Chapter Six
Brock
I’m lying on my bed after school, staring at the ceiling as the events from today race around in my mind. Things were okay for the most part. Sure, things are still strained a bit with my friends, but I think we’re slowly getting back to how things were. I know things will never be the same, but maybe that’s just something I’ll have to live with. My classes were okay and many kids came over to ask me how I was doing.
The hardest part was during lunch. Everyone else was having fun eating and talking to their friends, but for me, it was like the walls were closing in on me. Sitting in the cafeteria with the kids I recognized from my elementary and middle school years was hard. It reminded me of the times Andy and I would sit together at lunch. We’d eat with the gang, but sometimes we’d sit together, just the two of us.
I couldn’t handle the memories today, so I walked out of the cafeteria and read my book. I wasn’t hungry anyway.
And of course I can’t forget what happened before lunch when I apologized to Lexi. I’m glad I was able to get the words out and that I let her know how genuinely sorry I was. I hope—really hope—that I’ll never hurt her again.
Sitting up, my eyes scan my room until I locate the small bag on my dresser. I thought about bringing it to school today, but figured this needed to be given to her in private.
I stand and walk over to the dresser, plucking the bag off and checking to make sure it’s still in there. Then I gently tuck it into my back pocket, grab my helmet from my desk, and make my way downstairs.
Mom and Dad are watching a football game on TV. I tell them I’m going out and will be back later.
“Drive safely!” Dad calls after me. I salute before shutting the door behind me. There are three bikes in the garage—Mom’s, Dad’s, and mine. I think I’m the only kid in Edenbury whose both parents ride motorcycles. It’s probably because of them that I got interested. I remember when I was a kid and kept asking them when I’d be old enough to have a motorcycle of my own.
Then two years ago, Grandma and Grandpa offered to buy me a bike if I kept my grades up. They bought it for me a few months ago, after I got my license, and I’m kind of obsessed with it. Almost as much as I love reading.
After putting on my helmet, I swing my leg over the bike and get on. Then I rev the engine and zoom toward Lexi’s house. She lives close and I pull into her driveway within minutes.
I get off, pull my helmet off and tuck it under my arm, then head to the front door where I ring the bell. A few seconds later, the door opens to reveal Mrs. West.
A bright smile forms on her face as she takes me in. “Brock!” She pulls me into her arms. “It’s been so long.” She draws back, examining me. “My, you’ve grown into such a handsome young man. How are you?”
I give her a pleasant smile. “I’m okay.”
An expression enters her eyes, the one I see on basically everyone in town who comes into contact with me. Sympathy. Pity. I’m the poor, damaged boy who saw my friend die right before my eyes. I know they don’t mean to look at me that way—it’s just human nature. But I wish everyone would just treat me the same. I know I’m not the same and I never will be, but it’s harder when every single person I meet looks at me that way.
She must realize she’s staring for too long because she quickly shakes her head. “Are you here to see Lexi?”
“If that’s okay.”
“Of course it is.” She leads me into the house. I spend a few seconds glancing around. It’s pretty much the same, except for new wallpaper and carpeting. “Would you like a snack? Maybe a drink?”
“Sure, thanks.” I follow her into the kitchen, the smell of baked goods and dinner filling my nose. There are a few trays of cupcakes cooling off on the counter.
Mrs. West gestures for me to take one. “Careful. They’re still hot.”
“Thanks. They look great.” I reach for one and take a bite. “Really good.”
She smiles as she watches me eat. I’m well aware that she’s still looking at me that way. Maybe she’s trying to determine just how damaged I am. Maybe she’s worried about me. After all, the guys and I were over at Lexi’s house a lot, so she knows us well. And I’m also pretty sure she knows how I treated Lexi these past four years. But she’s being so nice to me and it’s great to know she doesn’t hate me for hurting her daughter.
After washing the cupcake down with water, I thank her again for the snack and climb the stairs to Lexi’s room. She used to live in a smaller house with only one floor, but after Easton Knight helped them out, they were able to move into a larger home. And Lexi and Skylar didn’t have to share a room anymore.
Her room is the second from the stairs. I can hear sounds coming from the TV, since the door is open. Before I peek inside, I knock on the door.
“Come in,” she calls lazily, probably figuring it’s her mom.
The floor creaks beneath my feet as I step inside. Lexi barely looks my way, too absorbed with the TV. Looks like it’s a show about whales. She loved watching this stuff when we were younger. I’m glad she hasn’t given up her dream of becoming a marine biologist.
“Hi,” I greet.
Her body goes still before she slowly turns her head in my direction. Her eyes widen and she sits up sharply. “Brock! Hi.” She waves for a second before lowering her hand. “Um…” She stands and looks at me, eyebrows pinched like she has no idea why I’m at her house. But at the same time, she looks very excited that I’m here.
