Chapter Twenty-Eight
Dagger
Twelve Hours Later
“I cannot fuckin’ believe Cash got to let off my AT4,” Atlas complained yet again. “It’s not fuckin’ fair.” He smacked the table we sat around in Church with his fist, glowering at the VP.
I rubbed at the tension headache forming in my temples. “Jesus Christ, brother. Give it a goddamned rest.”
“Well,” he continued. “Nettie was my bitch, and I only got one cartridge with her. It’ll take months to get another one brought in. Cartridges for AT4s are like fuckin’ gold dust.”
Cash leaned across the table. “Brother, I’ve already explained, they were about to flee the scene. We needed that shit wrapped up, once and for all. We couldn’t let ‘em slither away, so I had no choice but to blow up their transport.”
“You’re lucky you didn’t take the entire compound out,” Breaker interjected. “Those AT4s are destructive motherfuckers. Wield it a few inches in the wrong direction, and boom. ”
“I trusted my club brother,” Cash declared. “Arrow told me he could work it, so I took that as gospel. We don’t lie to each other or blow smoke up asses. If any of ‘em tell me they can do somethin’, then as far as I’m concerned, it’s true.”
“Turned out to be a good call,” Bowie drawled, sitting to the side of his chair with his arm flung across the back of it casually. “The Sinners didn’t get away, and we won with the help of Pop’s friends in low places.”
Abe chuckled. “You’re a dark horse. I can’t believe you kept Spencer and his boys in your back pocket all this time. How the fuck did that come about?”
My mouth tipped up. “Colt saw the job advertised on the dark web and investigated as part of his FBI duties. When he discovered the job was for Henderson, he called me. Spence put together his private security team when we popped smoke. In fact, I’ve done small jobs for him over the years. Six months ago, he asked me to help him out, but I turned him down—at the time, the heat was on with Henderson. Called him back and told him if he scratched my back, I’d scratch his. He gathered his boys together, told ‘em the score, and they all agreed to play the game. They’re good men with morals. They jumped at the chance of helping to take down a trafficking ring.”
“Why didn’t you tell anybody?” Abe asked. “You could’ve trusted us.”
“I know, brother,” I replied quietly. “There’s nobody I trust more than the men around this table, but it was a condition of Spencer agreeing to take the job. I know you, but Spencer doesn’t. His priority is to protect his team. Plus, we agreed that your reactions toward them had to be real. They were in a dangerous spot, and if anything gave them away, they’d have been fucked. It wasn’t personal. I only told Cash at the last minute, ‘cause he needed to know not to fire on them.”
“I get it,” Atlas muttered.
I raised a hand to scratch my beard thoughtfully. “It was risky, but I made a promise to Spence. We’ve always had each other’s backs—and being POWs made our bond unbreakable. You know, if I say I’ll do somethin’, I mean it down to my bones. I’ve kept all your confidences at one time or another. A man’s got nothing if he hasn’t got his word.”
“Fair enough.” Bowie shrugged.
“Gotcha,” Breaker muttered.
My stare rested on my youngest son.
Kit had dark shadows under his eyes, and his usually olive skin held a tinge of grey.
Killing took everything out of him, and it worried me to distraction. My boy’s PTSD was under control, but I fretted that every time he took a life, he’d also take a turn for the worse in his recovery.
“How you doin’, Son?” I asked carefully. “Is your head together?”
His stare lowered to his fingers, and I caught the slight tremor in them. “Not entirely, but I’ll feel better after I take a nanna nap with Kady. Might need a few sessions at Grand Junction, too.”
“Anythin’ I can do for you, brother?” Cash asked, his tone full of concern.
My heart swelled.
A year ago, my oldest and youngest were at each other’s throats. Cash was still deep in therapy and angry at the world, while Kit was so unwell that he almost killed himself.
Seeing Xander extend a helping hand cemented the fact he was ready to take over the club. A big part of being prez was showing humility, and my oldest son had just displayed his beautifully.
“Probably best if I lay low for a few days,” Kit replied. “The noises and lights are a lot for me when I’m feeling low. Kitten and I have decided to move our shit down to the house later today. The threat’s gone now, so there’s no reason to be cramped up in one room anymore. And I could use the space from the hustle and bustle. I’ll be okay after a few sessions at the Vet Center and a good night’s sleep.”
“Layla asked me if we could move into the house this mornin’, too,” Bowie announced. “Told her I’d clear it first.”
