Chapter Twenty-Two
Lettie stared at him.
One second. Two.
It took another breath before she seemed to process what he’d said. She clutched on to the edge of her towel as though it could help her distinguish reality from her mind playing tricks on her. “I don’t understand.”
“I killed my uncle.” He couldn’t explain it any better, but that seed of hope he’d felt for the past few minutes—hell, Lettie wanted him, wanted to give them another chance—howled as it died at the look on her face.
“I told you my parents left me on his porch a week after I was born. Turned out, he wasn’t any better of a human being than they were.
My first memory of him isn’t a good one, but his property spanned over fifty acres.
Not a neighbor or soul close enough to figure out what was going on over the years, how often he would beat me for the slightest excuse. ”
He hadn’t told her this. He hadn’t told anyone this, but the idea of her learning it from someone else—like that Springdale PD officer—Rome couldn’t stomach that. Lettie deserved the truth. Deserved to know that he wouldn’t ever be worthy of her love or her time or her commitment.
“I wasn’t allowed to go to the public school in town.
I didn’t have friends, and most people avoided my uncle as much as possible.
” His hand in the sling shook, pinching the wound in his shoulder, but he couldn’t stop now that the truth was out.
And Lettie… She just stood there, her mouth slightly parted as if she didn’t recognize him.
“The few times someone came to the house, I was sent to my room, told if I made a noise he’d make sure I didn’t wake up for days.
No one knew who I was. He’d never filed the paperwork for a social security card or my birth certificate and hadn’t told anyone I was staying with him. I didn’t exist.”
Cold leaked into his gut. “Day in, day out, it was just the two of us. I didn’t realize until I was six or seven that the only reason he’d bothered keeping me was to help him work the land.
By the time he took me in, he was already in his fifties and had a hard time getting his hands to work right.
So he used me. Every morning from sunup to sunset, I planted, tilled and harvested.
I shot game with our hunting dog and dried jerky.
I bottled food for winter and took care of the livestock for a man who saw me as something lower than dirt.
And he made sure I knew it at every turn.
The only bright spot in my life was that dog.
Ranger. I’m not sure my uncle ever bothered to name him, but I did.
After my chores I’d play with Ranger for hours outside, and he’d sleep with me at night.
Sometimes he tried to protect me, but my uncle didn’t like that at all, and I’d usually pay the price.
And I just… I couldn’t take it anymore, Lettie. ”
Lettie’s throat worked on a strong swallow, her knuckles almost as white as the towel covering her.
“The year I turned thirteen, we went on our annual hunting trip. It was the best chance we had to bag a good amount of meat that could last us at least two more seasons.”
“That day, I had a broken rib thanks to my uncle downing a fifth of whiskey two days prior. I could barely get in a breath as we set up and waited for the deer to come to us, but I was still expected to shoot and dress our kills. Every mistake I made or every wince he noticed just made him angrier and angrier.”
The memories were there. Right where he’d buried them under the good days.
Pushing himself to get a GED. Getting accepted to Utah Valley University.
The first time he’d ever heard Lettie laugh after he’d told her a joke he knew.
Graduation. Their first kiss. Their wedding day.
They were some of the best memories of his life, easily used to detach himself from all the bad.
But now… He couldn’t hide them anymore. Didn’t want to keep this from her.
“When we got home from that trip, things were worse than usual. My uncle marched me down the driveway, that rifle resting across his arm behind me. I knew he would kill me one day. I just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.
I thought I could get strong enough, save enough money to run away, maybe just disappear someplace he’d never find me.
” His voice didn’t sound like his own. Cracked.
Hollow. But he caught a glimpse of the tears in Lettie’s eyes.
“But then he pulled me up short and handed me the rifle. I was so confused. I remember Ranger leaning into my side, like he was telling me everything would be okay, and my uncle turned his attention to my best friend. Told me to shoot him right between the eyes.”
Her mouth parted on a short gasp that echoed down through his nervous system.
“That dog had been my best friend for years. My only friend. I couldn’t even make myself lift the gun.
I started crying, and that only made my uncle angrier.
” The muscles in his jaw ached under the pressure of trying to keep himself composed, but all those feelings were rushing back.
The helplessness, the hatred he felt in that moment for his uncle.
Rome scrubbed a hand down his face, forcing his next breath.
“It all happened so fast. He went to grab the rifle from me, said he’d shoot the dog himself as punishment for being such a screw up, but I couldn’t let that happen.
My finger was already over the trigger, and then the gun went off. ”
Tears cut down Lettie’s face. “You killed him.”
He couldn’t deny it anymore. Didn’t have much time before Springdale PD got his juvenile record unsealed and found out for themselves the kind of violence he was capable of.
“I waited all night for someone to come arrest me, but nobody had heard the shot. If they had, they probably hadn’t thought much of it coming from that property.