“Am I bothering you?” I ask.
“No. Of course not. I was just watching this.” She nods at the TV.
My lips kick up into a small smile. “It’s great that you still love ocean life.”
She nods quickly. “I do. A lot. Do you want to watch with me?” Sounds like she wants to add, “Like we used to.”
“Sure.”
She sits down on her bed and I lower myself next to her. Lexi’s eyes are glued to the screen, and a small smile crawls onto my lips. I remember how her mind always seemed to leave the room and go under the water along with the sea creatures.
“Look!” She grabs my wrist as she points to the pod of orcas surrounding a great white shark. “They’re gonna kill it. Wow. Isn’t nature so beautiful?”
“Yeah.” I glance down at where her fingers are wrapped around my wrist. She quickly drops my hand.
We watch as the orcas attack the poor shark. Then the footage shifts to other whales migrating for the winter. We’re also lucky to see a humpback whale give birth. Everything is so fascinating. Lexi looks like she’s in love. She cares about the animals so much, and I know she’ll be an amazing marine biologist.
After the show is over, Lexi turns to me with a smile. “I’m glad you came.” She tucks some curls behind her ear, but they pop back out. I bend forward to push them back behind her ear, but then quickly stop myself and lean away from her.
“So, I uh…” I shift in my seat as I reach for the bag in my back pocket. “I got something for you.”
Her entire body perks up as she watches me clutch the small bag in my hands. “For me?”
I nod. “I saw it in a shop near a beach in Boston a few days ago and had to get it for you. I know you love this sort of stuff, so…” I hold it out to her.
She looks at me for a few seconds before accepting the bag and peering inside. “Is this…?” She sticks her hand inside and pulls out a small blue whale keychain. “It’s so cute! I love it!”
I find myself smiling wider than I have in a long time. “I wasn’t sure if you still like keychains…”
“I do. I do a lot. Thanks.” She stares at it with excitement and admiration. “You know blue whales are my favorite whales.”
“Of course I remember.” I remember everything about her.
She stretches her arms and closes them around me. “Thanks, Brock. But you didn’t have to get me a present. I didn’t get you anything.”
I draw back, shaking my head. “You don’t have to get me anything. I saw it and knew you had to have it.”
“Thanks! It’s my new favorite now.” She reaches for her backpack and adds it to the rest of her keychains. There’s a humpback whale, an orca, a sperm whale, different species of sharks, and many other ocean life.
“Wow. That’s some collection,” I observe.
“Yeah. But this one is awesome.”
“Cool. I’m really glad you like it.”
She gazes at it with admiration again. “Yeah. I mean, it’s a blue whale—what’s not to love?”
“True. So you still want to be a marine biologist, huh?” I ask.
She nods. “Yep. What about you?”
I shrug, my bangs falling into my eyes. “I think I have lots of things to work through before I can even think about the future.”
She nods slowly. “Right. But I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Maybe.”
We’re quiet.
“Do you still like sharks?” she asks.
“Yeah.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Yeah.”
She glances around the room, then gets to her feet and heads to one of the photos pasted on the right side of her mirror. After plucking it off, she makes her way back to me. “Remember this?” She passes it to me. It’s a photo of me, the guys, and Lexi at her tenth birthday party. She invited the entire class, but had a separate party the next day just for the eight of us. We’re all covered in cake and have goofy smiles on our faces.
“Seems so long ago,” I muse.
“Yeah. I mean, so much has happened.”
I nod, my throat tight.
“But at least we’re all together again, right?” she says with a bright smile. Her eyes light up. “Remember how much you loved playing basketball? You never liked playing against me or the guys because you said we sucked so much. Like, we weren’t challenging enough for you. But then Andy challenged you to play and you met your match and…” Her eyes widen as her voice trails off. “I mean…sorry. I shouldn’t have…”
I avert my gaze, trying to shove the memories away. The guys, Lexi, and I were at the park shooting hoops when we were twelve. And I was complaining to them that they made it so boring because I beat them in two seconds. Then Andy strolled over to us and told me he bet he could demolish me in two seconds. Being the competitive little devil that I was, I told him he was on. I ended up winning and I gained a new basketball challenger, but more importantly, I got a new friend.
Then he died several months later. The images are as clear as they were that day, as if no time has passed.
I shut my eyes as what feels like a million knives stab my stomach. Why does everything remind me of him?
“Brock…I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s okay.” I force a smile, the corners of my lips trembling. I get to my feet. “I should probably go home.”
“Are you sure?”
“See you tomorrow at school.”
I feel her sad and hurt eyes on me as I leave her room. I want to turn around, I want to be normal. I want to be the guy she remembers. But as much as I try, I can’t be him. I can’t just go on living my life like a happy person. I’m not that guy anymore. And I doubt I ever will be.