“Wildcat’s goin’ to the grocery store later to pick up some snacks for home,” Cash informed us with a knowing grin. “Seems our ol’ ladies got together and decided they’d hit us with a triple whammy.”
We all chuckled, shaking our heads at the thought of our women trying to get one over on us. The thing was, it worked. Our ol’ ladies would get their way, just like they always did, because we’d give them anything in our power.
No question.
It was crazy to think how, over the years, every one of us had fucked up royally. We were stubborn men who’d all been damaged in untold ways. Every man at this table had lived in darkness, but our women, one by one, had brought us back into the light.
A small smile played around my mouth as my eyes slid across the table to Bowie.
My middle boy was a born father. When he wasn’t doing work for the club, you could find him with Layla and his kids. He took ‘em to theme parks, playgrounds, and often down the creek to teach Sunny how to fish and splash the little one’s feet in the water. Bowie promised Layla a big family vacation the following year at the beach, except he’d confided in me earlier that now the threat was over, he was actively trying to knock his Doe up again.
Maybe Layla’s family vacation would have to wait, because if I knew Bowie and his Supersperm, he’d succeed in his mission without much effort.
Cash had his boy, and he was happy with his lot.
Cara didn’t have Layla’s maternal instinct. She was a fabulous mother and loved Wilder to distraction. But he was a lot, and she struggled to keep up with him.
Maybe she’d give Xander another kid at some point, but I didn’t think it was his priority. Soon, he’d have to throw everything he had into taking over the club, and I knew my son would want his woman by his side—right where she belonged—when I handed him the gavel. It had taken Cash a long time to conquer his demons. It was a testament to his own will of iron that he’d smashed the crippling expectations that Bandit had laid on his shoulders when Xan was just a boy.
My ears pricked up when Breaker began to talk about the club run he wanted to organize in a few weeks, and my heart swelled with love for my sensitive youngest boy.
Admittedly, I hadn’t done right by him over the years. I left him hanging out to dry because he reminded me so much of myself when I returned from Kuwait. My biggest regret—apart from Elise—was not talking to him about our shared experiences, and the shame I felt in myself was something I’d have to live with for the rest of my life.
Kit had morphed from the son I wrote off to the brother I trusted the most with the lives of the people connected to the club. He was strong, good, and decent, and I was in awe of how he’d turned his life around. My Kit was a born protector. It started with his country and ended with his family and club, and I loved him all the more for it.
Atlas’s booming laugh pulled me from my thoughts, and I grinned at its infectiousness.
My SAA was solid, and there wasn’t a man in the world who I would’ve preferred to be with my oldest child more than that crazy fucker.
Atlas had gone from a man who didn’t want connection to a man who couldn’t live without it, and the care and attention he bestowed on Sophie and Belle made my heart sing.
Danny had become a father at an early age when his own passed away and he’d taken over the parental responsibility for his younger sister. Over the years, he’d worked hard to provide not only material things but also support, and it came at a cost; he never got to be a kid, but the benefits it gave him as a man couldn’t be ignored.
My oldest girl recognized what he needed and fought to give it to him. She was fierce, caring, and beautiful inside and out. Sophie Woods—nee Green—nee Stone—had a way about her that made people trust, and Atlas knew those parts of his ol’ lady needed to be protected at all costs for the good of humanity.
And he did it gladly, every day of his life.
My melancholy mood made my mind turn to my baby, Freya, and as always, my heart ached because she wasn’t here.
What made my cross harder to bear was the reason she left. As always, my ego prevailed, and I drove my baby away. There was so much of my dad inside my heart that it scared me. What if, eventually, I drove everybody I loved away?
My eyes flickered over my boys, and it hit me.
My sons took responsibility for their shortcomings and strived to overcome them. Wasn’t it about time I did the same? I was a fifty-five-year-old man, so why was I still allowing my dad to influence me? My life had been all about the club, just as Bandit’s was.
The club takes priority; the club comes first; club is everything.
But it wasn’t.
Family was everything.
Elise Bell was everything.
The Speed Demons gave me purpose, but Elise and my family fed my soul. There was nothing more I could accomplish here. My kids had learned all the lessons they needed, most of them without my damned input. I was their dad and would always be here for them, but I had to let them do what they were born to do.
Best me.
Exceed me.
Do better than I did.
My kids needed space to grow and evolve, and it was my job as a father to let them fly higher than I ever could.
As always, I looked to Abe for support, even though he wasn’t privy to my thoughts.
My chest loosened when I found he was already staring intently at me.
He knew.
