29. Deanna
DEANNA
It’s like watching him bleed without the mess.
When we get home from Fontana’s place, Prime retreats into his game room with a bottle of bourbon. I want to follow but he clearly needs space.
And if I’m honest with myself…
I do too. I feel dirty after that went down.
I strip out of my dress and sink into a warm bath, gazing up at the ceiling with my ears just under the surface.
I hear my heart beating against my eardrums and the soft whoosh of water sloshing along the stone tub sides, but otherwise it’s like floating on nothing.
Can I really ask this of him?
That’s what I keep coming back to. Again and again, I wonder, can I really leash him like this?
Prime’s not like normal people. I don’t know anyone in the world who would’ve gone as far as he has trying to get his revenge.
He made it right to the doorstep of the man he hates most of all but only ended up knocked down to the ground and beaten.
It’s horrible, what they’re doing to him. I’d bet Prime would rather be dead.
And there was a moment during dinner when I thought he might try something.
A sick part of me wanted him to.
Carbone would’ve killed me though and that’s what held Prime back in the end.
It comes back to me. Again and again, it comes back to me. I think if I were anyone else, he would’ve thrown me under the bus. I don't think Prime’s the kind of man who cares easily. There are too many bodies in his closet for one more to matter much.
I’m the exception. He made that abundantly clear.
Why do I feel so damn guilty about it? I never asked for any of this.
I didn’t even know about Shawn, Prime’s past with Fontana, or the killing scheme until it was way too late to back out.
I’m innocent. I know it, but it still feels terrible.
Prime doesn’t come to bed that night. I find him sprawled on the pool table, bottle of bourbon smashed on the floor. I try to rouse him, but he only grunts and rolls onto his side.
Fuck, I hate seeing him like this.
But even if it feels like our life is over, the world keeps spinning. I’m not sure what else to do, so I head into the office.
Prime doesn’t show up. He’s not at home when I check on him at lunch time. He’s gone by the time I come back from the office for the day and he doesn’t return the next morning.
I call and text, but there’s no reply.
He staggers in at two in the morning three days later reeking of booze and looking like he hasn’t slept. “Prime, are you okay? Where have you been?”
“Keeping busy.” He pauses to pull me against him. I yelp, pushing back. He slams a whiskey-soaked kiss on my lips. “God, you’re pretty.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Not nearly enough.”
I wriggle from his grip. “Take a shower. You smell like the bottom of a bar urinal.”
“Could be worse.” He wrinkles his nose. “You should’ve seen the toilet.”
The water runs upstairs. I pace, feeling lost. I never imagined seeing Prime this adrift. It’s like he’s not the man I first met a couple years ago, the man I married, the man I fell in love with.
I find his jeans tossed on the bed. I’m about to go find him when I notice a bulge in the back pocket and a black barrel peeking out.
A handgun. And a phone I don’t recognize, an old flip phone model, though this one looks new. No numbers in the phonebook. No recent calls.
What does he need a burner for?
I’m waiting on the bed when he comes out. A towel’s wrapped around his waist. His hair’s wet and water glistens on his muscular chest. He runs his eyes down my legs and pauses when he spots the phone and the weapon sitting next to me.
“Went through my things,” he says but he doesn’t sound upset.
“I’m scared, Prime. What’s going on? You’ve been gone for days.”
“I’m working through some things.” He doesn’t move. I’m struck again at how beautiful he is, the graceful curve of his chest, the strength in his arms and shoulders. He’s a man, a massive and powerfully built animal, and it drives me wild.
“Talk to me. I know this is hard. I know you’re doing it for me, but there has to be another way?—“
“It’s all I’ve been thinking for the past few days.” He stands in front of me almost naked and demonic, beautiful and destructive. “Trying to come up with another angle. And you know what I came up with? That gun and that phone.”
“That’s your plan?”
“Kill Fontana. Likely die in the process. But hopefully have time to call and tell Stellan to protect you when I can’t.”
“Jesus Christ, Prime, that’s not a plan, that’s a suicide attempt.”
