Chapter Fourteen
ORAZIO
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“I can walk,” Monique told him. “You don’t have to carry me to the room.”
“You may try to run away if I put you down,” Raz replied, holding her against him as he carried her to his bedroom and placed her on the bed.
“Where can I run to?” she asked, pouting.
“I don’t know. To the window to tell the window washers you’ve been kidnapped.”
Seated on the edge of his bed, she folded her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes at him.
“It’s not like they’d help me anyway. I’m starting to believe the rumors about your family are true. Maybe you all are in cahoots with the mob.”
Raz chuckled. In cahoots with the mob? They were the mob. But that was an argument for another day. He sat down on the bed next to her. She scooted over. He scooted closer to her. She scooted over again.
This time, when he scooted closer, he told her, “Wherever you go, I’ll follow. If you keep scooting away, you’re going to fall on the floor.”
“At least I’d be away from you.”
“You won’t. I’d follow you down.”
She turned her beautiful brown gaze on him. “Is there any way for me to be rid of you?”
Ouch! “Yes,” he told her.
“How?” her eyes widened, hope blooming in her gaze.
“You can kill me.”
That hope faded fast.
“Don’t tempt me,” she muttered, eyeing him angrily.
Why shouldn’t I tempt you when you tempt me just by breathing?
Their gazes were locked in a silent battle. More than likely, she was thinking of all the ways she would kill him if she had the chance. While he was thinking of all the ways he’d please and protect her if she gave him the chance.
Damn, he wanted to kiss her, to fuck her, to be her fucking everything. He wanted to consume her thoughts the way she consumed his. It was as if she could read his thoughts through his expression. Her reaction to what she saw in his eyes was visceral.
Her eyes widened. Her lips parted slightly. Her nose flared. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips, causing his cock to jerk. His Rosa lowered her gaze to his chest, no longer able to look him in the eyes as she cleared her throat.
“Let’s get down to business,” she told him, voice low, barely above a whisper. “What’s this new deal you have for me? I promised to keep an open mind, and I will.”
Though he hated that she was treating this like a business deal, he couldn’t blame her. That was exactly what he’d presented it to her as. He wished he would’ve waited before springing all of this on her. He was now willing to admit that this was a lot to drop on someone all at once.
If he could rewind time, he would go back and take his time wooing her and making her love him before he told her she couldn’t leave him. But he couldn’t rewind time. He could only move forward. They could only move forward.
“Before I present the new deal to you, I have a question,” he told her.
“Let’s hear it.”
“Do you think I’m a horrible person?”
Her gaze returned to his. “Is that a real question?”
He nodded.
“It can’t be.”
“It is,” Orazio assured her. “Answer it. Do you think I’m a horrible person?”
“Hell yes, I think you’re horrible. I don’t think. I know. You kidnapped me, Orazio. You won’t let me leave. Do you want me to call you a saint? A hero?”
Gritting his teeth, he told himself not to be angry. He’d asked the question. He couldn’t be mad about the answer. He stared at the far wall, trying to calm himself down before he talked to her again. She surprised him when she gripped his chin and made him face her.
“Would you rather I had lied?” she asked, face inches from his.
He’d heard her question, but all he could think about was the fact that she’d touched him. And not in a violent way. In a gentle way. She was still touching him. If he spoke, she’d probably remove her hand from his face.
“Did you hear me?” she asked. “Would you rather I had lied to you?”
Wasn’t that how most couples managed to stay together for years? They lied to each other and avoided deep conversations to keep the marriage together.
“Answer me, Orazio.”
“Yes,” he told her. “I would rather have you lie to me.”
She chuckled. “Okay. I’ll lie to you then. No, Orazio Cattaneo. You’re not a horrible person. You’re my knight in shining armor. I was sitting at home, hoping some rich man would kidnap me and lock me in his hotel room so I could have all my bills paid and be showered with gifts.” She batted her eyelashes. “There. Is that better?”
“It is. But next time, say it with more sincerity.”
Before she could let out a smart retort, he turned and pushed her onto the bed. He placed his hands near her sides, caging her in as he peered down at her.
“Say it again,” he demanded. “This time, with sincerity.”
He watched her chest rise and fall. He felt her breath against his chin. He saw her eyeing his lips. She swallowed. He lowered himself onto her until his chest was pressed against hers. He could feel her heart racing.
Or was that his heart? Maybe both of their hearts were racing. When it came to the physical aspect, they were definitely the perfect fit. It was up to him to convince her that they fit together in other ways. But having her partially beneath him like this muddled his brain.
Unable to help himself, he leaned closer, lowering his mouth to her forehead. He kissed her there. A gentle kiss. Why? He didn’t even fucking know. It was what his body wanted. It was what he felt she needed.
“Orazio,” his Rosa whispered.
