Chapter Nine
Adrenaline still burned through her veins.
Lettie stared after him as Rome moved to follow the bear holding her career together. Their anniversary. She’d forgotten their anniversary. No. No. That wasn’t possible. She hadn’t…
Oh, no. The date. She hadn’t realized the importance of that date six months ago when she’d come home to an empty house, an empty bed.
The dining table in which he’d set the divorce papers had been set for two, but she’d assumed she’d just missed dinner.
Again. Their anniversary? Dread pooled at the base of her spine.
Which meant he’d had those papers drawn before their anniversary.
He’d seen a lawyer, assuming she would miss that dinner.
They’d been waiting for her. He’d packed and moved out within hours.
It hadn’t been one event that’d led him to his decision to leave her.
Missing their anniversary had just been the last straw.
Her feet protested the first couple of steps up a well-worn incline that blocked off the view to the other side, but not nearly as much as they had before she’d gone to take care of her personal needs.
The ointment and gauze cushioned each step, the slight discomfort more manageable since Rome had wrapped her feet.
The burn in her palm vied for attention, but she couldn’t get Rome’s voice out of her head.
You forgot our anniversary. Even after disappointing him that night, after asking for the divorce, he’d taken care of her.
Ordered her into his sleeping bag last night to keep her from suffering from hypothermia, taped up her feet and hands with ointment.
Saved her from being mauled by a bear she’d spent months observing.
There’d been missed calls that night. Text messages. Voicemails. Asking when she would be home. Her breath shuddered out of her, the weight of months stuck in the unknown suddenly gone. Wondering what she’d done wrong. How he could’ve just…left. What happened now.
She wasn’t in the dark anymore. Didn’t know where to go from here.
The thud of her pulse picked up as she hauled her pack over her shoulder and caught up.
She didn’t give much attention to the fact she hadn’t packed her supplies and sleeping bag, but her gear had been stowed efficiently and promptly in order for her to get back on the trail.
Choppy breaths punctuated her approach, to the point she was sure Rome—and anyone else—could hear her coming from a mile away.
He moved as gracefully as a predator hunting in his own territory, his weapon slung over one shoulder and his pack on the other.
He moved as though he’d taken this trail a thousand times over, as though the trees and the animals surrounding them answered solely to him.
Larger-than-life and just as dangerous. Intuitive and charismatic.
It was that bad-boy-without-knowing-it nature that had appealed her to in the first place.
His ability to make her feel safe in a dark alley, in the middle of the wilderness or on the couch in their own home by simply setting a single hand on her lower back.
A wicked allure swam beneath the short answers and dark gaze he utilized to keep people at arm’s length.
But she’d never been afraid of him. If anything, his tendency to downplay his handsomeness and street smarts had just made her want him all the more.
Well, that and the fact her parents had hated him from the start.
But that could’ve been due to Rome defending her whenever her parents had made their little comments about how she was failing and disappointing them in every way, no matter how much she worked herself to the bone to be worthy of their approval.
She’d never felt like a disappointment to him. Until now.
“I’m sorry.” Lettie breathed through the kickup of red dirt at his heels.
The trees had thinned this far south. She wasn’t sure how he managed to keep up with Sam’s tracks with the breeze cutting through the branches, but she trusted Rome to lead them in the right direction.
“I didn’t realize I’d missed our ten-year anniversary. ”
All this time, how hadn’t she connected the dots? The answer was already there, fisting her heart in a vise that made it hard to breathe. She hadn’t wanted to see it. She hadn’t wanted to know why he’d left. Because being angry had been so much easier than facing her shortcomings.
“You’re right. You didn’t realize.” He didn’t bother turning around or slowing.
“Didn’t matter how many times I asked you to schedule time off from work so we could get away for the weekend or reminded you to be home to dinner.
Your work was the priority. It just took until that night for me to figure that out. ”
Acid surged up her throat, and she was glad she’d skipped eating anything heavier than the protein bar he’d offered her upon waking. “Then why are you here? Why let me join you to track down Sam?”
“I was under the impression I didn’t have any other choice.” He maneuvered around a boulder, all powerful muscle and volatile grace. He’d grown up a hunter, and she’d never seen a stronger example of that upbringing than right now.
“You had a choice. You chose not to voice it.” It took everything she had to put one foot in front of the other when the tightness around her chest urged her to crawl back in his sleeping bag and forget.
Forget that she’d been blindsided. Forget about him turning her life upside down.
Forget the loneliness and the missing half of her heart. “Just like you did that night.”
Rome turned on her. “Excuse me?”
“You left those divorce papers on the table without saying a word to me about how you felt. You moved your things out before I got home from work. You didn’t even ask me for the divorce.
