Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
Katrina
Two Months Later . . .
“You’ve got to be kidding me?” I mutter, staring wide-eyed at the doctor. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“I’m afraid not,” Doctor Callum states calmly. “Test results show you are pregnant.”
The woman has been my doctor since I moved to town years ago and started seeing her for women’s health. Not having the care I really needed growing up, I made sure I saw a regular physician when needed and an OB/GYN as well. I wasn’t a dramatic type, but I was for keeping my body healthy.
“I come in to get my birth control renewed and find out I’m already pregnant, and I’d been on birth control for years,” I grimace, not coming to terms with this yet.
“When was your last period again?” Doctor Callum asks, shifting to take a seat on the stool in front of me. “We need to see exactly how far along you are.”
“The last two have been super light, more like spotting, but that’s pretty much how every month is, light, but it’s been spotting, nothing more,” I explain and think on how long it’s been since I’ve had sex. “I haven’t been with anyone in months. Before that, even longer. Like a really long time.”
“Let’s do an ultrasound to see,” she says, her tone shifting to concern. “Make sure that everything is okay. Some spotting can be normal.”
The next twenty minutes are a blur to me as Doctor Callum leaves me to undress from the waist down and goes out, only to come back with an ultrasound machine on wheels.
Then she’d used a wand covered in a condom to insert and showed me the image of the baby that is indeed inside me.
The shape of it looked like a little blob, one I knew would grow into the form of an infant.
One I needed to be prepared to take care of.
“I’m going to be a mom,” I whisper, my breath hitching.
“You are,” Doctor Callum agrees. “Everything looks great, and you’re eight weeks along.”
Eight weeks.
Dagger.
He’s the only one in a long time that I’ve been with.
I was going to have to find him and tell him about the baby.
Unlike my mother, I would give the father of my child that much courtesy. He doesn’t owe me anything. This is just as much on me as it is on him.
“I want you back here in four weeks,” Doctor Callum says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Okay.” I nod.
She hands me a stack of papers about pregnancy, prenatal vitamins, and what to expect over the next several months.
My hands tremble as I take them. I’m going to be someone’s mother.
The responsibility of everything hits me like a tidal wave.
I struggle to keep the panic at bay and my breathing steady.
I’m going to be a mother. I don’t know how to be someone’s mother. The example I had growing up wasn’t like the ones I saw on TV when I’d watch 7th Heaven while hiding out in my room, afraid she’d come barging in.
“Do you have any questions for me?” Doctor Callum asks gently.
I have a thousand questions, but they’re all tangled up in my head like Christmas lights stored in an attic for too long. “Not right now,” I manage to say. “I need to process this.”
“Completely understandable. Take your time. My nurse will set up your next appointment, and you can call anytime if questions come up.”
I nod mechanically and get dressed after she leaves. My body feels different now, knowing there’s a life growing inside me. Eight weeks. Two months of being pregnant without realizing it.
I think back over the past months and wonder if I did anything that could have caused any harm. I’ve been pretty much a hermit at the studio that I have. I haven’t drank, though I’m not a big drinker as it were.
The night of tequila shots was a fluke. A rare moment. My friends had convinced me I needed a night out drinking with them. Maggie had broken up with her boyfriend, and we’d all gone out to cheer her up. She’d even been the one to encourage me to talk to Dagger when he approached me.
I shake the thought off for the time being. I don’t need or want to think about him right now. I need to come to terms with all of this before I consider telling him. I will do it, but I need time with this before I do that.
Dressed, I leave the exam room and head for the front desk.
The nurse gives me a card with a time already scheduled for me.
She knew I wasn’t picky and would take whatever appointment date they picked since I worked flexible hours.
Mostly, I enjoyed working through the night for the calmness.
Though I would work in the day too. Just depended on when the music decided to flow through me and how much I could accomplish.
I make my way outside the doctor’s office, inhaling the a whiff of the fresh pine air of summer beginning. I love this time of year. I always have. The warmth of the sun on my skin feels Devine even if the rest of me doesn’t.
On the way to my car, I wonder if I should stop by a bookstore and pick up some literature on pregnancy, but I decide that I’ll just order it.
The last thing I want right now is to go and find the books I want, only to have one of my friends waltz up to me to see what I’m doing. This isn’t news I’m ready to share yet.
Not until I can wrap my head around it all. I also needed to speak with Dagger before blabbing to anyone else.
* * *
“Come on, Kat, you can do this,” I mutter to myself, driving up to the clubhouse. “Time to stop acting like a chicken and talk to the man.”
In the past two weeks, I’ve done everything humanly possible to think of all the ways to avoid this moment, at the same time finding the courage to speak to Dagger again. I hadn’t seen him since that night we spent together, and I ran out of there before he woke up.
“Can I help you?” the guy at the gate asks as I stop.
“Hi, um, I need to see Dagger,” I tell him with a bright smile.
“He know you’re coming?” he grunts, and I notice on his cut that he’s a prospect.
“Ugh, no, he doesn’t, but it’s important that I speak to him,” I say.
I’m not sure if Dagger will even believe me when I tell him, but I have to at least try.
It’s not like I want anything from him, but as someone who grew up not knowing who my father was, I wouldn’t do that to my own.
That’s one thing I know for certain about.
I would hate that he or she didn’t know the other half of their parentage.
The prospect eyes me closely, looking me up and down, trying to decide if I’ll cause any trouble for the club. Finally, he grunts, “Hold on,” and picks up his phone, putting it to his ear.