He pulled back to stare down at her. “Yes?”
“Do you want me to tell you what would’ve made me see you in a different light?”
“Yes,” he whispered, afraid to hear what she was about to say but, at the same time, desperately needing to hear it.
“Last night, we had amazing sex. Don’t you agree?”
“I definitely agree.”
“I opened up to you in ways I hadn’t expected to,” she told him. “I was vulnerable in front of you. And I hate being vulnerable in front of others.”
So do I.
“You didn’t pressure me,” she continued. “You were willing to hold me last night, and that’s it. If I would’ve said I didn’t want to have sex, you would’ve respected my decision.”
“Of course, I would have. I wanted you, don’t get me wrong. But just having you close would’ve been enough for me. It’s still enough. I just want you, Rosa. And seeing you be vulnerable only made me want you more. It made me want to protect you more.”
“But I don’t want that. I don’t want a man to protect me and fix all of my problems.”
“Why?”
A look of anger flashed in her eyes.
“I’m seriously trying to understand you, Rosa. I’m not trying to make you angry. I want to know why you don’t want me to fix your problems?”
“Because a man is the reason I have these problems. A man is the reason I’m in this situation. I don’t need another man to get me out of this situation.”
“I have the means to help you,” he told her.
Why couldn’t she see that? Why couldn’t she see that he could make her life easier? Things didn’t have to be hard all of the time.
“I know you have the means to help me, Orazio. But I need the means to help myself. I let a man control everything in my life once. When he grew tired of me, when he left, my world fell apart because he was the only thing holding it together. Now, here you come, wanting to help piece things together for me. I won’t lie. It’s a tempting offer. But if I let you do that, you’ll become the glue that holds me together. What do you think will happen to me when you leave? I’ll fall apart again. I need to be my own foundation, Orazio.”
“You won’t fall apart because I won’t leave.”
Monique let out a sarcastic chuckle. “I believed that lie from another man.”
“I’m not that man.”
“Even if you aren’t, I’ve already tried that. It didn’t end well for me. I don’t want to go down that road again. I won’t put myself in a position where I’m dependent on someone else again. Do you want to be dependent on someone else? Do you want to live each day knowing that if that person up and leaves, you’ll have nothing, you’ll be nothing?”
“I,” he started, then stopped. Fuck . He hadn’t thought of it like that. “So, it’s not just about me keeping you here. It’s everything. Everything I’m doing, everything I want to do for you in the future, you want none of it.”
She shook her head. “I don’t.”
Orazio stared down at the bed, unable to meet her gaze. His eyes seemed to be malfunctioning. He blinked back water. He refused to call them tears. He didn’t cry for anyone. He wouldn’t start today.
For a long time, neither of them said anything. He told himself to get off of her. But he couldn’t bring himself to move. He knew once he stepped away from her, he’d have to let her go. He wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.
“I guess there’s no point in presenting the new proposition to you. In the end, it’s me you don’t want.”
Asking to switch locations, and instead of living in his suite, they’d live at her place, wouldn’t change things. His other demands would still be in place. He still wanted to protect her, to take care of her. He still wanted to fix all of her problems and be her foundation. But she wanted none of that.
“You’re right,” she told him. “There’s no point in presenting a new proposition.”
Damn. She didn’t even want to hear it. He pushed away from the bed, preparing to leave it before he made a fool of himself. Before he could move away, she gripped his shirt and pulled him back down to her.
He caught himself before he could fall on her. Now, almost nose to nose, lips to lips, he waited with abated breath to hear what his Rosa had to say. Did she want to hear his proposition after all? He continued to wait, but she said nothing. Then he felt it.
She was still clutching the front of his shirt, but her hand was trembling slightly. His Rosa was nervous. He leaned back, putting some distance between them. He placed his hand over hers to keep it from trembling.
“You never have to be nervous with me,” he told her. “I may be arrogant and demanding. But I’d never do anything to hurt you. I swear.”
“I’m not nervous,” she whispered.
“You’re shaking.”
She smiled. “Maybe I am a bit nervous.”
“What is it?” he asked. “What do you want to say?”
She swallowed. But still, the words didn’t come.
“Rosa...”
“You’re not horrible,” she blurted out. “You’re not a bad person. You’re just... too much for me.”
More rejection. No matter how nice her words seemed, she was still rejecting him. He didn’t think he could take much more of this. He pulled her hand away from his shirt. She released him. Standing up, he took a step away from the bed.
“Get your things together,” he told her. “I’ll take you home.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously, Rosa.”
“Thank you, Orazio.”
He couldn’t tell her she was welcome. Only one thought kept racing through his mind as she smiled at him, happy to be leaving him.
So, this was what it felt like to have your heart broken.
