Chapter 5 #2
Elio’s shoulders rose, then fell. He didn’t say anything, plucking a dandelion from the ground. Bringing it to his lips, he blew softly, then watched the seeds fly with the wind.
“Say something, El. Please.” I was begging him. I was ready to get onto my knees and plead. Though the man before me was twenty-six, all I could see was the seventeen-year-old version of him. My best friend. My ride or die. My everything, wrapped up in an Elio-shaped package.
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Just admit it, dude,” I huffed a short, broken laugh. “That’d be a good start.”
“How?” Something shone on his skin. It wasn’t blood, but I couldn’t tell for sure until he turned to me.
It was a tear, falling down his cheek, stopping just before the start of his beard.
“How can I admit this, huh? That Jude—the man I fell for as a teenager—hasn’t laid a kind hand on me in almost nine years?
That I let it continue, even though I knew it wasn’t right?
That I still think there’s a chance he could love me, even when all he shows me is hatred, and pain, and overwhelming fucking hopelessness?
Huh? How the fuck can I admit that, Cres? ”
He scoffed, rubbing a hand through his hair.
“I should be more of a man about it. Suck it the fuck up, beat his ass for beating my ass, and leave. But I don’t.
I haven’t. I’ve never stood up for myself, because all I’ve ever done is take it.
All I’ve ever wanted was to matter. I have to matter.
He has to love me, or this is all for nothing.
Instead, I’m stuck. Stuck with nowhere to go, no one to care, and I swear to god I used to have wings, but they broke a long time ago.
I just wanna fly away. Fly away, and never see anyone ever again. Just—make it all go away.”
More tears cradled his face. I’d never heard him so desperate, or so sad. Even with his parents, he’d cried, but he had hope in his voice. He didn’t have any now. Not this time.
Frowning, I slowly moved my hand into his field of vision. I waited until he looked at it, and then I let him watch as I placed it on his arm. “I’m here. I care.”
“All you’ve done is care!” His voice cracked, anguish and heartbreak shattering the silence in the air. “All you’ve done for me is care, and I broke your heart. How can you still give a fuck? After everything I’ve done.”
“Because you’re my best friend.”
“No.” He shook his head. “No, I used to be. I used to be your best friend, but I’m nothing but an idiot. You can’t sit here and tell me I didn’t hurt you.”
“You’re right.” I gave his arm a gentle squeeze. “You hurt me, but that doesn’t matter. I hurt you, too. I ignored the signs. I let ignorance take over.”
“You were just a kid—”
“And so were you.”
He stared at me, his mouth slightly parted.
The wind kicked up, taking my hair with it, making the stray pieces fall into my face.
“You were a kid, too. This isn’t your fault.
Him hurting you isn’t your fault, El. You don’t deserve all of those things, and I should’ve tried harder to make sure you knew that. Let me help you this time.”
The sob that left his lips almost broke me. He looked down at his lap, breaking my gaze. “You can’t. I’m not sure anyone can at this point.”
Shattered and spent, I moved my head until I was in his field of view. “Let me try. I can take you to the hospital, you can crash at my place, we can go to the police station—”
“No!” He ripped his arm from my grasp, breathing deep and hard. “No, we can’t. I can’t. I don’t want to do that.”
I tried to think, but it was too difficult.
Everything was fuzzy, a swamp taking over my mind, the bog too thick to walk through.
I didn’t know how to help him if he didn’t want help.
I wanted to kick the shit out of Jude, and I wanted to hold Elio in my arms, telling him everything would be okay.
I wanted to fucking strangle the motherfucker who’d hurt my friend for so long.
The friend I’d once lost, and refused to lose a second time. “Where is Jude now?”
Elio sniffled, still keeping his distance from me. “At home, asleep.”
My fingers squeezed around my temples, massaging them. Nodding, I found his gaze once more. His eyes sparkled under the moonlight—what I knew to be a gentle forest, flooded with tears of anguish. “Take my phone number. If something happens, you can call or text me, and I’ll come running.”
“That won’t work.”
“Why not?”
“He checks my phone. I literally only have his contact saved, and the only messages I have are between me and him, or random spam. The spam texts alone are enough to set him off most times.” He sighed and pulled a blade of grass from the ground, picking it apart with his fingers.
“I know I fuck up a lot, but it’s like everything is an excuse to hit me now. ”
I tried to control the anger rising from my gut, but a harsh curse still left me. “Hold on, I have an idea. I’m gonna grab something from my car real quick.”
The world was eerily quiet as I jogged to my car, the sound of my shoes hitting the asphalt deafening.
I searched around in the center console before grabbing the notepad and pen I knew were there.
After writing on a piece of paper, I tore it off and made my way back over to Elio, who hadn’t moved even an inch.
“Here.” I handed it to him, fully expecting the confused look on his face.
Groceries
4×2 2+2 12÷2 3+2 4×2 3+3 4+2 3+2 8÷2 4+4
“The fuck is this?” He turned the paper upside down, then tilted it, as if he could figure it out from a different angle.
“My number. If spam texts set him off, I don’t want to know what would happen if he found a paper with a phone number written on it. I mean, I could write it plainly if you want, but this seemed safer.”
Elio folded it neatly, placing it in his pants pocket. “No, I…yeah, that makes sense. Thanks.”
Nodding, I turned my head toward the sky. “Call me if there’s an emergency, okay? I wanna try to meet here as often as possible, just to make sure you’re alright. Can you do that?”
“Yeah, I can try to do that.”
“Good.”
“Yeah.”
Silence hung between us, as thick as the humid air. If he wouldn’t let me help him tonight, I’d make sure to be there when he did. My parents taught me not to ignore fate or gut feelings. Fate brought Elio back to me, and my gut told me this was the right choice.
My phone still had seven percent battery left. “Are you on TikTok much?”
“Nah, why?”
A smile tugged at my lips as I opened the app, swiping to my favorites. “Dude, you’re missing out. Look at this cat, bro.”
I’d use the last seven percent of my phone battery to make him smile. I’d do anything to make him smile, if only to see a glimpse of the Elio I knew still existed.
The Elio I wanted to save, no matter what it took.
The Elio who deserved the world, and so much more.
The Elio I loved so deeply, it had once broken my heart, cracking it into so many pieces that the remaining shards in my chest still spelled his name all these years later.