Chapter Twenty-Two
Elise
My heart flipped inside my chest when John led me inside the kitchen and gestured for me to sit. Maybe it was because we’d had our fingers laced together all the way there. Or perhaps it was because being close to him and feeling his skin on mine dredged up feelings that, just a few months ago, I didn’t believe I’d ever experience again.
John checked the coffee pot and grimaced. “It’s probably been there hours.”
“I’ll make some fresh,” I offered.
“Nah. You sit,” he ordered. “I’m no Martha Stewart, but I can make a pot of coffee.”
He started to go inside cupboards, banging doors as he opened and closed them, and a bubble of laughter rose through my chest. “John, sit down. I’ll make the damned coffee. You’ll be there all night looking, especially as it isn’t kept there.” I went inside the pantry and pulled out a large tin full of coffee grounds, shooing John out of my way.
“Thanks, Leesy,” he said quietly. “I know I’m useless in the kitchen,” he shook his head, muttering, “good with a gun, though.”
I spooned coffee into the top of the machine before filling it with water. “Will you teach me how to shoot?”
I turned in time to see his eyebrows pull together questioningly, so I rushed to explain myself. “Seeing how confident Layla felt because she could shoot made me wish I’d learned more. It’s wild: in the early days of being with Robert, I tried to teach myself self-defense, but of course, it didn’t go well. I always said, if I got the chance, I’d never leave myself vulnerable again, but I’ve been lazy.” I grabbed two mugs, added sugar for John, and spooned some Swiss Miss into mine.
“I’ll teach you how to shoot,” he offered. “When you’re ready, I’ll even take you to get your gun.”
I beamed. “It’s a date.” Turning, I saw there was enough Joe in the percolator for John’s cup, so I poured his coffee and added water to my drink before carrying them to the table and taking the seat opposite.
Leaning my elbow on the table, I rested the side of my head on my hand and asked John the million-dollar question. “How are you feeling?”
“Shell-shocked,” he replied, taking a sip from his cup. “Dealing with the fuckers who murdered Ashley and Maze wasn’t easy. It had to be done, but I’m not like them, Leesy. Snuffing out life isn’t something I’m comfortable doin’.” He tipped his head back, his eyes glazing over. “I dunno what to say about Shotgun. It’s like there were two men: my brother, and the asshole who let us down. I’m embarrassed that I trusted him when he was such a loose cannon. Then there’s Fender and the kids.” He shook his head. “He’s a broken man, and I know it’s somethin’ he has to work out by himself, but I just wanna take the pain away from him.”
Frustration rolled off him in waves so forceful I could almost feel it. Without thinking, I stretched my hand out and covered his. “It’s awful, John. Especially when the family’s so young. But they’ll make it through. Fender’s a good man, and he loves his kids. He’ll make it okay for them. They’ve got a huge family here and people who adore them. We’ll all help.”
John moved his hand to cover mine. “You’ll still be here then?”
“This place has gotten under my skin. It’s where our daughter and granddaughter are. Where your family is. I know Shotgun betraying the club was a blow, but the men are here for the right reasons.” My throat heated. “Do you remember the day we came to see this place with Stevie?”
“Never forgot, baby,” he replied softly.
“I was so excited for you, John, but deep down, I think I knew I wouldn’t fit in.”
He squeezed my fingers. “Damn, Leesy. You couldn’t have been more wrong.”
My shoulder lifted slightly in response. “I was right and wrong. Now, I fit in because of everything that happened over the years hardened me. But I’m not sure I would’ve coped when I was younger.” I sat forward and clasped his hand with my other one. “We had so much against us, John. I had no clue what I was letting myself in for. The way the club was back then scared me, and I would never have felt comfortable with Bandit involved. He didn't think I was strong enough, and he wouldn’t have rested until he’d proved himself right. I don't think we stood a chance, not only because of Robert’s behavior, but also because of all the other obstacles.”
“You know what I wish?” he murmured.
I cocked my head.
Gold met green, and my heart fluttered.
