Chapter 12
TWELVE
Lissia
I set the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter, avoiding the result screen by not looking. I didn’t want to know. But I wasn’t sure what I didn’t want to know.
Was I afraid there was a baby, or was I afraid there wasn’t a baby?
If the test was positive, were we ready for a baby? Marchello’s business was so turbulent.
But what if the results were negative?
My stomach heaved with worry.
If there was no baby, would I be disappointed?
What the hell am I doing to myself? How have I gotten into this situation?
I slid down the bathroom wall until my backside hit the cool tile floor. The ruthless mafia capo getting me pregnant was not on my bingo card this month. But I guess I didn’t have being kidnapped by him, falling in love with him, and marrying him all within months of our explosive meeting on that card either.
A baby though? That brought the complexity to a whole new level.
What if I wasn’t enough? Not for Marchello, and not for a baby. I’d spent so long building walls, only to let him tear them down. But being vulnerable—being someone’s mother—was an entirely different kind of risk. One that could cause me to lose myself.
I didn’t know the woman I could be until I fell in love with Marchello. It was as if my life started when he noticed me, and I was no longer the same person I was a few months ago.
We had been through so much in such a short time. It all seemed like a blur. A beautifully disordered and frenzied love story. So why should tonight’s realization be any different? A surprise pregnancy fit into this messy tale of us.
Marchello didn’t seem to think so.
At the drugstore, he grabbed the first test on the shelf and hurried to the counter to pay. He ushered me in and out of the store, then ordered Dom to get us home as soon as possible.
He took the strong, silent type to a whole new level. I couldn’t tell if he was in shock or if he just wanted to get this whole thing over with, but when he followed me into the bathroom, I had to draw the line. I wasn’t peeing in front of him.
I tried not to let his reaction bother me. We didn’t even know if there was a baby, so there was no sense in getting into our future until we knew what we were dealing with.
“Lissia.” Marchello knocked on the bathroom door. He had been standing on the other side since I entered. I sensed him there, waiting for me to blow up his life some more. As if I hadn’t done enough damage.
“You can come in.”
He slowly opened the door, but when he caught a glimpse of me on the floor, he hurried to my side.
“Are you okay? Why are you on the floor?” He dropped down next to me. “What did the test say?”
“It’s on the counter.” I pointed as I took in his shirtless torso and bare feet. “I haven’t looked yet.”
“Oh, well, I’ll get it. I can check it.”
“No!” I grabbed his hand before he could get up. “Just sit with me.”
“Don’t you want to know?”
“Eventually.” I fidgeted with my hands. “It could be life-altering.”
“Whatever the outcome, we’ll handle it together.”
“I’m scared.”
“You’re not scared of anything.” He held my hand, stopping me from twitching. “Not even of me.”
“You’re not that scary,” I whispered. “But having a baby is pretty frightening, don’t you think?”
When he didn’t say anything, my heart hurt. Why couldn’t I read him? Or maybe I could, and I just didn’t want to see what was right in front of me. He didn’t want a baby.
“I guess you’re not scared of anything,” I said.
“That’s not true.”
“I’d be a pretty shitty mother. Right? I’m all about me. I can’t even keep my birth control straight.” I sighed. “I got the shot in August, but then everything happened, and I didn’t keep track. How can I keep track of a baby?”
“You were kind of busy being my hostage and all.” He held my hand tighter. “I had access to your medical records. I could have been more aware of your schedule.”
“That wasn’t your responsibility.”
“For the record, I don’t think you’ll make a shitty mother.”
“Thanks for saying that.” I gazed up at the counter. “It’s probably ready now.”
“Do you want me to check?”
“No.” My voice cracked. “Not yet.”
“Lissia, whatever it says, sweetheart, we’re going to deal with it. I’m going to take care of you.”
“Do you want to have kids?” I blurted out the question without thinking. “We never talked about it.”
What if his answer doesn’t align with mine? Although, I wasn’t even sure what my answer would be.
“I’ve never really thought about it. I’m still getting used to being in love and being married.” His body tensed. “A baby is…”
“Too much?”
“No, I didn’t say that.”
“Tell me what you’re feeling. Now is not the time to be broody and mysterious.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “Even if they are two of my favorite characteristics of yours.”
“It’s not my domineering, possessive side you like?”
“I love all your qualities.” I cuddled closer to him, breathing in his warm, comforting scent. “You’re going to be an incredible dad.”
When he didn’t respond, my heart became a little more anxious. Did he want to be a dad? Why was I making myself so crazy over this? We just got married. We had so much time in front of us.
“You’re strong and caring,” I said. “You’re fierce when it comes to your family. You’re a protector.”
I really wanted to have his babies.
“Stop.”
“Why?” I took off my shoes and wiggled my toes. “I know that you’ll be an amazing father.”
“What if I can’t protect you and our child?” He stared up at the skylight. “That’s a huge responsibility. One that I don’t have any right taking on.”
“Why would you think… Oh.” Why didn’t I put this together sooner?
