Chapter 35
VAUGHN
“Something’s up with him.”
I glance up from my desk to where Sebastian is pacing my office near the windows.
“Up with who?”
“Carson,” Seb grunts. “There’s something off about him.”
Sitting across the desk from me, Gideon gives Sebastian the closest thing to a smile his face is capable of, his brow arching in thin amusement. “This is news to you after knowing him for close to twenty years?”
Sebastian glares at us. “I mean more than usual,” he mutters.
I frown. “I haven’t noticed anything.”
“Well gee, no shit,” Sebastian grunts.
“Yeah, you’ve been slightly distracted, V,” Gideon growls without looking up from his laptop.
“I’m sorry, would one of you like to be Marquis for a week? A fucking day? An hour, even?” I snap.
“Nope,” Gideon murmurs.
“Hell to the fucking no,” Seb growls. “But you know damn well we're not talking about your official duties.”
My jaw ticks. Seb rolls his eyes.
“Fuck off, Bancroft. We have eyes.”
I glare at him. “And what do these all-seeing eyes tell you?”
“That you’ve completely lost the fucking plot with your Acolyte. Tell me I’m wrong,” he says dryly. “Please. I would love that.”
My molars grind.
“So… What’s this about Carson?”
Gideon snorts. “Nice subject change,” he snickers.
“Yeah, fucking seamless,” Sebastian adds. “But I am concerned about him, so I’m choosing to ignore that. For now.”
“Again,” I sigh. “What the fuck is going on with Carson?”
“Please. Have you seen our text chain today?” Seb mutters.
No. I haven’t. I’ve been…distracted.
And they’re not in any way wrong about "my Acolyte".
I don’t fucking like this new “I have a spine” Evelina.
Well… That’s not entirely true. I like her pliant and submissive, obviously. But I do like her fight and grit as well.
…Just not when it’s directed at me.
I'm not stupid. I know what she wants from me. And it’s not that I can’t give it to her because I’m some mopey, tragic case who got burned in the past.
I can’t give Evelina what she wants, i.e., more of me, because the parts of me she doesn’t have are fucking dangerous.
Uncontrollable. Deranged. And quite possibly, at least sometimes, with their own agendas that override my own.
How the fuck would I explain Demon to her? Or worse, Quentin? How would I even begin to crack open that box of horrors, and tell her that I see and talk to my dead grandfather through a split shard of my psyche? That he hurts me but that deep down I realize it’s just me hurting myself as him?
Exactly.
Evelina thinks she wants more from me.
She really, really doesn’t. She’d understand that, if I could show her. But I worry that showing her might be the end of her, if Quentin got his way.
I hate the current state of things, though. After I went to see her at the theater the other day, and kissed her, we’ve lapsed back into a sort of radio silence.
I don’t like it. I don’t like not feeling her body squirm and writhe and scream as I pound into her.
Not seeing her smile.
Not watching her dance from the shadows.
Well, okay. I'm still doing those last two.
I’m still watching her. Constantly. But at least she believes I’m respecting her self-imposed distancing.
“No,” I shake my head at Seb. “I haven’t checked the text chain.”
“You should.”
I pull out my phone, tapping on my group chat with Seb, Carson, and Gideon.
Sebastian
BINGO MOTHERFUCKERS
Sebastian
Got a solid location for those three fucks working for Beaumont who were trying to sell Syndicate intel to the Triads.
Sebastian
Pretty sure El Capitan is “busy” with his Acolyte.
I look up sharply at Sebastian.
“Just keep reading,” he grins.
Sebastian
Who else wants to help me rain down some good old-fashioned violence and mayhem on these assholes?
Gideon
IN. Can I bring my box of tools?
Sebastian
Fuckin psycho energy. I like it. And hell YES.
Gideon
Sweet.
I glance up at Gideon, whose shrug is midway between uncaring and sheepish.
“You freak me the fuck out sometimes, buddy.”
He beams. “Why, thank you.”
I glance back to the last messages in the text exchange
Sebastian
KING. Giddyup, motherfucker. It’s carnage time.
Carson
I’m good.
Carson
Have fun.
I look up, frowning. “That is the cause of your concern?”
Gideon clears his throat. “It, uh…is out of character for Carson of all people to say no to inflicting pain and suffering on others. Like, radically.”
Hmm. He does have a point.
“Do we know where he is?”
“No, but I can guess,” Seb grumbles. “With that fucking De Luca chick.”
Shit.
Normally, I wouldn’t give a flying fuck whose panties Carson is trying to get into. But Gabriella’s brother Nero is…well…like us.
Utterly fucking insane. Not to mention violent, unpredictable, and powerful.
I exhale. “Okay, let me track him down and—”
My phone dings with a notification, pulling my attention to an incoming text.
Evelina
I’d love to see you. Could you meet me today at Café Boulud?