My best friend and brother understood exactly what was on my mind. Not for the first time, I thanked every God in existence for him. He’d supported my unworthy ass since the day I met him when I was sixteen years old, and if anybody kept my shit straight, it was him. This man knew me inside out and stayed with me regardless. Everything good inside me was as a result of him.
I jumped slightly as my cell phone suddenly beeped from my pocket, pulling me back into Church.
“Sent the route to your cell phones,” Breaker stated. “I’ve added a stop every hour so the ol’ ladies can get a break from the bikes. We’ve not had a club run for over a year, and their sweet asses aren’t used to ridin’.”
My hand went to my pocket, and I pulled out my cell as if on autopilot, my mind still dazed by the onslaught of revelations.
Sure enough, Kit had sent us all a detailed route for the big club run.
My stare lifted back to the boys. “Boys—”
“Good call avoiding Mapletree.” Atlas deadpanned. “Riding the outskirts is A-okay, but the thought of driving past Henderson’s old place gives my ass the heebie-jeebies.”
Kit’s eyes bugged out. “Can you fuckin’ imagine?” He pointed at the window. “Oh, look, Kitten, that’s the spot where I slit that skinny fucker’s throat. Good ol’ days, huh?”
Cash chuckled.
I leaned forward. “Boys—”
“Never wanna go into that town again.” Bowie shuddered. “The last thing I need is flashbacks of that Sinner rising up behind that car, pointin’ his gun straight at me. I swear, my life flashed before my eyes.”
I closed my eyes and murmured, “Can I just—?”
“Shame,” Atlas muttered. “That bakery on Smith Street’s the shit—”
A sharp whistle pierced the air. “Boys!” Abe bellowed, dropping his hand. “Prez is trying to say somethin’.”
Every face turned toward me, and my throat heated when I took in their expectant expressions.
Suddenly, I wondered if I was about to do the wrong thing, but then, the thought of another five years doing this shit made my bones ache.
“I’m leavin’ the club,” I blurted out.
Silence fell over us briefly before Cash said, “We know.”
My eyes caught his. “We’ve got three months to get the handover done. Start thinkin’ about your next steps, including choosin’ your officers. We’ll announce it to the club after the run.”
Cash’s eyes rounded. “Whoa, Pop. Slow your roll. I thought we were gonna do this gradually.”
“We are,” I told him. “Three months ain’t a quick turnaround, Son.”
Cash slumped back in his chair and muttered, “Fuck!”
“I’m leavin’ at the same time,” Abe announced. “You’ll need to find a new secretary.”
Slowly, Cash closed his eyes. “Fuck!” he repeated.
Kit looked between me and Cash. “What the hell’s goin’ on?”
Cash heaved an audible breath. “Dad told me a while ago he was thinkin’ of passin’ on the gavel. We didn’t get into it ‘cause we had to deal with Henderson and the Sinners. You know the rest.”
Atlas’s elbows hit the table. “I knew it was only a matter of time. You’ve been hintin’ for months. I get it, Dagger. It’s hard goin’, and lately, you’ve had more than your fair share of knocks. I’m grateful you got us through this shit with Henderson, though. You saved the day with Spencer, and if you weren’t on that hill, with your M4, coverin’ our asses, I reckon we would’ve lost brothers. You’ve been a great Prez…” his voice cracked and trailed off.
“It’s a young man’s game,” I agreed. “I’m fifty-five years old, and I know I’ve got a lotta years left in me, but I don’t wanna spend ‘em doin’ more of the same thing. When we were kids, I promised Elise we’d see the world. It’s time I kept my word.”
“You doin’ this for her?” Bowie choked out.
“No, Son,” I croaked. “She wouldn’t care one way or the other. I’ve been thinking about it for a year, but I only told her very recently. There are no expectations between us, Gage. All she wants is for me to be happy.” I noticed Kit studying me intently. “You okay, Son?”
“Yeah,” he replied.
“No questions?” I asked.
He grinned. “Nope.”
My chest warmed, and I grinned back at him.
Out of everyone, I knew Kit would get it. He lost Kennedy for nine years and would’ve left Hambleton for Vegas if she hadn’t brought the kids here while he got treatment for his PTSD at Grand Junction. Our situations were different, but he knew his priorities as well as I knew mine, and he also knew there were things more important than the club.