“You think I want this?” He kneels in front of me, his hands gripping my knees. “You’re all I want, Deanna. The thought of leaving you fucking breaks me. But at least I know you’ll have the money you need to take care of your parents and Stellan’s protection. He won’t let me down.”
“You’re not doing anything stupid.” I touch his cheek, shifting so I’m leaning forward. I pull his face toward me, hugging him to my chest, his lips between my breasts. “Damn it Prime, I’m not letting you go.”
“I don’t want to do it.” His hands slide up my back, fingers digging into my shoulders. “But I can’t live like this baby. I’ve worked hard to make my own choices. Nobody fucking owns me. Except now—“ He cuts himself off with a soft, exhaled snarl of pain. “I can’t look at myself in the mirror.”
“Go to Stellan then. Tell him everything.”
“He’ll hate me. Better to clean up my mess and hope he comes through after I’ve gone.”
“Prime—“
“What else is there?” He turns, forehead to my collarbone. His lips kiss between my chest. He kisses again, moving up. “I have nothing but you now.”
“I’m not enough?”
“God, don’t say that.”
“Really? I’m not enough, is that it?”
“Stop it.”
“No, you stop it. I can’t watch this self-destructive spiral you’re in.
I won’t let you get yourself killed just because you haven’t thought of another solution yet.
There are so many other things we can try first, but not that.
” My fingers tug against his hair, forcing him to look at me. “Not now and not ever.”
His chin’s tilted upwards. He looks at me through desire-filled eyes, half-lidded and rimmed with pain. His palms cup my face.
“You’re what I have left, but if I try anything else, they’ll hurt you, and I won’t let that happen. I’m sorry, Deanna. I never wanted to put you in this position.”
“You don’t understand.” I kiss him then, kiss him hard.
He kisses me back with a fierce hunger and I pause only long enough to hold his gaze.
“I love you Prime. It kills me seeing you like this, but now that I have you, I’m not going to let you go.
It’ll break me, losing you, and I won’t do it.
You’re not going anywhere. You’re not getting yourself killed. ”
“Fuck, baby,” he whispers, emotion thick in his voice. “Don’t say that to me.”
“I love you.” I kiss him again. “I love you. Will that keep you with me? I love you.”
“Please,” he groans, one hand snaking into my hair and gripping tight. “Deanna.”
“I love you.” I don’t care if I’m making a fool of myself. Prime’s not capable of feeling the same way I do, or at least I don’t think he is, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. He has to know how I feel on the very small chance that it might keep him from self-destructing.
His lips find mine. The kiss is soft, unlike my desperate attacks. His other hand trails down my lower lip.
“God damn it, Deanna. You have no idea what hearing that does to me.”
“Then stay. Throw away the phone. Forget about the gun. I love you, Prime.”
“I love you too, so fucking much I’m willing to die for you.”
His mouth finds mine as an explosion breaks in my chest. He loves me too. I never dreamed I’d actually hear those words, even if I understood that Prime felt strongly for me, at least enough to put himself in danger. But to actually love me?
I grind myself into him, desperate and hungry, kissing him like I might never get another chance.
I knock the phone and the gun onto the floor.
Both scatter and roll and I don’t care. I run my fingers through his thick hair before he pulls off my tank top, unhooks my bra, buries his mouth on my breasts sucking my nipples, shoving my knees wide.
His towel falls away. He’s naked and gorgeous, fresh from the shower, glistening in the light.
His cock’s hard and thick and god, I moan when he tugs off my jeans and buries his face between my legs.
I lean back on my hands as his tongue slides up and down my folds, sucking and licking.
I watch his powerful hand stroke himself, his massive fist working his enormous, wet head.
He pulls back with a moan, spitting into his palm and rubs it into his crown.
Fuck, that’s so damn sexy. I almost scream with how attractive he is right now as he pumps his dick and licks my pussy, his groans of pleasure driving me wild.
He loves me. He loves me. He’d die for me if I asked him to.
Hell, he’d do it even if I didn’t. And now he’s mine, between my legs, licking and sucking and stroking his cock, moaning and whispering my name like it’s a prayer, and I’m going to break so hard I can’t breathe.