“I wish I’d taken you to San Diego with me and left the club behind,” John rasped. “I should’ve married you the day you turned eighteen and made you mine in the eyes of the law and God. We could’ve had the life we were meant to have, instead of drifting the way we did. I had everything that meant anything, and I lost it in the blink of an eye because I was too young and cocky to realize that if I wanted you, others would too. The day I left you, I ended us; it wasn’t Robert, it was me, and I’m sorry, baby.”
Tears sprang to my eyes, and a sudden surge of emotion exploded inside my chest. I’d been dead inside for so long that at times like these, when I felt everything, it made me ache.
“Bandit would’ve had a conniption.” I smiled.
John gently pulled his hand away from mine and sipped his coffee, staring at me over the rim. “Would you have cared?”
“Probably not at first,” I admitted. “But I made peace with your dad, John. Maybe it’s time you did, too.”
“You’re a lot more forgiving of that old coot than he was of you, Leesy,” he muttered, placing his mug back on the table. “Though, if it’s any consolation, I think when Adele showed up, Pop would’ve done anythin’ to have you walk back into my life.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t tell me he didn’t like her, either.”
John laughed softly. “He thought she was a crazy hippie chick who had her head in the clouds.”
My thoughts went back to the day I met her in the coffee shop, when she plonked Cash in my lap. “Adele was more astute than any of you gave her credit for.”
John smiled. “It’s good to see you talk about her fondly, even after everything.”
I shrugged. “Adele was never the problem, John. I get what happened between you. When you told me you needed comfort, and she was there, I realized I went through the same thing.”
“With that guy in Denver?” he muttered.
I nodded. “Does it bother you?”
John’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he visibly gulped. “Yeah, but at the same time, I’m glad you got somethin’ you needed. God knows you’d been starved of affection for years. I don’t like the idea of you being with anyone, but at the same time, I know sex doesn’t always equate to love. It can mean different things to different people. Maybe growin’ up and seeing meaningless sex in the club gave me a different perspective. It can be intimate and bring people closer, but it’s not always like that.”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
Our eyes locked, and my stomach gave a little pull toward him.
It was still there, that feeling he gave me; maybe it never went away; perhaps I just learned to ignore it over the years, or maybe I conditioned myself not to feel it because it hurt too much.
I’d been so cold, physically and emotionally, because I was so fucking heartbroken. It was easier and kinder to shut down because the pain was too much. But the ice inside my heart had melted without me even realizing it during the weeks I’d been here.
One day, I woke up, and I was warm.
Looking back, it was easy to see how it happened, even though, at the time, I didn’t notice myself changing. Kids, laughter, sisterhood, family, friendship, and babies. They were all instrumental in thawing out my emotions.
How could all that beauty not affect me when it meant everything?
And it was John who gave me what I needed when I needed it the most.
“Can I ask you something?” I inquired softly.
One side of his mouth hitched. “Seems it’s the night for revelations, baby. Ask away.”
I picked up my cup and took a mouthful of my now tepid hot chocolate, gearing myself up to ask the question I wasn’t totally sure I wanted the answer to.
Pulling my shoulders back, I braced. “Why didn’t you come for me when Adele left? You must’ve seen how unhappy I was.”
John’s eyes flicked between mine briefly. “Honestly, I don’t know. I remember tossing and turning in bed for nights on end, wrestling with it. At first, it felt disloyal to Adele, though now I know she’d always planned for us to make another go of it. Then the trouble started with Junior and the sexual assaults, and I think I wanted to keep you away from danger, not knowing you were in the thick of it all along. Every time I called you to meet up, I was desperate to see you and make sure you were okay, but you were so distant with me, Leesy. I didn’t know if you’d be receptive to leaving your marriage. Maybe it was self-preservation and the fear of getting shredded again.”
I cleared my burning throat and swallowed down the tears threatening to fall.
John leaned forward and took both my hands in his again. “Thing is, I realize now that subconsciously, I always knew I’d come for you.”
“How?” I whispered.
