Chapter 14
“We are too young to be this constantly strung out,” Jeremy called over his shoulder as he headed into his bedroom to take a shower. None of us got much sleep the night before, and I wasn’t sure whether to blame myself or Murial.
I drooped onto the couch and Phoenix sank down on the floor in front of me, crossing his legs. His hands shook, and it made me instantly sympathetic.
Acting on instinct, I rubbed his shoulders gently and he sighed, relaxing back into my touch. Julian got up and said, “I’m going to Barrett’s room and if I’m honest, I might just pass out for the night. I won’t even fight you for the bed tonight.”
Barrett shook his head. “I’m turning in, too. You guys okay?”
“Yes,” I said, focusing my thumbs on a knotted bit of muscle near his spine.
“You can’t know how good that feels,” he said, but he still twitched slightly. I decided to ignore it. Usually in the summer, he took something before he went to bed, and whatever it was would help with the shaking.
I whispered in his ear, “This was an awful night for you.”
He snorted. “At least I got an official I don’t know.
Also a it was your mom’s family’s fault, which is more than I’ve ever gotten before.
I wish I could remember. It’s just a blank, and the more I concentrate on the blank, the less I can remember other things. It’s like the blank eats my memories.”
I wasn’t a doctor, but I asked, “Maybe it’s trauma?”
“Well, it definitely is. Still, I would love to know what traumatized me. You know, other than the obvious kidnapping and murder of the other children thing.”
I rubbed a bit harder, digging into my work. “Take your shirt off? I want to touch your skin.”
He didn’t hesitate, despite his shaky hands. He quickly pulled off his shirt and discarded it onto the floor then lay flat on the couch so I could straddle him. “Is this too heavy?”
“Are you too heavy for me? No, Alatheia, you weigh almost nothing. I like the pressure. We could just stay like this, if you want.”
I ignored him, since the massage bit seemed sort of instinctual. I started with his neck and his shoulders, working my way down until each muscle relaxed. Phoenix’s body remained tense everywhere, but when I found a particularly rough spot, he would actually wince.
His body under my hands seemed all corded, lean muscle with no excess flesh, especially across his back. I remembered his tricks on his skateboard. His core strength was impressive, but I was surprised to find his back equally as defined.
“Love you,” he whispered, while I ran my hands over his mid-back.
I kissed his shoulder blade in response. “We should probably hire a professional. I’m probably not doing a very good job.”
“I don’t want anyone else touching me like this but you. Not ever.” He visibly winced when my fingertips grazed his side. Poor guy. I found another tough spot.
We fell into a comfortable silence, me rubbing until his breathing changed and I eventually realized he’d fallen asleep. I grinned, since it wasn’t my intention, exactly, but I loved bringing him peace after a hard day.
I got up and grabbed him a blanket. When I covered him, fearing he would catch a chill while he slept, he didn’t even move.
I got on my knees and kissed his cheek. “Goodnight, Phoenix.”
Both twins snored nearby on the floor. Barrett sat awake, scrolling on his phone when I glanced his way. He patted the seat next to him, so I curled into his side.
He shut off his phone then plugged both of ours into chargers. “He okay?” he asked.
“Out cold.” I whispered. “Should I wake him and bring him to a bed? I figured he could just sleep, but I don’t want him to wake up alone.”
Barrett scooted over, making room on the bed for me. “I’ll get him. You stay here.”
He returned a moment later with a semi-conscious Phoenix. He rolled to hold me, his eyes already closed, his breathing immediately returning to steadiness.
“Barrett,” I whispered as he crawled into the bed. “Thank you.”
“I’m just happy he’s getting some rest tonight.” He yawned.
I touched Phoenix’s hair, and he snuggled into my touch. “I. . .I have come to need this so much. I don’t know why I said you should stay away last night. I can’t imagine you shutting me out.”
He rolled to look at me, his gaze steady in the dim room.
“You were validly pissed at us because you felt abandoned. We didn’t answer our texts in time, which made you mad and hurt.
Not to mention you were scared, because of Murial, and who knows what coping mechanisms got you through that one.
” He kissed my hand then hugged it to his chest. “We need you, lovely Alatheia. You could just as easily decide you don’t want us or that this arrangement is too complicated for you.
