Damaged

Sophia

It’s late April, and I’m in James’s apartment wearing nothing but my smartwatch. It’s not unintentional. I like watching my heart rate rise as it gets closer to seven. James is going to be home soon.

Any minute.

Our rules didn’t last for long. Talking for an hour wasn’t the first thing we wanted to do after a long day of not seeing each other.

It was number two, squarely behind sex.

I’ve turned the heat up so I’m more than comfy naked. I love walking around the penthouse nude. The last two months of our relationship have been better than I imagined. We’ve only missed a few evenings together, but they were both this week.

James is chasing another big contract. This time with the Brazilian government. He’s spent a lot of time away from home, and we’ve gone a record four days without having sex. I’m going through withdrawals.

I’ve been having so much sex, I lost track of my trusty vibrator. I masturbated with my fingers again like a barbarian. I even had to clip my nails to do it, and I’d just had them done. A tragedy.

I hear James come into the apartment. I stand still. My heart rate reaches its peak so far. My skin tingles just from hearing him get closer.

Our sex has become animal. Primal.

My breaths are already short and quick when James comes into sight. He sinks his hands into his pockets and looks me over.

His green eyes shine bright against the contrast of black shirt and black suit coat. I can tell from the cunning in his eye that he’s feeling hornier than usual.

“Are you going to chase me?” I wiggle back and forth.

Sometimes he’ll sprint after me through the penthouse. I know I’m safe with James, but the sensation of being chased by him turns my insides watery. And then when he catches me… He’s not soft as he holds me down. He fucks me until I can’t form words. Until my only thoughts are on the feeling of each thrust.

I can feel myself getting wet with anticipation.

“Too long of a day for a chase,” James says, undoing his tie.

“I’m sorry.”

He approaches me, and soon I’m not staring at him, but rather up at him. He runs his thumb over my cheek and presses a few fingers in me hard . They go in with little resistance.

“I could see you dripping from across the fucking room,” he says and presses his fingers deeper.

A gasp rattles out of me.

He keeps fingering me as he puts his mouth on mine. We kiss without any tenderness. It’s hungry. Greedy. Horny. His wet tongue swirling against mine and hot breath mixing with mine sends another wave of wetness shuttling down my thighs.

He starts to shake his hand, pounding his palm quickly against my clit. It’s too much to take and kiss at the same time. I have to lower my head to his shoulder just to breathe. My moans begin to build to a crescendo.

But the son of a bitch stops right as I’m about to come. “Today’s about me, snowflake.”

I just nod dumbly, and he grabs my hand and pulls me over to the couch. He unzips his pants to let out his cock, but other than that, he’s still fully suited.

He puts a firm hand on my chin and guides me down at the same time he sits on the cushions. I’m on my knees on the floor.

“If you want to get off, you can rub yourself on me.” He gestures for me to spread my legs apart, and I bend and straddle his knee. I stare at his cock before I put it in my mouth. Admire is perhaps the better word.

I love how hard I make him. He’s so turned on already that a bead of precum is pulsing out from his tip. I press my tongue against it and pull back, creating a string that hangs from my mouth to the head of his cock. Then I follow it back, swallowing it as I take him in my mouth.

He grunts violently and tilts his head back. I’m getting good at this. Good at everything. I start to rub my clit against his knee, and he helps by pressing it up into my crotch. The pressure is intense, and it’s hard to suck a cock so big when I’m trembling from the waves shooting through me from my clit.

“Take all of me, sweetheart.”

I’m not sure it’s humanly possible to obey his command, but I try my best and close my eyes. I gag as I go deeper on his cock. I keep pressing past my reflex until I have maybe two thirds of him down my throat. The sensation isn’t comfortable, but knowing how much I’m turning him on makes me quiver.

I release and take a break from blowing him. I focus on rubbing myself with a little more focus.

“You’re going to have to multitask if you want to come.” He puts his hand on the back of my head and guides me back onto his cock, which glistens from my spit.

I suck around the tip this time, hard and wild with my tongue, while I grind his leg with the same energy.

