Chapter 22
U gh, a dreaded dinner party. I hated them almost as much as big cocktail parties because at least you could be a little more anonymous at a huge party or, you know, escape to the bathroom or the deck outside.
But surprisingly, I wasn’t hating this Christmas-themed dinner party so far.
Danny had given me a pep talk last night after I told him about Hazel’s impromptu party, and I think it was helping.
Even though Hazel had given up drinking almost a year ago, she served wine for guests, and I’d had one glass.
I was limiting myself to one glass, but I still felt a little more relaxed than usual.
Of course, with my luck, I ended up being seated next to Jeff.
And I didn’t hate it. But it was awkward that we kept brushing forearms together when we’d reach for a utensil or glass at the same time.
He seemed quieter than usual but not exactly his usual standoffish self either.
I didn’t know what to make of him—as per usual the last few weeks.
We’d never really talked about the weekend I was sick.
I sometimes wondered if I’d imagined it.
Hazel cleared her throat loudly. “It will surprise no one that I’m going to give a little speech.
” She smiled along with everyone else at the table.
“As you all know, we are now on track to open Yours Truly Wellness next week! Of course, we won’t start seeing patients until January, but the week after Christmas will be a key time for appointment setting and publicity.
Terry has an info table set up all week at the Christmas Village.
We are set. We did it! ” This was followed by smiles and congratulations around the table.
“I’m so proud of you, Hazel. Every single one of us is,” Mariana said, biting her lip as if trying to control her emotion. “You’re going to make me cry, and that is so not my thing,” she said with a small laugh.
Hazel beamed and then turned to where Jeff and I were sitting.
“Roxy and Jeff, I couldn’t have done it without you.
Both of you have done an amazing job. I know you were both a little hesitant about managing this project, but you’ve done a phenomenal job.
” When we both nodded awkwardly, she laughed and added, “I also know you both prefer not to have a big show of gratitude, so I’ll stop now. ”
Laughter filled the room, even from Jeff and me. My Christmas jingle bell earrings shook, making a tinny noise, and I caught Jeff looking toward me for a moment.
“We should make this an annual holiday tradition! I’ll host, or we could take turns hosting.
We can eat tons of festive food, have a gift exchange next year, watch some cheesy Christmas movies, the whole works.
” Her smile was infectious to everyone but me.
When she noticed, her smile faltered, but only briefly.
Her eyes were warm as she added, “Remember, family is not just blood. I love you all.”
“Haz, seriously, is it your goal to make me cry tonight?” Mari crossed her arms and tried to scowl but only ended up laughing.
As more conversation about everyone’s Christmas plans ensued around me, I focused on eating my food slowly and trying not to bump elbows with Jeff.
If I seemed really absorbed in eating, people might not bother me or notice that I wasn’t conversing.
It was not a great strategy, but it was often the only one I had in these forced casual parties that I couldn’t avoid.
Still, my anxiety continued rising, and I nearly spilled my glass on myself when Jeff leaned over and bumped shoulders with me.
“Can you pass the butter?” he asked .
I tried to breathe as I set my glass down carefully and then reached for the butter in front of me. Suddenly, his hand was under my forearm, and I gasped as I turned to him and nearly threw the butter at him.
“It looked like your sleeve was going to land in the pasta,” he said, pointing at my plate.
I gaped at him, unsure of his meaning at first. Then it dawned on me, and I blinked rapidly. “Oh, you were just—OK, thank you.” I tried to flash a smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to alarm you.”
“No, you didn’t … I’m just …” I couldn’t continue the sentence:a hyper-sensitive weirdo who misinterprets social cues and wishes she were anywhere but here.
His eyes met mine as he swallowed a bite of food and then veered back to his plate.
Why can’t you just act normal? Ever?
This is not that hard, Roxy.
Just socialize. It’s easy.
I couldn’t take it.
Must.
Leave.
Now.
Rising abruptly, I bumped the table slightly as I pushed my chair back with my legs. “Restroom,” I mumbled to anyone who might be listening, avoiding eye contact with everyone.
Once safely in the bathroom further down the hall, I splashed some water on my face and then flipped the toilet lid down and sat, my hands covering my face.
The usual mix of shame and relief coursed through me as I tried to breathe normally and waited for my heart rate to eventually calm down.
Ten minutes later, I was still shaky but feeling less light-headed, so I washed my hands and face and left.
