Chapter 9 #2
CastGamer55: And just so we have some normal-sounding names in the mix, I was going to propose James, since you’re such a big Sawyer fan. And Andrew for the medic guy. We can think of more interesting last names for them—
SawyerRox4: Yes to James. No to Andrew.
CastGamer55: OK. We could also use it as a last name. Like James Andrews or Valentina Andrews.
SawyerRox4: No Andrew in any form, please.
CastGamer55: Oh, OK. You just don’t like that name?
SawyerRox4: I don’t.
CastGamer55: Should I ask why?
SawyerRox4: Oh no, that isn’t your name, is it? If so, I’m so sorry…
CastGamer55: LOL, no.
Wow, that was the first time he’d ever laughed in the chat. Not that I could tell if he was really laughing, but I’d never seen him write “lol” or “haha” or any typical text slang.
CastGamer55: Makes me wonder if we should exchange real names.
What? Did he just … no. I wasn’t ready for that.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready for that.
I couldn’t even explain why. I knew he wasn’t a stalker or catfisher or other dangerous person.
I couldn’t explain how I knew, but I just did.
Yet … I didn’t want to know too much. Distance seemed kind of essential, for reasons I didn’t care to examine.
I’d just politely say no. But maybe I should reveal something else.
SawyerRox4: I don’t think so. At least not now.
CastGamer55: OK.
SawyerRox4: But I guess I can tell you … I dated a guy named Andrew. In college, years ago. He was not a great guy, we’ll just say.
CastGamer55: Did he hurt you?
SawyerRox4: Not like physically. Mainly my pride. Gaslighting, probably cheating, you know
CastGamer55: He sounds terrible.
SawyerRox4: Yes. I mean, he seemed nice from the start. And I’d never had a boyfriend before, so I was probably overlooking a lot.
The moment I hit Send, I cringed. Why had I told him that? My scarce romantic history wasn’t something I told people about. Other than Julia.
CastGamer55: Ah, I see.
SawyerRox4: I suspected he’d been cheating because I’d often hear girls in the background when he went out of town for games.
He was a baseball player. I mean, it’s normal for college athletes to party a lot so at first I thought it didn’t mean anything.
But then every time I offered to travel to his away games, he had some excuse that I shouldn’t come.
SawyerRox4: My friend was dating his friend, and when she realized her boyfriend was cheating, I started suspecting Andrew even more.
CastGamer55: And he was indeed cheating?
SawyerRox4: I never found out. When I started asking questions, he tried to turn things around and blame me for this lack of trust. I tried to defend myself (which I don’t often do, actually, but I was feeling kind of brave that year of college), but he shut it down by saying some really cruel things about my family :(
CastGamer55: He insulted your family?
SawyerRox4: No, he criticized the way I grieved my grandpa.
CastGamer55: WHAT?
SawyerRox4: My grandpa had died a few months before. He was my best friend, so of course I grieved. Just too quietly, I guess…
CastGamer55: I’m so sorry, Mindy. That must have been devastating.
SawyerRox4: It was. I never got a chance to ask Andrew if he was cheating because he ended it then and there.
CastGamer55: Well, he didn’t deserve you.
SawyerRox4: *blush*Thanks, that’s sweet
My eyes bulged as I reread what I’d just typed. Did I sound like I was flirting? Was he going to think …
I bit my lip. No . I’m just a little tipsy. Right?
SawyerRox4: Um, anyway, there’s my boring college love story. What’s new with you, Danny?
CastGamer55: Your story wasn’t boring. You can keep talking about it, if you’d like.
SawyerRox4: Oh, no, that’s OK. I don’t want to waste any more time thinking about that jerk. I’d prefer to never think about him or see him ever again.
CastGamer55: Understandable.
SawyerRox4: So how’ve you been? I feel like you should share something really personal since I just did.
CastGamer55: Oh?
SawyerRox4: I mean, you don’t have to. Sorry, silly idea.
CastGamer55: Oh, I see. You think I owe you.
SawyerRox4: No! You don’t owe me anything. I was mostly kidding
CastGamer55: I do owe you though. I don’t mind. Let me just think of something .
SawyerRox4: It’s OK. You really don’t have to.
CastGamer55: Mindy.
SawyerRox4: Danny.
CastGamer55: Oh, do you remember the colleague I’ve been clashing with lately?
SawyerRox4: Yes, how could I forget?
SawyerRox4: I mean, because I really identified with it.
Because you, Roxy, are obsessed with Danny’s colleague, who’s a woman.
That would be ridiculous. I’d never given it a thought.
Or had I? I probably just hadn’t admitted it to myself.
But I had no business thinking that way. None. He was a buddy. An online friend I didn’t even know very well.
CastGamer55: You know me pretty well now. You know I don’t spend much time talking about other people. But she’s my nemesis, or I thought she was.
SawyerRox4: What’s been going on?
CastGamer55: She’s just been different.
SawyerRox4: What, like she had a glow-up? She’s suddenly nicer? Harsher? Depressed?
CastGamer55: None of those. It’s hard to pin down. Maybe she’s a little depressed, I don’t know.
SawyerRox4: What has changed?
CastGamer55: Maybe I’m just discovering that she’s much more complicated than I expected.
SawyerRox4: Is that a good thing?
CastGamer55: Yes.
CastGamer55: No. I don’t know.
SawyerRox4: I see.
CastGamer55: It doesn’t make sense, I know. I shouldn’t have brought it up.
SawyerRox4: It’s totally fine. I like hearing about you.
SawyerRox4: Gotta go. Goodbye.
CastGamer55: Oh, I didn’t realize we were concluding .
CastGamer55: Bye.
SawyerRox4: Goodbye again.
CastGamer55: :)Bye, Mindy.
I started typing, but then I slowly pulled my hands from the keyboard. That was a little childish … he was probably wondering what was wrong with me.
What was wrong with me anyway? Yes, I’d been drinking, but did that explain my perplexing, uncomfortable feelings when he talked about another woman?
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Not going to overanalyze this.
I’m done with overanalyzing everything.