***
Letting go of someone shouldn’t feel like this. His chest shouldn’t ache. A headache shouldn’t be forming on the right side of his head. His mouth shouldn’t be dry. This felt like a damn illness.
“What about my house and bank accounts?” Monique asked, still seated on the bed behind him. “How long will all of that take to straighten out?”
That was all she was worried about, material shit. Couldn’t she hear his fucking voice cracking when he talked? Couldn’t she sense that letting her go was bothering him? Had she no heart at all? Or was his heart just that unimportant to her? Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and released it slowly. He opened his eyes and swallowed.
Orazio cleared his throat, then looked back at her and said, “I’ll get with my lawyer. It may take a few weeks, but we’ll get everything turned back over to you. After it’s done...”
The next words got stuck in his throat. He paused to take another deep breath, releasing it slowly.
“After it’s done, I’ll...”
Shit . Why couldn’t he get the words out? He turned away from her, not wanting her to see how this shit was affecting him. Orazio shoved his hands into his pockets, chest aching something fierce.
He needed to get this over with before he changed his mind. He took another deep breath and released it slowly, trying to calm himself down before he made himself look like a damn fool.
“After it’s done,” he started again. “After everything is back to the way it was before I stepped in and fucked it all up, you’ll never hear from me again.”
Shit! Who knew words could hurt? He closed his eyes when he heard her getting up and gathering her things. This was really happening. He was really about to let her go. He could stop this right now and force her to stay.
In the end, that would make him no different from his father. And like his mother, she’d only grow to despise him more and more with each day that passed. Though he wanted her, and though she was attracted to him, they could never have anything more than one night.
It was a night he’d never forget. And because of it, he knew she’d never forget him. Forcing her hand wouldn’t change things. Maybe love just wasn’t in the cards for him. Or maybe it was the timing. Maybe he was the right person at the wrong time for her.
Or maybe it was him. Maybe Orazio Cattaneo was the problem. He’d royally fucked this up from the start. Orazio held in his groan. He’d really paid off her ex’s debt and thought that meant he could have her.
That debt had nothing to do with her. If he’d truly wanted to help her, he should’ve just killed Trevor. Sure, she would’ve mourned the man. But at least she would’ve been free of him. Then Orazio could’ve approached her the way normal men approached women.
Maybe in a grocery store or something. Or maybe at his casino. The location hadn’t been the problem. The problem was him and his tendency to throw money around to get what he wanted. She was one Rose money couldn’t buy.
Without money, what else did he have to make a woman like her want a man like him? At least they’d have their shared memories of last night. He’d never forget her touch, her taste, the sounds of her moans. Fuck!
Stop thinking about last night, Orazio, before you do something stupid. Like, fly her out to your house in Italy, where you know she can’t escape you. With thoughts like those, it was definitely time for him to let her go.
Orazio started to turn around to check on her but tensed when he felt her arms wrap around him. Was he still drunk? Was he hallucinating? He had to be because there was no way his Rosa would wrap her arms around him. She couldn’t wait to be away from him.
“Rosa,” he started.
“Shush,” she told him, face pressed against his back while her hands were clasped together in front of him. “It’s my turn to talk.”
Raz grew silent. But he was nervous as hell. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d been this nervous.
“Thank you,” she told him, shocking him. “Thank you for finally seeing things from my perspective. Thank you for being willing to take me home and let me go.”
He didn’t know what to say or what to do. He didn’t know if he should touch her or not. One wrong move could ruin things. He was trying his best not to make things worse. Moving slowly, he placed his hands on top of hers, which were clasped in front of him, and kept them there.
He didn’t want to let her go. She was giving him no choice. But he needed one last touch. He had to have one last touch. He waited for her to say more, but she’d gone quiet. If she was waiting on him to say you’re welcome , she’d be waiting forever.
That would probably be a good thing. She could stay with him while she waited. Orazio couldn’t say those words with sincerity. Since he didn’t mean them, he wouldn’t say them at all. He’d never claimed to be a gentleman.
He was just a flawed man who wanted a beautiful woman so much that it hurt, so much that he’d been willing to do whatever to have her. Hand on top of hers, he remained silent, waiting for her to continue speaking.
A few minutes ticked by before she said, “Thank you for agreeing to put everything back in my name. I appreciate it. I know you’re a man who’s used to getting your way. So, this must be hard for you.”
“So fucking hard,” he growled.
Damn, why had he said that? It slipped out before he could rethink it. His Rosa laughed.
“I’m a woman who’s been hurt before, so your propositions and demands put me on the defensive. What you want and what I want are two different things. They don’t mesh well together,” she told him.
More rejection. But this was his fault. He hadn’t taken the time to find out what she wanted. Instead, he’d imposed his wants on her and had expected her to fall in line like one of his goons. That wasn’t how relationships worked.
