Chapter 40
I haven’t slept in over thirty-six hours. I don’t think Ben, Johnny, or Axel have either.
The intruder was Joe. We still don’t know how he got past the security system, but somehow, he did.
According to Ben’s statement to the police, he woke up when he heard footsteps downstairs.
He would’ve assumed it was one of us, except we wouldn’t be creeping around, quietly opening and closing doors methodically, at three in the morning.
He woke Maryanne, grabbed guns from the safe, and sent a quick text to Johnny.
Johnny, who thankfully sleeps light, got the message and came to warn Axel and me. Ben, Johnny, and Maryanne managed to corral Joe in the living room, but the sneaky bastard hid, and they didn’t see him until he popped up and fired off two rounds. Both bullets hit Maryanne in the stomach.
Johnny returned fire in the chaos, but the shot went wide. Joe escaped out the front door and disappeared into the woods.
That’s when Johnny ran back upstairs to get us.
The boys chased him, but they lost him somewhere on the property.
The police haven’t been able to track him down either.
No one says it aloud, but we’re all thinking the same thing: if he managed to evade the FBI for all these months, he could very well disappear again.
And if he does, we may never get justice for Maryanne. I think that’s the worst part.
But what’s concerning, is no one can tell me how he managed to find me. There wasn’t supposed to be any trail tying me to Tennessee. No records, no connections. But somehow, Joe knew. He didn’t just stumble across us. He came here for me.
The police found a note while they processed the scene.
Little Lina,
Have you missed me the way I’ve missed you? It hurt me deeply when you ran away. With your whore mother out of the picture, we could’ve finally been together. Keep running from me, and I’ll kill you I’ll find you.
Come back to me soon, and I promise I will never hurt you. I want things to go back to the way they were between us. I love you, and I know you love me, too.
I dream about your smell, your taste, your touch…
I’m never letting you go.
-Your Joe
The first time I read it, I threw up.
The second time, I got angry.
Thanks to that disgusting letter, I had to tell the police everything. The full, sickening truth. I had to relive every vile thing he did to me. Every time he touched me. Every word he whispered in the dark.
I wish Johnny had killed him. But more than anything, I wish Maryanne were still here.
Her death has left a hollow, gaping wound none of us know how to close.
Axel’s shut down completely. He barely speaks, barely eats.
Johnny lashes out at anything that moves.
And Ben... Ben has stopped taking care of himself completely.
Meanwhile, my guilt is eating me alive. Joe came here looking for me.
And Maryanne died because of it.
I’ve been hiding in my room, avoiding everyone, because I can’t look them in the eye. Which is why I’m surprised, and curious, when I get a text.
Ben: Come down to my office. Please.
I slip out quietly, praying I don’t run into either of the boys, and head for the office, stomach twisted into knots.
I step inside.
“Hey,” I say quietly, announcing my presence.
Ben doesn’t look up right away. “Hey. Can you shut the door?”
His voice is hollow. Robotic. It scrapes across the room like gravel, and I feel it settle in my chest. He’s broken. Shattered. And I wish more than anything that I could fix him.
I close the door and slip into the seat he gestures to in front of his desk.
He just looks at me for a long moment. His hair is a mess, his eyes are vacant, and he’s got the look of a man who’s lost everything. And I guess, in a way, he has.
“I don’t know how to ease into this,” he says finally. “So, I’m just going to say it. Your alias has been compromised. Now that Joe knows where you are, DHS considers you an active threat case. They want to move you. Have you start fresh. Somewhere new. New name. New life.”
My heart drops. I knew this was coming, but I’ve been in denial.
“I’ve spent all day trying to find a way to keep you here,” he adds. “But I don’t think it’s possible. At least, not right now.”
My stomach sinks.
“Because of my position, I have some say in your placement. If there’s somewhere you’d like to go—a specific college, maybe—you need to tell me tonight. Think about your future, Lina. Even if it feels impossible right now.”
College. The idea feels laughable. Irrelevant. My future feels like it's being boxed up and shipped away without me.
Ben leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk.
“I need you to understand something. This isn’t the end.
Not for us. I might not be able to see you for a while, but there are still ways we can stay in touch, discreetly, if that’s what you want.
And Lina...” His voice wavers. “Knowing you, even just for the last four months, has been one of the greatest joys of my life.”
I choke on a sob. “How?”
He looks at me, confused. “What?”
“How can you say that?” My voice cracks. “I turned your entire life upside down. Maryanne is gone because of me.”
Tears spill over before I can stop them. “Look what happened to your family because of me!”
Ben stands slowly and walks around the desk. He kneels in front of me and takes my hands in his.