“Yeah.” He pointed toward the window. “My mother was pregnant with my brother when she was murdered on our property. Right outside. In front of me. One second she was here, and the next she was gone. It was so final.”
“I’m sorry.”
Julia must have been so happy that morning. She was carrying her third son, Marchello was on his way to Princeton, Milo was heading into his senior year, and Nico was a successful businessman who provided his family with everything they could dream of. That car bomb snatched it all away in an instant.
“You don’t have to apologize.” Marchello shook his head. “It happened on my father’s watch. If that could happen to him…”
“It won’t happen to us.”
“You don’t know that.” He ran his hand along my back. “I can’t go through that again.”
“I trust that you, your father, and Milo are stronger than you were twelve years ago. You’re more cautious. You’re better prepared.”
“You already got shot.”
“My father did that, remember?”
“Because we were at war.” Marchello stretched out his legs and rested his head on the wall. “Just because he’s gone, doesn’t mean the war is over.”
“I don’t… I thought it was.”
“That war has ended, but the next enemy is gearing up to come for us. That’s how this business works. Collins is still a threat. One that I have to take care of.”
“You and Milo are going to stop him, and your dad is handling what’s going on in your territory.” I crawled into his lap. “We’re going to be safe.”
“That’s the goal.”
“I trust you,” I murmured, pressing my lips to his jaw. “You’ll protect us. I know you will.”
“With my dying breath.”
“No one is dying.” I took his face between my hands. “That’s not romantic. We both have to live.”
“We will.” He smiled. “You’re too determined not to.”
“That’s fucking right.”
“Lissia.”
“Are you going to reprimand me for my language now?” I bit my lip. “It’s been one hell of a night. I deserve to have at least one fuck in my vocabulary tonight.”
“That’s two.”
“Are you still going to go to Miami?”
I didn’t know why this was so upsetting. People went on business trips all the time. However, the thought of him leaving me, especially now, didn’t sit well.
He shook his head. “Are we really going to discuss this now?”
“I want to get my mind off the test.” I motioned toward the counter. “For a few more minutes.”
“Okay.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “I’ll do anything you want.”
“Tell me why you have to go to Miami.”
“No.”
“Marchello…” His name came out in a long whine. I pouted. “You said anything I want. And I want to learn more about your business.”
“I’m meeting with some of Lorenzo’s associates,” he said.
“What do they want from you?”
“Import and export.”
“Isn’t that what everyone wants from you?”
“Most of the time.” He twirled a strand of my hair around his finger. “Some want a security team when they have a dangerous job. Others want to borrow money.”
“How do you keep the police off your back?”
“The Accetti family has many friends in high places. Most will look the other way in exchange for a favor.”
“How did your father manage to get control of all of this territory?” I asked.
“He’s smart and has a lot of connections, both here and abroad. Our main cartel has been essential in keeping my family on top. Most of the other families fear us and wouldn’t go against my father.”
“I got that feeling when he showed up at my dad’s funeral. I’ve never seen anything like that,” I said. “He’s like royalty.”
“I agree.”
“I hope he comes home soon.” I wanted to get to know Nico better, and I wanted Marchello and Milo to have him back. We could be a true family.
“Me too.” He stroked my cheek. “When he isn’t here, it’s unsettling. I’m capable of keeping things running, but he belongs here. I need him here.”
“That’s why I don’t want you to leave me. I need you here.”
Was Miami really that big of a deal, or was I using it as a stall tactic so I didn’t have to see the results of the test?
“I have to go.” He continued to run his fingers through my hair, keeping me calm. “It’s a good business move, and I won’t be gone long.”
“Then let me come with you. Please, Marchello. I can’t be alone now.” I draped my arms around his neck. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’ll listen to whatever you say. I’ll do whatever you tell me.”
“I need to think about it.”
“That’s not good enough,” I said.
“Do you want me to seriously consider bringing you with me?”
“Yes.”
“Then prove to me that you can accept that I need to think about it.” He held up his hand. “I don’t want to hear another word about it until I’ve made a decision.”
His stern glare stopped me in my tracks. If I wanted any chance at accompanying him to Miami, I had to allow him the time he needed. Could I do it? Would I be able to control my mouth and be patient?
He and I both knew the answer to that, but I could try. If it meant there was a possibility that he would let me go with him, I wouldn’t bring out my bratty side. I’d suppress her. What choice did I have?
“Well?” he asked.
“I won’t bring it up again.”
“Thank you.” He slowly brushed his lips along mine. “We need to deal with one thing at a time.”
He pushed his tongue between my lips and swirled it around my mouth, making me forget the most vital issue before us.
At least until he said, “We have to see what the future has in store.”
I pressed my forehead to his, not wanting this moment to end. Right now, it was just the two of us, but in a few seconds, it could be the three of us.
Fear, anticipation, and dare I say excitement flowed through my confused body.
“It’s time.” He glanced at the counter. “We need to face this and see what the results of that test are. We’ve stalled long enough. I’m ready to find out.”
What if I’m not ready to know?