Your lawyer was the one who reached out to me.
” And maybe that had hurt more than not having a straight answer as to why he’d torpedoed their marriage.
That he couldn’t even summon the consideration to talk to her directly.
“How long were you hiding the fact you didn’t want to be married to me anymore? Weeks?”
He didn’t answer, his mouth smoothing into a thin line. The fingers on his left hand fisted tight, accentuating the slim line of pale skin across his ring finger. Right where he used to wear his wedding ring.
“Months?” Her heart shot into her throat, making the next question crack. Tears burned in her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall. Larsons didn’t cry. They didn’t let themselves stumble. Ever. “Years?”
“I went to see a divorce lawyer two weeks before that night, but you’re right.
I should’ve said something long before that.
” Rome faced her fully, exhaustion playing across his face, under his eyes.
It was the first break in his composure she’d witnessed…
since he’d left. Though she wasn’t sure if all that time counted, considering he’d made an effort not to reach out all these months.
No calls or messages. No emails or drop-ins to get anything else he might’ve left in the house.
He’d simply disappeared from her life as though he’d never existed in the first place.
“Problem was, I’d been trying to reach you for years, Lettie.
You tried. For a little while. You’d rush home for dinner or take a couple days off here and there so we could make it up to Montana or to your parents.
But I saw the effort it took for you to be with me when all you really wanted to do was work on your next paper or run figures from your latest study.
The effort was there, but you weren’t. Not really. ”
Every cell in her body went cold despite the rising temperatures.
He took a step toward her, his exhales playing across the skin of her neck and jaw.
Softening his voice, Rome met her gaze with nothing but honesty.
“And then you started working on your GPS device, and nothing else mattered, including me. We were living two separate lives, and by the time I left, I realized I didn’t even know who you were anymore. ”
It was as she thought. He’d been ready. Ready to see if she would fail, if she’d pass whatever test she hadn’t even known she’d been drafted into the night of their anniversary.
Lettie swallowed, loud enough for him to note the movement.
Cotton coated the insides of her mouth as she steadied herself. “You didn’t try.”
A hardness she’d seen turned on her parents or anyone else who’d dared insult or offend her slipped into his expression.
“All I ever did was try, Lettie. I tried to get you to prioritize our marriage. I tried to get you to take better care of yourself. I tried to get you to invest in something other than your job. I tried to be enough for you, for you to see I was right there standing in front of you, that I loved you, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t matter.”
Her chest felt as though it would explode.
Sam had nearly killed her, but this, his admission, would finish the job.
He really believed he wasn’t enough for her?
She wouldn’t have gotten this far without him.
The late nights staying up with her when she had a paper due the next day and the dinners he’d prepared to make sure she wasn’t relying on takeout.
The reminders to shower after four days of hunkering down to finish analyzing the dataset she’d collected and coming up with excuses as to why she’d missed Sunday night dinner with her parents.
Again. He’d been there while she’d struggled to outperform her male counterparts in her PhD program and build a career long after she’d graduated.
He’d always been there. Until he wasn’t.
And that hollowness hurt. “You mattered. More than you know.”
“Yeah?” He took a step back, releasing her from the intensity in his dark gaze. Looking out over the gold-drenched landscape toward the mountains to the east, Rome shook his head. “Must’ve missed all your calls and the messages you sent after I left.”
Another failing of hers. Another strike to hold against her.
“You want to know why I left without saying anything or waiting until you were home to ask for a divorce, Lettie?” He adjusted his hold on his rifle as though the familiar weight of his weapon would ease this entire conversation.
“Because I knew you wouldn’t fight back.
And seeing that in person—watching you give up on us—that would’ve broken me. ”
Rolling her lips between her teeth, she bit back a retort as he took the lead through the next crop of trees.
He was right. She hadn’t fought back. She’d signed those papers without reading through the divorce decree mere minutes after finding them on the dining room table, packaged them in the yellow manila folder beneath them and walked it out to the mailbox to send back to his lawyer.
She hadn’t cared about any of it. The house, the cars, their assets in the retirement accounts and checking and savings.
She would’ve given him everything without a fight.
Because she’d known. The missed getaways, the dinners she hadn’t come home for, the nights when she hadn’t come home at all.
The calls she’d taken during Christmas dinner, rescheduling his birthday celebration in favor of another biology conference, the decrease in their sex life because she was Just. So.
Tired. It’d all worked to build a career she was proud of, that her parents were proud of.
At the cost of the one person who’d made it happen. Rome.
And yet he hadn’t asked his lawyer to finalize the divorce.
Lettie followed after him, keeping a safe distance away. Forbidden tears streaked down her face.