It’s ridiculous and more than a little embarrassing how quickly I respond.
Me
When?
Evelina
11:30?
Me
Done.
Gideon is looking right at me when I glance up again.
“How about I find Carson. You seem…occupied.”
I start to open my mouth to protest, but he shakes his head. “All good, man. Go do your thing. I’ll tell Carson to keep his hands off psycho Nero’s kid sister.”
I go utterly still when my gaze slides from Evelina to the other two people sitting at the table that the host at Café Boulud just escorted me to.
Val…and Morgan.
My father smiles warmly if a little weakly as he stands. Yeah, he knows how I feel.
My eyes drag back to Evelina, who winces a bit as she grins at me.
If she thinks this is a cutesy surprise, she’s dead fucking wrong.
“Vaughn,” Morgan says, clearing his throat. “I just want to—”
“Nope.”
I spin on my heel and start to walk away.
“C’mon, man!” Val runs in front of me and plants his hands on my chest. “Will you just stop for a second?!” He scowls at me. “It’s just fucking lunch.”
“Which I’m happy to sit down for,” I growl. “Just as soon as that rat-fuck you’re with vacates the premises.”
His eyes narrow. “He’s our father—”
“I’m going to pretend I didn't hear that.”
“Vaughn!” he hisses. “Come the fuck on, man! Just let the guy fucking talk for three minutes without being a prick! He’s trying!”
“I don’t give a single shit if—”
“Hey…”
I stiffen at the touch of her hand on my arm and the soft sound of her voice. Evelina’s biting her lip, looking up at me.
“If you think conning me into coming to this bullshit was cute, you’re very fucking wrong,” I spit, moving closer to her as my furious gaze burns into her.
“Cool it,” Val snarls, trying to shove between us. “Don’t talk to her like—”
“Val.”
Evelina puts her hand on his shoulder and eases him to the side.
“I don’t need a knight in shining armor,” she says softly.
Val scowls.
“Yeah, away you go, Lancelot,” I mutter as he turns to walk back over to the table, giving me the finger over his shoulder.
Evelina sighs. When she takes my hand in hers, my mind short-circuits. Like the memory chip forgets I’m supposed to be fucking furious with her.
“I didn’t mean for this to be an ambush,” she says quietly, looking at me with those big, innocent, gorgeous gray eyes. “I just…look, I get fathers being complicated, okay? You know that.”
I frown.
“But I also know that people can change. They can be more than their addictions.” She shrugs.
“I was sitting over there for maybe four minutes before you walked in, and he really seems to be trying hard.” She gives me a wry smile.
“I also think it would mean a lot to Val if you came and sat for a few minutes.”
“That’s because he doesn’t…” I bite back the rest, shaking my head.
“Please?” she says gently. “For me?” She sucks her lower lip between her teeth and cranes up on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear. “I’ll let you hurt me if you do.”
I smirk at the hot flush on her cheeks as she drops back down. “You’d let me do that anyway,” I murmur.
She shrugs. “Really? How’s the last few days been for you?”
“Careful, princess,” I growl, grinning a little when she blushes even deeper. “This feels like bribery.”
“Maybe because it is,” she smiles.
I exhale and look past her to my brother and Morgan, chatting away.
“Five minutes,” I growl. “He gets five minutes.”
I freeze when she stretches back up on her toes, a big grin on her face, and kisses my cheek.
“Thank you,” she whispers, taking my hand and leading me back to the table.
“Vaughn,” Morgan beams, standing and moving toward me, his arms wide.
Yeah, he can fuck right off with that.
Luckily, he seems to pick up that I’m in the fucking opposite of a hugging mood, and just sticks out his hand instead.
“It’s good to see you, Vaughn,” he says with a warm smile.
A small elbow digs into my side. I glance down to see Evelina giving me a look and then raising her eyebrows significantly at the outstretched hand.
Goddamn, this woman.
I begrudgingly stick out a hand and give Morgan a lackluster shake.
At least he doesn't try that “son” bullshit again like last time.
My brother flashes me a quick grin as we all take our seats. Morgan exhales, grinning widely and shaking his head as he looks between me and Val.
“Still can’t believe both my boys made it from McKeesport all the way to New York freaking City!” he exclaims. “I mean holy hell…it’s hard to comprehend. I’m so proud of both of—”
“Funny,” I mutter coldly, “I can’t believe both your boys made it past the age of nine with the home life we endured with you and that other crackhead.”
“C’mon, man,” Val hisses. “The fuck is your—”
“No, it’s okay, Val.” Morgan exhales. “I deserve that. And that’s not me looking for sympathy, either.
” He looks down at the table. “I was a shit father. Yes, I could blame the drugs, but excuses don’t change the life you two had to suffer through.
In Narcotics Anonymous, we talk a lot about how excuses are just a way to shift responsibility.
Excuses are a symptom of the disease we have. ”