“I’ve given the best years of my life to the Speed Demons,” I began. “And I’ve loved every minute. But something was always missing, and I don’t think I have to explain to any of you boys how that feels. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for any of you, but I need to step back, hand over the gavel, and retire. I wanna put my woman on the back of my bike and somehow try and get back the years we lost. I can’t do that as president of this club, and it’s not fair on the brothers.” I looked from one face to the next, taking in golden eyes so much like my own, and grinned. “I’ve taught you everything I can, boys; there’s nothing left. It’s time for Cash to pick his officers and make the club his own, the same way I did when Bandit handed the gavel to me.”
Silence fell over us again while my boys considered my words. Eventually, Cash dipped his chin, his eyes meeting mine, and asked, “You’re sure, Dad?”
I dipped my chin back. “Yeah, Son.”
He took a visible gulp, no doubt swallowing down his emotions. “Then we wish you well, Pop.”
“Fuckin’ A,” Atlas rumbled.
“Good luck, Dad,” Breaker said softly.
“Won’t be the same without ya, Pop,” Bowie muttered.
“Thanks, brothers.” My pinkie stretched out to touch the gavel, sitting by my hand. “It’s been my privilege to guide this club, but there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re all ready for this.” My fingers slid toward the gavel, carefully picking it up, and I slowly stood. “We’ll do it in an official way later, but this belongs to you now, Cash.” I held the block of wood out, my chest twisting as Abe also got up from his seat. “I’ll tell you the same thing Bandit told me when I took over. Be good to her, and she’ll give it back tenfold. Be a cunt, and she’ll give you good, but she’ll also chew you up and spit you out.”
“That old cunt would know,” Abe muttered.
Atlas chuckled.
“Pop,” Cash croaked, his body still and his eyes riveted to the gavel. “You said three months. This is too soon.”
“I’ll be here, Son,” I assured him. “But this is yours now. You gotta have faith in yourself. Jesus, why don’t you get how fuckin’ ready you are?” I felt my eyes misting up. “Take it and make it your own. Have faith, Xander. This is your legacy.” My eyes slid from one face to the next. “It’s all your legacies.”
My oldest boy straightened his spine, placed his palms on the table, and slowly stood up. “Thanks, Pop. I hope I can do it justice.”
My heart squeezed painfully, but I disguised it with a reassuring smile. “You’ll fuckin’ smash it, Prez,” I told him, no hesitation in my tone. “I hope this brings you as much beauty as it brought me.”
Cash stretched out an arm and accepted the gavel from me.
My heart twisted painfully, but underneath the ache, it still felt right.
Turning toward my boys, I grinned, giving them a loose salute. “It’s been an honor, brothers. This is the beginning of a new era, and I can’t wait to see the good shit you do.” With one last chin lift, I turned for the door and walked out of Church for the last time with Abe at my back, the same way he had been for the last thirty years.
The instant the door clicked shut, my back hit the wall, and my hand rubbed at the ache in my chest. “Fuck!”
“You did good, John,” Abe murmured. “They’re ready, and you’re not alone.”
My breath came hard and fast, my chest sawing in and out.
“You’re not alone, John,” Abe repeated. “Look.”
I lifted my head, directing my gaze down the corridor, and the ton of weight lifted from my chest when I saw Elise leaning her shoulder against the wall.
She wore black jeans, a tee, spiky heeled boots, and a leather jacket. Her long hair was curled, her green eyes made up dark, and her puffy lips red.
“Jesus,” I croaked. “I think I just shot my load. You look like bad Sandy from Grease.”
Abe chuckled at the same time as Leesy’s tinkling giggle floated toward me. “Exactly the look I was going for,” she said proudly. “Now, go get your shit together, we’re going for a ride. You look like you need to clear the cobwebs, Stone.”
One side of my mouth hitched, and slowly, I began to walk toward my beautiful woman.
“How did it go?” she asked, her tone full of concern.
“Second hardest thing I’ve done after having to live without you.”
Tears filled her eyes.
“You ready to take your place back, baby?” I asked as I drew close.
She swiped at her cheeks, straightening her spine. “I’ve been waiting thirty-five years to take my place with you, Johnny. Of course I am.”
Warmth slid through my gut. “I haven’t had a backpack for a lotta years, Duchess. I hope I remember how to do it.”
Her eyebrows pulled together. “But what about…?”
“Never on the back of my bike,” I murmured, intertwining my fingers with hers. “She knew.”
A lone tear tracked down her cheek.
I cupped her jaw and swiped it away with my thumb. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing,” she whispered. “If we’re serious about moving on, we can’t keep living in the past. I want to look forward, not back.”
I lifted her hand and kissed her palm. “Noted.”
“So, you gonna put me on the back of your bike or not?” she sassed, popping a hip.