“Lina,” he says gently but firmly. “None of this is your fault. Maryanne and I knew the risks when we brought you here. Joe killed her. Not you. And I don’t ever want you to carry that burden. That’s not yours to bear.”
I shake my head, but he keeps going.
“You’ve been good for us. All of us. You’ve changed Johnny and Axel in ways I didn’t know were possible.
You made me a better father. And Maryanne…
God, Lina. Being a part of your life, even for a short time, made her so happy.
She got to be the girl mom she always dreamed of being. That was a gift.”
I can’t speak. I don’t believe him, not really, but the pain in his voice… the love… is too real to dismiss.
“This isn’t goodbye,” he says. “Not forever. I promise you I will find him. I will make sure he can never hurt you again. And when that day comes, our door is still open.”
Ben pulls me into a hug, and I let him. I let him hold me, soaking in the type of fatherly love and attention that I always wanted.
Now that I’ve had a taste of what having a family is like, it’s almost harder in a sense.
A small part of me wishes I would’ve never known, because then leaving wouldn’t hurt so much.
He steps back, clearing his throat.
“Think it over. Let me know where you want to go. A U.S. Marshal will be here in the morning to take you to a safe house while your new identity is finalized. After that, it’s a clean slate. But we’re going to get through this. You hear me?”
I nod, but inside, I’m not sure what hurts more: the fear of what’s coming, or the pain of everything I’m leaving behind.
I kiss Ben on his whiskered cheek, wipe away the tears streaking my face, and reach for the door. My hand pauses on the brass knob.
“Do Johnny and Axel know?” I ask, not turning around.
“No.” Ben sighs deeply and rakes a hand through his thick blonde hair. “I’ll be honest. I don’t know how to tell them. They just lost their mom. Now, we’re losing you too.”
I bite my bottom lip, torn. “I don’t know if I should be the one to tell them. Johnny’s angry with me. And Axel... Axel’s already not dealing.”
“Johnny’s mad at the world,” Ben says softly. “It’s not just you. But yeah, I can tell them, if that’s what you want.”
“I know it makes me a coward,” I whisper, “but can you wait until tomorrow?”
He hesitates. “Are you sure? It might be worse for them if they don’t get the chance to say goodbye.”
“I’m sure. I just—I don’t want to spend my last night here grieving something we can’t change.”
Ben nods slowly. “If that’s what you want. But can I make a suggestion?”
“Of course.”
“Maybe write them letters. Sometimes it’s easier to say the things that matter on paper.”
“That’s a great idea. I’ll write them tonight.” I start to turn the knob again.
“Lina?” he says, stopping me once more. “I love you.”
His words crush what’s left of my composure. I finally have what I always dreamed of, and now, it’s all being ripped away.
“I love you, too,” I whisper. “Thanks for being my dad.”
Stepping into the hallway, my eyes burn with tears. I barely take two steps before I crash into Johnny on his way down the stairs.
He takes one look at me and sneers, “What’re you crying about?”
“I’m sad, Johnny. People cry when they’re sad. It’s a normal thing.”
“Not for you,” he snaps. “You don’t get to be sad.”
I blink at him, stunned. “And why’s that?”
“Because you killed her!” he roars. I flinch. “You killed my mom! This is your fault! You don’t get to mourn her like the rest of us!”
Before I can respond, Ben storms out of his office. “Jonathan, that’s enough.”
But Johnny’s just getting started. “Oh, it’s not enough. She destroyed everything. She’s even fucking Axel!”
My breath catches. “Johnny—”
Ben looks stunned.
“Not that it’s any of your business,” I grit out, trembling with fury, “but Axel and I care for each other.”
I turn to Ben, my voice steady even as my hands shake. “We have feelings for each other. We didn’t plan it, and I’m not ashamed of it.”
Ben processes that, slowly nodding.
“I thought you were with Nik,” he says, almost to himself.
Johnny laughs bitterly. “She is. She’s with him too. She’s a typical whore who can’t—”
Crack.
The sound of my hand connecting with his face silences the room. We both freeze.
I gasp, covering my mouth with trembling fingers. “Johnny… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“Save it,” he growls, spinning on his heel and storming off. He slams the front door behind him.
I stand there, stunned. My pulse is thundering. My palm still stings.
Ben lets out a long sigh beside me.
“Ben…” I start, but I don’t know what to say. I’ve been in a secret relationship with his son and his son’s best friend. I just hurt his other son. I killed his wife. I might’ve ruined everything.
“It’s okay,” he says at last. “I should’ve seen this coming. I saw all the signs between you two and ignored them.”
He turns to me, his expression unreadable. “I’m assuming everything between you and Axel was consensual?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Then that’s all that matters.” His voice is kind, even if it’s tired. “I’ll deal with Johnny. You do what you need to.”