I didn’t feel ready to return to the party yet, so I sat in a small sitting room and started doing a modified body scan meditation.
Sometimes it helped me calm down, and sometimes it was useless, but it was worth a shot.
The room was sparsely decorated because Hazel, when she’d given me a brief tour, said this was Peter’s space.
I mean, it was his house, but she’d taken over the decoration of much of the house since she’d sold her own next door, and nearly every square inch was covered in Christmas decorations.
I marveled at their unlikely success as a couple, given how wildly different they were.
It was a massive old house, and this part was far enough away from the formal dining room that I couldn’t hear them. But as I stared at the plain wood-paneled walls, adorned only by a winter holiday landscape painting, a figure walked into the room and startled me.
Immediately sitting up straight, I said, “Oh, hi, Peter. I … I’m sorry, I know this is your private space. I didn’t mean to—”
“Roxy, it’s fine. You’re welcome to relax here. I actually wanted to talk to you about something.” He paused, hesitation on his face. “But first, are you OK?”
“I’m—yes. I am now.” I bit my lip and sighed. “Was it that obvious when I left?”
“No.”
“Oh …” I remembered Peter was a man of few words. The sooner I changed the subject, the better. “So, what’s up?” I asked, aiming for a normal tone.
He sat down on a chair across from mine. “I have a surprise planned for Hazel, and I was hoping you could help me.”
My eyes widened. “Oh, of course. It’s my job to support her.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. Just … as our friend.”
My heart leaped into my throat. Peter considered me a friend too? I couldn’t believe it, and I surely hadn’t done anything to deserve it.
“Oh, right.”
He eyed me for a moment, not breaking a smile. His stoicism reminded me of Jeff in that way, but they were different too, in ways I couldn’t quite articulate. “I want to arrange for her parents to surprise her on her birthday. At the New Year’s Eve party.”
My jaw dropped. “That’s … wow. How incredibly thoughtful.
” I remembered then that she didn’t have the best relationship with her parents, though it certainly sounded better than mine.
“Do you think they’ll agree to it though?
I mean, her dad’s in Japan, and her mom is …
I forget, somewhere in Europe. That’s quite a trip for a birthday party, especially with holiday travel costs. ”
He nodded. “That’s why I think it’ll mean a lot to her. She thinks they’re not interested in her life, but they are. I could tell instantly from one conversation with them. So I’ve already reached out to them, and they’re excited.”
I smiled. “That’s truly wonderful. I am so happy for her that she’ll get to see them—and that she has you.”
His lips turned up at one corner. “That’s kind of you, Roxy.”
“How can I help?”
“Could you arrange their travel and lodging? They could stay at the house if they want, but I’d rather not just assume they’d want to. So we can book hotel rooms and cancel if needed.”
“Of course, I’m happy to do that.” Happy was a stretch, as I was a bit tired of coordinating events and logistics for others. But this seemed like a worthy cause. “What about Hazel’s sister?”
“Halley can’t come, unfortunately. And maybe it’s for the best, so this visit is truly about Hazel, you know?”
“Makes sense. Well, this is such a wonderful gift. It’s last minute, only ten days away, right? But it’s definitely doable.”
“Eleven days, but yes. Let me give you my phone number so we can chat about this tomorrow some more.”
I handed him my phone so he could type in his number. “I’ll start working on this tomorrow, along with the final party details.”
For a moment, Peter looked conflicted. “Is that too much? Sorry, I don’t want to overload you. ”
“Not at all!” I smiled brightly, maybe too brightly.
He looked hesitant but then nodded. “All right. Well, we should probably get back to the table, right?”
“Yeah, before they send out a search party,” I heard myself saying, followed by instant regret. What a stupid thing to say.
But then Peter chuckled. “It’s a very Hazel-like thing to do.”
I relaxed my shoulders as we walked back.
OK, he found it amusing, maybe not so stupid after all.
As we walked back, he turned to me. “We’ll see you at the annual resort Christmas party, right?”
“Uh, no. I’m traveling home for the holiday, so …”
Of course, my flight out would be the day after Mari’s party, but they didn’t need to know that.
“Oh, I see. A big family holiday? That’s probably more important than a party at work.”
More important, maybe, but definitely not more appealing. And something told me he knew that. Something in his voice sounded … off. Not convinced of his own words.