, I get why she couldn’t open her mouth, but what were you supposed to think?” His hand rested comfortingly on my shoulder. “Take on the shit you did, John. I get why you feel guilty, and I understand, but don’t beat yourself up for the crap you couldn’t help. Henderson took Sophie from both of you.”

I scraped a hand down my face. “How do I explain it to Soph?”

“Just be honest, John. Sophie’s strong; she can take it. Give her the facts and let her work through them.” His gaze lifted over my shoulder, and he jerked his chin toward the door. “Maybe this is as good a time as any.”

I swiveled my neck to see Atlas weaving through the vehicles, his hand clasping Sophie’s.

“Stitch was worried about ya,” he called over. “Thought you two could talk.” My SAA’s expression was curious, but I also saw resignation. Atlas was a beast, and he often gave impression of being a bit slow on the uptake. But in reality, he didn’t miss a thing.

I reached up toward Soph. “Come sit with me.”

She took my fingers in hers and planted her ass on the floor opposite. Her expression was one of confusion, her face pale as she took in the mangled bikes surrounding us. “I assume your meltdown means you’re my dad.”

“Yeah.” My throat thickened. Sophie was my firstborn, and I’d missed every fuckin’ milestone.

Her eyes filled with hurt. “What happened? Why did she give me up?”

“She didn’t,” I informed her quietly. “You were taken from her and used as a pawn to keep her in line. She’s been looking for you since the day you were born. She didn’t give birth to Henderson Junior, Sophie. She birthed you, but Henderson took you and passed Robbie off as hers. Everything Elise has done since the second you were born was to keep you safe and protected. Henderson threatened to hurt you if she didn’t do what he wanted. Your mom sacrificed everything, includin’ herself, for you. She deserves every bit of love and respect you can find in your heart to give her.”

Sophie’s face crumpled. She bowed her head and let out a soft sob.

I went to move toward her, but Atlas fell to his ass and hauled her into his arms.

Reaching over, I covered her hand with mine. My eyes misted over as I watched my daughter bury her face in her husband’s throat and hold on tight.

I rubbed her hand, staying as connected as I could while she cried it out. The last few days had been hard on her, and she needed to purge some emotion. It was a lot for anyone to take in.

Atlas’s meaty hand cupped Soph’s head and held it against his chest as he touched his mouth to her head. His dark eyes met mine, sending a chill through me. “If you don’t sort Henderson, I will.”

My teeth gritted. “No, brother. He’s mine. We’ve gotta war comin’, and he’s gonna feel the full force of it. I’m gonna make his life implode. If he doesn’t bring it to us, we’ll take it to him, but we’re gonna play him at his own game. I’m gonna ruin the bastard.”

His eyes hardened, and he jerked a nod of understanding.

“My mom must’ve known,” Sophie croaked. “He gave me to her. She must’ve been in on it.”

“Baby,” Atlas said soothingly. “You don’t know what happened. Henderson could’ve manipulated her, too.”

“He’s right, Soph,” I concurred. “Henderson’s got two faces. The one he shows publicly and his real one. I wouldn’t put it past him to lie about the reasons he gave you away. He’s a master at taking the heat off himself.”

“Elise was a mess back then,” Abe added. “She lost a lotta loved ones in a short space of time. The entire town knew she wasn’t handlin’ shit well. I don’t doubt Henderson would have used Elise’s state of mind to take advantage of the situation.”

“It’s sick,” Soph cut out. “How do you rip a newborn baby from its mother?” she paused as her gaze fell on me, “and its father?”

“Takes a special kind of psychopath,” Abe agreed.

Silence fell over the room as his words sank in.

Abe was right. We were dealing with an animal.

“Stitch, baby,” Atlas muttered, turning Sophie to face him. “Want you and Belle to stay locked down at the clubhouse for now. Henderson may know who you are. He could’ve had tabs on you for years, He may come after you to keep Elise under his thumb.”

Sophie didn’t hesitate. “I’ll call my boss. I have some surgeries booked in, but after they’re over, I can take time off. I didn’t take all my maternity days, and I’ve got vacation time owed. If I have to, I’ll take unpaid leave.”

He nuzzled his nose against hers. “That’s my girl.”

My SAA looked at Sophie with so much love and reverence, it made my heart tug. It was how I should’ve been with Elise. He had Sophie’s back, no questions asked, and she had his.

They put me to shame.

Atlas rested his forehead on hers. “I’ve got ya. You know that, right? There’s nothing we can’t handle together.”

My heart melted as I studied her sudden wide smile. She whispered, “I’ve never been more sure of anything, big man.”

“You wanna talk to Elise?” he asked her. “Or d’ya need some time to mull everythin’ over? No right or wrong answer, baby. You do what you need to.”

“I want to talk to her. Will you come with me?” she asked.

He dipped his chin, “Yip.”

She cupped his jaw, smiling.

An uneasy feeling hit my gut. “I dunno what you’re gonna get from her, Soph. She’s shut down.”

Her eyes swung to mine, and I marveled at the flecks of gold lighting them up as they flashed indignantly. “What do you expect? That poor woman’s been to hell and back. She lost everything and everyone she cared about. The fact she’s not locked away in a padded cell is a testament to her strength,” her eyes glazed over in thought, “if somebody took Belle from me, I think I’d die.”

A deep growl rumbled through Atlas’s chest. “Fuck me,” he rasped. “Just the thought of it makes me wanna hulk out.”

My eyes flicked pointedly to the heap of mangled bikes. “Tell me about it.”

Abe barked a laugh. “Bandit’ll be rolling in his grave.”

“Good,” I muttered. “It’ll teach the old bastard a lesson.”