In a minute, we’re both panting. My mouth goes still on his cock as I begin to shake. The orgasm runs the length of my spine. Once. Twice. The world turns into a splotch of color. A pool of spilled paint. Only slowly does it regain focus.

“Okay,” I say with a satisfied sigh. “I don’t think I can suck much longer.”

James sits up and pulls me quickly to my feet. “It’s your pussy’s turn, anyway.”

He spanks me before taking the lead and pulling me behind him by the arm. Hard. I have to take a bunch of small, shuffling steps to keep up with his long strides.

We pass the bedroom, and I frown. “Where are we going?”

James doesn’t respond. We cross the entire penthouse, and he opens the door to his office. “I set it up here, to keep it a surprise.”

There’s a coil of rope hanging down from the ceiling, and at the end of it is a wide belt that looks like it’s supposed to support my weight.

It’s more of a hanging harness than a sex swing.

“You’re going to be helpless today, snowflake. That’s the theme.”

He pushes me towards the harness and starts fitting it around my lower back. Once I’m clipped in, he pushes my wrists together and holds my arms up behind my head. I can see they go into a second set of cuffs hanging from another rope in the ceiling.

He lifts me up so my bottom half is supported by the wide belt, and once my hands are cuffed, my top half has support, too.

Just like that, I’m suspended in the air. Completely helpless to get out of this position even if I tried.

James leaves me hanging while he goes to his desk and starts to undress.

Suitcoat. Cufflinks. Shirt buttons.

He takes his time letting me squirm. He has a little sweat on his chest and stomach. It makes his muscles look cruel, sharp, and large. I can see the striations of muscle flex in his shoulders as he takes his undershirt off.

Soon he’s as naked as I am, his hard cock sticking out in front of him. He takes a tie out of his desk drawer and walks back over to me. He strokes my forehead gently with the back of his knuckles.

“Are you ready for this one?”

“Yes,” I pant.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, snowflake. You might just melt this time.”

“I can take it.”

“You hardly have a choice.”

He drapes his tie over my eyes and ties it snug on the back of my head.

There’s several seconds of anticipation. Then I gasp as he enters. I’m already so sensitive from grinding my clit against him that the sensation is almost too much. I think to reach out and put a hand on his stomach, but I remember I can’t move my arms. Thankfully, he takes his time warming me up.

The sensitivity turns lighter. Less sting and more aching pleasure.

James is such a good lover that I know he can tell how I’m feeling just from my breathing. My moans. By how tense versus relaxed my muscles are.

I don’t need to say anything for him to find the rhythm that’s best, and once I’m totally putty, he picks up his pace.

James grips my shoulders tightly, and he pulls me into him with every thrust. Pretty soon he’s doing it so fast, I can hardly hold down a breath.

I can’t see, which just intensifies all the feeling exploding out from my core. All I can hear is his grunts and the heavy slap of skin on skin.

“I’m coming!” I hear myself shout. My voice is frail. More of a moan than words.

James powers through my orgasm and keeps thrusting as I shake and squirm.

“I don’t know how you’re still so fucking tight. I would’ve thought I’d have resized you to fit me by now.” He works his fingers into my mouth, and I obediently suck. “Wait here, would you?” he teases.

I hear him walk away, and then he’s opening a drawer in his desk. He comes back over to me, and I hear it before I feel it.

There’s the heavy buzz of a vibrator. I feel his hands working between my legs. The vibrator must be small. One of those bullet ones the size of my thumb, but the thing pounds with the power of a massage gun. I feel him clip something to my skin. It pinches in place gently like a clothespin.

And then he moves the vibrator so it’s directly on my clit.

“Oh shit,” I say shakily. “James.”

“I’ll be back in a little bit,” he says in his deep voice.

I can’t even talk. I just whimper as I hear his heavy footsteps go towards the door, and then it closes behind him.