“I can’t explain it,” John’s thumb rubbed comfortingly over mine, “but I can show you.” White teeth flashed through his salt-and-pepper beard, and my heart stopped. “You wanna come for a ride with me, Leesy?” he asked, his deep voice a sexy drawl.
“Yeah,” I breathed without hesitation because, at that moment, I would’ve followed John Stone to the ends of the earth with just a crook of his finger.
He stood, keeping hold of my hand, and tugged me from my seat straight into his body. Strong hands came up to frame my face. “Are you sure?”
A memory pinged and I was transported back thirty-four years to the warm summer night I gave myself to John Stone, heart and soul.
“Need to ask you one last time,” he murmured. “Are you sure?”
My eyes lifted to meet his. “I’ve never been surer of anything, John Stone. I want you. If you stopped now, I think I’d die.”
John’s mouth hitched. “Well, I don’t want that.”
The burn took my breath away, and I couldn’t help thinking about all the time we’d lost. We were meant to have it all: love, marriage, and babies, but it didn’t happen for us.
We threw it away.
I needed to decide if I wanted to throw away the next thirty-four years, too, or did I want to reach out and grab happiness with both hands? I’d lived in pain for so long and was so used to feeling empty that it was an addiction. Was it time to wean myself off the pain and open my eyes to what things could be if I only let it?
Our gazes pulled together like magnets. John’s eyes shone with emotion, and I suspected mine did, too, by the way he stared into them.
My heart expanded with all the joy inside, and my mouth curved. “I’m sure,” I said determinedly. “Let’s go.”
John’s grin split his face, and he grabbed my hand, tugging me out of the back door. “This way,” he murmured, glancing over his shoulder at me while pulling me across the back yard. “It’s quicker.”
I let out an excited laugh. “What’s quicker? Where are we going?”
“To where it all began, baby,” he declared.
We rounded the back of the clubhouse, and John led me toward the massive garage that housed the brothers’ trucks and bikes. “Are we taking your bike?” I asked breathily. “Oh my God. I haven’t been on the back of a bike since San Diego.”
He chuckled, letting go of my hand to delve into his pocket for a set of keys. “No bike tonight. Too dangerous with the Sinners around, but it’ll come. When all this is over, we’ll plan a club run, and I want you on the back of my bike.” The lock clicked, and John grabbed my hand again, tugging me inside the garage. “Come on.”
I stepped inside just as the lights flicked on, and I gasped.
Bikes and trucks were lined up in rows with gaps between them to enable the driver to pull out. I’d never seen so many vehicles in one place. There were more here than a car showroom, and all of them were gleaming.
“This way,” John muttered, guiding me toward a row of vehicles at the back of the room.
They seemed older, classic even, but still in perfect condition. We walked toward a big, black Dodge and I did a double take. “Isn’t that Bandit’s old truck?
“Yeah,” he confirmed. “I restored it after the old fucker died.”
“I’m shocked you managed to save the engine.” We continued down the line of old cars. “He was a good rider but a terrible driver—” I caught a flash of blue down at the end. “Oh my God,” I whispered, coming to a halt. My hands flew to my face. “Bessie?”
“You recognize her?” John asked.
Tears filled my eyes, and I nodded, lost for words.
“Hey!” he murmured, sliding an arm across my shoulders. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to see that I kept her for ya, Leesy. The slip’s still in your name; she’s always been yours, and I never forgot it. We had a lotta good times in Bessie.”
“Oh, John,” I whispered, my eyes still glued to the truck like it was a mirage that was about to disappear any second.
“She represented us,” John explained. “When I found out Dad took her from you, I wanted to give her back, but you were already married, and I saw you driving around town in the fancy Audi Henderson bought you, so I decided to keep her, just in case.” His eyes slid to mine, and he grinned. “Glad I did now.” His hands rested on my shoulders, and he turned me to face him. “Wanna go for a ride in her?”
I felt a tear track down my cheek. “Can we?”
His hand cupped my face, and his thumb swiped the moisture from my skin. “Didn’t wanna make you cry.”
“It’s not you, John,” I reassured him. “I feel everything after years of feeling nothing, and it’s a lot.”
