45. Vi
CHAPTER 45
VI
I don’t know how much time passes. The darkness suffocates me, and all I have are my thoughts. A low rumble roars through the walls, and it’s like being trapped in the stomach of a monster. I have no idea where I am, what I’m supposed to do, or if they’re going to kill me next. I don’t even know if the door is locked, or if I’m surrounded by desert. I scream, but whatever is next door is too loud for anyone to hear me. There may be other people out there, but I have no voice here. I’m alone. No Uncle Jay. No Patrick. No Kenzo.
Kenzo. Kenzo left me here. Why does that hurt so much?
I had to take care of her, Jay’s voice echoes in my mind, and I scream, hoping my own yells can drown out his words from the recording. But they play on repeat. Her parents were so fucking loaded, he had said, like they were just another con job. Like their lives meant nothing.
Kenzo’s voice chimes in too: You were supposed to be in there! You were supposed to die that day, but the fucker felt guilty when he saw you in the back of the car. It was like he was angry for me, but at the time, my mind couldn’t process those words. They seemed wrong. How could Uncle Jay keep me alive, just to use me for my family’s money?
There’s something incredibly selfish about that. Keeping me alive for money. He should have killed me once he got what he wanted, but instead of just stealing from me, he molded me into his personal research minion and last-resort, secret sex doll. Feeding me the idea that one day, we’d have our dream house on the beach, just like the Beach House candle I got with my parents. Pretending as if we were one big, happy family, and everything was okay.
Tears stream down my cheeks. Nothing is okay.
Kenzo may have shown me the truth, but I should have known. Maybe I always did. Maybe I was scared that if I faced the truth, I would lose everything all over again, the only piece of “family” I had left.
My chest heaves, and for a few minutes, I let the sorrow take over. Once it passes, I inhale deeply. I’m so sick of crying. I can’t do it anymore. I have to focus on something else.
I walk with the chair strapped to my back, hobbling like a turtle crossing the highway, until I finally hit a wall. I spin around with the chair, and it’s so awkward. I don’t even know what I’m trying to do. I may be facing the wrong direction. It’s hard to tell with my hands tied to the back of the chair. Where is the exit?
The door opens, and desert light blinds me. A body is thrown on the ground, and the lights flicker on.
It’s Jay, bound and gagged. But alive.
Kenzo closes the door behind him. It’s just the three of us now.
Kenzo’s eyes land on me, a slight sneer on his lips. I’m far enough away from where he left me it’s obvious I was trying to run. I lower my eyes, embarrassed I didn’t get far and worried about what will happen now that I’ve been caught, but he steps forward without a word. He cuts the rope around my arms and Jay’s legs, but he leaves Jay’s wrists secured behind his back and the gag in his mouth. Jay is black and blue. I quickly scan his hands, but it’s the same: one untouched hand, the other with the pink kanji scars. I growl at Kenzo; I can't help myself. All these years defending Jay, it’s hard to stop the instinct, even though I know I should.
“What did you do this time?” I demand.
“You have twenty-four hours to leave the United States,” Kenzo says coolly. He wipes his hands on a small cloth, then tosses it on the ground. It’s stained red. Uncle Jay’s blood. No —he’s just Jay now. It hurts to accept that, but it’s true.
I meet Kenzo’s eyes, and there’s pain. A horrible emptiness where there used to be so much light. Comfort. Stability. Safety. I’m not supposed to want a hug from him right now. I’m not supposed to want to hug him right now, but I can’t stop myself from needing to give him comfort.
Invisible magnets pull at my skin, leading me straight to him. Tears stream down my face. Why won’t my eyes stop?
“You want us to leave town?” I ask. It hurts so much worse than when my parents died. Back then, I didn’t have a choice. But right now, Kenzo has a choice, and he’s forcing us to leave. “Where are we supposed to go? What are we supposed to do?”
“Don’t know. Don’t care,” Kenzo says. But his brow is pinched. He’s lying. He’s supposed to kill us, but he’s sticking to his word. He won’t kill me or Jay.
Jay. He’s just Jay now. Not my family. Not my uncle. Not even my friend. Kenzo is legally my husband, but when it comes to his emotions, we’re nothing.
Everything hurts. I can barely speak.
“You’re a terrible liar,” I mutter.
Kenzo takes two steps toward me, his shoulders firm, his movements jagged.
