Chapter 9
ROMAN
When his mouth crashes to mine, it's like falling into a vortex. Like the ground just dropped out from underneath me.
But the fucked-up thing is, it doesn’t feel like I’m falling.
It feels like I’m flying.
I shudder as his mouth attacks mine: kissing, biting, sucking.
Devouring. Lips and tongue and teeth clash as he pins me to the wall with that strength that always demolishes mine.
And when his tongue pushes past my lips and into my mouth, the guttural moan—fucking hell, that moan—that escapes my throat seems as loud as the screaming in my ears.
Something vicious and wild comes alive inside me. Like I’m watching myself on a movie screen, hungrily staring and waiting to see what I do next.
There’s still a part of me—a dark, fucked-up part—that roars and howls as I fall into Val. The part that demands “normalcy” and desperately clings to the status quo as I smash past every wall around this explosive part of myself that I’ve called so many things.
Darkness. Sickness. Corruption.
The thing that comes alive when Val kisses me.
It feels like I’m drowning in the most blissful way possible. My body softens, melting against him as he grabs my jaw with one hand, my hip with the other, pinning me to the wall as he grinds against me.
Well, not all my body goes soft.
Not in the least.
I shudder again, gasping and moaning into his mouth as Val’s hand slides from my hip to the front of my shorts. He cups my swollen cock, groaning into my lips as his fingers wrap around my shaft through the thin nylon.
Christ, I’ve never been so hard in my life. I moan as he squeezes me, slowly stroking up and down my shaft as I hungrily devour his tongue.
“You're so fucking hard for me, wreckage,” Val growls against my panting mouth. He slides his hand down my nylon-covered cock until I gasp in pure heaven when he strokes over my swollen head. My dick jumps, and I shiver in ecstasy when I feel precum leaking into my shorts.
“I think someone’s getting even harder,” he growls. “And making a fucking mess inside these shorts…”
He starts to stroke a little faster, and when he molds his body to mine, a thrill zips through me as I feel the rock-hard pulse of his cock against my thigh.
Christ, he’s fucking big.
“Fuck,” Val groans against my mouth, sucking on my lower lip. “I think this big dick of yours wants to come out to play.”
His hand slides back up my achingly hard cock, and his tattooed fingers slip into the waistband of my shorts.
My brain starts to short-circuit. It’s like I’m a fucking teenager again, fooling around with a girl for the first time, getting all trembly and jittery when she starts to put her hand down my pants.
Except I was never this jittery and trembly with a girl.
Val’s hand slips down inside my shorts, his fingers pushing over my abs and into the neatly trimmed hair, edging toward my swollen dick.
“I—”
He pauses and I groan, my brow furrowed, my eyes hooded, my mouth hanging open.
“Is that hesitation?” he murmurs against my bottom lip before suddenly biting down on it. I gasp sharply, whining as his fingers tease barely an inch from the base of my cock.
“No…!” I hear myself gasp. “It’s not.”
“You want me to take your big dick out and stroke it, wreckage?”
I don’t know why he’s calling me that, and I don’t care. All I know is, it feels like I’m losing my fucking mind in the most lurid way possible, and I don’t want the feeling ever to stop.
Not even when the voices inside me scream for me to get a grip on myself.
To be brutal. To be unmerciful.
To be a fucking man.
But right now, those voices and the instinct to convince myself this isn’t me are no match for the explosive feeling coursing through my veins like pure hedonistic adrenaline as Val’s fingers hover an inch from crossing that line.
“Yes…”
He groans as his mouth drags over my neck, then he sucks the lobe of my ear between his lips and bites down, making me whimper again and my cock pulse and jump.
“Say please.”
“Fuck—”
“I said say please, Roman…”
“Please!” I blurt in a desperate voice I don’t recognize. “Please, Val…”
“Good boy.”
Holy. Fuck.
It’s the combination of him fucking calling me that paired with the sensation of the hot steam room air against my skin as he pulls my shorts down over my pulsing erection. My dick springs free, slapping against my abs before Val groans deeply and wraps his fingers around it.
“Fuck. ME,” he growls, nipping at my bottom lip. “This fucking cock…”
He tightens his grip on me, and my breath leaves my body. His hand begins to stroke up and down, his thumb running over the underside and then sliding up over the tip to tease against the hole.
Christ…
“There we go,” Val groans against my neck. “There’s that fucking precum I’ve been feeling leaking into your shorts.”
He rubs his thumb over my slit again, gathering the sticky fluid there and swiping it up the underside of my shaft as I shudder. He brings his hand up, and I watch with wide, stunned eyes as he licks his thumb clean with a groan.