“Got more to go,” he said, his golden eyes seeping over my face. “Can you handle it?”
I smiled. “I’m too curious to say no.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Come on,” he encouraged excitedly. “Get in.” Opening the door for me, he swept his hand out with a flourish. “Your chariot awaits.”
I rolled my eyes at how corny he was behaving, but secretly, I loved it. The John of old would have never been so cheesy. Maybe it was because we were older, but it seemed romantic, especially as it wasn’t the norm for him.
I pulled myself up into the cab and rested my ass on the bench seat, pulling a long draw of air in through my nose. Old, worn leather and John’s cologne assailed my senses, and nostalgia hit me directly in the chest. Being here again, next to John, in the passenger seat of Bessie had taken me back to a time of pure joy.
Bessie represented everything good in my life, everything that had kept me going through the darkness. So many times, I’d wondered if it was worth existing. I’d lived such a soulless life that I went to bed every night empty and not wanting to wake up. Then I’d dream of John, the creek, and goodnight kisses in Bessie. It gave me hope that maybe one day, I could find that joy again.
The familiar sound of the engine filled the garage, and John slid his arm across the back of my seat, twisting his neck to look out the rear window.
“You ready for this?” he asked, his beard twitching as he grinned.
“Never been more ready in my life,” I sassed.
John laughed, and suddenly, we were on the move. He reversed the truck from its space, turned the wheel, and drove down the row of vehicles and through the doors into the now dimming evening light. The sun in the distance was low. Nightfall would be here soon.
The barrier lifted and John turned onto the main road, taking a route that was familiar.
My chest ached. “Where are we going?”
He glanced at me, then back at the road. “There’s only one place this road leads to, Leesy. Don’t tell me you forgot.”
Despite his teasing, the ache in my chest intensified. “I don’t want to go down the creek.”
I watched his forehead crease. “Why?”
“Because it’s not our creek anymore. It’s changed. You built on it.”
“Leesy,” John drawled. “We talked about this when we bought the warehouse. You knew the land backed onto the creek. We talked about building houses down there ‘cause we wanted our own community.”
I twisted my legs up and turned on my side until I faced John. “I always thought we’d preserve the tree. The last time I was down there was when I met you to talk, and they were building a house right by it. I swore from then on, I’d stay away. I know things change, and life moves on, but that tree symbolized so much of us, so to see it torn down would be like tearing me down, too.”
John let out a chuckle.
“Hey,” I cried, slapping his arm.
He glanced at me again. “Do you trust me?”
I thought about his question before automatically answering and concluded that out of the many people I knew, John was among the ones I trusted with my life purely because he’d saved it. John had protected me in so many ways since I’d been here. How could I not trust him?
“Yeah,’ I breathed. “I trust you.”
“Do you trust that I’d cut off my own arm before I’d knowingly hurt you?” he asked.
My gaze caught on his beautiful hands on the steering wheel. His fingers were long, his nails short and clean. The veins protruding from them conveyed strength and capability.
Those hands had loved me, and I knew they’d also kill for me.
My gaze slid back to his face. “I know you’d never knowingly hurt me,” I admitted.
John turned the steering wheel into the area by the creek. Back in the day, the ground had been grassy and filled with flowers and weeds, so we’d had to park up and walk down to the water.
Now, it had been leveled and paved. The road sloped gently down toward the building site, where the houses looked to be in various stages of completion.
The truck came to a stop, and John leaned forward to the glove box and pressed it open. He held up a familiar scrap of cloth. “Remember this?”
“No,” I replied.
He sat me up, turned me around, and gently slipped the cloth over my eyes before tying it securely at the back. “It’s the same one I used to blindfold you the night I made you mine,” he rumbled, causing a warm shiver to run down my back.
The door slammed, then, within seconds, my door opened, and strong hands pulled me from Bessie. I felt the sensation of being lifted and pulled into a hard body and I let out a shocked laugh. “What are you doing?”
“It’s a surprise, Leesy,” John replied.
