33. Colton
COLTON
All night I tossed and turned, my bed feeling empty and cold. In such a short time, I got used to having her beside me, the piece missing that had finally eased my restless mind and lulled me into sleep.
Now it feels somehow worse, like knowing how quieted my mind became when she was with me makes the noise seem even louder without her. Another punishment for the pain I’ve caused.
I just need to explain my side. Make her see. Since sleep wasn’t happening anytime soon, I spent the early morning hours rehearsing my speech while I dressed for the gym. Mostly practicing making my eyes look pleading and preparing my knees for the begging I’m sure to do.
Those moments locked alone in her office before she knew who I was are seared into my mind.
She could feel the shift in the air, the dread settling over our little bubble, poised to burst. I wanted to bar the door, to keep us suspended in the lie a little longer.
It wasn’t enough time, not to convince her that while she didn’t have my name, she had my heart.
James stopped me from going after her when the meeting ended at Cirque, claiming that as my handler, he needed to debrief me. I barely had time to launch an argument before Harper was out the door and disappearing into the night. Happy to be rid of me.
I didn’t text or call. It needed to be face-to-face. She can ignore a text or send my calls to voicemail, but she can’t ignore me standing in front of her.
She promised to cooperate, but I knew that courtesy would only extend to within the walls of Cirque. So, Cirque is where I will make my case.
I steel my spine, walking up to the back entrance of Cirque where the gym is, pulling my key fob from my pocket. I can see Harper through the glass portion of the door, walking on a treadmill at such a steep incline I know her calves must be burning from the effort to stay upright.
I gather my nerve and with a deep breath bring my key fob up to the panel next to the door, pressing on the door in the same movement, only to press my body into a decidedly still locked door.
The noise of my body clattering against the door isn’t loud enough to pause Harper’s movements, but heat colors my cheeks at the knock to my pride. I lift the fob again to the panel, this time waiting until the light flips to green before I press on the door.
Red.
I try again.
Red.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, the vibration insistent and refusing to be ignored.
Sadie: Fuck Off.
I look at the key fob in my hand and then glance up to the camera overlooking the door and back entrance.
I wasn’t too eager opening the door before it unlocked, my access was denied.
I look at the camera again, arms centering at my chest, praying to Sadie to have mercy on me. My phone buzzes again.
Sadie: Leave her alone.
Sadie: And fuck off.
I grip the phone in my hand and bang on the door, pressing against the handle, willing it to sense my desperation and magically open. I rage against the door, against Sadie, against the assignment that caused this whole mess.
When I finally stop, head hanging and chest heaving at the pointless effort of slamming against a steel framed door, I hear a soft tap. My head snaps up to meet Harper’s stunning face, lightly coated in sweat and breathing heavy but steadily.
She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t open the door.
Just scans my face like she’s never seen it before.
Like she hasn’t traced my jaw with her painted nails, felt my stubble against her thighs, gripped my hair and whispered praise against my lips.
There is no warmth in her eyes, no tilt of her lips, there is nothing.
“Please,” I speak to the door, forgetting my speech entirely. It’s like she didn’t hear me or see my mouth form the plea as she takes one last pass over my face before she turns away from me.
The rest of the staff has a few more days off, which means other than Sadie and probably Wade, there is no one to let me into Cirque. Well, there is no one willing to let me into Cirque.
I don’t move, not until I can’t see her anymore as she rounds the corner to don her boxing gloves, the area out of sight from the door window.
I walk back to my car, contemplating my next move. She’s hiding behind locked doors and security cameras, the fortress of Cirque. And when the break is over, she will hide behind other staff members, using them as shields to ward off any alone time with me she might have to suffer through.
She’s unwilling to be alone with me, which means she’s worried about what will happen if she is.
I can work with that.
In her effort to present me with an obstacle, she gave me a glimmer of hope. She’s not gone…yet. I just need to find a way to get to her, remind her what we have, why she fell for me in the first place.
“Did you hear me?” James asks over the car phone as I drive to Cirque, parking in the garage with the rest of the employees, something I haven’t done since my first week here.
I’m circling the top level now, forgetting what it was like to not get here so early for the gym and parking on level 1, right next to Harper’s car.
Four months later, and I feel like I got knocked back down the corporate ladder, a demotion in the form of heartbreak. Before I was ready, anxious to see Harper and make my case, confident she would hear me out at least.
I open the door and feel the familiar rush that Cirque brings, the bustling energy of performers milling about, sequined and stretching wherever they feel like it while the club is still closed to the public.
I hear Marcus shouting orders on the stage, probably frazzled from having a few days off where he couldn’t micromanage the training and rehearsals within an inch of their life.
Tessa is perched behind the bar, scribbling notes on her tablet and humming to herself, most likely creating drink specials for the weekend. She perks up when I walk by, leaving the bar to fall into step beside me.
“Hey Colton, did you have a good few days off?” she asks, her body practically vibrating with positivity. Harper must hate it.
“Yeah.” No. “It was pretty good.” I spent the night sniffing a t-shirt Harper left at my place. “Yours?” Please get out of my way.
“Oh, it was nothing special. Tried to get reservations to this new restaurant in town, it’s supposed—”
“Sorry, I better get going,” I cut her off, picking up my pace when her steps falter. “Got in a little late today and don’t want to get in trouble, you know? But we can catch up later tonight between customers, okay?” I call over my shoulder, my body pulling me towards Harper’s office.
“Oh! Yeah, of course, no problem…” Tessa replies, words trailing off as I make it to Harper’s office, a broody Wade standing sentry at the door.
He doesn’t even glance my way as I stop before him, his gaze focused on…nothing? He’s staring straight ahead, hands clasped behind his back, a flawless impersonation of a statue. His weapons gleaming, as if the last three days were spent polishing them until his reflection winked back.
I glance over my shoulder where his eyes are fixed, before slowly turning back to him.
“Hello Wade. Mind if I get in there?” I greet him, moving to the side and reaching for the door handle, only to be cut off as his body shifts, blocking my hand from making contact.
“Can’t let you do that, Colton,” Wade says, eyes still not meeting mine. I thought of anyone here he would understand.
“So, this is what it’s going to be like, huh? You’re really worried about what I’m going to do to her,” I hiss at him, glancing around to check we don’t have an audience.
As far as the rest of the employees are concerned, there is nothing amiss between Harper and me, our working relationship stronger than ever. He’s got to know this looks worse, blocking me from seeing her. I’m her assistant.
“She’s not the one I’m worried about,” Wade states, tone even and neutral. But when he finally breaks post and looks at me, I see the pity written over his features. Pity. Like he feels bad that I haven’t come to grips with the new realities of life without her.
Fat fucking chance of that.
I stand taller, not that it matters against his imposing form, and square my shoulders. “Let me pass, Wade.”
I see him wince, a hand coming up to press on the ear piece he wears. Sadie is yelling so loudly, even I can make out every few words. I hear traitor, then asshole, deserve and a few other things I wish I hadn’t.
He lets out a heavy exhale but only turns his head to gaze back at the empty wall over my shoulder.
Fine. He can’t stay there all day.