“Yep.” Pulling her toward the bar, I saw Abe standing there watching us with a smile on his face and his arm slung across Iris’s shoulders. She wore much the same as Leesy, except she wore her ‘Property of Abe’ cut in place of a leather jacket.
“Let’s go,” Rissy called out.
An idea began to form, and I pulled Elise down the corridor. The instant we hit the bar, I heard the conversations quieten, and somebody turned the music down.
Suddenly, claps began filling the air, and the roof seemed to rise as an enormous cheer went up. The bar filled with wolf whistles, hoots, and shouts.
Chuckling, I pulled Elise into my chest, and she buried her face in my tee, giggling. Then, her eyes lifted to meet mine, and the world shrunk to a pinpoint as gold met green.
Oh my God , Elise mouthed, her eyes crinkling with mirth and her cheeks flaming.
I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, raising a hand and waving to the boys as we walked toward the main doors.
Another roar went up, and my heart leaped with the knowledge that all my boys wanted this for me. After Adele, there’d been nobody. I’d been celibate for years, never thinking about sex or even needing it. I’d gone for so long without it feeling right, I knew it was Elise or nobody.
The warm air hit my skin when we walked outside, hand in hand. It was late August, so the ground had cooled, making the heat somewhat bearable.
It was the perfect day for a ride.
I turned Elise until her front plastered against mine, and I held her in my arms. “Wait here?” I asked.
She tipped her face up, and I marveled at how the sunrays lit up her creamy, soft skin.
“What are you up to?” she inquired good-naturedly.
I bent my neck, resting my forehead against hers. “Wait for me?”
She beamed up at me and whispered, “I guess another couple of minutes won’t hurt.”
I turned and sauntered toward the huge garage that housed the club members’ vehicles. All my bikes were in there. I had nine in total. I usually brought a new one every few years, and I’d restored a few, too. I planned to give them to my grandsons, especially after I smashed Bandit’s up. Still, there was one I’d put away thirty years ago that I knew I’d keep forever, even though I couldn’t bear to ride it without my Duchess. Luckily, I’d kept her tuned and serviced, and during the times I felt sick with missing Elise, I fired her up and got lost in my memories.
Heading for the wall full of hooks where I’d left the keys, I grabbed them and went to a tall cupboard, looking for something else from back in the day.
Grabbing it, I went to my green bike—the same one Duchess rode with me that fateful day we went to Grand Junction, and I enlisted—hooked the cargo on the handlebars and threw my leg over the saddle before starting her up.
The pop, pop, popping of the engine filled my chest, and turning the handlebars toward the open doors, I slowly rode out into the parking lot with my gaze riveted to my Duchess.
The second she recognized the bike, her fingers flew to her mouth, and her eyes locked with mine as I pulled up right beside her.
Abe and Iris had already mounted his bike. Looking over my shoulder, I yelled over the noise of my engine, “What about a ride up to Grand Junction?”
“Good call,” Abe yelled back.
I went into the saddle bags and pulled out my old Walkman. “Springsteen or R.E.M.?”
“I’m in an R.E.M. mood,” she told me decisively.
Taking Elise’s old helmet that I’d kept in pristine condition, I beckoned her closer, chuckling at the memory of her telling me she loved it when I crooked my finger at her because it reminded her of Patrick Swayze from Dirty Dancing .
I gently popped an earphone in her ear, before placing the helmet over her head and doing the same with my own, feeling relief at the fact her brain bucket still fit her perfectly. Taking her hand, I helped her on behind me, leaning back and pulling her thighs closer until her pussy nestled against my ass.
“My butterflies just came alive,” she shouted over the noise of the engine.
My throat thickened with emotion because fuck me, she gave me butterflies, too. I closed my eyes at the warmth of her skin as she snaked her arms around my waist.
“You ready, baby?” I called back.
“Hurry up,” she yelled excitedly.
I pointed the wheels toward the gates, slowly setting off to join the road.
Elise pressed her belly to my back and flung her arms in the air, yelling a loud “ whoop,” and my shoulders shook with laughter.
As we joined the main road, avoiding the massive pothole, I clicked my Walkman on, and the opening bars of ‘Losing My Religion’ thumped through the earphones.
Elise leaned in closer, her front aligning perfectly with the curve of my spine, and I marveled at how well we still fit. The lyrics to the song made my chest warm as they brought back warm summer days spent down the creek, and the first flush of love.
God, for whatever reason, had given me another chance.
And I made a vow that the second time around, I wouldn’t waste it.