Chapter 42
EVELINA
“My dad was an amazing guy.”
Sabine is looking down at her hands as her fingers twist together.
“And a great dad.” She smiles fondly as she looks up at me.
“But he struggled raising a daughter by himself after Mom died. He tried his best, but there were things that fell through the cracks. Like…I ended up having to watch a YouTube video to learn how to put in a tampon after I got my first period.”
Her lips twist wryly, and she exhales slowly as she looks over to Vaughn, fast asleep on the couch.
“I think understanding different kinds of love was something else that fell through the cracks.”
The last hour has been exhausting. After everything that happened down in the hidden basement, my first thought wasn’t “wow, Sabine can walk”. It was “we need to get Vaughn upstairs and help him because I think he’s bleeding out”.
Thank God, he wasn't.
Quentin’s knife did do some serious damage. But one of the things Sabine’s father Stellan did teach her was how to field dress minor knife and gun wounds.
Sabine closes her eyes, taking a slow, deep breath.
“I… I don’t even know how to start to apologize to everyone for the last two years,” she says quietly.
She turns to look at Vaughn. “Two fucking years just…lying,” she chokes.
“And about having a fucking disability!” There are tears in her eyes, her emotions twisting across her face. “Fuck, you must think I’m a monster.”
I slide my hand across the table and take hers in mine, stopping her from picking viciously at her own cuticles.
“No,” I say quietly. “I don’t. I think you lost your family, and you were desperate to be looked after, or loved, so you did whatever you could to hold on to that.”
I take a shaky breath as I squeeze her hand.
“When my dad left for Moscow, and it was just Roman and me, it felt like my world was unraveling. And I was so desperate to hold it together in some semblance of normalcy, even if that normalcy was shitty, that I was willing to do anything to fix it.” I raise my brows.
“Even pledge myself to a secret society and a man who terrified me. So, when I say I get it, I really do mean that I get it.” I smile quietly at her.
Tears flood Sabine’s face as she wipes her eyes against her shoulder.
“I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me. I have no idea why you aren’t telling me to go fuck myself right now.”
I squeeze her hand again. “Because I really do understand it,” I say. “And so does he.”
Before he passed out on the couch, Vaughn hugged Sabine, held her close, and told her he loved her no matter what.
Now, the me of even a week ago would have been livid about that.
But I understand what they are, now. And I think Sabine does, too.
“He was just being nice,” she says quietly, looking over at Vaughn.
I snort. “Yes, because ‘just being nice’ is so on brand for him.”
She giggles, shaking her head and pulling her hands away from mine to wipe her eyes again. Then she takes a long, shaky breath in and out.
“After the bombing, I really was in a wheelchair for about a month. I had a spinal injury, and there was concern that it might not heal properly.” Her mouth twists as she looks up at me.
“You’re right, you know. It’d been just Dad and me for so long, and then having him yanked away so suddenly…
I think I was just desperate to be looked after.
Vaughn and my dad had always been so close, and I’d always thought of him as this brother figure. ”
She exhales and looks away. “When I was in that chair, he was so attentive, and always…there. I liked that,” she chokes.
“I really liked that even though Dad was gone, I still had this…thing. This love. Except I never really learned what different kinds of love are, so for the longest time, I told myself that I was in love with Vaughn.”
She swallows heavily.
“I had this whole thing down to a science, even though every fucking day, I told myself it was insane. I mean, Jesus!” she chokes.
“I’d go meet him and spend time with him in my fucking chair, and he’d look after me, and that made me feel good.
Then I’d go home and stand the fuck up, and it was like I was taking off a work uniform and slipping into pajamas.
I had two worlds: the one where Vaughn took care of me like family because he felt guilty about Syndicate business being the reason Stellan was dead and I was in that fucking chair.
And then I would go home and walk around and use my normal kitchen, and waltz up a flight of stairs to go sleep in my loft. ”
She shoots me an embarrassed look.
“Yeah, I…don’t have friends who stay over.”
I smile. “I did sort of wonder where your bed was.”
Sabine sniffs back tears as she smiles sadly at me.
“Evie, I was such a cunt to you, because I saw you as this threat. I guess part of it was telling myself that you were going to steal my Vaughn, which is so fucking cringe because I really don’t think of him like that.
And then the rest was classic only child syndrome,” she sighs.
“I was worried that I’d lose the last pseudo-family I’d managed to cling to. ”
I blink back tears. “Sabine, I will never take him away from you. I promise.”
“The thing is,” she chokes, starting to cry, “I get it now. I get what romantic love is supposed to look like. And Vaughn and me?” She makes a face and shakes her head vigorously. “Jesus, he and I do not have that.” She smiles. “You two do.”
I start to cry, too, and we stand and come together in a tight, weepy hug.
“I’m really not crying because I’m sad a man I thought I was ‘in love with’ found someone else,” she murmurs. “I’m crying with happiness because the guy I love like the brother I never had has found someone as incredible as you.”
Well, shit.
If I thought I was crying before….
We end up opening a bottle of wine and staying up talking until the sun is rising. Sabine is still terrified that Vaughn is never going to forgive her for lying.
I promise her I’ll make damn sure he does.
But I know I won’t have to try that hard.
Eventually, Sabine falls asleep in one of the big leather chairs across from the couch Vaughn’s been sleeping on. I curl up next to him and close my eyes.
“I was wondering when you two would finally run out of steam.”
I slowly turn to face him. He shifts, wincing a little. But he manages to cup my face in his hands as his gorgeous blue eyes pierce into mine.
“I will never understand how you, with the father you have, turned out so good,” he murmurs. “But in case I don't say it enough…you, Evelina,” he growls, “are a very good person.”
I smile as I look into his eyes. “So is she,” I say. “Don’t forget that.”
He shakes his head. “I won’t.”
“Have you really been awake this whole time?”
His brow cocks. “Mm, more or less.” He grins. “I can't wait to find out how you plan on ‘making damn sure’ I do anything, princess.”
His eyes glint into mine. “There’s something else I need to tell you,” he growls. “Something I haven’t said enough. Or at all.”
I grin impishly. “What’s that?”
“I love you.”
My brain short-circuits. But that’s okay.
My lips still work just fine, and when he presses his to mine, that’s all I need.