“I’m not eighteen anymore,” I protested. “I can walk.”
“Shut up, Elise,” he told me, humor lacing is tone.
“Don’t you tell me to shut up, John Stone,” I began, indignation curling inside my chest. “I’m a grown-assed woman, and I will not be told what to—oh!” I cried as John placed me back on my feet and held me steady.
“Shh,” he whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver again. “You’ll ruin the goddamned moment. I’m tryin’a impress you here, woman, and you won’t stop giving me lip.”
I opened my mouth to snap back when John suddenly whipped the bandana from my eyes, rested his hands on my shoulders from behind, and murmured, “Look.”
It took a few seconds for my eyes to focus, but when they did, my hands flew to my mouth for a second time that night, and I whispered, “Oh my God.”
When John and I were young, we used to talk about the house he’d build me. He’d ask me what I wanted, how big, the color, how many rooms, and what would need to make it into a home.
Looking at the beautiful, whitewashed building transported me back in time, to those nights when we whispered our hopes and dreams to each other, because before me sat the exact house I’d always dreamed of and identical to the one I used to describe to John in those whispered moments.
“John,” I murmured, my tear-filled eyes frantically flicking over the large, sprawling two-story farmhouse. I took in its perfect symmetrical dormers and gables, with a sage green door situated in the center of the building. The wooden panels had been rendered and whitewashed, but the trims and roof were a modern slate grey that perfectly highlighted the beautiful features. The windows were tall, and the horizontal siding, along with its steeply pitched roof, gave the house charm.
But the detail that took my breath away was the wraparound porch spanning the front of the house and disappearing around the sides. It was white, with the floorboards the same grey as the roof, and contained a white and blue porch swing beside two old-fashioned rocking chairs and a low glass-topped table.
A warm hand took mine, and John pulled me toward the house and up the porch steps to the front door. He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a set of keys before pushing them into the lock and swinging the pretty green door wide open. He stepped inside and clicked a switch on the wall, which bathed the room in a soft glow. “Come on, baby.’ He jerked his chin toward the hallway behind. “I want you to see everythin’.”
I felt as if I was walking on air. Stunned, I stepped inside the cloakroom and instantly, all tension left my body. Wondrously, I took in the pegs on one wall where you could hang your coats—or cuts. My gaze slid right to study the wide staircase leading upstairs; my eyes widened at the shiny pale oak spindles and boards. The oak theme carried through the reception area with a picture rail, only broken up by the soft grey rug laid across the wooden boards.
“I remember you told me you liked oak,” John admitted. “I think that’s why it’s all through the house. Honestly, Leesy, it wasn’t a conscious decision, none of it was, but when I walked inside the day it was finished, I knew immediately that I’d built it for you. It was everything you told me you wanted when we were kids.”
“When was that?” I asked huskily. “When did you know?”
John took my hand, pulled me into his body, and tipped my chin up with his forefinger, gazing into my eyes. “One week before you came back to me.”
A sob tore from my throat, and I faceplanted into John’s chest. “You always knew?” I cried.
“Yeah, Leesy.” His arms slid across my back, and he held me closer. “I did.” His arms loosened, and he pulled back slightly. “The study’s through that door, and the family room is opposite.” He pulled me toward a door at the back of the cloakroom and pushed it open. “And this is the kitchen.”
I walked inside the vast room, and my steps faltered at the sight of the pale oak countertops and matching cupboards. The ones fitted on the wall had glass fronts so you could see inside. My gaze fixated on the silver range stove with eight burners and the matching double fridge opposite. The sink was an old-fashioned but trendy Belfast style, which had been built into the shiny new cupboards below. The walls were painted a soft cream that matched the blinds covering the windows, and a set of French doors that looked out onto the long garden with a view of the creek and a large oak tree.
Our tree.
My head whipped around. “John,” I murmured. “I don’t know what to say.”
He slipped an arm around my waist and led me to the doors. “I wanted our tree preserved, so I made it part of the property. I got the pick of the lots, and there was only one choice for me, baby.” He grinned, shaking his head as he turned the key in the lock of the French doors and pushed them open. “Can’t believe you thought I’d chop our tree down.”