“Fuck, you taste like candy.”
His eyes lock with mine as he drags his palm over his tongue before reaching for me again. This time, his hand is slick with spit when it curls around my cock and starts to stroke.
Fuck. The sound that erupts from my throat is like none I’ve ever made before. And when he keeps stroking his wet hand up and down my dick, the sound tumbles out again as my legs start to shake.
Val groans deeply. “Well, well,“ he growls. “Do you get all subby and whimper-y like this for all the girls you fuck, trying to convince yourself you're something you’re not?”
“Shut up,” I groan.
“Make me,” he groans back.
He starts to jerk my cock faster, and I choke brokenly as my legs start trembling again.
“Fuck…Val…” I gasp breathlessly as he pumps up and down, running his thumb over my head with every stroke. “Someone might hear—”
“Then let’s stop those sexy moans of yours.”
His mouth slams to mine, his tongue plunging inside, and I’m back in that swirling vortex, being tossed around by forces I don’t understand.
I feel a tug, then smooth, hot muscle against my thigh.
I look down, and my eyes widen.
Holy fuck.
He’s just dropped the towel that was around his lean waist. The towel is now on the ground at our feet, and that hot muscle I feel twitching?
It’s his cock.
His huge, thick, veined, very swollen cock.
Val keeps stroking me up and down as I stare at his dick, open-mouthed.
“Touch it,” he murmurs. “Take your hand, wrap it around my dick, and do what I’m doing to you. Stroke me like you’d stroke yourself.”
I hesitate, my fingers twitching. Val squeezes my dick, making me groan and whimper.
Slowly, my hand reaches for him.
It’s such an alien feeling, wrapping my hand around another man’s cock for the first time. It’s so like mine and yet…not. The veins run in different patterns. The head is a slightly darker purple. He’s a little thicker…
And holy fuck, touching him makes me come alive.
I start to stroke, and Val groans deep in his throat before his mouth crushes to mine again.
“Fuck yes,” he rasps. “Jerk it like it’s your own, the way you’d like it.”
I shiver, stroking him a little faster and tightening my grip as he does the same to me.
“Good boy,” Val purrs. “Come on, wreckage, jerk my big fucking cock while I stroke you off. Pump that fat dick while I make your balls tighten up for me.”
Whatever last shreds of sanity I had left crumble to dust. I slam my mouth to his, devouring his tongue and moaning shamelessly into his lips.
My one hand pumps his cock while the other somehow finds itself cupping his face and sliding up into his hair.
Val moans deeply, jerking me faster and grabbing my jaw as if to swallow me whole.
We start to pump harder, both shaking and quivering.
I’m dimly aware of him half ripping, half yanking my shirt off before our bodies slam together again: hard chest to hard chest, abs flexing against each other and trapping our cocks and our hands between us.
The sweat, steam, and precum make us slippery and wet, and I can feel myself start to teeter on the edge.
“Val—” I choke, my body starting to shake in ways I never have, my toes curling against the wooden floor.
“Don’t fight it, wreckage. Come for me. I want to feel that big dick pump your hot cum all over my fucking cock. Fucking let go, motherfucker. Let go and make a fucking mess for me.”
I try to fight it. I really do. But between the demanding tone in his voice and the feel of his strong hand stroking me so fucking perfectly…
I lose the fight.
Hard.
With a gasp, I moan desperately into his mouth, kissing him fiercely as my balls draw up tight and my cock begins to violently twitch and pulse. Hot ropes of cum explode from my swollen head, splattering all over my abs and his, dripping down over our dicks and hands.
“Fuck, that’s fucking hot,” Val groans just as his dick twitches in my hand.
Suddenly, he’s coming.
I made him come.
I crush my mouth to his, kissing him deeply, pumping his cock up and down, his cum and mine mixed together all over his fat dick. I keep jerking him until he finally chokes and pulls away, his hand wrapping around mine to slow it.
“Holy fuck,” he hisses, panting as heavily as I am before he looks up at me. Our eyes lock, and suddenly, he’s pinning me to the wall and kissing me like he wants to eat me alive.
Gradually, I realize his mouth is moving—licking and nibbling and sucking down to the corner of my mouth, then my jawline.
Then my neck.
He kisses and bites and licks his way down my chest, making my pulse skip, swirling his tongue around one of my nipples.
He keeps going. I don’t realize what’s happening until Val suddenly drops to his knees.
“Wait, what are you—”
“This.”