I buried my uncle in the crawl space under the house.
There was no one to tell. No one who knew I even existed.
And I kept it that way for two more years, living off the land and the game in the woods around the house.
But it turned out my uncle hadn’t paid off one of the tractors we used.
Someone came looking for it. Found me instead and called social services when they realized my uncle was gone.
The police got involved after that, and exhumed the body.
Found the buckshot. I was arrested and tried as a minor at fifteen then sent to juvie until I turned eighteen. ”
His wife, his beautiful, vibrant wife seemed to curl in on herself right in front of him. The light he’d craved these past few days died in an instant as she went pale. “Did you kill them, too? Was that officer right? Did you have anything to do with those men’s deaths? The men I dated?”
The accusation slammed into him as efficiently as if she’d slapped him across the face. He shouldn’t have been so surprised. This was a woman who needed to know every angle, every path before making a decision, and up until now, he’d loved her for it.
“No.” Defeat intensified the heaviness in his body, but Rome managed to take another step forward. He reached out. “I didn’t have anything to do with that—”
Lettie countered that step. Like she needed to escape him.
“Lettie, please.” He’d never felt more at a loss. For her to believe he was capable of something as gruesome as slaughtering and manipulating those bodies to get her attention. “I need you to believe me.”
“Believe you?” She squeezed her eyes closed.
Threading her hands through her hair, Lettie paled.
She hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept. She’d nearly fallen apart in the shower, and right now, she was on the verge of losing it altogether.
Of collapse. But he couldn’t push her to accept the truth, and Rome forced his entire being to still when all it wanted to do was go to her.
To hold her. She shook her head as though she could rewind the past few minutes.
“You never told me. In all the years we’ve known each other, you never said anything.
You lied. Why should I believe you now?”
This was it. Where he lost everything, and Rome didn’t know how to make it stop.
Because she was looking at him just as he’d imagined she would if he managed to tell her everything.
Disappointment. Anger. Fear. His sleeve stuck to his forearm as he slid his good hand into his jeans pocket.
It took more energy than it should have to remind himself to breathe, but her scent was right there.
Coating the back of his throat and scattering his thoughts.
“I should have told you sooner. I know that. I just… I couldn’t risk you realizing that your parents were right from day one.
That I’m nothing and nobody and would only hold you back.
That the blood on my hands makes it so I’ll never be good enough for you. ”
“I never felt that way about you. Ever. I defended you over and over because I saw what they didn’t.
” She flinched, and his heart rate ticked up a notch.
“That’s why you left, isn’t it? Why you served the papers without talking to me.
Why you didn’t give me a chance to change and then put the blame for the divorce solely on me.
You just…walked out. Because you didn’t want me to know what you’d done. What kind of person you really were.”
Rome didn’t have an answer for that. What was he supposed to say? Even from the grave, his uncle had been right all along. He wasn’t worth the ground Lettie walked on. And a man like him—capable of the worst humankind had to offer—didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as her.
“You should go.” Lettie swiped one hand across her face, catching a tear before it fell. Her voice sounded sticky, clogged with emotion she didn’t allow to reach her face.
His heart dropped. He took another step forward, desperate to fix this. To do something—anything—to make this right. “Lettie, the investigation—”
“I’m done with the investigation. I’m done with this park, and I’m done with you. Just get out.” She spun back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Rome could do nothing but stare at the door, wishing they could go back to a point before everything had fallen apart, but he’d done this. He hadn’t been able to stomach the thought of giving them a second chance while still hiding that dark piece of himself.
Grabbing for the rifle he’d set up against the wall in the corner of the hotel room and his gear, he bypassed the room service tray with their matching burgers, fries and milkshakes and headed for the door.
He double-checked the lock from the outside, making sure no one and nothing could get in unless Lettie allowed.
She was safe. That was all that mattered.
The forensics team didn’t give him much notice as he stalked across the parking lot, straight for Zion’s superintendent. “I need a vehicle.”
“Everything okay?” The downturn of Randy’s mouth told Rome enough about his appearance, but his friend must’ve thought better of asking. “Where’s Dr. Larson?”
“Upstairs.” That was all he would say about it despite the skin-peeling sensation flaying him alive from the inside.
He’d screwed up. He’d broken Lettie’s trust, not once by walking out all those months ago but twice.
And knowing what she did about him now, there wasn’t anything more he could do here but give her the space she needed. “You want that bear? I need a vehicle.”
Randy dug for his keys, handing them over. “I can get one of my other backcountry rangers to assist—”
“No. Thanks.” Rome turned from the superintendent before Randy took the opportunity to pry more out of him, keys in hand.
The next hour passed with repeat episodes of Lettie’s falling expression, her accusation and his admission playing in his mind as he navigated the truck back to the woods where he’d been snared.
He’d been ordered to put down Lettie’s bear.
But, today, he had much bigger prey to hunt.