Chapter 10
The genuine sweetness of his confession touched me, not going to lie. I opened my arms and he walked into them, reaching behind me on the couch to lay us both down, so I pressed against him. We might not have been in bed, but I absolutely needed to be held by Barrett right then.
He yawned. “Tell me why you can’t sleep.”
I shook my head, instead distracting him with a kiss. I wanted his mouth, not words. His sweet gentleness, easy since he never pushed for anything else. I closed my eyes and let the night move over me, safe in Barrett’s arms with his mouth against mine.
“I love you,” he whispered to me in between kisses. “I love you so much.”
I loved him, too, but he didn’t give me the breath to try to say it. It was nuts that I couldn’t make myself, but part of me still thought it would jinx things. The second I said it aloud, it would all fall apart. Instead, I hugged him tighter, rocking against him.
He was mine until the universe took him from me, at least. I could hold on as long as I wanted, to remember every moment.
I must have eventually fallen asleep in his arms, because I woke up back in the bed in the morning.
I snuggled between Jeremy and Phoenix with no memory of getting there, but I smiled, since I couldn’t complain in the least. Barrett loved to carry me back to bed, which made our whole interlude almost seem like a dream.
Jeremy brushed a kiss on my cheek before he rolled out of bed. I closed my eyes, and dreams swept me back into darkness.
The smell of coffee woke me again, more permanently, as Phoenix whispered in my ear, “I know I missed my coffee turn yesterday, but today I didn’t forget.”
I smiled at him. He looked so hot in the sunshine, and had zero clue, which made him somehow hotter. Feeling heat flush my cheeks, I managed to say, “Thanks.”
“Yep,” he said and kissed my temple. I felt his lips curve into a grin against my skin. “We hid in a fucking closet yesterday.”
Yes, we really did.
Our routine became comfortable, or as much of a routine as three days could create. School. Water polo. Homework. Sleep. Hanging with the guys. Rinse, Repeat. I loved it.
I glanced at my phone, always filled with texts—though no one else seemed to realize how epic that accomplishment alone was for me.
Bethany wanted to know about her clothes, for instance.
Had anyone ever asked me for fashion advice before, and why would they?
I never considered myself particularly on trend and she only saw me in uniforms. Still, I gave her my opinion when she wanted it, even though I didn’t feel as if I knew her well enough to judge.
I became very familiar with her shoes and her hairdos.
For the life of me, I still wasn’t sure why she went from being mean to wanting to be my friend.
Tiffany talked to me about paintings, which I loved so darn hard.
I mean, a lot. I could text about art with her all day every day, and it would’ve been my idea of the perfect life.
Still, the Hal factor banged around in my head.
Why would Phoenix introduce me to Tiffany when he knew she dated a guy he wanted to avoid?
Unless he doesn’t. Is it his way back into the friendship, like a backdoor?
Am I just overthinking it? Are both things possible? Probably not.
My water polo buddies mostly bitched about our bathing suits in their texts. I hated them, too. Eventually, I even added a response or two to that group chat. I can be funny…sometimes.
Neither Kit nor Daniel answered my questions about the folder, which honestly—that was a crock. They told Barrett when he asked why they would keep the information from me—when he sent them a rather scathing text the next morning—how they were working on it and would know more soon.
Which officially told us nothing.
Phoenix offered to go break into his parents’ apartment upstairs to find out for us, but we’d all told him no. Enough of that. We suck as thieves, so why bother pretending to have the skill?
Then it was Friday, which meant I made it through my first whole week. We were all going to the Jazz Club that night with Barrett, so there was that to look forward to later.
I just had to make it through my first water polo match.
Easier said than done. Despite two additional practices, in our first game, I just tried not to drown.
I chased the girl I was supposed to be guarding up and down the pool, but not with any skill or usefulness.
I mostly wondered how long I could keep my arms moving and my legs kicking before I sank to the bottom of the nine-foot pool and never came up.
When I managed to actually get close to her, she scratched me under the water, and I was pretty sure she left marks. Somehow, I kept going. Once, when the ball came my direction, I managed to toss it to someone else before Sarah whistled then gestured me out of the water.
I panted on the side of the pool, pretty sure I would die any moment.
