Chapter 29
T he sun was starting to set in the sky as I walked home from work the next day. I stared upward at the layers of pink, purple, and orange that celebrated the brilliance of nature, the last breaths of the day. It was the perfect time to walk home, actually.
“Roxanne.”
I stiffened and nearly slipped on the icy sidewalk as Jeff rounded the corner toward me. After some momentary thoughts about running away (and probably falling on my face), I breathed in the cold air and let it out slowly.
“Hi,” I said as we studied each other, a few feet away. He looked handsome as always, but there was something different about his expression and his stance. Uncertainty wasn’t something he wore easily.
“Hi.”
“So we’re back to Roxanne.” And even though I wasn’t even speaking to him anymore, somehow that hurt. Deeply.
He tilted his head and squinted as if confused. “I just think the name Roxanne is beautiful.” Then he added, “So is Roxy.” Shaking his head, he actually smiled briefly. “What I mean is, hello. How have you been?”
My eyes were glued to his face while attempting to process his words.
He called me Roxanne because he thought it was a beautiful name?
My knees suddenly felt weak, and I thought for a moment I was in real danger of falling into the massive snowbank next to us.
It wouldn’t be a soft landing either, as this wasn’t fresh, pillowy snow but rather hard and coated in ice .
“Fine,” I whispered. “Well, that’s not quite true. But you knew that.”
He nodded, a flash of pain crossing his face. After making a visible effort to swallow, he pulled something out of his messenger bag and handed it to me.His hand was shaking slightly, but it might’ve just been the frigid air.
In my hands was a stack of paper stapled together with the words Sibling Chat centered at the top. The rest of the page was the text of a chat. “What’s this?”
“This is three months’ worth of Messenger chats between me and Abby.
” He looked at the papers and then back up at me, his eyes full of hesitation.
“I’m truly sorry. More than you know. I know you’re angry that I didn’t tell you, and maybe you felt uncomfortable about having shared things with me under somewhat false premises. ”
“Uncomfortable? Try foolish. Humiliated.”
He nodded as his brows lowered further. “Let me be the fool. These chats are yours to read if you want to. You can see who the real fool was.”
I quickly wiped away the tear that threatened to escape my lower eyelid. “Jeff, I don’t know what to say.”
He squeezed my hand. “Remember, this is just a few months of texts. Roxy, I have been in love with you far longer than that. Maybe since the day we met, though I didn’t realize it then.
You were the woman who rejected a handshake from me when we first met and glared at me every moment since.
” What he didn’t know was that I’d rejected the handshake because my palms were slippery with sweat.
The curse of social anxiety. “You never liked me. And I still … I was still intrigued. When Hazel told us we’d have to work together closely, I was actually afraid.
I—” He stopped to clear his throat. “I didn’t want to fall for you. ”
I flinched. “Why not?”
“Because I knew …” He trailed off, scratching his neck as he stared at the floor. Finally, he met my eyes, clear and focused. “I knew I’d never get over you. ”
My heart was about to burst right out of my chest, and I closed my eyes briefly.
When my eyes locked to his again, I said, “I know it too now.”
His faint smile disappeared. “You know I’d never get over you?”
“No,” I said, a little breathless. “The other way around.”
Hope bloomed in his eyes—possibly the most beautiful sight I’d ever witnessed—and he hesitantly reached for my hand. “Can you forgive me, Roxanne?”
I didn’t pull my hand away. “Jeffrey …”
“If you say yes, I promise I’ll let you make most of the major decisions in our new board game.” He squeezed my hand lightly.
“Hmm. Even the one about the romance arc between players?”
“Even that one,” he said with a rare full smile, dimples on full display. “So, what will it be—the mandatory happy ending or not?”
My eyes were surely shining by then as I grinned up at him. “I choose … the happily ever after.”
He stepped toward me and slowly reached up to cup my cheeks. “Roxy, I love you. Will you give us another chance?”
My lips were curved upward as I reached up on tiptoes to kiss him.
Yes, I, Roxy Swan, kissed a man. In public. I initiated that.
I began with an awkward peck and then another and another. I pulled back just a couple of inches to look into his eyes. And then I leaned in to kiss him again, or maybe he leaned in first. I didn’t know, and I didn’t care.
When his lips were fully melded to mine and his hands ran through my hair, I lost the ability to think. There were only his soft, warm lips and mine, meshed together in a fiery dance that starkly contrasted with the freezing winterscape around us.
He pulled back first, holding my upper arms gently. “Roxy, thank you. ”
“I had no idea you were into me all along,” I said in wonder. “None. You hid it very well. Too well.”
We both laughed.
Then I took a deep breath and said, “Jeff, thank you for making me want to try again. I … I should have forgiven you immediately. Or maybe I did, but I was so afraid of getting hurt again. Because that seemed inevitable. But I’m trying to trust. Not just you but myself.”
He leaned forward to kiss me again and then wrapped me in a long, warm hug that was so amazing it would later make me want to reevaluate whether I liked hugs or not.
I pulled back slowly, placing my hands on the soft fabric of his jacket over his chest. “I was just thinking. My friend Julia would love our game. I bet she’d even have some good ideas. Maybe this grand gesture of yours could include flying her out to me this weekend to celebrate?”
Suddenly, a woman’s voice startled me. “That wouldn’t be great timing. We already told Lila you’d come to our slumber party on Friday night.”
I turned to see Abby grinning ear to ear.
“Were you eavesdropping on us?” Jeff asked, his hands on his hips.
“Hardly at all,” she said breezily as she pulled us together into an awkward group hug. “I mean, the outcome was obvious. Both of you lovesick fools.”
I turned to the man at my side, touching his shoulder gently as my heart was ready to burst in my chest. “That’s a serious accusation. She’s calling you a lovesick fool.”
He pretended to think about it. “Fine. I’ll be a lovesick fool for you, Roxy. Only for you.”