I’m still hard as steel when his hot mouth wraps around my head without warning. And as he slowly sinks down my shaft, swallowing half of my dick in one go, and raises his eyes to mine…
I have no control left whatsoever.
It’s like pulling a trigger. I’m barely in his mouth for twenty seconds, his tongue swirling over the underside, before I’m coming all over again.
I cry out, moaning and twitching and shaking as my sticky cum explodes into his mouth—over and over, burst after burst, rope after rope, until I’m quite literally gasping for air.
Slowly, his eyes still locked with mine, Val slips his mouth off my cock. He stands, and before I know what’s happening, he’s grabbing my jaw and slamming our mouths together.
Hot cum floods across my tongue. At first, I try to recoil, but Val doesn’t let me. He just keeps me trapped between his mouth and the wall behind me, kissing me and feeding me my own cum, mixed with his that was coating my dick.
When he pulls away, the moment hangs suspended in time. Like a freeze-frame of my life that I never want to move on from.
“Now, was that really so fucking bad?” Val chuckles.
Then, the house of cards comes crashing down.
And all I feel is abject horror.
Val’s opening his mouth to say something else when I quickly push past him without a word.
“Roman?”
I’m silent as I awkwardly bend down to grab my shorts and t-shirt up off the floor. I yank them both on, facing away from him and feeling a crawling self-loathing spreading all over my skin.
“Hi, hello, what the fuck’s happening?” Val growls.
“I have to go.”
“Uh…”
I don’t turn around. I just finish tugging my sweaty t-shirt back down over my torso, still facing away from him.
“Okaaay?”
“Bye.”
I start to reach for the door.
“Do you want to, like, talk about this? Like, to process—”
“I’m fine.”
Val snorts behind me. “Um, yeah, no, you’re not. Roman—”
“I said I’m fine,” I snap, still not looking at him.
“Jesus, Roman—”
“I’m not fucking gay, okay?!”
The steam room goes silent for a few long seconds, until I hear the slow exhale of his breath and a mirthless, brittle chuckle.
“Wow,” he says dryly. “Then somebody should give you a goddamn Oscar for that performance of ‘Best Subby Little Gay Bitch’.”
I whirl on him with murder in my eyes and a snarl on my lips.
“Fuck you.”
Val rolls his eyes. “Look, you’re processing. Hey, I’ve been there. If you just want to talk...”
He reaches for me, probably totally innocently, maybe to rest his hand on my shoulder. But before he does that, I flinch away.
A survival instinct.
As if any touching whatsoever after what just happened makes it more than a biological need to get off.
It makes it…intimate.
With a guy.
“Don’t touch me.”
I want it to sound like a plea, like something I need him to hear, and moreover need him to understand. But it comes out all wrong.
It doesn’t sound like a plea.
It sounds like a fuck you.
“Huh,” Val grunts. “Well, that’s fun.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, desperately trying to find a way to explain.
But that ship has sailed.
“The fuck is your problem?” Val mutters.
“Just…don’t fucking touch me, okay?!” I blurt, my nerves shattering. “Understand?”
Val smiles coldly at me. “Yeah, fuck-head.”
“I mean it—”
“I fucking heard you the first time!” Val snaps. “It’s just a little hard to take you seriously when you’re still hard and you’ve got cum on your lips.”
My face burns like the sun as I bring up a shaky hand and quickly wipe it across my mouth, smearing away the evidence. I adjust myself in my shorts, feeling the horrible awkwardness that this moment has become descending over us.
“I’m leaving.”
“Yeah, got that,” Val says blandly. “Bye.”
I turn to go, my pulse jumping erratically. As I reach for the door, Val sighs heavily behind me.
“Look, Roman—”
I don’t mean to do it. But I’m in such a state of confusion and shock, and my system is flooded with so much dopamine, that when his hand lands heavily on my shoulder, I react as if I’m in the ring with him, not like we just shared a sexual experience.
The way I whirl toward him is more a muscle spasm than anything else. And when I feel the crunch of my elbow slamming into his face, fresh horror washes over me. The color drains from my face as I stare in shock at the blood gushing out of Val’s nose from where my elbow crashed into it.
“The fuck, Roman!”
“Shit, Val! I’m—”
“I did say I heard you the first time, fuckhead!” Val spits, snatching his towel off the ground and storming right up to me, blood trickling over his mouth and turning his bared teeth pink and red.
I flinch, my eyes wide as I stare at him, mouth agape.
“Val, I—”
His finger jabs my chest violently.
“Figure your fucking shit out, asshole.”
He kicks open the door to the steam room and storms out.