I also hoped I didn’t look too pathetic and was self-aware enough to hate myself for not being able to walk it off.
What would the Poor Relation say right then?
I needed to know, so I focused on that rather than my burning chest. In my most pithy non-Alatheia inner voice, she smirked her familiar half grin at the audience.
She would brag about how hard the game was, how incredible.
Maybe if I wasn’t fighting past cramps and exhaustion from being out of shape, I would find other sports fun, too, like her.
Gretchen the Poor Relation loved the game, and other sports, honestly.
I smiled, causing severely chlorinated water to go in my mouth, and I wiped it away.
Trying not to spit. Maybe I will be cool like her, too. Eventually.
Luckily, Valerie didn’t seem to be in much better shape than me. In fact, we all sucked other than Sarah and two other seniors—Carrie and Jamie. We did end up winning the game, so I breathed a sigh of relief past my pains. I pulled myself out of the water at the end of the game.
I grabbed a towel, remembering the swimsuit for surprisingly the first time all game and hating it still.
Someone named Violet's mother had them made for us, even embroidering on our names. I couldn’t fathom having a mother like that.
Mine wouldn’t have the time, past working hard to support us and struggling to get by, if my memory served.
And taking drugs. I reminded myself of the rumor and wondered why she would’ve sewn up holes in my clothes if she had money for drugs.
Sometimes, in odd, usually inappropriate moments, my dark sense of humor thought about her dying of a drug overdose, and I wasn’t always kind.
I just couldn’t get why she wouldn’t have cared enough about herself—or about me—to stay away from drugs.
In my dream, she accused me of forgetting her, but I could no sooner stop breathing than forget my mother. I just didn’t know any more if I ever really knew her at all.
“Hey,” Julian pulled me into a hug and I oomphed my way into his arms.
“I am going to make you soaking wet,” I complained.
He shrugged. “Don’t care.”
His arms felt good, so I gave myself a few moments despite my logical-self knowing we were in public view, so therefore unable to show affection openly.
When I released him, I didn’t want to let go, so I held his gaze a second too long.
“Thanks for watching me. I mean, I should be embarrassed. I can hardly swim compared to how you play, but—”
“You were great, especially for your first ever game. And with almost no practice? No, seriously, you were great.” He grinned at me. “I’m very proud of you.”
Jeremy nudged his way through the crowd and stole me from his brother.
“I am, too. Don’t let him fool you. We were all terrified watching, and we learned there’s a big difference between seeing you do it versus us doing it.
When that girl got an elbow on you, I almost dove into the water to take her out. ”
Julian shook his head, his smile crooked. “He’s not kidding. He almost did. I probably would’ve gone, too, if I didn’t have to watch him.”
“Hey,” Barrett said and tugged me against his side to give me a squeeze. “Well done. I mean, I really wish I got you set up with rowing, which is arguably much safer. Despite that, fantastic job. Go get changed, though. Phoenix is already outside, and we’ll wait for you out there.”
Do I want to know why they sent him outside? I decided not to ask and instead nodded. “Give me a minute.”
Valerie ran up to offer a one arm squeeze while we walked into the locker room.
Sarah laughed about something and suddenly my life felt so normal.
No one judged me or acted like I did anything terribly wrong, which was both bizarre and refreshing all at once.
I got tugged into several hugs when I finally reached Sarah.
“Good work, Al,” she said. “We’re going to make a water polo player out of you yet. First game, and you didn’t drown plus you helped the team a lot. I knew you belonged with us.”
I grinned at her, the sense of belonging wildly unfamiliar and addictive.
I showered—no Maggie interruptions, thankfully—and changed back into my school uniform. By the time I met the guys outside with my damp hair braided, I hummed to myself.
“You’re happy,” Phoenix said as he tugged me into a hug. “I can’t stand being in there, though, sorry. The chlorine makes my eyes water.”
I thought the redness was from drugs, but he actually seemed to still be with it at the moment, meaning his eyes were irritated. “You didn’t have to come. I would’ve understood.”
He shot me a baffled expression. “What? No, I’ll be there. I’ll get some drops or something, because I wouldn’t miss it. Besides, I have to keep the twins under control. They want to go kick ass every time someone gets near you.”