We’re all walking on eggshells, afraid you’ll leave us. ”
I snorted, “Meanwhile, my family is having me followed by a PI. We really have to figure out what my aunt meant when she said something should’ve been dealt with years ago.”
Barrett kissed my nose. “I know.”
I closed my eyes. Thankfully, I didn’t dream, exhaustion taking me into darkness.
The twins left Monday for California but they returned on Wednesday. The apartment felt colder without them, and they returned annoyed with each other and their coach.
“Why fly us out there just to get us torn up like that?” Julian iced his shoulder. “I think he’s sick in the head.”
Despite the travel, our lives became very wash, rinse, repeat. I loved the routine sameness of it.
I didn’t see Murial at school, and I couldn’t complain about her absence. I spotted Davis a few times, and his hungry eyes seemed to practically swallow me whole every time he saw me. Most of the time, I tried to avoid eye contact. I also managed to put out another episode of the Poor Relation.
Phoenix saw the view count then texted his fathers. He needed my birth certificate so that we could open a bank account in my name to monetize the Poor Relation.
They still hadn’t answered. At practice, Sarah made us swim laps for an hour—a painful experience, but hard to get mad at her when she did it alongside us. Well, except the fact that she seemed to love it. I absolutely did not.
Still, the conditioning probably would help me not to drown during a water polo game, so I didn’t complain.
We didn’t have any big plans for the weekend, despite it being a Friday. Bethany chatted with me before Collins’ class started, Tiffany drew, and Phoenix listened to his headphones while staring at the whiteboard.
As with every other day, before she lectured us for being losers, Collins headed to the front of the class to wait for announcements.
“Hello, Pullman community!” the voice over the speaker said, and I practically rolled my eyes.
I’d never met our principal, but she sounded too chipper every day.
I wondered if she faked it. “It is a beautiful day here in New York City, and a day for great learning here inside our walls.” Some days, she read off inspirational quotes.
She skipped them today, instead going right into birthdays.
“We have some birthdays today—Jana Monroe from the lower school, Keith Handover, and Alatheia Winder. Happy Birthday to each of you and I hope you make it a wonderful day.”
I blinked, startled at the sound of my own name.
I had completely forgotten my own birthday, which should be weird, except that no one remembered my birthday.
No one even actually said Happy Birthday in the past six years.
Maybe I forgot on purpose, back when I was thirteen, as a way to rebel from being ignored.
It is easier to forget it than to mourn it.
Phoenix grabbed my arm, and I glanced at his concerned expression in surprise.
“Alatheia,” he said, abruptly deadly serious. “It is your birthday?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I forgot”
Tiffany smiled, turning in her seat to say, “Happy Birthday. I’ll buy coffee on Saturday.”
I nodded, a little thrill sparking in my system at the idea of meeting with a friend to do something. I still adjusted to the idea of friends, finding even the simple bits exciting.
Bethany swung around and smiled at me, too. “Happy Birthday.”
I blinked at her, not even saying thanks because it was more happy birthdays than I could remember hearing for a very long time.
Phoenix squeezed my arm, grabbing my attention. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”
“Because I forgot.” I repeated then shrugged. “I don’t really do birthdays, so it’s fine.”
“It. Is. Not. Fine.” He released my arm abruptly then started texting on his phone.
I said, “Phoenix, really, we don’t have to…”
I didn’t get to finish, since Collins started class. In my defense, I tried to pay attention. Her class had to offer value, otherwise why keep such a monster on the payroll?
I noticed she used the word intentional about thirty times in two sentences, when she abruptly stopped and turned to me.
“It’s your birthday,” she said, but it didn’t sound like a question.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Well, happy birthday. I hope you have a better year this year than last year. Avoid trouble this time, and it should be much easier. For instance, try not to seduce your uncle.”
My mouth fell open in shock, her words hitting me with the force of a physical slap.
My ears rang, my pulse a clanging noise in my head.
I thought I had left the past behind me, and it wouldn’t follow me here, somehow.
Marco stopped Bethany from saying it, and since then, no one had dared bring it up.
The guilt, after all, seemed proved because Ted was under indictment, not to mention he wasn’t actually my uncle.
“Hey,” Phoenix practically shouted. “What did you just say?”
I shook my head, reaching for him. “Don’t get in trouble.”
I didn’t want him to get sent away, and he seemed to understand my fears. He breathed heavily, but he gave me a quick nod.