“What’s your name?” he asks a moment later.
“Katrina Ray,” I answer a bit nervously.
I drum my fingers nervously against my steering wheel while he talks in hushed tones. My stomach does a little flip—morning sickness or nerves, I can’t tell anymore. The two seem to blend these days.
After what feels like forever, the prospect finishes on the phone and nods. “Go on through. Park over by the other cars near the clubhouse and head inside. Dagger will meet you there.”
“Thanks,” I tell him, and wait as he opens the gate for me.
Those little flips start to feel like full-on somersaults in my stomach.
I park in nearly the same spot my car had been in the last time I was here, two months ago. Turning it off, I grab the strap of my bag containing the ultrasound and get out. I take a breath and make my way up to the doors I exited in such haste.
Inside the clubhouse, it’s quiet. Unlike that night when music had been blasting and people were everywhere.
There were still people, but it wasn’t as crowded.
The music wasn’t blaring. In fact, there wasn’t anything coming from the speakers.
On a TV off to the side were cartoons and several children sat around either watching or playing with toys on the floor.
“Katrina?”
His voice stops my spiral of thoughts. I turn to see Dagger coming toward me. He’s wearing dark jeans and a black T-shirt that stretches across his broad shoulders.
“Ugh, hey, um, sorry to stop by like this,” I say quietly and glance around, seeing people staring at me, curiosity in some, annoyance in others.
The annoyed glances were directed by women who looked like they should be wearing more clothes than they were. The others who looked at me seemed genuinely curious about what was happening.
“What are you doing here?” Dagger asks, drawing my attention back to him. Though I was very aware of how close he was standing to me.
“I, ugh, I need to talk to you about something. Can we talk in private?”
Dagger stares at me a beat, one brow cocked, those beefy arms of his crossed, making him look that much bigger. “We can talk over here.” He nods to a spot off to the side of the room.
“Okay,” I agree. It’s not exactly private, but it was farther from his brothers and the women.
Dagger guides me to the table and sits without waiting for me to sit as well. “So, what’s so important that you come back here after running off on me?”
Oh boy. He’s calling me out.
“I didn’t exactly run off.” Lie. Lie. Lie. I totally ran away.
“Bullshit.” He fake coughs, grinning. “You ran. Don’t deny it.”
I huff and plant myself in the chair across from him, clutching my bag. “Fine, I did run. I’d never done the whole sleep with a guy that I just met thing. I blame the tequila shots. It’s not my finest hour. Usually, I don’t do shots or even drink. It always goes straight to my head.”
Dagger’s grin turns cocky at my mention of the tequila I consumed. “Right, so you’re here to tell me this because . . .” he trails as he shifts in his seat, eyes taking me in like he wants to eat me for lunch.
The look alone has me clenching my thighs. The thought makes me clench harder. “Well, um, I needed to talk to you.”
“So you said,” he says, nodding.
“I want to first start off by saying, I don’t expect anything, and this wasn’t some intention of trapping.
” The smile fades from Dagger’s face, and his expression grows terse as I continue.
“I went to the doctor two weeks ago and found out I was pregnant. I was on birth control. I don’t know how it happened.
I mean, I know what goes into getting pregnant, but I’d been on the pill for years for women’s health .
. .” Why did I tell him that? “Anyway to get back on target. I didn’t want to be like my mom and not give the father of my child the chance to know their child.
But please know, as I said, I don’t expect anything from you.
I don’t want your money, or you to think I want you to marry me out of obligation.
I can keep in touch with you throughout the pregnancy if you want, or just let you know when the baby is born. ”
I reach into my bag and pull out the ultrasound.
“I have two of these so you can have this one.” I slide the picture across the table.
Dagger doesn’t say anything as I reach into my bag, pull out a business card, and place it with the picture.
“I’ll just leave you to it for now. That’s my number if you want to reach me.
I’m sorry this happened, but I just thought you should know.
Not for any other reason than a child should be able to know where they came from. ”
Dagger still doesn’t say anything as I get to my feet and walk to the door, then outside. Maybe that’s a good thing. It wasn’t confrontational. He didn’t accuse me of lying. He simply didn’t say a word.
He could need a little bit of time to come to terms with everything, as I did. Though I wouldn’t say I’m fully at terms with what’s happening within my body.
It’s just what it is. My life is about to change in so many ways.
Getting in my car, I start the car and put it in gear. I make it to the gate and out onto the road before looking in the rearview mirror, seeing Dagger standing just outside the clubhouse.
I shake off the sight and focus on heading to my studio.
It’s time to get on with my day-to-day. My new album won’t record itself.
Neither will it get it uploaded to the different platforms. I’d already leaked teasers for the album coming.
I’ve set my deadline, and I want my fans to enjoy the songs as I’ve promised them.
I could have gone with a label of my choosing, but I wanted to be in charge of everything that I write and produce. It’s why I bought the warehouse that I work out of. I have it turned into the perfect setup. Even local bands come in to get studio time and record.
The only thing is, my warehouse has others always approaching, trying to get me to sell it, which is something I refuse to do.
I refuse to let anyone screw with me and take what’s mine.
Just like I won’t let anyone tell me how to handle the other changes in my life.
Including the decisions I make regarding this baby.
He or she will have me always, and I won’t treat them they was I was growing up. Regardless, whether Dagger’s in our lives or not.