I bit back my own grin. “Well, you did knock another woman up. How was I supposed to know that you were carrying a torch for me all along?”
John barked a laugh and pulled me closer. “You wanna go out there?”
Twisting my head, I looked up at him. “Can we?”
He glanced down at me and muttered, “C’mon,” before pulling me through the doors and out into the vast garden.
We walked hand in hand over the rustic paving stones leading to the tree.
The night was drawing in, and the stars were twinkling in the darkening sky, the same way they did thirty years ago whenever John brought me down here at night. It took a good minute before we reached the huge old oak. John had built the house a fair way back from it. The garden was massive, it must have been fifty meters across and led down to the creek at the bottom, which was even longer than it was wide.
John sank to his ass in the very spot we used to lay, pulling me down so I was half-sat on his lap. “You warm enough?” he asked.
The heat from his body sent goose bumps down my arms, but I wasn’t cold. John had always been a furnace, so, that and the fact that the nights were a pleasant, warm sixty degrees, meant I was comfortable.
I tipped my chin up at the now pitch-black sky. “The stars are bright tonight. Look, there’s Cassiopeia.” My eyes slid to look at John. “Do you remember the story and how she pissed off Poseidon by boasting her daughter Andromeda was the most beautiful?”
John lay down flat on his back, looking up at the sky. “I remember everything, baby. Even remember how you said you’d protect our kids, even if it meant sacrificing yourself.” His head turned to me, and his voice went husky with emotion. “You did it, Leesy. You kept your promise. You sacrificed yourself to keep our girl safe. I’m so fuckin’ proud of you and of Soph. There are no words to thank you for what you did for her.”
I laid down on my side with my elbow to the dirt, resting my head in my hand, and confessed something I’d been thinking about for weeks. “I wish I’d told you.”
He shifted his head to look at me. “You did what you thought was right. All any of us can do is take the information we have and make the best decision we can. That’s what you did, and who knows what could’ve happened if you’d told me back then? Sophie might not be here now.”
“We lost so much, John,” I whispered, tears filling my eyes and spilling down my cheeks.
He raised a hand and gently wiped them away. “I know, baby. But we lost us for her, and she was worth it. Our girl’s fucking awesome.”
“Yeah,” I admitted through my tears. “She is.”
John smiled up at me, his fingers sifting through my hair. “We lost thirty years, baby, but we still have half a lifetime left. I’ve decided to give up the gavel and leave the club.”
“John, you can’t,” I protested, my eyes rounding in shock. “You are the Speed Demons. You’re everything the club embodies.”
“No, I’m not,” he argued. “I’m one man, and I’m tired, baby. This war has proved to me that my heart’s not in it. I’ve lived a good life—well, as good as it could’ve been without you and Sophie, but there’s so much more for me, and that’s you. I wanna take my time and get to know you again. I want us to travel and see places. Most of all, Leesy, I don’t wanna waste any more time being without you. The job takes up so much of my energy, and all I wanna do is give it to you. I’m fifty-five years old; I’ve worked hard, and there’s plenty of cake in the bank. Let’s enjoy it.”
I swept my arm out toward the house. “But look what you’ve built us. We can hardly fuck off to Europe and leave it.”
John chuckled. “We can do whatever the fuck we want, but we do need a base, and this is it. All I ask is that we’re home for the grandbaby’s birthdays and for Christmas. The kids would be disappointed if Granddaddy John didn’t wear his Santy suit on the big day. It’s clubhouse tradition.” He tugged me down and slid his arm around my back.
I rested my cheek on his chest and sighed. “Christmas is all about kids anyway. It’s no fun without them.” I peered up to look in his eyes. “I love the way you are with them. It’s what started to draw me to you again.”