“Was he involved, too?” Atlas demanded.

“No, but he didn’t fuckin’ help matters. The old goat jumped to some fucked-up conclusions and made shit worse. He wasn’t fair to Elise, though God knows I wasn’t either.” My eyes slid to Sophie, who looked at me intently. “Made mistakes, Sophie, big ones. The shit I did changed lives. Now I gotta make up for it in any way I can. There’s a good woman in that clubhouse, a woman I fucked over, albeit unknowingly, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“What did you do?” she whispered.

“Promised her everythin’, believed lies, gave my everythin’ to someone else.” I tipped my head back, eyes lifting toward the heavens. “Gotta lot to make up for, and I don’t quite know how I’m gonna go about that.” My neck bent, and my gaze caught hers. “I let you down, too.”

Sophie’s forehead scrunched up identically to the way her mother’s did, and I wondered again how I’d never noticed the similarities.

“You didn’t know,” she protested.

“But I should have,” I admitted. “My girl was loyal. Should’ve dug deeper.”

“So make it up to her,” Soph told me. “Show her you’re sorry.”

I smiled at how easy Sophie made it sound, when, in reality, I was thirty years too damned late.

How could I make up for a lifetime of hurt? Elise wasn’t that young girl who was so quick to forgive anymore. It was plain to see she was damaged and held a lot of resentment inside, resentment she was justified to feel. I didn’t need Sherlock Holmes to work out there was a shit ton of work to do to bring back the girl I once knew.

However, I was prepared to toil. I’d slog my guts out to make everything up to her. My universe had opened up again, and just like thirty years before, Elise was at the center of it, keeping me grounded. She was the moon, and I was the Earth. A magnetic force kept us tethered together. It always had.

I just had to make her feel it, too.

My stare went to Abe. “We need to call Church, then a full member meeting. Can you get on it? Suggest lockdown for the ol’ ladies and kids. The second Henderson starts to realize he’s losing control, he’ll react.”

Atlas’s mouth thinned. “When you back an animal into a corner, it’ll come out fighting.”

I nodded my agreement.

Abe got to his feet, pulling his cell phone from his pocket. “I’ll message the groups. When do you want the member meeting?”

“As soon as you can get the men together.” I stood, my anger draining away as my mind began to morph into prez mode. “Call Church, but before that, tell Cash, Bowie, and Breaker I wanna see them alone, and we’re gonna FaceTime their sister.” My eyes fell on Sophie, and I smiled. “Gonna explain everythin’ to my kids.”

Tears filled her eyes. “It’s going to be a lot for them.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “But I’m done hidin’. They need to know the setup between their ma and me. Cash already threw a fuck ton of crap at Adele for leavin’. I told him some of the history ‘cause he needed to let that shit go, but these secrets are gonna destroy us if we let ‘em. I love their mother, and I’d never hurt her, but they’re my kids, and they need to know the truth. Adele’s been on at me for years to tell them everythin’. She won’t mind as long as I handle it with care.” I reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay with me telling them your story?”

She nodded wordlessly.

I dipped my chin. “And are you okay?”

“It’s a lot,” she admitted. “And I’m still confused about some things. But yeah, I’m okay.”

Then she did something that made my breath hitch. Something that I didn’t deserve, but I thanked the heavens for all the same.

Soft arms went around my waist, and my beautiful daughter hugged me so hard that my bones went tight. “I’m glad it’s you,” she whispered.

My heart exploded in my chest, and my hand went to her back. I could already feel her weaving around my heart. I knew she was special the first time I laid eyes on her, even before she saved her brother’s life.

“Knowing you’re mine is one of the proudest moments of my life, Sophie,” I said huskily. “I’m no less proud of this moment than when your siblings were born. You’ve come to me differently, I admit, but it’s no less beautiful.”

She tipped her head back until her watery eyes met mine, and she beamed.

“Now we’ve gotta save your mom, Soph,” I murmured. “We’ve gotta bring her back into the fold where she belongs.”

“In what capacity?” she asked. “As far as I’m concerned, Elise is in my fold already. The second I discovered who she was, and without even knowing the circumstances, she became mine. There’s nothing conditional in what I feel for her. Even if it came to light that she had given me up, I would’ve understood, because I’ve had a lifetime to come to terms with it and understand that breaking your own heart is sometimes the most unselfish thing you can do for the people you love. But I need to know what your intentions are and if I need to shield her from you.”

I couldn’t stop my lips twitching at Sophie’s gall. Who would believe I had to explain my intentions to my daughter about her mother?

“She’s been mine since she was sixteen years old, Soph,” I declared. “I’ll take Elise Bell in whatever capacity she’ll have me, and I’ll do it gladly.”

“What if you can’t get her back to the place you both used to be?” Her fingers wrapped around my forearm. “Will it be enough?”

“Knowing she’s the mother of my daughter is enough. Knowing she’s away from evil and you’re both safe is enough. Moving her in here and being her roommate for the rest of our lives is enough. Admittedly, I want more, but I intend to get it in ways she’s comfortable with. Gave her up once, not prepared to do it again, at least not without a fight.”

“She’s suffering from trauma, John,” Sophie reminded me. “Years of it.”

“I’ll go easy.” I grinned.

“Jesus,” Abe scraped out.

Atlas barked a laugh.

Sophie rolled her eyes upward, and my grin widened.

Elise was older and jaded. Life had made her as cold as the iceberg that sunk the Titanic. I was part of the suffering, which was fucked-up, but I also intended to be part of the healing process.

Thawing my Leesy out was gonna be a challenge.

One I was more than willing to take on.