While the vibrator isn’t clipped onto me very hard, I still don’t have any ability to get it off. The fact that I’m so powerless drives me wild. I don’t know how much time passes like this. Everything blurs. It gets to the point that I can feel the buzz of the vibrator in my blood. I shudder and scream out as I come all alone cuffed to the ceiling.

I let my head go back limp, but I don’t have any choice but to start shaking again as my poor clit is pounded with a hundred pulses a second.

I’m so captive. So entirely his . There’s nothing I can do but wait for James to get back. It turns me on just as much as the stimulation.

I hear the door open, and the world goes mute as James lifts the vibrator up and turns it off. He tenderly rubs my clit and then gives it a kiss just as gentle. I moan as he starts to play with my pussy lightly with his tongue.

I’m not sure I could take his cock again, and he seems to know this. He walks around to my head and yanks the tie blindfold undone.

“Suck me till I come,” he instructs, and I eagerly move my head like I’m bobbing for apples to fit his cock in my mouth. He stretches so he can reach over me and pinches my nipple with one hand while softly rubbing my clit with the other.

His grunts begin to build, and it’s not long before he pulls out and finishes all over my hanging body.

We both breathe heavily for a minute. I think this is the first time we’ve both been left this speechless by sex.

He gives my ass a tap from underneath, and then we both start to laugh.

“So, I’m a big fan.” I nod at my restraints. “But how are we supposed to cuddle like this?”

James laughs and cleans me up with his handkerchief and then tosses it into the trash. Then he unclips my hands, followed by the belt around my butt.

I’m suddenly on my feet, and he pulls me to him.

We stand and kiss for a moment.

“I was worried what you’d think of being tied up,” James says.

“How come?”

“After what happened at the gallery…”

“I seriously never even thought of that. It’s a lot different when you’re not being kicked in the stomach,” I joke.

James grimaces. It’s like somehow, he’s the one more hurt by that night. He looks guilty. “Well, I’m glad you don’t have anything lasting from that.”

“Just you,” I say.

“You had me at the ice rink. I didn’t need to save you.”

“Mmm. Let’s not tell people that. The hero part makes for a better story.”

“Okay. Fair enough.” We kiss again, and I’m the one who breaks it this time. I’m dizzy from being strung up.

I go over to a leather armchair and plop down. “I think I need some water after that.”

“Let me get you some,” James says. He puts on his pants before walking shirtless towards the kitchen.

I close my eyes. The cold leather feels amazing against my hot skin.

I hear a distant siren. A window makes up the entire back wall of James’s office. His big wooden desk is in front of it. I hear a ding and see a screen light up.

James has a work phone on his desk. I don’t know why—maybe it’s because my brain is broken from sex—but I stand up and go over to it. I spin it around so the screen faces me.

It’s an older model iPhone. A nine or something. It only has the one camera lens. The contact’s name that texted is TS2. Okay. Cryptic. My curiosity gets the best of me. I don’t even consider the fact that I’m prying. But the phone is so old, it doesn’t have the privacy settings updated. I can read the texts while the phone is locked.

TS2: And you’re positive she has no idea? Because if she does, we have a problem.

I frown. This text could be about anyone. There are a few women executives at James’s company.

It would be stupid and very presumptuous to assume the she in this text was me.

I’m too high on amazing sex to even care. I turn around, and James is standing in the doorway with a glass of water. I smile at him, but it fades quickly as I notice his own expression is tight with worry.

His eyes dart towards his desk before he’s able to regain his composure and walk to me.

“I had a sip. I did most of the work, so I figured I’d earned it.” He turns on that charm like a light switch, but I have a little pause.

I saw the emotions on his face.

I saw there was something he didn’t want me to see. Was it the text?

But of course there are things he would have to keep from me. We’ve only been dating a couple months. He has iron-clad contracts with defense contractors and governments.

I’m being foolish. There are things he legally can’t let my eyes touch.

I force my smile back and take the glass. I have a sip and then set it down. “So, what’re we doing for the rest of the night?”

“What if we went out?”

“Do you have reservations?” I ask.