John’s hand came down to stroke my hair. “Done a lot of shit in my life, Leesy. I’ve ridden through canyons, deserts, mountains, and beaches. Did Iron Mountain Road and attended rallies and parties. Done shit that would make your hair curl. Seen the Grand Canyon, and cried at the beauty of Niagara Falls, but nothin’ I did comes close to dancin’ with my granddaughter’s feet restin’ on my boots or teaching my grandsons to ride a bike. Nothin’ comes close to Christmas mornin’, putting on an obscenely tight Santy suit just to make my kids and grandbabies smile.”
I beamed up at him, the beauty of his words bringing on those pesky tears again. “I’ve always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls,” I croaked.
“I’ll take ya, baby. All the time I was there, all I wanted was to share it with you anyway.” Gold met green, and he jerked his chin at me. “Come here, Leesy.”
I crawled up until our eyes were level, staying on my side.
John laced our fingers together, brought my hand up, and kissed my palm. “Tomorrow, if things get hot, I want you to take the kids down the Cell with the girls and stay there until I come for ya.” He leaned forward and touched his mouth to mine, his beard tickling my chin.
My heart fluttered.
“Is it going to be dangerous?” I asked quietly.
“I dunno,” he admitted. “They’ve probably got an idea we’re comin’. Most of them have been rounded up by the Feds already, but the key players are still free. Bear disappeared, and Henderson’s lawyer got him outta jail on bail. We’re not facin’ the numbers we were before; in fact, there’s way more of us than them now. But we’re dealin’ with men who have a screw loose and nothin’ to lose. Bear won’t go to jail. He’ll ride off a cliff before that happens, but he’ll also put as many of us down as he can before he goes out in a blaze of glory.”
My heart squeezed painfully.
Asking John not to go would be akin to asking him not to walk or talk. I knew there was no way he’d send his men in there while he stayed safe at the clubhouse. John would be the first man to ride in and the last man to leave. As much as a part of me wished he’d take more care, it wouldn’t be my John.
“If anything happens, I’ll go down the Cell and look after the kids,” I assented.
John leaned forward again and gently kissed the tip of my nose. “Thank you, baby.” He pulled back slightly, his stare holding mine. “One more question.”
I rolled my eyes. “What?”
A small smirk played around his lips. “When all this is over, will you go on a date with me?”
I laughed. “A date? Aren’t we a bit old for that?” I nodded toward the building. “You already built me a house, John, and you want to start dating?”
His smirk spread into a grin. “We’re never too old for romance, Leesy. We gotta lotta time to make up for and a lotta getting to know each other again.”
My heart sank. “What if you don’t like what you find?”
He deadpanned. “Already do. It’s always been you, and it always will be. I gave you my heart and soul when I was a twenty-one-year-old kid who thought he’d rule the world. The date’s for you; I want you to feel special, I wanna do traditional and court you again, and I want you on the back of my bike, where you belong.”
My heart swelled at John’s words.
He spoke from the heart, and he wasn’t the type of man to blow smoke up my ass. John Stone wasn’t a smooth talker, and he didn’t use pretty words to love-bomb me. Whenever he spoke about his feelings, it was all the more romantic because I knew he meant every word.
“Do you really think we can do this?” I whispered, hoping with all my heart we could.
He squeezed my fingers. “We owe it to ourselves to try, baby. It got ripped away from us, but I never stopped lovin’ you. I know we’re different people, but there’s nothing I’ve seen that makes me think we can’t rise above the bullshit and be happy. You’re a good woman, strong, loyal, and gorgeous. What’s not to damned well love?”
Well, what could I say to that?
This man had not only saved my life; he’d given me something I’d craved every second of the last thirty-four years.
Family.
Add to that the fact that he’d kept Bessie for me and subconsciously was so determined to get me back that he even built me my dream house; it meant my answer was pretty much a sure thing.
It seemed we were doing this.
I just hoped we both knew what we were letting ourselves in for. There was a lot of baggage to unpack and sort through. Years worth of trauma and pain weren’t going away with a smile and a kiss.
A little voice in the back of my mind whispered how, up to now, things had been easy, which was fine, but I couldn’t help wondering if all this was happening too fast and a little too easily.
I guessed only time would tell.