But he doesn’t give me the chance. Before I can shatter, he pushes me back onto the bed, rolls me onto my belly, and pulls my hair hard as he positions his cock between my legs. I open enough to let him slide in deep and he fills me from behind, growling like a beast as he does it.
He fucks me face-down on the bed, grinding into me, filling me and stroking into me. I’m so wet his slick cock glides in and out, making the filthiest, most incredible sounds I’ve ever heard.
“This is where I want to fucking be,” he moans in my ear, spanking my ass as he fucks me roughly.
“Filling my wife’s pussy until she breaks.
God damn Deanna, you beautiful fucking girl.
I’m so lost in this tight cunt.” He shoves fingers in my mouth, makes me taste myself.
“Look at you baby, so wet and lovely, taking my big dick. You’re doing so fucking good. ”
“Oh god Prime,” I gasp, arching into him, taking him deep. He fills me, bottoms out, and it threatens to overwhelm. “Please don’t stop.”
“Never, baby, not when you’re being such a good girl, taking my big dick like this.” He drives in harder, releasing low animal growls of pleasure before turning me over, slamming me onto my back, and pinning me down.
His sculpted body flexes and his eyes drip with lust as he thrusts into me.
“Fuck, baby.” Thrust. “You’re so fucking—“ Thrust, thrust, thrust. “So fucking tight and beautiful.” He moans, one hand on my throat, the other on my hips as he drives in deeper and deeper, and it’s the edge I needed as my eyes roll back and I can’t breathe anymore as I shatter for him, breaking on his big dick as he fills me over and over, shaking as he does it, his warmth spreading inside of me as he comes too, our pleasure mixing and cresting and breaking like a wave, until he’s lying behind me with his arms wrapped around my body, sweat cooling on our skin, the room quiet save for his breathing.
“Prime?”
He grunts against my back. “Yeah, baby?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. I think I’ve loved you since I hired you.”
I snort and cover my mouth. “That’s such bullshit.”
“I mean it. I kept my distance. Didn’t want to get too close. Paraded all those women in front of you to let you know I wasn’t a serious person. Kept me safe for a while, until…” He trails off, face buried in my hair.
“Until what?”
“You know I sent that other girl home from the wedding.”
“Oh my god, don’t tell me you forgot her name.”
He grumbles and kisses my shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. She saw right through me. I didn’t tell you, but she called me out. She said I was tossing her aside… for you. And she was right.”
“Do you really mean that?”
“I couldn’t see myself married to anyone else. I wasn’t sure you’d step in and take her place… but I had to try. It was for you, Deanna. I wanted you so badly I broke all my fucking rules… and now look at you.”
I turn to face him. I touch his cheek and kiss him. “Her name was Valentina. And look at me. In my husband’s arms. Lying in bed with the man I love.”
“A rotten, self-destructive idiot.”
“Yeah, that too.”
“But you’re right.” His thumb grazes my cheek. “I never imagined it in my wildest daydreams, not even when I sent what's-her-name away.”
“I just said it!”
“Doesn’t matter.” His lips find mine. “But I can’t live like this. You know that. With Fontana owning me… hiding what I’ve done from Stellan…”
“Do you have to keep it from your boss?”
“I won’t be able to for long.”
“What happens if you go to him?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve never fucked up so badly before.”
“Prime…” I close my eyes and lean into him. “It’s my fault.”
“Don’t do that.”
“We both know it’s true. If you didn't care about me, Carbone wouldn’t be able to use me against you. That’s why he visited at my parents’ house… he was preparing the trap.”
“It’s not important.”
“We’re going to find a way out of this.” I push back, my hands on his chest. His heart’s a steady rhythm under my fingers and it gives me more strength than I thought I had. “I mean it. You and me, no self-destruction, no suicidal murder schemes. We’re going to fix this.”
His smile doesn’t seem like he believes me, but he leans in and kisses the corner of my mouth. “If anyone can figure it out, it’ll be you. There’s a reason I let you run my businesses.”
“You finally admit it.” I kiss him hard, breathing in through my nose, more determined than I’ve been in a long time, and even if there’s no sunlight outside our window and no real chance there ever will be again, that won’t stop me from trying to fix this anyway.