“Relationships aren’t business deals, Orazio. And they can’t be forced or treated like hostile takeovers. You can’t buy my love or my time. I’m not for sale.”
“I know, Rosa. And I’m sorry.”
“Relationships require two people on equal footing, getting to know each other.”
“I know,” he told her, wishing he’d done things differently.
“So, no more propositions, Orazio. Man up and do the right thing. If you want me, get to know me. And you do that by first asking me on a date.”
He’d love to take her on a date. That’s what he should’ve done first instead of telling her about the bank and her ex’s debt. Wait. Huh? Did she just say what he thought she’d just said? Orazio unclasped her hands from in front of him and spun around to face her.
“What did you just say?” he asked, needing to be sure he’d heard her correctly.
He truly hoped he’d heard her correctly. She looked confused. Damn . What if he hadn’t heard her correctly?
“Um, I said no more propositions,” she told him.
Not that part! “What did you say after that?”
“Um, I said man up and do the right thing.”
“After that!” He was growing impatient as fuck, but he couldn’t let it show.
“Um...” Monique started smiling.
She was fucking with him. He picked her up and spun her around, causing her to laugh and wrap her arms around his neck.
“Woman, I’m a man on edge. Stop playing with me.”
He lowered her to her feet but kept his arms around her, and she kept her arms around him. This . This was what he wanted. This was what he needed. Her in his arms . He’d do damn near anything to keep her like this, smiling and in his arms.
“Say it again.” He was damn near begging now.
“I said...” she started, gaze dropping to his neck, unable to meet his eyes. “If you want me, get to know me. And you do that by first asking me on a date.”
He had heard her correctly.
“Are you serious?” he asked.
She nodded, gaze rising to his.
“Don’t play with me, Rosa.”
Laughing, she told him, “I’m not playing. I’m serious.” She removed her hands from his neck and folded them over her chest. “But you’re not serious because you still haven’t asked me out yet.”
“Shit. Uh.” What to do? Normally, he’d have his guard give a woman a key card to one of the hotel rooms with a note that read...
Would you like to join me for a nightcap?
– Orazio Cattaneo.
After a night of fucking, he’d send her home with a gift and never see her again. And if he did see her again, it was only for a pretend relationship that would benefit her family and his. Real dating was not something Ras was familiar with.
“I’m still waiting,” Monique drawled.
Damn it. Orazio released her and went down on one knee.
“Whoa.” She took a step back. “I said ask me out. Not... whatever this is.”
“I know. I am. Uh...” Why was he so fucking nervous? Still on one knee, he said, “Monique Rose, would you like to go to dinner with me tonight? And in the morning? And tomorrow? And...”
“Slow down. Let’s take it one day at a time.” She squatted down until they were face to face. “I would be delighted to go to dinner with you tonight, Orazio Cattaneo. As long as you have me home at a decent hour. And when I say home, I mean my house. Not your suite.”
An indescribable feeling crashed over him, damn near overwhelming him with its intensity. His Rosa was giving him another chance. Even after the stupid stunt he’d pulled, she was willing to trust him one more time.
This woman was fucking perfect. Before he could stop himself, he had his hand at the back of her neck, pulling her forward to claim her lips in a fierce kiss. His mind was telling him to hold back.
It was telling him he needed to make a good second impression on her because he’d fucked the first one up. Yet, he was too riled up to think straight. He needed to taste her, to feel her, to be sure this was real and that he wasn’t dreaming.
A soft moan escaped her as her hands went to his chest to balance herself, but she didn’t pull away from the kiss. In fact, his Rosa was just as hungry for this as he was. Her tongue tangled with his, tasting, teasing, driving him wild.
Though he wasn’t ready to end it, Orazio forced himself to pull away from the kiss. Rosa swayed forward, leaning into him. She blinked, then righted herself as she stared up at him. He saw the desire in her gaze, and he wanted to give in to it. Holding back was hard as hell.
“Why did you stop?” she whispered.
“Starting now, I will try my best to be a gentleman. And a gentleman doesn’t kiss on the first date. He damn sure doesn’t kiss before the first date.”
Orazio trailed his thumb over Monique’s bottom lip and felt her shiver. Fuck , it was going to be hard being a damn gentleman. But Monique was worth it. You rarely got second chances in life, especially in his line of work.
One screw-up could cost you your life. He would forever cherish the fact that Monique was willing to give him this chance. He knew it hadn’t been an easy decision for her. And he wouldn’t do anything that would make her regret it.
He was determined to get this right. Orazio stood and helped her stand up. It was time for him to take her home, because that’s what a gentleman would do. But he’d see her again tonight and tomorrow.
And the next day. And the next. And the day after that. Because he was going to take her on dates every fucking day of the week. He smiled down at his Rosa. For the first time in, well, forever, Orazio Cattaneo had a girlfriend.