“Let me make my words clear to you, Vivian. I don’t play games. I don’t bluff. I tell it like it is.” He leans down, putting his hand under my chin. “And if you and Jay aren’t out of here in twenty-four hours, I will make sure he never walks again.”
A cold tension covers me in a sheen of sweat. I swallow hard. This is his limit. This is the final place where Kenzo decides his promises to me aren’t worth betraying the Endo-kai. He’s choosing them over me.
But, damn it, I chose Uncle Jay over him too. No —he’s just Jay. But almost two decades have passed since my parents were killed; is it possible Jay learned to love me like his real family? Does Jay love me like he loved Patrick?
Why am I so desperate for love in all the wrong places? A con artist uncle? A yakuza husband? I’m an embarrassing joke. And still, my stomach twists in knots. I want Kenzo right now. I want his arms around me. His lips on my forehead.
My lips quiver. I feel so stupid for caring, but I can’t stop the emotions from pouring out.
Jay finally finds his feet, but I put up a hand, asking him to stay still. For once, Jay listens to me, and I’m relieved. I want to handle this myself.
“You’re a hypocrite,” I say to Kenzo. I grit my teeth and aim all of my rage at him. “You promised?—”
“I’m doing this to protect you, Vi,” Kenzo shouts, veins throbbing in his forehead. He lowers his voice: “I want to kill your uncle, and my family wants me to kill you, but I just?—”
Kenzo stops, dropping his head. Then he slams his fist into the concrete wall. Blood smears the gray surface.
That’s why he left me here. He wanted to protect me from his family. If he brought me with him, there’s no telling what they would have done to me. And yet, he still brought Jay to me. He saved Jay from his family.
Kenzo saved me.
A soreness lingers in my throat while tears sting my eyes. The tears keep falling, and I wrap my arms around Kenzo, begging him to hold me.
He stiffens. My heart breaks.
Kenzo saved me from his family. He values me. He chooses me. Even now, after everything we’ve been through, I know he’d never let anyone harm me.
And yet my whole life, I’ve seen Jay as my family, and he’s let other people hurt and use me. And now that we have a target on our backs, I have no idea what will happen. Will Jay still keep me safe? I’ve always seen him as family, but how can I be sure I’m truly family to him?
Kenzo protects me, but will Jay?
Jay doesn’t deserve my protection. I know that. But how can I abandon him when he raised me? When he could have killed me with my parents, or even killed me after he got the money, but he chose to let me live?
I’m so fucking confused, and it hurts.
“I don’t want to leave. Please,” I whisper, my lips trembling. “Please don’t make me leave.”
Jay shifts his head back and forth between the two of us and the door. I bury my nose into Kenzo’s chest, and Kenzo pats my back awkwardly, like I’m a stranger. His energy drains in a long sigh, and I’m desperate for reassurance. For the safety of his promises. I want him to tell me we’re going to be okay.
But Kenzo won’t lie.
“Then you choose,” Kenzo says. “Right here. Right now. Because my family is ordering me to kill him and you, and I?—”
He stops again, not finishing his words. He goes to the wall and rests his forehead against it. Blood drips from his knuckles, dotting the floor in red spots.
After a minute, Kenzo faces me again. “If you want to stay with me, then you have to kill him,” he says. “Kill Jay. That’s the only way my family will take you in. It’s how you prove your loyalty to us. Trust me, Vi. Jay doesn’t care about you.”
Jay. Not Uncle Jay. He’s just Jay now.
Jay grumbles to the side of us, inching toward the door, and Kenzo holds out a knife, offering it to me. I’ve never killed before, but I know if it weren’t for our emotional connection, Kenzo would’ve killed Jay and me by now. I’m only alive because Kenzo has been fighting for me.
And I don’t fucking deserve it, because I can’t kill Jay. It doesn’t matter what happened in the past, or that Jay was using me this whole time. He still took care of me when my parents died. He could have taken me into our house and killed me too, but he raised me. It doesn’t matter how we met; what matters is the result. I can’t kill someone who saved me. I owe this to him. And even if I could kill Jay, there’s no guarantee Kenzo’s family would let me live.
My hand shakes, but I don’t take that knife.
Kenzo throws the knife on the ground, then turns his back on us. “There’s a car waiting for you. The driver will take you to the airport.”
This time, Kenzo leaves the lights on. The door crashes behind him.
I fall to my knees.