“Oh no.” James twists the corner of his mouth in a grimace. “I’ve spoiled you. You know, , there are places in New York where you don’t have to call ahead to eat,” he teases and hugs my naked body.

I’m a little horrified that I just associated going out with sitting down at a white tablecloth and perusing the wine list with an inquisitive squint, pretending like I know a damn thing about the bottles, when really, I’m practicing pronouncing them in my head.

But that is James’s version of going out. Black tie. Oysters on ice. Waiters with rigid posture and swift movements.

“So, what’s your idea?”

“Greasy dollar slices. Followed by people watching in Central Park.”

“I was wondering when you’d take me on a proper date.”

He puts on his undershirt and then his watch. The work phone on his desk buzzes again, and I watch him look at it far too quickly. His movement is nervous.

He picks the phone up, taps in the code, and scrolls. “Ah… shit.”

“What?” I ask. I stand up straighter, as if it would help me see the phone screen that’s angled towards him. I’m curious if I’m about to get the whole truth. If he’s about to tell me what it is I don’t know.

“I need to see a client tonight.”

“How come?”

James looks up at me from the phone. I never question why he has to go out. I never ask for more details.

“A client from Japan is in town. Their license on our software expires next month, and it looks like I’m going to have to convince them to renew.”

“Fun stuff.”

“Yeah,” James says with a sigh.

If he was just lying about all that, he did it with such precision that I should run for the hills. But I can’t be paranoid just because I think I saw a flash of nervousness on his face.

“At least we got that in,” James says, referring to the sex, and then he leans in and kisses me on the cheek.

I turn my cheek, a little cold to his lips. I won’t lie. Getting strung up and used during sex is fun, but not so much when your partner bails for the evening afterward. We were supposed to go out.

“Hey,” James says, trying to catch my eye.

I stare back. I can feel my worry flexing the skin of my forehead.

“Tomorrow morning, I’m all yours.”

“Sometimes I feel like I rent you.”

James leans back. I meant it partly as a joke, but he looks offended. “Look around this place, . When I leave, that’s what I want you to do. Go into every room. Open every closet. I may be rented, but that’s the tradeoff. That’s why I’ll never have to worry about eating expired soups from the food pantry again.”

“I know it’s not easy.”

He starts putting his suit coat back on, but I point to the stain on the knee of his pants from where I rubbed myself.

“You may want to change suits.”

“Oh. Right.”

He leaves me to go to the bedroom and takes his work phone with him. Ten minutes later, I kiss him at the door, still naked, as he leaves.

Another evening by myself. I’ve been spending some time job hunting when I’m alone. I’m still technically employed at McMurphy Beaumont, but work has come to a standstill since the heist. The leads have all gone nowhere. The dead man is yet to be identified. Impressive in this day and age. And a little horrifying.

I’m taking a few free college classes on maritime archaeology. While I started up a dialogue with Claude Bernard’s company, I didn’t take the job Caribbean treasure hunting, but it did start a fascination.

I set up in the sitting room and watch about fifteen minutes of a class before I get distracted and close my laptop.

I stand up and take James’s advice. I know he wasn’t being serious, he was just making a point, but I still walk through the penthouse.

There are five bedrooms. We use one of them.

Seven bathrooms, although I’ve only been in three. A lounge we’ve never lounged in. A billiards rooms with a pool table we’ve only ever fucked on.

Steve joins me on my adventure and walks a little ahead of me like he’s my tour guide. I guess he is. I’ll go an entire day without seeing him in this castle. He enjoys acting like it’s his jungle.

When I’m done, I stand by the entrance and scratch Steve’s ears. I listen to the fountain trickle. It is a life of absolute luxury. Insulated from poverty. From disaster.

If the Yellowstone volcano erupted, James would just jet us to Tasmania.

But it comes with a cost, and it’s not just his time, but mine, too. Two months into this relationship, and work is already making its way as a priority. What happens after we’ve been dating for two years?

I look around the foyer. This entrance could fit a marching band. Yes, it’s an amazing apartment. And I think I’m a pretty good girlfriend, too.

But the question is, can he have both?